If you can't be with the one you love, honey love the one you're with ...

[Isabella Thorne]

I heard this question asked once on a radio talk show .. and since then I have often thought about it. I can never really come up with an answer. It is something that probably most of us in a LTR have to deal with if maybe only on an unconcious level.

If you are in a relationship, which would you rather be:
the person who is loved more by their partner or the person who loves their partner more?

 

[Angelique]

Well Bella, I'm not sure if this is the type of answer you're looking for, but if it were me, I'd rather be neither one.

You see, if I was in a relationship where I obviously loved someone more than they loved me, then I'd feel slighted. And if I was in a relationship where it was obvious that my partner loved me more than I loved him, then I'd feel as though I was with the wrong person and needed to continue my search.

So in all honesty, I'd remain single. For me, the only type of LTR I can be in is one where there is mutual love at the same level.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Angie .. yes in a perfect world .. but this is not a perfect world .. i doubt if there ever is an EXACT balance of mutual love .. how could it be exact?

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Very interesting question, Izzy. And from my experience with relationships there is always one person who is more committed to the relationship and in love than the other, even if both are very committed and in love.

I have been in both roles and neither is easy. But of the two, being the one who loves less is far easier. If the relationship ends you have more to lose and to avoid that you give up some of your "control" of the relationship. At the same time, though, loving yields by far the greater reward than being loved and thus the more you love, the more you are fulfilled.

Seemingly paradoxical, I know, but that Hay-soos guy had it right. We reap what we sow.

 

[Angelique]

Bella, sweetie, there will never be an EXACT balance...my point was that if it was "obviously" (a word I used in my last post) one sided, then I'd remain single, which is pretty much what I'd done for 8 years prior to meeting Xander.

 

[Thor's Hammer]

A male point of view.....I agree wholeheartedly with Angelique. It sounds hokey, but my wife and I are..to all intents and purposes, equal. The secret, no one plays games..there is no one "in charge"...truly amazing for two strong-willed people. I have been married twice -- in my first marriage (a long one - 38 years) it was me 35%, her 65% or thereabouts.

Its hard to articulate the feelings..after all feelings and a male are supposed to be an oxymoron. I can only speak from my own experiences....after almost five years..its better than it was at the beginning!

 

[Rosebud]

to be loved more

 

[Isabella Thorne]

OK I understand what you mean Angie .. maybe my last post was too glib ..

You are right ... it would be very difficult to stay in a relationship if it were heavily balanced in either direction .. but say you HAD to choose .. which would be the less of the two evils ..

It is "obvious" to me that you and Xander are not in either of these scenarios .. I KNOW there is mutual love there, Angie .. it jumps out at me from my puter .. seriously

 

[Nicole]

I can honestly say that I am not BEING with anyone until I can BE with the one that I love.

I truly wait for that day ... to have his arms wrapped around me ... his breath on my neck ... working down my body ... looking in my eyes ... kissing me deeply ... Feeling his hardness against me ... touching his hardness... Mmmmmmmmmm *sigh*

Sorry got off track then. But until I am with him I do not want to be with anyone at all.

 

[Thumper]

On the surface...

To be loved more would seem to be the better of the two...but in reality this can be a terrible burden.

Imagine someone loving you totally and the feeling not being reciprocated by you. Then you meet someone that you fall for head over heels(cheesy cliche, I know). Two options, you stay with the one who loves you and eventually the resentment builds and tears your heart out OR you leave the one who loves you and deal with the guilt of hurting someone...Been there, done that and still doing it....

I stayed in case you were wondering...and also I have been loved by another and I had to end it...So WTF!

If I had to choose I would rather be the one who loves more...I can deal with getting my heart broken...I would rather not be the one who does the hurting...'cept I always do. Go figure..........Guilt sucks!


J. Geils had it right....."Love Stinks"



[Edited by Thumper on 08-15-2000 at 05:52 PM]

 

[Angelique]

Ok Bella...if I absolutely HAD to choose, it would be to love the other person more because I'm the type of person who can't be in a long-term relationship if I'm not giving it my best.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Yea it's true .. i think i would choose to be the one to love my partner more .. but consider this .. would that not be the greedier choice .. because you are fulfilling your own desire .. to be with the one YOU love ..

or is it greedier to want to be the one who is loved by their partner more .. because you are showered with more attention ...

i don't know .. it makes my head spin .. makes my head hurt .. makes me feel more blonde .. lol ..

right on Thor ... that sounds like a wonderful relationship you have now.

Nicole .. just who is this mystery man you keep evading to anyway?

Thumper dear .. i love the J. Geils tune .. but i must say i prefer:
Roxy Music's "Love is the Drug".

 

[Thumper]

Gimme drugs!

Hey Isabella...wanna get high? hehheh

I loved Adam Sandler's version of Love Stinks in The Wedding Singer....said it all...with visuals!

Gonna head off to bed now...you and Hunny want to join me???

Sandwich time!!!

 

[Nicole]

No Mystery Isabella ... He knows who he is.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

You can be the filling in my sandwich anytime Thumper baby ... nite nite .. sweet dreams ..

Nikki .. you are such a tease .. and you know it.

 

[Never]

Loved more.
In reality, I doubt I'll ever fall head over heels in love but I couldn't love someone who couldn't fall head over heels.
Odd, no?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Butterfly dreams.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Not really that odd never cause you just described me and my exes relationship...

Wierd hell yeah Odd well maybe

Da chef

 

[Cheyenne]

No Mystery Isabella ... He knows who he is.

Is there someone other than Havoc? Did I miss something since you declared your love for him?

 

[Guest]

Tis better to give than to receive...

I've always been the type of person who loves to give. So, I guess I am the type of person who loves more. (Though it sounds like I may have met my match w/ Phil! lol)

 

[Nicole]

No Mystery Isabella ... He knows who he is.

Is there someone other than Havoc? Did I miss something since you declared your love for him?

Ummm ... where did I declare my Love for Havocman???

I'm just wondering where you would pick that up???

 

[Guest]

Re: On the surface...

Imagine someone loving you totally and the feeling not being reciprocated by you. Then you meet someone that you fall for head over heels(cheesy cliche, I know). Two options, you stay with the one who loves you and eventually the resentment builds and tears your heart out OR you leave the one who loves you and deal with the guilt of hurting someone...Been there, done that and still doing it....

I stayed in case you were wondering...and also I have been loved by another and I had to end it...So WTF!

If I had to choose I would rather be the one who loves more...I can deal with getting my heart broken...I would rather not be the one who does the hurting...

With just a minor little bit of editing, that's my story, too. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Thumper's been spying on me.

And, yes, I'm a registered user. Just don't want anybody tracing this back to me.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Nikki does that mean you dont love me... mistaken impression again... damn!

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Take another little piece of my heart now baby ..

awww Chef darlin' ... don't be blue .. I still luv you .. does that count for something?

I feel for you Heartbroken .. i stayed in a sexless marriage for many years .. i know it is heart breaking

 

[Cheyenne]

No Mystery Isabella ... He knows who he is.

Is there someone other than Havoc? Did I miss something since you declared your love for him?

Ummm ... where did I declare my Love for Havocman???

I'm just wondering where you would pick that up???

From your "Feeling Giddy" thread?

"Havocman, you took the time to get to know the real Nikki. You are my friend, my confidant, my life. I would do anything for you at anytime. You have managed to cheer me up when I didn't think it possible, you have never been afraid to tell me to shut up and you love a good "Heated discussion" with me. Most of the time we have fun and I love that we do. I know that at anytime day or night I can call you and that you will sit and talk to me about anything and everything ... I have learnt so much from you. To know that although we are worlds apart I feel closer to you than anyone that I have ever met, and to know that you are always there for me. For all that you have done for me, you will always have my friendship and you will always be in my heart. I love you and Thank-you."


[Edited by Cheyenne on 08-16-2000 at 05:36 AM]

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I would rather be in the relationship where we loved the same. The one I am in now I am almost cetain I am the one who loves more. And it hurts.

Bonnie