I Need Some Advice....

[subpebbles69]

Hello all....

I am a 22 yr old wife who is extremely interested in submitting to my husband. The problem is that I don't know where to get instruction for him on how to dominate me. I have never submitted to anyone before so I don't know what I really want, but I'm open to a lot.

Where can I find either clubs, actual doms or books so that we can learn the ropes (no pun intended ) of bdsm? I live in southern california if that helps any.

 

[CutieMouse]

Is he interested in having a dominance/submission relationship? Waht sort of D/s relationship are you wanting to have? People who are looking for Taken in Hand/Domestic Discipline types of D/s realtionships might need prefer one sort of advice; those looking for full blown sadomasochistic relationships might prefer another. )

The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book are both good places to find basic information (availoable thorugh Amazon.com or www.greenerypress.com); joining (and participating in) online communities like Lit or collarme.com forums can be a good resource, as well. I'm sure Evil_geoff will wander by soon with links for how to find a local BDSM group/organization.

 

[subpebbles69]

well I'm not sure

Well I am pretty independent in everyday life, but sexually I want to submit to him. I want to try bondage/discipline, and d/s, but only during sex. Does that help any?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Perhaps you could start by finding some stories on Lit which work for you and showing them to him if he is into reading. Ity is a gentler way of introducing the idea wthen pointing him tpward a club or book which instructs him how to do it for you. If what works for you in the story sparks something in him, there is not only a beginning of recognition, but also a point to begin discussing what your thoughts are on it, and what he feels about it...then moving on hopefully to limits, where it begins and ends etc., and some exploration together.

It all depends on the person but for me if I was being introduced to the idea by a partner, I would not like to share that experience with others as I see it initially as a very intimate part of your lives and not something all are comfortable with sharing in a public space like you would a social drink or dinner. Meeting others later can be an option, but is not a necessity in any way IMHO.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/222/508336074_d2d9857f90_t.jpg Catalina

 

[KuriousTina]

I'm definitely all for finding stories on Lit to decide what you do or don't like - or would just like to fantasize about. As you want to be dominated, maybe your partner could look some up as well?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... I'm sure Evil_geoff will wander by soon with links for how to find a local BDSM group/organization.

Ask, and it shall be given.
Seek, and ye shall find!

To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:
SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html
Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/
The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

Welcome aboard!

 

[likemags]

i would like ti suggest that you show him some rough sex videos and tell him this is what you desire... and then see the change in him

 

[Sir_Winston54]

i would like ti suggest that you show him some rough sex videos and tell him this is what you desire... and then see the change in him

Out of the blue rough sex videos + "Do that to me, baby!" very possibly = "WTF are you talking about, you perverted bitch???" and a call to the local mental health facility.

I think first you need to answer CM's question: Is he interested in a D/s relationship, whether it be bedroom or 24/7? If you are 99.44% sure that the answer would be "Hell no!" you're probably going to need to find a different outlet for your desires. If you feel that the answer to that would be "yes," or even "very possibly," then Cat's suggestion of finding a story or some (few) stories in Lit that work for you, and find a reasonably subtle way of getting him to read them. (Something like, "Wow... I'd never thought of that as being sexy, but..." and letting it dangle might well pique his curiosity enough to get him to check them out.)

If he then has more interest in topping you (in whatever role), you'll very likely know it. From that point, it becomes a journey with various waypoints and rest stops with the destination yet unknown. Bon voyage!

 

[myinnerslut]

once you have both established that this is something you want to try, i highly recommend filling out a BDSM checklist so you each have an idea of your likes and dislikes. they are pretty easy to find just by google-ing it

 

[sexycaz22]

Hi

I am glad to have found this thread.

I wanted to ask for some advice.

For a few years now, I have been an Online submissive and while I am fully aware that an Online submissive is not the same as a real life submissive, I have enjoyed submitting to my Online Master(s).

However, currently I do not have any Online Master, but is having a sorta of relationship with one Dom, it is more about chatting about O/our experiences and I was hoping to ask Him for more advice on how to become a real life submissive, but He seemed to have disappeared from the Internet. I think I know the reasons for Him disappearing.

Anyway, back to my enquire!

I am seriously thinking of becoming a real life submissive, and wanting to experience the "hand" of a real life Dom/Master but am not sure how would I go on about it. I am a little scared of taking that step into becoming a real life submissive.

So, I wondered, if any one of you have been an Online submissive and then go on to becoming a real life submissive? Also, if You have been an Online Dom and then go on to becoming a real life Dom?

I would love to hear about Y/your experiences and Y/your advice too.

Caz

 

[liberatedslave]

Hi sexycaz, subpebbles

Subpebbles:

There's a book called "when someone you love is kinky" I forget the author but I'm sure another erudite type will post it for me. It might be a better read if you're not sure how your husband will react to the notion of a sub wife.

Some subs (me included) find it hard to discuss things beyond a shy "Um... yeah... so I'm like... a bit submissive... ya know?" and difficult though it may be your fellah will need specifics if he's going to try anything out with you. You could start the conversation by asking him if he's been wanting to try anything new in the bedroom himself and see where that goes.

Of course if he's really not up for it then he's really not up for it and you should prepare yourself for that and respect his decision if he's adamant.

Sexycaz:

I'm sure your online D/s has given you a fair idea of what you want. If you feel ready to take the plunge you can google for local munches and/or fetish clubs but they can be a bit daunting if you don't have anyone you feel you could take along with you.

Whether you want a relationship or just somebody to start experimenting with you could try posting a personal ad here on Lit in the BDSM section or on other sites like collarme.com

Be aware that most people fantasize online outside their RL comfort zone because online fun is a safe outlet. You may find that although the idea of a lot of things turns you on, you're not quite ready to put them all into practice yet. Listen to your instincts and take sensible precautions if you do hook up with someone you met online.

 

[sexycaz22]

Sexycaz:

I'm sure your online D/s has given you a fair idea of what you want. If you feel ready to take the plunge you can google for local munches and/or fetish clubs but they can be a bit daunting if you don't have anyone you feel you could take along with you.

Whether you want a relationship or just somebody to start experimenting with you could try posting a personal ad here on Lit in the BDSM section or on other sites like collarme.com

Be aware that most people fantasize online outside their RL comfort zone because online fun is a safe outlet. You may find that although the idea of a lot of things turns you on, you're not quite ready to put them all into practice yet. Listen to your instincts and take sensible precautions if you do hook up with someone you met online.

*smiles*

Thank you for your advice, liberatedslave.

I have already joined up on CollarMe and I look forward to exchanging some messages with some of the Doms who have sent me some messages. And hopefully, I will find the right Dom to build a meaningful online D/s relationship.

I have been thinking quite a lot about taking that plunge and step into the reality of the BDSM world and after reading on the BDSM Talk boards, and there are quite a few people who have gave advice to some other people.

I have made a decision and I WILL not be taking the plunge into the reality of the BDSM world for a while, for a number of reasons and instead to pursue a meaningful online D/s relationship if I can.

But, one day in the future, maybe in a few months or in a year, I will be taking the big step and explore beyonds my online experiences and to experience the BDSM world for real. And I am really looking forward to that big moment if that does happen. *smiles*

So, people, even if you were not aware, thank Y/you A/all for all Y/your advice and kind words.

Caz

 

[subwannabe]

This whole area would scare me. I just can't comprehend why someone would just want to be dominated by some stranger who is not interested in any kind of real relationship, other than sexual domination. I know my advice sucks but if it were me, I would try to find a real life marriage like partner who would be interested in domination. I would just go through several dates until I eventually found someone I think would make me happy in all aspects of life. Everything else just seems too dangerous for me. I would also be worried what would happen if the right person came along and I was already in a sub/dom relationship just for sexual purposes only.

 

[liberatedslave]

This whole area would scare me. I just can't comprehend why someone would just want to be dominated by some stranger who is not interested in any kind of real relationship, other than sexual domination. I know my advice sucks but if it were me, I would try to find a real life marriage like partner who would be interested in domination. I would just go through several dates until I eventually found someone I think would make me happy in all aspects of life. Everything else just seems too dangerous for me. I would also be worried what would happen if the right person came along and I was already in a sub/dom relationship just for sexual purposes only.

Believe me I've tried that but ending a date with lines like, "I had a wonderful time tonight darling. Would you care to come up for coffee and then flog me while you fuck my ass?"

Basically I've come to the decision that it's not fair to go on dates with men and then (maybe not on the first date but soon enough not to feel deceitful) open pandora's box & see how they react. My Sir I met here on Lit and while it was daunting and I did need to take sensible precautions before I met him it was such a relief to be spending an evening with someone who knows what I really want from a relationship.

Personally I don't want someone who's just prepared to dabble in kink solely because they know how much I enjoy it. Dominating somebody as the basis for a relationship rather than the spice thrown in is a big undertaking. I felt much better getting to know my Sir with that out in the open, knowing that he wanted and needed his dominance just as much as I wanted to submit.

I have never been in a D/s relationship purely for sex because I'm not that kind of person and for me it runs much deeper than just sex. My Sir does make me happy in all aspects of life and I'm thankful every day that I had the confidence to look for a Dom somewhere I had a cat in hell's chance of finding one.

Yes, people can lie on the net. Yes, there are psychos and nutcases out there but it is possible to screen people and to get to know them gradually in a way that isn't always possible if you meet someone for the first time in RL and are attracted to them.

My Sir and I are more committed to each other than many nilla couples I know because D/s is such a strong bond of trust and respect. I consider that I have found a partner who complements me on so many levels who I simply would never have encountered in RL. People who just want to bottom occasionally might find it easier to meet a nilla guy and try to win him round to the idea but I think it's unfair to develop feelings for a guy and then announce that you want him to take charge of the relationship.

I'm sorry I've ranted a bit but I object to the notion that kinksters only post profiles and contact each other to get string-free kicks. I would never allow a stranger to dominate me. I simply wouldn't trust him. Some people like to go to clubs and play but that's very closely monitored and most of the people there are experienced.

JMO

 

[SubKekiLee]

I have a question

I have a question.. not sure if this is the right thread to put it in.. but heck here goes...

I am very turned on by giving oral sex and I want to finish the job... but I get this mental block that wont allow me to finish and swallow... How do you get over that? I was in a very wonderful spot on saturday handcuffed and my dom giving it to me in the mouth but I chickend out and I want to be able to not chicken out in the future if I ever get back with him or with my S/O or another dom should I take any chances... Thanks

 

[justturnedlegal]

This post has been removed at writer's request.