tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Posts
- 1,358
I remember when I first found BDSM. Lit was my haven of learning, there's so much to learn from the Library sticky and the people here. Growing up we are taught that it's wrong to like to hurt people, to like to be hurt, to like to control, be controlled ect. Basically everything BDSM/fetish, we are told it is deviant, and that deviant is bad. We are taught by the media the Lifestylers and fetishists are violent leather-clad wierd-os that walk one another around on leashes and carry whips. I worry sometimes that this image is what disuades people with Lifestyle/fetish inclinations from seeking out education, community or even from accepting their feelings. Somtimes I wonder if people like the BTK would have benefitted from the education that the BDSM community teaches, the SSC philosophy, proper method and all. Would, if society were more acceptable and condoning of our actions, people who go to the extremes and end up seriously hurting people be better people if they weren't imposed with the societal guilt for being into BDSM? I realize that some people just have an offly tweaked wire in their head and find killing people to be sexually stimulating, but would we be able to help them harness that energy and help them be sane if we could be more open. I doubt you would ever see a self-help seminar labled: Accepting the Deviant in You, atleast, not one that is publicly advertised. There might be within our own groups, but if someone feels guilty about searching out a group they might never hear about it, thus they would lose out on the benefits of such a seminar.
I've learned there's nothing wrong with what I feel, with my kinks, they are what make me me. I've learned that even though there are kinks that I don't find attractive, they may be a really vital part of sexuality/sensuality for someone else. I've also learned that not everybody has kinks/fetishes. For some people
Kinky people are Ok, Vanilla people are Ok
Dominance is everywhere in society. It is in our jobs, our organizations, our relationships no matter how vanilla. Sometimes people submit, not because they are submissive, not because they get off on it, but because it brings home the bacon or keeps our loved one happy, sometimes just plain out of respect. Human beings are pack animals and in every pack there is at least one Alpha. In our society we try to break up the power of one alpha by giving the power to a group of people and they become our CEO's, our Government, our Generals, ect. In relationships I think many of them that end up not working may be because it is a relationship of two dominant or two submissive people. I had a relationship that was nothing but a power struggle we both were trying to be on top. We both had dominant tendencies and neither of us would submit to the other. I've seen my sister, who is more submissive, got through dozens of relationships with other submissive men. Perhapse this trend is present in more then just small scale relationships. Maybe because people feel they can't be honest with themselves about being more Dom or sub, they can't be openly honest with their SO, and we all know how important honesty is to a relationship. I'm not saying everyone has to be in a D/s relationship. I've got VERY vanilla couple as friends. He is definitely a Dom personality. He is the head of his household and she better know her place. She is very submissive, almost to the point that I would say she feels as a slave in her mind. She needs to be his slave to be happy. The only thing he does is goes to work. She cooks, she cleans, she raises the baby, she packs for him when he goes on trips, she makes the bed the way he likes it, cooks only the food he likes. Their relationship works very well for them, but they would be horrified if I were to point out that they are in a Master/slave relationship because that type of relationship is wrong.
Just because Dominance and submission is part of our everyday lives as we are as a human pack doesn't mean everyone agrees with it. I was told once by someone that I was wrong for comparing humans to animals because "God made me better than animals, I am not anything like an animal" ect. We don't form into packs like other group animals do (ie wolves, lions, horses). Forget that in school it's all about who you hang out with that determines your social status. In work it's who you know that can determine your success. Granted hard work can get you to the top, knowing whos ass to kiss and kissing it will get you there faster.
S&M is a little more difficult, I think for people to accept because we may not see it in society. We may not see the kid sitting in his room running "The" knife accross his skin because the pain feels good. We may not see the guy jerking off with his dick under the faucet with the Hot turned all the way on and the cold all the way off because it feels better that way, doesn't mean they aren't there. We can't see the images of a human in the mind of the person who comes into the gym everyday to use the punching bag to imagine they are hitting someone and hearing their yelps of pain in his memory, doens't mean he's not. Society doesn't see the Sadist who learns how to cut another without doing damage so they can do it correctly on their Masochistic sub. Society sees the serial killer who stabs their victim and masturbates while the victim bleeds to death. Society sees the abusive husband who beats his wife because it makes him feel better. Could the O/our Society help them? Maybe not, but sometimes we'll never know, will we?
I've learned there's nothing wrong with what I feel, with my kinks, they are what make me me. I've learned that even though there are kinks that I don't find attractive, they may be a really vital part of sexuality/sensuality for someone else. I've also learned that not everybody has kinks/fetishes. For some people
Kinky people are Ok, Vanilla people are Ok
Dominance is everywhere in society. It is in our jobs, our organizations, our relationships no matter how vanilla. Sometimes people submit, not because they are submissive, not because they get off on it, but because it brings home the bacon or keeps our loved one happy, sometimes just plain out of respect. Human beings are pack animals and in every pack there is at least one Alpha. In our society we try to break up the power of one alpha by giving the power to a group of people and they become our CEO's, our Government, our Generals, ect. In relationships I think many of them that end up not working may be because it is a relationship of two dominant or two submissive people. I had a relationship that was nothing but a power struggle we both were trying to be on top. We both had dominant tendencies and neither of us would submit to the other. I've seen my sister, who is more submissive, got through dozens of relationships with other submissive men. Perhapse this trend is present in more then just small scale relationships. Maybe because people feel they can't be honest with themselves about being more Dom or sub, they can't be openly honest with their SO, and we all know how important honesty is to a relationship. I'm not saying everyone has to be in a D/s relationship. I've got VERY vanilla couple as friends. He is definitely a Dom personality. He is the head of his household and she better know her place. She is very submissive, almost to the point that I would say she feels as a slave in her mind. She needs to be his slave to be happy. The only thing he does is goes to work. She cooks, she cleans, she raises the baby, she packs for him when he goes on trips, she makes the bed the way he likes it, cooks only the food he likes. Their relationship works very well for them, but they would be horrified if I were to point out that they are in a Master/slave relationship because that type of relationship is wrong.
Just because Dominance and submission is part of our everyday lives as we are as a human pack doesn't mean everyone agrees with it. I was told once by someone that I was wrong for comparing humans to animals because "God made me better than animals, I am not anything like an animal" ect. We don't form into packs like other group animals do (ie wolves, lions, horses). Forget that in school it's all about who you hang out with that determines your social status. In work it's who you know that can determine your success. Granted hard work can get you to the top, knowing whos ass to kiss and kissing it will get you there faster.
S&M is a little more difficult, I think for people to accept because we may not see it in society. We may not see the kid sitting in his room running "The" knife accross his skin because the pain feels good. We may not see the guy jerking off with his dick under the faucet with the Hot turned all the way on and the cold all the way off because it feels better that way, doesn't mean they aren't there. We can't see the images of a human in the mind of the person who comes into the gym everyday to use the punching bag to imagine they are hitting someone and hearing their yelps of pain in his memory, doens't mean he's not. Society doesn't see the Sadist who learns how to cut another without doing damage so they can do it correctly on their Masochistic sub. Society sees the serial killer who stabs their victim and masturbates while the victim bleeds to death. Society sees the abusive husband who beats his wife because it makes him feel better. Could the O/our Society help them? Maybe not, but sometimes we'll never know, will we?
