I was searching, and now I've found it, and I'm a little scared...

[CarolineOh]

I hardly know how to put it except that... when he said he'd try.. he was lying. We haven't tried anything.. I've asked a few times, I've suggested things, I've tried to do some things that I find submissive (asking if I could suck his cock, rather than just doing it), etc. And he just doesn't know how to deal with it. He said he was gonna buy a book and read up on it, and I don't think he's done that, cus there's nothing happening, and he knows it bothers me, but....


*sad*

Aww honey
Maybe he's afraid that he won't be any good at it, or that he will screw up somehow.
Why don't YOU by a book (I'd recommend Screw the Roses, Give Me The Thorns), keep it by your bedside, and read excerpts from it to him?

 

[WriterDom]

I hardly know how to put it except that... when he said he'd try.. he was lying. We haven't tried anything.. I've asked a few times, I've suggested things, I've tried to do some things that I find submissive (asking if I could suck his cock, rather than just doing it), etc. And he just doesn't know how to deal with it. He said he was gonna buy a book and read up on it, and I don't think he's done that, cus there's nothing happening, and he knows it bothers me, but....


*sad*

And sub-like behavior on your part now is just going to make him uncomfortable. Give him a month or so without hounding him, and bring it up again. If he's still not interested you'll have your answer. Then you'll have to weigh which is more important, the relationship, or exploring your submissiveness.

 

[MotorCitySam]

I hardly know how to put it except that... when he said he'd try.. he was lying. We haven't tried anything.. I've asked a few times, I've suggested things, I've tried to do some things that I find submissive (asking if I could suck his cock, rather than just doing it), etc. And he just doesn't know how to deal with it. He said he was gonna buy a book and read up on it, and I don't think he's done that, cus there's nothing happening, and he knows it bothers me, but....


*sad*

It took a long time for Caroline to get the message through my thick skull. Keep trying if it is important to you. Sometimes a man will want to try new things but have a hard time saying so because he thinks that is admitting he wasnt doing everything right before.
I hope you get what you want. Caroline tells me you are a very special person.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Take it out of the bedroom

I make it a point not to talk about serious D/s issues when in bed or when you might be in the middle of something sexual, or right after D/s playing or scenes.

I agree with Sam, in that many times men (and even women) feel that they are not doing something right when you bring it up at the wrong time. And let's face it, when both of you are vulnerable (read naked), it is not a good time to discuss something heavy like the lack of D/s.

You could discuss it over a nice cosy dinner.

Ebony

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I don't bring it up in the bedroom, because I know that it's a naked, vulnerable area. I've approached it as a mature conversation, with the man I love, my partner in crime. This conversation has happened a couple times.. I don't hound him about it all the time, I just make subtle suggestions now and again (let's face it, we see each other every two weeks, so I don't have the opportunity to HOUND him, and I don't mention it every time I see him).

bah.

 

[PhoenixPrime]

Welcome to the Lifestyle to you both *smiling*:

I would suggest that you both visit CastleReal.com as a source of reference and a good first step.
Talk with total honesty about each of the subjects you find there and do read every one of them even if you don't think you might be interested at this time.
Then sit down and each of you fill out a Lifestyle checklist but not together.
When finished exchange them and fully discuss each item listed, especially those that each has decided are "Hard Limits" and never to be experienced. This is the negotiation stage and a first step, I feel, all should take when entering a new Lifestyle relationship. Oh, and do the Checklist at least quarterly if not more often as things will change rapidly. *lil smile*
Once the Checklist is completed then you are ready to move on to a deeper physical level as each knows the others 'Limits' in re Lifestyle activities.
If you wish, my checklist is 4 typed pages long and I'd be happy to send it to you if you PM an email address or email me at (email addy deleted by cym, forum moderator, because they're not allowed to be posted in the open here - so very sorry) and ask for it.
If I can be of any assistance please don't hesitate to let me know.
PP

 

[JohnOne]

First of all, vixen: Great AV!!!

As far as your concern in this thread, and as a switch myself who is also very easy going, I can identify with both you and your boyfriend. The only real play partner I had was also a switch which made it really nice and easy for us, but I know that when I occasionally meet someone in a chat room who is a sub that I can feel a bit intimidated because it really isn't my nature to be domineering; so it takes some effort on my part. I suspect that he feels the same insecurity and therefore thinks that the whole thing would seem totally unnatural.

For what it's worth, here's a suggestion that I know I would personally love: Instead of trying to get him to be dominating, ease him into it by surprising him by being sexually submissive. For instance: move a dining room table into the middle of your living room while he is gone. When he comes home be completely naked and bent over the end of the table with your arms spread out grasping the opposite end of the table in a sort of spread-eagle position. If you like the idea of him spanking you, you might even have a paddle resting on your bare bottom to give him the hint.

While you are waiting, you might even feel anxiety: "What will he think of me, finding me in this postion when he comes home? "

Let that feeling excite you just as you would feel at being totally submissive with another in control.

If it turns out he likes it, keep doing creative things like that to surprise him with. Also, let him know how much you enjoyed it: tell him exactly how it makes you feel to be so submissive and tell him how it would totally excite you to be "told" to do things of this nature.

Other suggestions might be to serve him a meal on your naked body. Have a woman spank you or make you perform humiliating acts of submission - whatever you are into - and if he wouldn't be against you doing something like that - while he watches. This can also be set up as a surprise. When the two of you are home alone (I don't know if you have kids or not), go about the house naked on your hands and knees, even better, on your elbows so that your naked bottom is prominently displayed.

In other words, try using his penis as leverage to help him get over his reticence. If it turns out that he really gets turned on by these things, and knows that you get turned on by doing them, and would be even more if you were "forced" to do them, it might not seem so unnatural for him to tell you to do something he now knows gets both of you turned on.

And by all means, if you try any of these suggestions with any success, gives us all the juicy details.

 

[bad kitty]

Oh Vixen i knew it!!!! i have downloaded tons of info for you and him both, just message me if ya want me to send it to ya! Rooster and i used it to learn more and it surely has helped...

CONGRATS again, luv ya!

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[twysted73]

I love how supportive and caring you are in here. That's it.....I'm finding a local munch. And if there isn't one (as I woefully suspect) then damnit...nothing's stopping me from starting my own.

And congratulations. Any step taken towards fear with a mind full of hope and wisdom is always the right journey.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Hmmn curious identity morphing .

 

[FungiUg]

Hmmn curious identity morphing .

Huh? Please explain.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I dont get all this soul searching and agonizing people do. Auburn hair and blue eyes is what I am (or was..when I had hair and when it was auburn). Dominant is what I am, too. My girlfriend is 4-8; she does not agonize over her height. So whazzup with all the fretting?

 

[LittleJade]

I was 20 when I posted that.

I was young and confused.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LITTLEJADE

The sentiments you expressed are common.

 

[FungiUg]

I was 20 when I posted that.

I was young and confused.

And now you have a nice bottom that just needs some big red glowing hand prints.