Ideas from sub men?

[vanelane]

Hi,

My bondage top describes me as a 'sensual bondage bottom,' though I think there are some submissive tendencies too. My husband, however, likes to be sexually submissive. So, I'm trying to figure out how to switch things up with him at home.

Can I get some ideas from sexually submissive men about what you enjoy with a dominant woman?

I know the immediate answer is "Dope, ask him!" However, he's not very comfortable talking about sexual things, so I kind of have to experiment and then question him about what he liked and didn't like.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Diana

 

[dakotagirl]

A checklist might be a good place to start if you haven't already done one. It will let him show you were his comfort level is without feeling embaressed to tell you and you dont' have to guess.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree with going through a comprehensive checklist. That should give you both some ideas, and maybe it'll even help him feel more comfortable communicating about it.

You might also have him find concepts in stories, pictures or websites that excite him, then relay them to you verbally, or even in writing.

But most importantly, IMO, what do YOU want to do? What excites you and feels right to you? Respect his limits, but focus on your desires, and he'll likely enjoy himself. (It's helped me to think about him getting pleasure through my pleasure/by pleasing me; if I'm not acting on my desires, it's not going to come across as dominance and he doesn't get the chance to please me fully, which is what he ultimately wants. Focusing on his desires wasn't good for either of us, and it's not a mindset I intend on slipping back into.)

 

[gaius7]

i would suggest grabbng his naked crotch, use lots of finer nail, and then sit down for a nice long chat about what you'd both like. when he's open and honest reward him with a good squeez. If he holds back relax your grip. i think you'll find him to be remarkably forthright.

 

[_kiana_]

i would suggest grabbng his naked crotch, use lots of finer nail, and then sit down for a nice long chat about what you'd both like. when he's open and honest reward him with a good squeez. If he holds back relax your grip. i think you'll find him to be remarkably forthright.

....And reacting/thinking through the pain/pleasure/lust from said grabbing. And people are very likely to agree to things they normally, under regular circumstances, would never even entertain the idea of certain activities.

Probably not a good idea, and especially not for anyone who's relatively new.

 

[CyberChas]

In all seriousness (damn, why?)

It would probably depend on whether he likes to be the submissive because he likes to bottom and experience sensations of being beaten, flogged, spanked, caned, tied, etc. or whether he likes to be the bottom because he likes to be submissive.

If he's a sensation player, then he might enjoy being tied up and then tantalized with massage, caresses, and teases, mixed in with some slaps, tickles, and perhaps even a little light pain by way of loose clothes pins in sensitive places and a Wattenberg wheel. Of course, mixed in with lots of sexual teasing that keeps the mix between pain, pleasure and sensation in constant flux. And hey, many bottoms would like nothing better than being "forced" to provide oral gratification to their woman for long periods of time. Teasing and denial can usually produce a wonderful final outcome for the male sub.

If he's a submissive, then he's going to feel a flutter in his belly when you ORDER him to do anything, from getting you a glass of water to licking your big toe (or anything else). Submissives often "get off" on just the IDEA that they are giving over control and "taking orders" and they don't have to be highly sexual. Of course, a good safe word set (orange, red, etc.) doesn't hurt.

The basic idea would be to START OUT SLOW and PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. As a top, your responsibility is to READ your bottom and know what they are liking and what they are not liking IN A BAD WAY, as opposed to just finding a bit "difficult" to take.

Also, take advantage of the AFTERPLAY time to poke and prod some communications out of him. If he's not willing to negotiate in advance (he'll need to learn that if you are ever going to play with anybody else) at least get him to DEBRIEF afterwards. Simple questions like "what did you like best?" or "what would you like more of? less of?" can get you lots of information for the next time.

 

[vanelane]

Thanks everyone for responding. We have done a checklist, and some of the things suggested. I appreciate the distinction between submissive or bottom; thanks, I'll explore that further.

Further suggestions and responses always appreciated!

I guess I'd particularly like to hear about those things you like, but feel a little embarrassed asking for.

 

[oneguy4fun]

If he's a submissive, then he's going to feel a flutter in his belly when you ORDER him to do anything, from getting you a glass of water to licking your big toe (or anything else). Submissives often "get off" on just the IDEA that they are giving over control and "taking orders" and they don't have to be highly sexual. Of course, a good safe word set (orange, red, etc.) doesn't hurt.

I can relate to that. For me the psycological/emotional part is a huge part of what I get off on. I hang on every word my wife says when she dominates me. I love to hear that I am her toy, plaything, slave, etc. I love when she tells me my cock belongs to her. It's exciting to kneel before her, have her inspect me. It's a thrill to have her order specific ways to please her. One of my favorite things is to have her sit on my face and order me to lick her while she humps my face. I also love to be denied orgasm.

These are some examples you can try. I do agree with everyone else. It helps to have him tell what he likes. Although many times the sub does not understand why exactly he gets excited and so he may not know what he wants. To help with this you can have him read a book on domination or read stories about domination and then have him underline the parts that excite him. You could also try playing with his cock until he is fully aroused and close to orgasm. Then start asking him questions about his fantasies while you continue to play with him. Ask whether he would try specific things. Usually when a guy is in an aroused state of mind, he will open up more and confess some of his deep dark secrets.

Good luck.

 

[ryanslavemaster]

i enjoy a dominant woman that is always on top and knows how to please her slave.

 

[subwannabe]

I like being forced to eat my own cum. I think a chastity device might also be a turn on for him, knowing that you control his orgasms.

 

[sexycaz22]

It would probably depend on whether he likes to be the submissive because he likes to bottom and experience sensations of being beaten, flogged, spanked, caned, tied, etc. or whether he likes to be the bottom because he likes to be submissive.

If he's a sensation player, then he might enjoy being tied up and then tantalized with massage, caresses, and teases, mixed in with some slaps, tickles, and perhaps even a little light pain by way of loose clothes pins in sensitive places and a Wattenberg wheel. Of course, mixed in with lots of sexual teasing that keeps the mix between pain, pleasure and sensation in constant flux. And hey, many bottoms would like nothing better than being "forced" to provide oral gratification to their woman for long periods of time. Teasing and denial can usually produce a wonderful final outcome for the male sub.

If he's a submissive, then he's going to feel a flutter in his belly when you ORDER him to do anything, from getting you a glass of water to licking your big toe (or anything else). Submissives often "get off" on just the IDEA that they are giving over control and "taking orders" and they don't have to be highly sexual. Of course, a good safe word set (orange, red, etc.) doesn't hurt.

The basic idea would be to START OUT SLOW and PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. As a top, your responsibility is to READ your bottom and know what they are liking and what they are not liking IN A BAD WAY, as opposed to just finding a bit "difficult" to take.

Also, take advantage of the AFTERPLAY time to poke and prod some communications out of him. If he's not willing to negotiate in advance (he'll need to learn that if you are ever going to play with anybody else) at least get him to DEBRIEF afterwards. Simple questions like "what did you like best?" or "what would you like more of? less of?" can get you lots of information for the next time.

Wow - some really, really good advice there, I think I will take that on board for when I am with my pet!

Thank you very much!