"If he's from Tikrit, you must acquit!"

[shereads]

So, what do you say, Saddam? Who doesn't want to have their trial in L.A. anyway? It's always sunny. Our juries are stupid. And you can show up in court in your pajamas. You'll love L.A. Most people out here haven't worked in over two years either. And if you find yourself homesick, and long for a filthy spider-hole to crawl into, I'll introduce you to Courtney Love.

But - but seriously, the main reason to have your trial here is, unlike Iraq, we have good Jew lawyers. In Baghdad, they'll say you gassed the Kurds. But that's not the way it'll come out when Mark Geragos or Bob Shapiro is representing you. No, what happened is, you had your Weapons of Mass Destruction with you that night at an Italian restaurant. In the Valley. Where you were dining with the Kurds. Who you love.

Now, you forgot the weapons after dinner, went to retrieve them; and when you returned, the Kurds were already gassed. Saddam, in Hollywood, nobody commits crimes against humanity. That's what a personal assistant is for. Plus, we believe what celebrities say, no matter how stupid. When Iraq invaded Kuwait, you were outside your bunker chipping golf balls. End of story.

~ Bill Maher, making the case for moving the Saddam Hussein trial to Los Angeles

 

[Colleen Thomas]

~ Bill Maher, making the case for moving the Saddam Hussein trial to Los Angeles

Glad you made it through all right sher. Been worried about you.

*HUSG*

 

[cantdog]

Shame on you for not checking in! We were worried! How'd the Compound come through?

 

[shereads]

Shame on you for not checking in! We were worried! How'd the Compound come through?

I not only checked in earlier, I warned you about the low quality of FEMA erotica. They store their emergency supplies of pornography on the same refrigerated trucks as that ice in Ohio, and after it's thawed a time or two it's nothing but "Wake up, sleepyhead" and "cummmmminnnnggggg."

Also: Don't tell anybody, but I think FEMA salisbury steak is the same as FEMA meatloaf. I've had better.

They host an excellent happy hour, though. Best cosmopolitan you'll ever taste. Come on down! House brands are 2-for-1 between 5 p.m. and curfew.

I didn't check in earlier because this thing you kids call the internet doesn't work anymore at the decaying compound (formerly known as the decaying jungle compound.) I'm paying for a wifi service in Miami Beach. It's good to be online, but I really should go home and get ready for Tropical Storm Beta. I'm also curious to see if Two Vagrants With A Chainsaw have made any progress with the yard.

Fun Bureaucracy Tidbits from Planet Wilma: the city of Pinecrest, an upscale village just south of Miami, is catching some flack from its citizins for distributing a "friendly reminder" to homeowners 2 days after the hurricane, which states that a $50/day fine will be charged for failing to remove hurricane debris from the sidewalks in a timely fashion. By "debris," they mean the 70-year-old oak trees, quarter-acre-sized banyan trees, 50-foot royal palms and priceless specimen landscape plants that were toppled on Monday.

A spokesman for the city of Pinecrest explained to the Miami Herald,"Clearing our sidewalks is important to everyone. We just thought people could use a friendly reminder."

Someone could use a political advisor. What's Scooter Libby doing these days?



Oops. Gotta run. FEMA is serving brunch in the motel lobby.

 

[cantdog]

You are back.