I will never read your story if…

[KateAt55]

…you post the entire story in a DM.

 

[alohadave]

The apostrophe in names is really common in Africa. It has an actual linguistic function in languages with clicks. Not to mention Irish last names use them a lot for different reasons.

Fair enough. I was not aware of that.

 

[alohadave]

Where in the country were you living then? In New York, it's been La-fay-ette for as long as I can remember (which is a long time!) I have to listen to those automated subway announcements, but I haven't been on the A train in a while.

I've lived all over and most people pronounce it "Laff-eye-et", or "laff-aye-et", or "laff-ee-et"

Virginia stood out as the oddball for "la-fay-et", though I did hear "la-fayet" occasionally.

 

[Altissimus]

The story is riddled with exclamation marks!!!!!!!

I believe it was Terry Pratchett who pointed out that five exclamation marks is the sure sign of an insane mind. Having used five exclamation marks.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

…if the characters all have ginormous genitalia, boobs and dicks.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

...if any of the characters has an apostrophe in a made up name.

Poo on you, Sir!

L'ventia is a fantastic name for an unknowable demigoddess, and you can get lost in a Reese's if you disagree!

 

[LexxRuthless]

From 2002 to 2007, I read every new story, regardless of category, and dove deep into the back-catalog of Literotica stories. There were plenty of stories I didn't particularly enjoy, but I still read almost every story to its conclusion. A few really long stories I eventually abandoned after 5-7 pages, and there were an awful lot of series that lost me after 5 chapters or so. I figured if they hadn't engaged me by then, they probably weren't going to. For every one of the examples you've given, I could immediately think of at least 2 or 3 stories that I thoroughly enjoyed that you would not have given a shot . . . and then I think of another 20 or 30 stories like the one you describe, after which I had grumbled, "Well, there's an hour of my life I'm never getting back."

The only hard and fast rule I can think of now is there is no fucking way I'm jumping into a story I haven't read when I see the current installment is the twentieth + chapter.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Anyway, I will never read your story if:

1) the main character is pants

2) incest real, pseudo, simulated or otherwise.

3) extra letters added to words in dialog.

4) the woman has no character motivation/only exists for the male character to fuck.

5) for fanfiction: Canon characters acting vastly out of character.

6) the story is about sex rather than simply featuring it to further an actual topic.

7) a character describes their appearance to themselves.

8) the narrator is an empty vessel with no signs of life or opinions.

9) Women dressing slutty in the hideous way men find appealing rather than dressing in the slutty outfit that's fun or comfortable to wear. Women with boring or bad fashion sense being treated as if they're well dressed.

10) women going commando unprompted or for nonsex reasons. I don't care if all her underwear are in the dirty laundry pile, she's wearing them for an extra day. Bifurcated garments are going to get stained by discharge or blood and a skirt with no underwear exposes the pussy to every fucking bacteria on every surface she sits on.

There's probably more but that's what's coming to mind right now.

 

[Sammael Bard]

...

 

[Rob_Royale]

I thought the "rule" was to never date or sleep with a woman, whose name ends in "i".

Now I thought the "rule" was never to sleep with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger anywhere on her body.
It goes along with never eating what you can't pronounce and never gambling with someone whose name includes the name of a state or city.

Back on the subject, I'll never read your story if it starts out with the descriptor paragraph. Especially if includes the name of the porn star she resembles.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Especially if includes the name of the porn star she resembles.

This 100%!

I know like 2 porn star names, both of which I learned from memes.

That is the most obnoxious shit imaginable.

"She had tit just like [some random pornstar (or actress, tbh)]".

Well I'm sure they were nice, but I don't know anything about that woman or her tits, so... bye.

 

[NoTalentHack]

This 100%!

I know like 2 porn star names, both of which I learned from memes.

That is the most obnoxious shit imaginable.

"She had tit just like [some random pornstar (or actress, tbh)]".

Well I'm sure they were nice, but I don't know anything about that woman or her tits, so... bye.

“She had tits like the Audubon Society.”

 

[SeraphNocturne]

Poo on you, Sir!

L'ventia is a fantastic name for an unknowable demigoddess, and you can get lost in a Reese's if you disagree!

This was the character that immediately came to mind when I saw that story turn off comment. I laughed so hard…

But I agree with you, L’ventia is wonderful.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

This was the character that immediately came to mind when I saw that story turn off comment. I laughed so hard…

But I agree with you, L’ventia is wonderful.

Especially if she has tits like the Audubon Society!

 

[Djmac1031]

I will never read your story if...

...it's sole purpose is to degrade, insult, or misrepresent an individual or group of people based on physical appearance, gender, sexual identity / preference, race, culture, or personal, societal, political and / or religious beliefs.

You can have characters that exhibit this behavior; that's fine, as long as it is shown in the light of it being the reprehensible behavior that it is.

After that, I'll take each story on a case by case basis.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I've lived all over and most people pronounce it "Laff-eye-et", or "laff-aye-et", or "laff-ee-et"

Virginia stood out as the oddball for "la-fay-et", though I did hear "la-fayet" occasionally.

Now I'm becoming paranoid about French names. I just said whatever everybody around me was saying. The middle one you have there there - "laff-aye-et" - its pretty close, I think. "Lafayette, we are here," as General Pershing said. I don't think that was recorded anywhere.

Although, British names in the U.S. aren't easy either. Why is Worcester "Wooster?" Somebody suggested that too much gin consumption - tongue-in-cheek - resulted in slurring back in the British Isles.

 

[gunhilltrain]

“She had tits like the Audubon Society.”

Like this. Fowl language, indeed.

https://www.perpetualkid.com/products/tit-bird-fowl-language-dish-towel

 

[LexxRuthless]

Back on the subject, I'll never read your story if it starts out with the descriptor paragraph. Especially if includes the name of the porn star she resembles.

This 100%!

I know like 2 porn star names, both of which I learned from memes.

That is the most obnoxious shit imaginable.

"She had tit just like [some random pornstar (or actress, tbh)]".

Well I'm sure they were nice, but I don't know anything about that woman or her tits, so... bye.

https://media1.tenor.com/images/8566954fdd23b599ed1f24e8e0101b6b/tenor.gif?itemid=11030401

 

[Djmac1031]

The preacher's cloak suits you. May I measure it for a moment?

Isn't the LW readership also a group of people?

Sure are. Your point?

 

[alohadave]

Why is Worcester "Wooster?

Say that to anyone in Mass and they'll laugh at you. It's Whuster, or Whustah if you drop your r's.

Funny thing, I used to work for a grocery chain based in Boston, and their IVR had the recording as wooster for the Worcester store. I found it amusing that even locals get it wrong sometimes.

But there are some dodgy pronunciations of British places. It's about as bad as some of the Native American names. In Washington state, you have names like Sequim, that is pronounced 'squim'.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I will never read your story if...

...it's sole purpose is degrade, insult, or misrepresent an individual or group of people based on physical appearance, gender, sexual identity / preference, race, culture, or personal, societal, political and / or religious beliefs.

You can have characters that exhibit this behavior; that's fine, as long as it is shown in the light of it being the reprehensible behavior that it is.

After that, I'll take each story on a case by case basis.

Unless they are Nazis. Then all bets are off.

https://www.facinghistory.org/sites...er_6_Medium_res.webp?h=193b5c49&itok=Gqgtyx4b

 

[djrip]

10) women going commando unprompted or for nonsex reasons. I don't care if all her underwear are in the dirty laundry pile, she's wearing them for an extra day. Bifurcated garments are going to get stained by discharge or blood and a skirt with no underwear exposes the pussy to every fucking bacteria on every surface she sits on.

My wife only wears undies one week a month. Her skirts aren't generally that short though.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Say that to anyone in Mass and they'll laugh at you. It's Whuster, or Whustah if you drop your r's.

Funny thing, I used to work for a grocery chain based in Boston, and their IVR had the recording as wooster for the Worcester store. I found it amusing that even locals get it wrong sometimes.

But there are some dodgy pronunciations of British places. It's about as bad as some of the Native American names. In Washington state, you have names like Sequim, that is pronounced 'squim'.

There's a whole lot of other New England names that are like that. (Like Peabody, MA, for one.) I also blame too much booze for those.

 

[gunhilltrain]

My wife only wears undies one week a month. Her skirts aren't generally that short though.

I've had women in stories do that for a few hours just to feel what it's like.

 

[Djmac1031]

Unless they are Nazis. Then all bets are off.

https://www.facinghistory.org/sites...er_6_Medium_res.webp?h=193b5c49&itok=Gqgtyx4b

You can absolutely tell a story about Nazi's.

Raiders Of The Lost Ark is one of the greatest stories to feature Nazis of all time.

Now, if you're portraying Nazis in a positive light and trying to tell me they were right, that's a whole different story.