If, fair maiden, we may speak of your cycle.

[Euphony]

Be honest, for a second you were worried this thread might have been PervTown. Hopefully, by end, you won't think so but Im a man in need of knowledge only you possess.

I have character in a story where the stakes are higher regarding pregnancy. (Im debating going life/death or just high fallout,etc). She is grounded individual and aware of her situation. However, she's in love and not all together clear headed so russian rouletting is not completely off the table as it normally would and should be.

So my question is this, yes there is a clinical fertility window of days which is easily applied to the situation. But, I feel (rightly or wrongly,) there is a different standard a normal woman would apply in her own life. I also realize this is highly situational so please please please to add any caveats you feel are necessary.

For reference my heroine is (in the beginning) a reasonable responsible 18-24 year old woman with a self awareness of her higher vulnerability. Id need her frame of mind then. Also, day to day vs. in love/lust (if you feel there are massive differences)

And if you are an A+, extra credit student, how might that change as she ages through her fertility years. I lose faith in a story when things are unlikely or flat out wrong. So Im trying to do my research so as not to do unto others which I hate having done to me.

Thank you so much for whatever help you offer. I feel like its going to end up very much a pivot point in my story and I dont want to screw it up.

 

[PennLady]

I'm sorry -- I don't understand what you're asking for. How she feels about getting pregnant in general? How she feels about herself being pregnant? Is she trying to beat her biological clock? Trying to get pregnant to "keep" the guy?

I'm sorry, I really just don't get it.

 

[MatthewVett]

I'm sorry -- I don't understand what you're asking for. How she feels about getting pregnant in general? How she feels about herself being pregnant? Is she trying to beat her biological clock? Trying to get pregnant to "keep" the guy?

I'm sorry, I really just don't get it.

So far as I can tell, he's asking under what circumstances would she engage in sex, when the risks for pregnancy are so high... I think?

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

I'm sorry -- I don't understand what you're asking for. How she feels about getting pregnant in general? How she feels about herself being pregnant? Is she trying to beat her biological clock? Trying to get pregnant to "keep" the guy?

I'm sorry, I really just don't get it.

So far as I can tell, he's asking under what circumstances would she engage in sex, when the risks for pregnancy are so high... I think?

I thought the OP was asking if she'd know if a certain part of her cycle is more fertile than other parts, and if she'd know when that is/the signs to look for, and how that changes over time?

 

[emap]

I think we better get him back in here because I thought he was saying that if she gets pregnant she can die from it.

Course if I'm right there is one thing to keep in mind, women who would die from carrying a baby to term know this because they have been there and either can't have kids again period, or are on birth control. Fairly sure they just make you barren for life after that.

Now if she is just in danger of getting pregnant and having unprotected sex because of the thrill of it, that doesn't go away. 80 year old grandma's will tell her husband or just the guy in bed with her to try and put a baby in her.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Course if I'm right there is one thing to keep in mind, women who would die from carrying a baby to term know this because they have been there and either can't have kids again period, or are on birth control. Fairly sure they just make you barren for life after that.

Someone didn't sob their way through Steel Magnolias in their youth.



But yes, OP, please come back and tell us exactly what you need to know. There are enough womenfolk around here to help you out. We weren't trying to pick on you.

 

[PennLady]

So far as I can tell, he's asking under what circumstances would she engage in sex, when the risks for pregnancy are so high... I think?

If that's the case -- and I do hope the OP comes back to clarify -- then I'd say she should use birth control. Otherwise she'd be a bit, ah, stupid.

 

[3113]

If that's the case -- and I do hope the OP comes back to clarify -- then I'd say she should use birth control. Otherwise she'd be a bit, ah, stupid.

Or very religious.

 

[Brunne]

If that's the case -- and I do hope the OP comes back to clarify -- then I'd say she should use birth control. Otherwise she'd be a bit, ah, stupid.

Birth control shmirth control, PennLady, my sister had four bracing boys using the rhythm method...!

Worked like a charm. [cough cough]

 

[Brunne]

Im a man in need of knowledge only you possess.

And unfortunately, like most men, you do seem a little flustered talking about it. There there. Please do explain for us a little clearer what you would like to know, or at least give us somewhere to start and we'll try not to make you blush

 

[_Lynn_]

I'm not sure of the exact question either, but I got stuck on this:

a reasonable responsible 18-24 year old woman with a self awareness of her higher vulnerability

 

[Euphony]

Sorry all, yes I was a bit unclear. Ill try to better explain. May fail in that too.

Heroine has a condition if you will, pregnancy would always be high risk, etc.

As she is in love shes considering walking the tightrope so to speak.

For lack of a better way to explain it (sorry :-( Lets say there is a most fertile day which for her is and always will be off limits. Its the fringe days Im wondering about. Thats where the gamble of it comes in to play. 2 days on either side and its not nearly as big of a risk as on the day, or perhaps 4 is outside the high danger zone window?

I know its at its best a tall order to pen, at its worst, too damn intricate and unlikely to pull off with any believability . But Im comitted to trying in hopes of pulling it off or at least challenging myself as a writer.

Stupid analogy I know but think the tightrope walk. Days further from her most fertile day are like calm sunny spring like affairs (so best conditions available for an attempt)

Days right up against it are storms, high gusts, limited visability etc. Its the exact same tightrope, gear,etc but a WHOLE different risk/reward ratio. So in terms of the fringe days, where does it start to get cloudy and overcast? If I understand it (which I may not) the biology is not ON/OFF its graduated. (each day closer to the prime day is more likely, each day further away is less)

As for the why, its fiction. Yes, any normal sensible woman would and should take precautions if the outcome would be so grim. So obviously Ill need to remove the normal conventions (access to b.c.,etc) or make it a this is a one time chance (lets say guy friend and her finally figure out feelings but hes off to war the following day)

If an easing of some curiosities are in order, all I can suggest is my long term girlfriend was DEVOUTLY Catholic and imposed the rhythm method and her own self made rules on us. Of course Id considered the stakes from my end but I was never really made privy to hers. (other than the usual socital standards) In idea-ing one day I thought it might be challenging to really raise the stakes and moreso than just "dont get pregnant" try to work the days angle in.

Again, sorry if its odd conceptually, Ive not really worked it out nor am I sure I can (at least as well as Id want to) Im just doing the research to see if I can properly give it life.

*afterthought* Not an idea Im going with but perhaps illustrative.

Girl has lots of boyfriends, those she finds MOST suited to be fathers, she'll sleep with closest to her right time. Guys shes not into as father material but still with for whatever reason, much further out. Guys talk amongst themselves (as they do) and try to piece together why they always fall into the same days/weeks of the month, and why there are differences.

Absurd, yes. Am I writing, no. But I think it shows the risk/reward angle Im discussing.

 

[Euphony]

I'm not sure of the exact question either, but I got stuck on this:

Sorry, its an angle Im working on my head and not clearly expressing (as Ive not worked it out yet)

I don't want her to be a whore.

I don't want her to be rash (usually)

I don't want her to be oblivious to her situation (maybe she knows her mom and gmom died in childbirth)

Im trying to see if theres more of a tightrope to walk than just "don't get pregnant." I likely need to be a woman to understand fully what Im trying to understand. Or maybe its more simplistic than Ive assumed (it always felt my girl was doing calculations on certain days as whether to "risk it" or not

 

[Brandie69]

If there were a precise answer to your question, there would be a lot fewer Catholics born.

 

[_Lynn_]

Sorry, its an angle Im working on my head and not clearly expressing (as Ive not worked it out yet)

I don't want her to be a whore.

I don't want her to be rash (usually)

I don't want her to be oblivious to her situation (maybe she knows her mom and gmom died in childbirth)

Im trying to see if theres more of a tightrope to walk than just "don't get pregnant." I likely need to be a woman to understand fully what Im trying to understand. Or maybe its more simplistic than Ive assumed (it always felt my girl was doing calculations on certain days as whether to "risk it" or not

I'm just not aware of too many 18-24 year old girls who I see as responsible enough to think that way.

 

[PennLady]

Birth control shmirth control, PennLady, my sister had four bracing boys using the rhythm method...!

Worked like a charm. [cough cough]

When my aunt got pregnant with her third my dad -- her brother -- said, "Just goes to show you. White people ain't got no rhythm." (We're white and Catholic.)

 

[PennLady]

Or very religious.

Then she shouldn't be having sex outside marriage, eh? Although that might depend on the religion in question.

 

[Euphony]

I'm just not aware of too many 18-24 year old girls who I see as responsible enough to think that way.

Haha. That was exactly the reason for my inclusion about how it may change over ones life (obviously family planning at 18 can be more overwhelming than say 38 (not due to a decrease per se but more just "ive done this years of my life now, its more routine)

I thought of having "a scare" when shes younger scaring her into celibacy then slowly bringing her back around.

Also thought of a "wise beyond her years" angle (maturity brought on by the threat of death.

But yeah, total agreement that 18-24 year olds most likely arent so dialed in. Seems you've got to write one to meet one. PP

 

[PennLady]

Sorry all, yes I was a bit unclear. Ill try to better explain. May fail in that too.

Heroine has a condition if you will, pregnancy would always be high risk, etc.

As she is in love shes considering walking the tightrope so to speak.

For lack of a better way to explain it (sorry :-( Lets say there is a most fertile day which for her is and always will be off limits. Its the fringe days Im wondering about. Thats where the gamble of it comes in to play. 2 days on either side and its not nearly as big of a risk as on the day, or perhaps 4 is outside the high danger zone window?

I know this is fiction and I know people do stupid things in real life. I don't know how realistic you intend this story to be, so I'm going to give my thoughts with a lot of "ifs" and take a somewhat realistic track.

Before I go on, here's a link to a site with information about the time period for conception. You could easily google more.

* Providing a reason for the risk would be helpful. Is she diabetic? Does she have a history of heart problems or high blood pressure?

*IF this woman is 18-24 and unmarried and religious, she likely shouldn't or wouldn't be having sex outside of marriage, health risk aside.

*IF this woman is 18-24 and unmarried but having sex, then she should be on birth control. There are many types out there, and if pregnancy is so high-risk as to be a life-and-death issue, then she should use a patch or implant or device like Mirena. Then she wouldn't have to worry about missing a pill. She should also have the men wear condoms to protect against STDs and provide extra pregnancy protection.

*IF she is in love and looking at a committed relationship with a guy, she should discuss this with him.

*IF this is a matter of the guy going off to war, well then she'd better be damn sure of what she's doing. If this is a story set in the past, say WWII, there will be less access to birth control simply because there is less of it. But then I don't know how well medical science back then could have assessed a woman's pregnancy risk, especially if she hasn't been pregnant before.

*IF this is a contemporary story, you should definitely address the birth control issue. You can research this and find out side effects and such. There must be some women for whom the usual methods can't or don't work. As for expense, there are places like Planned Parenthood that help find things at lower cost, and I believe recent health laws have made changes so that some insurance covers birth control like the Pill.

To me -- and this is only my opinion -- if this woman knows these risks and does not take proper medical or emotional or whatever steps to address them and/or prevent pregnancy, I'd have very little sympathy for her.

 

[Euphony]

I know this is fiction... I'd have very little sympathy for her.

Thank you. A worthy read for sure. Blew a hole clear through the center of my concept but maybe it was already cracked and the wind woulda got it anyway.

I get what youre saying and am in total agreement. I may be attempting to have my cake AND eat it too.

Reality to make it believable and not jar my reader out of the bubble Im trying to create for them

with

strong enough outside forces to make her work outside a normal thought process.

and

a high stakes game of do or die as the cherry on top (hey, YOU might not put cherries on top of your cakes but they do that ya know. Ive seen cookbooks from the sixties.

As I said it is both a writing exercise (or maybe moreso a planning to write exercise) and research. I tend to be inspired to go a fact hunting when the reward is a juicy line or fascinating concept in something Ill pen to paper.

I may have bitten off more than I can chew (choking on cake is a real b**ch, lemme tell ya) but Ill likely cremate it AND the damn oven before I give up.

And no, I would not suggest you ever take me up on my offer of desert. Cakes can also be war crimes. Take a bite and see.

 

[nicecthulhu]

First off, I'm not a woman, definitely no maiden and I've never been fair.
Intelligent, forward-thinking women do get pregnant (or try to) knowing that they could suffer very serious health consequences. In 'my own' experience, they do it when they're in a stable relationship ('til death do us part') and they take precautions with their own health and the health of the fetus. That is, they leave work a week or two before the baby's born, or they have frequent OBGYN (I hope I got that right) visits right up to delivery, or whatever.
Such a woman may also try to get pregnant at a younger age once she's found a permanent partner, since her risks (and the infant's) might be worse the older she gets.
I do think it would be very exceptional (read: hard to write a rationale) for such a woman to engage in unprotected sex with a casual or temporary partner. It could happen, but...
Otherwise, I think PennLady makes a lot of good points. The only place I'd disagree is that I think the connection between religion and women actually waiting until they're married is less strong than most people realize. Non-religious women do this as well. But she did type "likely shouldn't".

 

[Bramblethorn]

*IF this woman is 18-24 and unmarried and religious, she likely shouldn't or wouldn't be having sex outside of marriage, health risk aside.

I'd go with "shouldn't" rather than "wouldn't" there. There are plenty of virginity-pledge kids out there who find the vows are harder to keep than they expected; unfortunately, when they do lapse, they tend not to know as much as they ought about STI prevention and contraception.

*IF this woman is 18-24 and unmarried but having sex, then she should be on birth control. There are many types out there, and if pregnancy is so high-risk as to be a life-and-death issue, then she should use a patch or implant or device like Mirena. Then she wouldn't have to worry about missing a pill. She should also have the men wear condoms to protect against STDs and provide extra pregnancy protection.

One question that might be important here: supposing her contraception strategy fails, is abortion an option for her? If I was in a situation where carrying a child to term was likely to kill me, I'd certainly be thinking hard about a fallback plan.

(I am not interested in starting a discussion about the morality of abortion here, just noting that the character should be thinking about it.)

 

[damppanties]

*IF this is a contemporary story, you should definitely address the birth control issue. You can research this and find out side effects and such. There must be some women for whom the usual methods can't or don't work. As for expense, there are places like Planned Parenthood that help find things at lower cost, and I believe recent health laws have made changes so that some insurance covers birth control like the Pill.

To add to this, a lot of girls these days are on birth control to regulate their period and not for avoiding pregnancy. So they would have access to birth control for hormonal reasons too, and that possibly would be covered by insurance.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If I were writing your story, being queer and all, I would have her learn about the million and one ways to have sex with someone besides peen in vag.

From oral to footling there's other ways to satisfy men and women both... And the intimacy is what they bring with them.

My two cents.

Also, given the climate of shitfuckery right now I would handle issues of women's reproduction with kid gloves and maybe tweezers and a ten foot pole. Because if you get it wrong, I'm coming after you. Or someone will.

 

[JackLuis]

I had a similar question about cycles. In my research I found that Women aren't as regular as mailmen, but here are a few basics, I found.
Ladies, correct me if I err.

Ovulation takes place (roughly) on the 13-15th day after her menses ends. But remember a mans sperm can remain vital for 3-5 days after insertion. After about the 19th day after menses the egg is much harder to fertilize, by then it has (usually)passed through the womb.

I had thought that women were 'safe' during menses, but I have learned that no days are really safe. the odds are just longer on some days.

I hope that helps a bit.