I have.........

[Handley_Page]

I have a fly in my cocktail. Damn it.

"Waiter, what's this fly doin' in my drink ?"
"Looks like the backstroke, Madam".

I have an appointment with some cleaning materials for my 'van.

 

[Aynmair]

I have eaten a nice simple meal of barbecued pork chops and salad, and shared some red wine with friends.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I have just lost my job. Buy more cars you buggers! Or at least find some bloody faults with them that don't endanger your life

Thanks for mentioning your lack of impossible flexibility, Naoko. It gave me the jolly good chuckle I needed to perk me up. The houdstooth will look great. Good luck with your interview.

Oh FdP, I am really sorry to hear that!

My job interview today will be beastly, if that consoles you. It's with these people who refused to give me back one of my teaching contracts two or three years ago - it ought to have been a shoe-in for me - and I was so horrible and mean about it that one of them can no longer be allowed to interview me, since allowing a senior manager to stagger around the corridors with his balls stuffed in his mouth is deemed to be bad form.

No no, I have every intention of being good today! I will be wearing a white jacket, and bloodstains will not go with my nail varnish.

 

[Handley_Page]

Oh FdP, I am really sorry to hear that!

My job interview today will be beastly, if that consoles you. It's with these people who refused to give me back one of my teaching contracts two or three years ago - it ought to have been a shoe-in for me - and I was so horrible and mean about it that one of them can no longer be allowed to interview me, since allowing a senior manager to stagger around the corridors with his balls stuffed in his mouth is deemed to be bad form.

No no, I have every intention of being good today! I will be wearing a white jacket, and bloodstains will not go with my nail varnish.

No bloodstains ?
Oh what a shame.

Good Luck, Duchess.

 

[drteetho]

Oh FdP, I am really sorry to hear that!

My job interview today will be beastly, if that consoles you. It's with these people who refused to give me back one of my teaching contracts two or three years ago - it ought to have been a shoe-in for me - and I was so horrible and mean about it that one of them can no longer be allowed to interview me, since allowing a senior manager to stagger around the corridors with his balls stuffed in his mouth is deemed to be bad form.

No no, I have every intention of being good today! I will be wearing a white jacket, and bloodstains will not go with my nail varnish.

I have also had an interview today. I can assure you the people I spoke to were much nicer than those you will have to play nice with.

 

[Handley_Page]

I just found out that some idiot has planned a meet for 7am on Sunday.
I only hope I manage a decent night's kip!

 

[oggbashan]

I now have two sick Volvo Estates, both with new MOTs (Roadworthiness certificates).

One uses coolant like sinking pints of lager, and today the other one refuses to change out of 2nd gear, and it's an automatic so that's an expensive problem.

And I've just booked a hotel outside London for 4 nights. The only way to get there is by car.

 

[Mark_Ilaan]

I have a separated shoulder. (Don't tell Molly)

 

[SweetWitch]

I have a separated shoulder. (Don't tell Molly)

I already know, you twit. Your sister called me. What the hell were you doing on that roof?

 

[Mark_Ilaan]

I already know, you twit. Your sister called me. What the hell were you doing on that roof?

You're supposed to start with "I have . . ."

I have a lot of repair work up there to do.

 

[SweetWitch]

You're supposed to start with "I have . . ."

I have a lot of repair work up there to do.

I have . . . a place where you can bite me.

 

[Mark_Ilaan]

I have . . . a place where you can bite me.

I have need of a cold shower.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I have fluffed my interview so now I don't know if I will get the contracts. I mean, it doesn't matter because they already decided whether they will give the contracts before the interviews, but I might have crapped up so badly I even persuaded them not to give me one they meant to give me .

I have a kitchen full of dirty dishes and food I bought which I was too stressed to remember to put in the fridge when I got home last night.
Piglet has to be in school early today, for an Ecological Trip to Stuff Your Face with government members looking for photo opportunities.
I have two loads of washing to hang.
I have had even less sleep than usual.
I have to pack to go away for the weekend with these lousy managers who may have decided not to give me my extra contract, and they have filled the programme with silly workshops so I don't even know if I will be able to sneak off to the spa.
And I have to have a glass of wine with my Line Manageress. It's sure to be all mediocre Chardonnay and nondescript red in this hotel, although there might be a good whisky but if I drink whisky I will look like I am a fast woman, which I am but I would rather my line managers didn't realise quite how fast.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I have put squishy jam doughnuts in the packed lunches

 

[Handley_Page]

I have a need for some of that silicone stuff to clean the black bits on a car, even tho' it's the 'van.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I have a need for some of that silicone stuff to clean the black bits on a car, even tho' it's the 'van.

I have to go to the car parts shop and get that grille sorted over the headlight so I will pick some up for you if you still need it when I finally get to go.

 

[Handley_Page]

I have to go to the car parts shop and get that grille sorted over the headlight so I will pick some up for you if you still need it when I finally get to go.

Thank you, but a trip to Halfords caused the discovery of two facts.
Glim is damned good but bloody expensive, and
Simoniz is both expensive & crap.

 

[Hypoxia]

I have a ThinkPad in my lap, a pizza in the oven, and a post-orgasmic glow.

 

[oggbashan]

I have borrowed a people-carrier while one of my Volvos is fixed. It is a manual (stick shift). I haven't driven a manual car more than a few miles for 10 years, but I have 40 years experience of driving manual gearboxes so it shouldn't be a problem - I hope.

It won't move this weekend, because if I drive it away someone will take that parking space in less than a minute. That is one of the disadvantages of living by the beach, particularly on a sunny weekend.

I can park three cars off the road, but my wife's car has one of them, and we tend to leave the other two for visitors - otherwise they can't park anywhere near us. It is surprising how many visitors drop in for a short visit on sunny weekends, and leave their car at our house off road while their children go to the beach.

 

[NaokoSmith]

I have not gone to the away weekend. I have not told my line managers I was not going so they will be wondering if I might turn up and castrate one of them with blunt hotel knives on the conference table.

I have decided castrating ... I mean sorting them out is work and should be put aside till Monday.

I have taken Piglet to music and had a nice coffee in the cafe there.
I have been out for a walk in cool woodlands with my family and Swiss Army wife and her boys.
I have been to the pub with them all and have had a nice pint.
I have enjoyed watching a football match.
I have come on here and enjoyed a little light posting with friends.

 

[Handley_Page]

And here's a little [extra] light posting for you.

 

[Sammael Bard]

I have just trolled someone for the first time on the lit forum and I'm not really proud of it.

(Come on, people, it's JAMESBJOHNSON we're talking about. I just couldn't help but poke at him)

 

[Handley_Page]

I have had a Very Tiring Day.

 

[Mark_Ilaan]

I have a quiche made from fresh farm eggs, prepared by SweetWitch's own two hands.

I have great admiration of the sundress she wore when she delivered it.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

I have.....a brand new drink to lust over for the summer.

https://static.squarespace.com/static/52536652e4b007332ef4ecf4/52dec946e4b0ca499f87bce7/52dec95fe4b0ca499f885e78/1357454833907/1000w/1_5_12_%20pavan_4.jpg

It's like sex, but goes well with gin, vodka and sliced fruits!