If there's submissive frenzy, is there submissive depression?

[13thFallenAngel]

speaking of emotional hibernation, I think I'm having trouble trying to get out of mine.

This might stem from the fact that I've only just realise my submissiveness and it's all new, and I'm not sure what to do to get myself out of it. Not to mention the happy pool of depression I'm currently swimming in. (yay for the hormones! )

Any advice?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

speaking of emotional hibernation, I think I'm having trouble trying to get out of mine.

This might stem from the fact that I've only just realise my submissiveness and it's all new, and I'm not sure what to do to get myself out of it. Not to mention the happy pool of depression I'm currently swimming in. (yay for the hormones! )

Any advice?

Thought in some ways I had re

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=19490890&postcount=23

Mentors don't seem to abound here so I guess we have to leave that option out for now. However if you do meet a Domme or more experienced female submissive whom has an opening as Mentor and will consider you its often a good course.

Make use of the Library here .

Make lists of things in general that are positive , negative or otherwise, prioritize and deal with unresolved issues as best you can.

Ask for help from family , friends and others as is appropriate.

Do not use this newly embraced 'submissiveness' as an excuse for things in your life you are not dealing with.

Ohh and this one will land me in hot water I bet. Stay the Hell away from online Doms no matter how 'helpful' they pertain to be. Now is not the time to be seeking a partner or apparent Domly knights on white horses

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think that submissive depression is something that My girl went through after I had to leave her and return here... It is also called sub drop.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Bump for Bredon

 

[Bredon]

Thanks again, Rebecca

When I read this I start to wonder how you as subs can exist in this:
frenzy/drop continuum
It sounds pretty exhausting--

Is there any stability in a sub life ??

I want to see my sub happy---

Bredon

 

[CutieMouse]

Thanks again, Rebecca

When I read this I start to wonder how you as subs can exist in this:
frenzy/drop continuum
It sounds pretty exhausting--

Is there any stability in a sub life ??

I want to see my sub happy---

Bredon

I don't know that one needs to exsist in a sub-drop/frenzy continuum...

Submissive or not, one is capable of determining (and informing others) of what one needs in order to minimize the risk of "sub drop". I know that for myself, online/telephone intimacy seriously pushes the limits of my ability to remain in a healthy emotional place. That can be minimized by a lengthy chat afterwards, but an hour on the phone does not replace falling asleep in a Lover's arms. The few times I have allowed such intimacy in my Life, I've done so while accepting the [emotional] risks- and made sure the other person knew I'd need a nice long chat to help minimize "issues". It isn't necessarily my partner's job to put me back together should I fall apart; however, we are both responsible to be aware, communicate what's going on, and work with each other, to minimize or avoid situations that will leave either of us in a negative place.

That frenzied feeling also exsists, but (IMO) it is a byproduct of selfishness, and not a lot more. The flip side of sub-frenzy is a dominant partner who veiws themselves as a God to be obeyed without a care in the world as to how their actions impact another... after all, they are a DOM, damnit! IMO, both a "frenzied" submissive and an egotistical dom can easily cure their ills, by remembering it isn't all about *them*, similarly to how a greedy person often finds peace, in an act of charity. It almost amazed me once, how quickly that desperate feeling of need dissapaited, when instead of focusing on how badly I wanted "X", I took the time to consider a voluntary gesture of appreciation/sumbision/goodwill/Friendship/Love, towards my partner...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Thanks again, Rebecca

When I read this I start to wonder how you as subs can exist in this:
frenzy/drop continuum
It sounds pretty exhausting--

Is there any stability in a sub life ??

I want to see my sub happy---

Bredon

My pleasure Bredon , I had simply noted your repore with Miss Fury and bumped a few threads based on your request to read more.

I don't 'do advice' any more , I have retired.

I will answer your question this once and directly as it may provide you a little respite from concern.

"Is there any stability in a sub life ??" yes ............smiles

Best of Luck in finding your answers .

 

[BeachGurl2]

I don't know that one needs to exsist in a sub-drop/frenzy continuum...

Submissive or not, one is capable of determining (and informing others) of what one needs in order to minimize the risk of "sub drop". I know that for myself, online/telephone intimacy seriously pushes the limits of my ability to remain in a healthy emotional place. That can be minimized by a lengthy chat afterwards, but an hour on the phone does not replace falling asleep in a Lover's arms. The few times I have allowed such intimacy in my Life, I've done so while accepting the [emotional] risks- and made sure the other person knew I'd need a nice long chat to help minimize "issues". It isn't necessarily my partner's job to put me back together should I fall apart; however, we are both responsible to be aware, communicate what's going on, and work with each other, to minimize or avoid situations that will leave either of us in a negative place.

That frenzied feeling also exsists, but (IMO) it is a byproduct of selfishness, and not a lot more. The flip side of sub-frenzy is a dominant partner who veiws themselves as a God to be obeyed without a care in the world as to how their actions impact another... after all, they are a DOM, damnit! IMO, both a "frenzied" submissive and an egotistical dom can easily cure their ills, by remembering it isn't all about *them*, similarly to how a greedy person often finds peace, in an act of charity. It almost amazed me once, how quickly that desperate feeling of need dissapaited, when instead of focusing on how badly I wanted "X", I took the time to consider a voluntary gesture of appreciation/sumbision/goodwill/Friendship/Love, towards my partner...

I hadn't seen this before, Cutie, and I have to say that I think you're onto something here. I hadn't thought too much about the whole frenzy/depression thing beyond how to deal with it for myself. I do, however, think that you have a really good point about the possible self-involved thinking that leads one to wallow in both of these. I'm not thinking of dropping as in after an intense session. I'm thinking that depression that comes from not being in a relationship - not having someone to serve. The frenzy can be viewed the same way. The feelings are there, but there's no outlet for them. The more you think about them, the more intense they become, on either end of the spectrum. Redirecting can certainly go a long way to relieving them. But as someone pointed out on another similar thread, giving in to them to the point that you ignore all the red flags and jump feet first is not very smart, either. So finding it within yourself to relieve the feelings seems the much safer, sane route to go.

 

[Bredon]

Dear Cutimouse

Submissive or not, one is capable of determining (and informing others) of what one needs in order to minimize the risk of "sub drop". I know that for myself, online/telephone intimacy seriously pushes the limits of my ability to remain in a healthy emotional place. That can be minimized by a lengthy chat afterwards, but an hour on the phone does not replace falling asleep in a Lover's arms. The few times I have allowed such intimacy in my Life, I've done so while accepting the [emotional] risks- and made sure the other person knew I'd need a nice long chat to help minimize "issues". It isn't necessarily my partner's job to put me back together should I fall apart; however, we are both responsible to be aware, communicate what's going on, and work with each other, to minimize or avoid situations that will leave either of us in a negative place.

That is very very helpful. This has been my first longterm involvement of any kind online. I'm of the older generation who didn't grow up with virtuality and I have no idea how it works--
I think you are right that this made it so complicated-- the online factor. I usually am pretty good dealing with relationships-- I have a clear picture of what's going on, but this---

Rebecca-- Thank, you, again, very helpful.

Bredon

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Bumping an old thread that may help some people...

 

[Slavetome]

Thank you for bumping this thread! It has helped explain the way I am feeling right now too. I think it is mostly due to limited contact with my Master due to conflicting work schedules over the last three or four days. I have indirectly found the worst punishment I could ever receive! Thanks everyone for all the good information!

 

[YourCaptor]

submissive bipolar disorder

... actually that explains a lot.

 

[BiBunny]

Is there a submissive "I'ma-break-my-foot-off-in-your-ass-if-you-keep-acting-like-a-dicktard" mood, too? 'Cause I'm afflicted with it pretty regularly.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Sub Frenzy!!!!!!!!!!!


What a ludicrous concept.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Sub Frenzy!!!!!!!!!!!


What a ludicrous concept.

LOL!!!!!

 

[intothewoods]

Sub Frenzy!!!!!!!!!!!


What a ludicrous concept.

Seriously. Once a whore, always a whore, I always say.

Ok, I don't really say that.

 

[Submissive_Salena]

Wow! This is me the past 2 months... Whew!

Submissive Frenzies

Author: Mistress Steele © 1995-2001



Submissive Frenzies are a state or condition that many if not all submissives will experience at one time or another. Many aspects of BDSM are similar to addictions in how they play out in the mind. From that perspective the Frenzies can be considered to be the 'withdrawal' stage. The peculiar thing about this is that a submissive need not ever have engaged in a real life D/s BDSM experience to actually go into this state of need. Generally the very first experience a submissive will have will be prior to ever engaging in a real life D/s event. Many submissives can chronicle a 'longing' or unspecified 'need' which may have begun when they were quite little. This sensation was always present though generally unacknowledged or openly reviewed. In many cases the submissive was not able to identify the source of this sensation. It simply made them restless and on occasion subject to frustrated outbursts.

With the 'finding' of the D/s BDSM community many submissives feel a corresponding 'surge' of excitement. Suddenly they sense or feel that this is the source. The realization or identification of this can be both positive and negative. For many there is a period of denial, anger, repugnance, fear, hesitation, temerity and hope. All of these emotions seem to occur simultaneously leaving behind confusion and anxiety. All at once they begin to 'sort' the events and motivations that have occurred over their entire lives. Seeing the patterns, the hints, the presence of their desires in so many different ways. It explains previous unexplainable actions they may have taken and views the actions of themselves and others from an entirely different standpoint. As they begin to process all of this new information they become fully aware that the source of all those supressed needs and desires is attainable. Not only that but in a fairly accessible in a timely manner.

What occurs next is a mad dash or race toward 'finding' that special person who can attend to those so long unattended needs coupled to a desperate desire to gather more and more information. This often triggers or propels the initiation of a state of frenzy. This is an increasing and progressive sensation of 'need'. Fairly quickly the submissive may discover that 'getting their fix', becomes supremely important in their lives. It can leave them irrational, willing to make poor decisions, rash, impulsive and generally stupid. A submissive in a frenzied state is at their most vulnerable to succumbing to the ploys of those less than admirable. They may become easily enthralled, believe themselves 'in love', willing to give over anything (almost literally) in order to fill that enormous void in their life.

Contact with a Dominant, almost any kind will tend to rivet their attention. The very first gift that the submissive gives away here is their common sense. The sensations piggyback, by this I mean that the submissive upon discovering the community and all the excitement and feelings surrounding 'finding their home', may easily pile on their 'desire' for completion and pounce on the first candidate that comes along as being 'the one'. They invest everything, believe everything and leap at the opportunity. Too often they discover they have grabbed at a tin ring instead of a brass one, they have some sort of nasty or unpleasant experience and step back trying to discover what is wrong in their new world.

In addition, a submissive who has detached from their Dominant will slowly but surely go into a state of need. This is in my opinion a naturally occurring state by which the submissive projects their availability and desire for a new mate. I should also mention that the experiences within the relationship are in many ways addictive. The state of natural euphoria that a submissive may experience during a scene can set off a hunger to experience that again. This is identical to the introduction of any addictive drug chemistries into the body, the same symptomology in many ways.

A submissive in a pre-frenzy need state will often become very alluring, flattering, flexible. They will mirror the apparent 'needs' of the Dominant they are talking to in order to appear to be the perfect candidate for a future alliance. Though the submissives in general do not tend to lie here, many only present partial truth's. One said to me, "you have to ask me the right question". This leads to multiple problems including a submissive attaching to a Dominant that is completely unsuitable for them.

As I noted earlier this state of frenzy can occur at any point in a submissive's life and is not limited to the new submissive. In fact, it occurs sometimes even stronger in more seasoned submissives. They have a need that they recognize as perhaps to 'have their edges taken off', and they know exactly how that can be done through their own experience. The difference is that the older submissive can then 'evaluate' what part of their need is pressing upon them. Many then learn to go to a Dominant they are not bonded to and ask this person they trust (often as a good friend) to relieve their physical need (play). Many Dominant's (experienced ones) will be willing to assist or aide their friend knowing that keeping the submissives edges down will allow that submissive to retain the majority of their rational functions while they are seeking their next mate. This action 'reduces' the submissives vulnerability.

From a Dominant's standpoint it is preferable to discourse with a submissive who is in their best condition. It is very important for the Dominant to learn to recognize the symptoms of frenzy and allow for the premise that the submissive's judgment may be impaired when speaking with them. This allowance should propel detailed questions. Also the Dominant should give 'few' hints as to what they may be looking for. In this way the submissive is more likely to reveal themselves as they do not have a guide to go on. By this I mean that the Dominant should take control and ask what the submissive is looking for instead of offering or directing the submissives attention as to what the Dominant is seeking. In this way the Dominant can generally get a clearer picture of where that submissive is in truth. In addition I believe that the Dominant should not allow the submissive to thrust their 'submissiveness' at them, instead they should require the submissive to respond to them in neutral or top space as an equal from one human to another. This means that allowing a submissive to use an honorific title when addressing the Dominant should be something that submissive should earn the right to do after a period of time. In example . . . I am not every submissive's Mistress. The right to call me Mistress is something in my real life that I grant seldom and means that this submissive is special to me.

By taking this action the Dominant forces the submissive into a less vulnerable state when conversing with them. Somewhat like drinking coffee to wake someone up. It is also saying that submission is something I (as the Dominant) may allow you to present to me. It is not something I will allow you (as the submissive) to force upon me.

Glad to know I am not the only one acting odd.... LOL Thanks for the information guys!