Linedrive
Game Face Status: On
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2002
- Posts
- 8,793
Screenplay: The Emergence of Saddam Hussein’s new found popularity
Scene # 1: Iraq Intelligence Headquarters, Baghdad
The camera slowly pans in on Saddam Hussein who is sitting at his desk signing some documents. The phone rings:
Hussein: "Hello…this is Saddam."
Aziz: "Saddam, this is Tariq."
Hussein: "Ah Tariq, how is Rome…?"
Aziz: "It is wonderful, have you been watching the news…?"
Hussein: "You must be referring to the Peace marches yes…?"
Aziz: "Yes your excellency, is this not wonderful…?"
Hussein: "It is precisely how I planned, if these people were any more predictable, well…."
Aziz: "We don’t call you the Puppetmaster for nothing your excellency."
Hussein: "Call me when you return to Baghdad Tariq, we have important things to discuss."
Aziz: "Heil Hussein…good day."
After zooming in to catch the sheepish grin on Sadaam’s face, the camera slowly fades out. After a moment the camera fades back in, capturing Sadaam still sitting at his desk on the phone.
Hussein: "You are giving me your personal insurance that the 414 liters of milk is properly hidden…?"
Scientist: "Yes, the MILK is hidden."
Hussein: "Excellent, hold please I have a call on the other line."
Hussein: "Hello, this is Saddam."
Engineer: "We received word that Blix is on his way down here, what should be do with the tomato paste…?"
Hussein: "Activate Operation Inspector Stall at the front gates, then take the TOMATO PASTE out the back."
Engineer: "Very well your excellency."
Hussein: "Call me later, I have another call."
Hussein: "Pizza Hut, what can I get you…?"
Chemist: "Huh…? I must have the wrong number."
Hussein: (laughing) "No you dumbass, this is Sadaam."
Chemist: (laughing) "Your excellency, what a magnificent joke!"
Hussein: "You should know by now that I am a skilled liar, come on!"
Chemist: "Have you seen the protest around Europe…?"
Hussein: "Yes, it appears the sheep have taken up with the wolf."
Chemist: "We just completed the work on that new CEREAL."
Hussein: "Ah very good, I can’t wait to serve breakfast."
Chemist: (laughter) "I will send the shipment of CEREAL right over to the palace."
Hanging up the phone, the camera slowly fades out on Hussein’s face, still covered in glee. After a moment of darkness the camera slowly fades back in with soft music playing in the background. Hussein is sitting at his desk, staring into the glass jar on his desk that contain the severed scrotum of a political opponent. There is a knock on the door, after which an Iraqi Republican Guard commander walks in.
Hussein: "Good Morning General Al-Babri, what a magnificent day."
General: "Good morning your excellency, we have succeeded in turning half the world against America yes…?"
Hussein: "It would appear so General, did I not tell you three years ago this would turn out like this…?"
General: "I recall the day well, I called you that day to confirm the orders to gas that entire Kurdish village."
Hussein: "Which one…?"
General: "I can’t recall sir, I just stick by your motto that "The only good Kurd is a dead Kurd."
Hussein: (laughing) "Indeed General, indeed."
The camera slowly fades out to a dark screen, where text appears in a sobering message:
Between 1981 and 1984, Iraq launched around 40 separate chemical attacks against Iranian soldiers and civilians
Scene # 2: Iraqi Secret Police Headquarters, Baghdad
The camera slowly fades in on Sadaam Hussein walking down the hall of what appears to be a medical or detention facility. He is accompanied by Aziz and several Iraqi’s clad in white lab coats.
Hussein: "The Chemical weapon program is moving along as planned Tariq."
Aziz: "Yes your excellency, Anthrax, Racin, Small Pox…it’s a virtual K-Mart in our storage area."
Hussein: "That’s what I like to hear. What about the latest roundup of collaborators…?"
Aziz: "We executed 220 of them this morning, I even had time for pancakes in between."
Hussein: (laughing) "Ah Tariq, you do love your pancakes. Not as much as I love my chemical weapons,
but you do have a fetish for flapjacks."
Aziz: "Tell me the story about launching missiles on Israel again…?"
Hussein: (whispering) "Tariq, you must be careful what you say, American intelligence could be listening in."
Aziz: (nodding)
Hussein: "I am not an aggressor, I am a man of peace Tariq. (winking) I wish nothing more than to see each
country prosper (winking), people living under good governments. I have no ill wishes against the Kurds, they are a people of rich traditions. I have come to accept that Israel will exist and wish them the best."
Aziz: "Should I scrap Operation Reduce Israel to dust…?"
Hussein: (holding finger to lips) "Shhhh!" (whispering) "Proceed as planned."
The camera slowly fades out to the song "Don’t Speak". After a brief moment, another sobering text message appears across the screen "Late, in March 1986, the UN secretary general, Javier Perez de Cuellar, formally accused Iraq of using chemical weapons against Iran. Citing the report of four chemical warfare experts whom the UN had sent to Iran in February and March 1986, the secretary general called on Baghdad to end its violation of the 1925 Geneva Protocol on the use of chemical weapons. Iraq attempted to deny using chemicals, but the evidence, in the form of many badly burned casualties flown to European hospitals for treatment, was overwhelming. According to a British representative at the Conference on Disarmament in Geneva in July 1986, "Iraqi chemical warfare was responsible for about 10,000 casualties." In March 1988, Iraq was again charged with a major use of chemical warfare while retaking Halabjah, a Kurdish town in northeastern Iraq, near the Iranian border.
Scene # 3: Hussein’s Private Chambers at the Royal Palace in Baghdad
The camera slowly fades in to a text message on a blackened screen:
"During the Iran-Iraq War, Iraq developed the ability to produce, store, and use chemical weapons. These chemical weapons included H-series blister and G-series nerve agents. Iraq built these agents into various offensive munitions including rockets, artillery shells, aerial bombs, and warheads on the Al Hussein Scud missile variant. During the Iran-Iraq war, Iraqi fighter-attack aircraft dropped mustard-filled and tabun-filled 250 kilogram bombs and mustard-filled 500 kilogram bombs on Iranian targets. Other reports indicate that Iraq may have also installed spray tanks on an unknown number of helicopters or dropped 55-gallon drums filled with unknown agents (probably mustard) from low altitudes. "
The camera fades to Hussein who is posed deeply in thought, scribbling down notes by candlelight. An older Muslim cleric walks into the room and the two exchange greetings. Sitting down together at a table, their conversation begins:
Cleric: "Saddam, the members of the Islamic Organization for World Peace are a little worried that your human
rights track record, combined with your past military aggressions are viewed outside Iraq as hostile."
Hussein: "Human rights…? Military aggressions…? I seek only peace and prosperity for Iraq and the gulf region."
Cleric: (looking puzzled) "Uh…that’s not really the impression we are getting."
Hussein: "Okay, so I gassed an entire Kurdish village, big deal…their Kurds!:
Cleric: "Kurds have feelings too Sadaam, the international community is not pleased with our track record."
Hussein: "Track record…? My hands are clean."
Cleric: "So it wasn’t you that ordered the invasion of Kuwait twelve years ago…?"
Hussein: "Well of course, but it was only to protect our interest. Kuwait posed a threat and I dealt with it."
Cleric: (looking puzzled) "Um okay, well it couldn’t have been you that ordered the scud attacks on Israel during
the ensuing war with coalition forces…?"
Hussein: "Those scud missiles had food shipments in them, we were trying to help the Israeli’s."
Cleric: "I guess it wasn’t your idea to import $ 24 billion dollars worth of military equipment while Iraqi children
starved…?"
Hussein: "The international community will see that America and their sanctions are responsible for those deaths."
Cleric: "Thank you for you time sir, good day."
Scene # 4: Main Library at the Royal Palace, Baghdad
The camera slowly fades in to capture Hussein sitting at a desk, entrance in a book. The silence is broken when an attractive young lady in a burka slides into the chair next to Hussein. Pausing for a moment to decide his course of action, Saddam decides to strike up a conversation.
Hussein: "Good day fellow Iraqi citizen."
Lady: "Hello, you look so familiar to me…?"
Hussein: "Did you attend West Baghdad High…?"
Lady: "No, I can’t go to school…we have this asshole for a leader that won’t let us."
Hussein: (pauses) "I have also heard many good things about our leader too."
Lady: "lies, what are you reading…?"
Hussein: "It is called Mein Kampf, written by Adolf Hitler some years ago.
Lady: "How interesting, I can’t read."
Hussein: "Oh"
The camera slowly fades out, capturing the slight grin on Hussein’s face.
Scene # 5 The Royal Sauna, Baghdad
The camera slowly fades in to capture Hussein, Aziz and several other towel clad Iraqi officials, all sitting in a small sauna.
Hussein: "Tariq, can you believe these protesters and anti-war demonstrations, I am overjoyed."
Aziz: "The protesters are doing us a great service for sure."
Hussein: "It’s too bad that our nuclear, biological and chemical weapons programs won’t be able to distinguish
between them and the rest of the evil Americans and Brits.:"
Aziz: "Perhaps we can develop a sympathy bomb…?"
Hussein: (laughing) "Ah Tariq, a bomb that kills only those who don’t like us….I love it."
Aziz: "We must discuss the defense of Iraq your excellency."
Iraqi Officer: "Yes your excellency, we are awaiting to hear your plan."
Hussein: "More powerful than any weapon we have is public opinion. We must continue to tap into those sensitive
Euro’s and American’s, they are the key."
Iraqi Officer: "I just spoke with Richard Geer last night and he is on board, as is the Rev. Jesse Jackson."
Hussein: "Excellent, I just can’t believe we are fortunate enough to have such allies."
Aziz: "What do we do when the air war begins sir…?"
Hussein: "The same thing you have been trained to do Tariq, start killing Iraqi citizens…a tactic that surely will
continue to sway public opinion our way."
Aziz: "They are sheep aren’t they…?"
Hussein: (laughing) "Only if they knew Tariq, only if they knew…"
Iraqi Officer: (laughing) "You are the master of deception Sadaam, nobody does it better."
Hussein: (laughing) "Indeed Colonel Babarak, indeed."
The camera slowly fades out as Hussein begins playfully splashing water on Colonel Babarak.
Scene # 6: Hussein’s office at the Royal Palace in Baghdad
The camera slowly fades in to capture Hussein at his desk and in a telephone conversation.
Hussein: "How is life in the tribal belt Benny…?"
Hussein: (nodding) "I see, we’ll I have a 3:30 meeting with your top lieutenants in Baghdad."
Hussein: "Oh, I almost forgot. Next time you are in the Tora Bora region, stop by and say hello to my third cousin,
he is dying to meet you."
Hussein: "Excellent, things are progressing well Benny…I will talk to you soon."
Hanging up the phone, Hussein is interupted by Aziz entering his office.
Hussein: "Good day Tariq, do you have the recent poll results…?"
Aziz: "I do, can we order lunch first…?"
Hussein: "Of course (laughing), but not pancakes. How about Baghdad Burgers, they have a special going
right now."
Aziz: "Oh yes your excellency, they do have good burgers."
Following a brief phone call where Hussein orders lunch, the two quickly return to the topic of conversation.
Aziz: "Recent polls show that the French and German governments are squarely in our corner."
Hussein: "What about the general public…?"
Aziz: "We have excellent numbers coming in from Britain, Australia, Japan, Italy and Belgium."
Hussein: "I’m beginning to think the international community likes me, they see me as a freedom fighter
opposing American arrogance."
Aziz: "Today the President of Iraq, tomorrow the ruler of the entire Middle East."
Hussein: (laughing) "King Sadaam does have a ring to it."
A knock at the door is answered and the delivery boy for Baghdad burgers delivers their food. Hussein and Aziz quickly dig through the bag and begin eating.
Hussein: (looking puzzled) "Tariq…do you remember me telling them I wanted cheese on my burger…?"
Aziz: "No, no you didn’t your excellency."
Hussein: "That’s what I thought."
Hussein picks up the phone and waits for an answer and begins a conversation.
Hussein: "General Belaz, good day."
Hussein: (nodding) "I want a chemical attack to take place on Baghdad burgers this afternoon…no one lives."
Hussein: (nodding) "Yes, they insulted me."
Hanging up the phone, Hussein throws his hamburger in the trash and the camera slowly fades out.
Scene # 7: The Royal Bedroom at Hussein’s Palace in Baghdad
The camera fades in to capture Hussein laying across his bed in his bathrobe, writing notes in his diary. An Arabic narrator’s voice comes on to simulate the entry that Hussein is working on.
"Dear Diary,
Never in my wildest dreams did I think there were so many sympathizers around the world. These people are begging for a dominating leader, and I am that man. My path of deception has worked beyond my wildest expectations, these fools actually think I am interested in peace and contentment. Our recent alliance with Al Qaeda has raised our hopes even higher, I am certain we will see the destruction of America and Europe in my lifetime.
The scientist and chemist have done an excellent job in keeping quiet, though I take full responsibility for that. They have succeeded in fooling Blix and his crew, along with half the civilized world. They actually believe we do not posses weapons or mass destruction…how funny is that? I guess the lessons to be learned here is that (1) Open defiance of the United Nations means nothing…there are no reprocussions, (2) France will do anything to avoid a military conflict, though I give them a great deal of credit in assisting the building of the Iraqi Army, and (3) today’s world is filled with appeasers who will also do anything that involves military action.
On a brighter note, I launched a chemical attack against Baghdad burgers today. As I rest my head on the pillow this evening, I pray that someone takes that asshole Powell out…he is totally on to us."
The camera fades in pictures of the anti-war marchers next to Hussein’.2*-s grinning face.
