Feeling horrible for being submissive!

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

 

[Submissivepat]

It is a wonderful feeling to know that your sexual needs are being met. I was fortunate to have a loving husband who recognized my need for submission and humiliation, as well as friends who added to my experiences.

 

[subdudeme13]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

I served and fell in love with a Domme. She was also in a 24/7 live in married slave. I would say, since you know each others kinks then work to meet them. There are many ways to fly. Enjoy what you can!

 

[Boat1]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

That's a helluva conundrum... I truly hope he opens his mind to your needs... IMHO, when it involves love, one should NEVER need to change themselves...

 

[Astrotrain]

Sub shame is a horrible thing. Sub men are conditioned to believe that men are naturally dominant and that they're not real men. Sub women are told they're reinforcing old sexist ideas and that they're hurting women in general. At a certain point you just have to stop caring about what other people think and just do what makes you happy.

 

[Boat1]

I hope he can grow WITH YOU and understand this...

 

[Utmale48]

Never ever be ashamed about what you are. It’s you and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[seela]

Have you talked with your partner about your thoughts and how you feel about this? I mean a calm conversation in a non-sexual setting when you're not feeling frustrated about the situation.

You say he's a switch. Does he dominate you at all or is it a question of you needing something more and more intense than he is willing to dish out? If it's about intensity, is he simply not interested in the same level of intensity or is he maybe afraid to go too far with you because he loves you etc? Sometimes D types can have a hard time really letting go with the people they love the most.

Opening your relationship so that you can get this need of corporal punishment met elsewhere might be an option to discuss down the line, too. Some people find it easier to compartmentalize these things and it can work.

I hope you can figure this out one way or another.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I know the feeling since I almost always only meet other submissives.

But it's nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

Sub shame is a horrible thing. Sub men are conditioned to believe that men are naturally dominant and that they're not real men. Sub women are told they're reinforcing old sexist ideas and that they're hurting women in general. At a certain point you just have to stop caring about what other people think and just do what makes you happy.

OMG yes..
I even had a Domme lady attack me on Fetlife, when I shared a scene from one of my erotic novels, in which the alien meets and fucks a woman hunter... this Domme said the scenario was all too common and a case of 'damsel in distress' and then went on to insult me further, saying I'd never succeed as an author!! This, after I tried explaining to her that this was simply one scene in a book (which turned out to be 500 pages long) and this was just one woman out of more than 1,000 that the alien ended up fucking, and there was a whole plot being developed, which went far beyond the scene... nah, she didn't want to know, she saw what she saw and was hell-bent on criticizing me.

So, then I said, too bad, but I am a submissive and I like what I like. I write about things that excite me. If that's not you - find another author....

 

[Astrotrain]

People don't seem to realise that BDSM fiction is just fantasy and you can find a story with nonconsentual elements arousing without approving of it in real life. As a male sub I enjoy reading stories about worlds where there's been some kind of feminist or female supremacist uprising where women have enslaved men and I'm perfectly aware that something like that would be a horrific war crime in real life.

Fifty Shades of Grey seems to have done quite a bit of damage in that regard, people think the lack of consent in that is emblematic of BDSM relationships in real life. I don't think censorship is the answer, the cure for that is better education of the masses, but people would go insane if they started teaching kids about consent regarding BDSM in schools so I don't know what the answer is.

It's also annoying that FSOG established maledom/femsub as the the default BDSM relationship in the public's eye. Femdommes and male subs need representation too, dammit!

 

[xxkimberlyv]

We are very similar.

Have you tried to talk with your fiance about your needs? He may not be aware of what you really desire with being dominated. A simple conversation may be all you need. Good luck

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

We are very similar.

Have you tried to talk with your fiance about your needs? He may not be aware of what you really desire with being dominated. A simple conversation may be all you need. Good luck

I definitely have. Indeed, I made it clear it was an essential need, and this resulted in him going out of his comfort zone and tying me up and hurting me.. a bit. The trouble is, that was maybe 7 months ago. I think most people would agree that waiting more than 7 months for a repeat of a great session is a tad too long. But to say that is damaging to his feelings...

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

People don't seem to realise that BDSM fiction is just fantasy and you can find a story with nonconsentual elements arousing without approving of it in real life. As a male sub I enjoy reading stories about worlds where there's been some kind of feminist or female supremacist uprising where women have enslaved men and I'm perfectly aware that something like that would be a horrific war crime in real life.

Fifty Shades of Grey seems to have done quite a bit of damage in that regard, people think the lack of consent in that is emblematic of BDSM relationships in real life. I don't think censorship is the answer, the cure for that is better education of the masses, but people would go insane if they started teaching kids about consent regarding BDSM in schools so I don't know what the answer is.

It's also annoying that FSOG established maledom/femsub as the the default BDSM relationship in the public's eye. Femdommes and male subs need representation too, dammit!

You are right about that last part. I wonder why the maledom/femsub is the default in literature and movies? Surely, those who make the movies and write stories are aware of the market for male subs and female doms? And surely, at least some of the male subs and female doms are capable writers / screenwriters / directors. My impression is that submissive people are everywhere, indeed I feel like submissive men are in the majority. The rest are either gay, vanilla or taken! So, try finding a good dominant that loves pussy and wants to play with me and fuck his woman frequently, and you'll see how hard it is. It's kind of like men who are into horses. Once a woman gets her hands on one of those, she is well aware that every other horsewoman wants to steal him, and she acts accordingly. lol

I just wonder if we have done something to make men become more submissive, or have we simply gone and killed all the dominant men in wars? Obviously, some are left, but like I said.... hard to find. And don't get me started on men who talk big, but don't know what it means to be a good dom.

 

[Astrotrain]

You wouldn't know that if you listened to the anti BDSM people. According to them BDSM is exclusively misogynistic men who have brainwashed women into being their willing abuse victims. Female subs don't really know what they want the poor dears, they're just doing what the patriarchy tells them women should be like.

When us male subs politely remind them of our existence, do they see us as victims too? Nope, we're gross perverts who've pressured women to be our kink dispensers. No women really enjoy domming a man, they just go along with it to make us happy.

I'm not going to lie, it got to me. Sometimes you're lead to believe that women don't enjoy anything kinky at all and men are perverts pressuring women into it. I don't get the foot fetish thing at all, nothing against it but it's not my thing, but when I read an article on Slate about how women with foot fetishes were coming out of the closet and telling the world they were actually into that my first thought was "oh thank god, there are women into freaky stuff too."

 

[MasterDepraved]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

You should come for a weekly or bi monthly spanking session nyc

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

You should come for a weekly or bi monthly spanking session nyc

What a great idea. I'll just get on my private jet and fly from Australia to NYC...

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

You wouldn't know that if you listened to the anti BDSM people. According to them BDSM is exclusively misogynistic men who have brainwashed women into being their willing abuse victims. Female subs don't really know what they want the poor dears, they're just doing what the patriarchy tells them women should be like.

When us male subs politely remind them of our existence, do they see us as victims too? Nope, we're gross perverts who've pressured women to be our kink dispensers. No women really enjoy domming a man, they just go along with it to make us happy.

I'm not going to lie, it got to me. Sometimes you're lead to believe that women don't enjoy anything kinky at all and men are perverts pressuring women into it. I don't get the foot fetish thing at all, nothing against it but it's not my thing, but when I read an article on Slate about how women with foot fetishes were coming out of the closet and telling the world they were actually into that my first thought was "oh thank god, there are women into freaky stuff too."

My fiance is a foot fetishist. I never cared for it, but now I love it, why? Because I know it turns him on. So, when he uses my feet during sex, in any way, it just makes me feel so damn beautiful and so aroused, it's insane. I guess I enjoy every part of me being touched (I'm super sensitive that way, it's one of the reasons I don't go for massages much. I just get turned on and then I'm really frustrated, because the massage does not include sex).

But yes, you are right about misconceptions out there! I had to laugh at your post, because it made me laugh, but please know that I totally agree with you. And I know it is happening. It's quite a pain to think about, so generally I don't think about it. What's the point, anyway? It's not like we can speak freely of our fetishes. When my Mom found out I was writing BDSM erotica and convinced me to let her read some of it, she soon formed the opinion that I needed 'help'. I was very calm and amused, as I explained to her the error of her thinking. You must always think of it from a legal perspective, too! Like, your right to your sexual orientation, to engage in mutually consensual activities with other adults, is pretty well established in law, in most western countries. If someone were to try and accuse you of being insane etc, they'd have to establish you were a danger to yourself or to others.. which we are not.

 

[MasterDepraved]

What a great idea. I'll just get on my private jet and fly from Australia to NYC...

Then move here to make it easier.. brat

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

Then move here to make it easier.. brat

Like it's that easy. I have some family here, some back in Croatia (where I'm originally from), Europe. I have horses and dogs, and a career. OK, so I'm working actively on becoming a full-time author, but even if I have the full flexibility of not being tied down with work, I don't think I'd enjoy living in a city... any city.... so I'm not being a brat, thank you very much.

 

[Dirtygirlndeer]

OMG yes..
I even had a Domme lady attack me on Fetlife, when I shared a scene from one of my erotic novels, in which the alien meets and fucks a woman hunter... this Domme said the scenario was all too common and a case of 'damsel in distress' and then went on to insult me further, saying I'd never succeed as an author!! This, after I tried explaining to her that this was simply one scene in a book (which turned out to be 500 pages long) and this was just one woman out of more than 1,000 that the alien ended up fucking, and there was a whole plot being developed, which went far beyond the scene... nah, she didn't want to know, she saw what she saw and was hell-bent on criticizing me.

So, then I said, too bad, but I am a submissive and I like what I like. I write about things that excite me. If that's not you - find another author....

As a writer, I find it so frustrating when people offer their [unsolicited] criticism of something they have no experience with or are unwilling to be educated about. Good for you! Stick to your guns.

 

[MasterDepraved]

Like it's that easy. I have some family here, some back in Croatia (where I'm originally from), Europe. I have horses and dogs, and a career. OK, so I'm working actively on becoming a full-time author, but even if I have the full flexibility of not being tied down with work, I don't think I'd enjoy living in a city... any city.... so I'm not being a brat, thank you very much.

Good point but you still get a spanking

 

[saintcero]

OMG yes..
I even had a Domme lady attack me on Fetlife, when I shared a scene from one of my erotic novels, in which the alien meets and fucks a woman hunter... this Domme said the scenario was all too common and a case of 'damsel in distress' and then went on to insult me further, saying I'd never succeed as an author!! This, after I tried explaining to her that this was simply one scene in a book (which turned out to be 500 pages long) and this was just one woman out of more than 1,000 that the alien ended up fucking, and there was a whole plot being developed, which went far beyond the scene... nah, she didn't want to know, she saw what she saw and was hell-bent on criticizing me.

So, then I said, too bad, but I am a submissive and I like what I like. I write about things that excite me. If that's not you - find another author....

Do you think of this Domme lady as a true Domme or just a bully?

 

[seela]

Do you think of this Domme lady as a true Domme or just a bully?

True Dommes, whatever that might be, can also be shitty people or say stupid things. They're people. Just because someone leans dominant, it doesn't automatically somehow make them perfect miracle person who always does the right thing and never errs or just plain isn't stupid and unpleasant.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Do you think of this Domme lady as a true Domme or just a bully?

Submissives are usually accused of topping from the bottom and it can be true, but there are enough selfish and abominable dom/mes as well who will use bottoms or Submissives and toss them away.