I feel SO damn sad...
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I'm sorry to hear that - you are such a delightful person!
What can I do to help?
What can I do to help?
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sheath said:Maybe I can go read your stories about anal. That always helps!
S.
See? See how nice you are?
You just made ME smile!!!
Here's a joke that made me laugh!
Red Lights
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light".
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know you went three red lights in a row...you could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh shit, am I driving?"
daiseelady
Not who I once was.
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sweetsubsarahh said:
LMAO... Thanks... I needed that, too!!!
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sheath said:Oh, gawd!
That one actually made me laugh out loud! I didn't think it was possible. You ARE amazing, aren't you?
S.
And now I'm blushing - honestly, I'm so glad to have met you on Lit! We certainly share the same interests - lol!
Here is a thread from earlier that still has me chuckling - called Frimost the Brave. Funny as hell!!!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=159071
Zmey
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hmmm suuuurreee...sheath said:WOW! That is one of my favorite ones!
Wanna read to me?
S.
It was his voice, before I saw him that made me shiver. Deep and smooth and soft, I felt it more than heard it. "Are you waiting for me?" I turned and looked into his eyes, pale blue and choked on my words. I was just ordering coffee. I was confused but he put his hand on my face and kissed me. I was lost, dazed, didn't know what to do but I kissed him back, his mouth had mine and I couldn't move. He pulled me to him and held me. I would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't. He broke the kiss and said, "I'm so glad to finally meet you, Cassandra." My name is Joyce. I tried to speak, but the words didn't come. He kissed me again, softly, and said come with me.
My friend was staring at me, he mouth agape. I looked at her, helpless as he took my hand and led me out of the restaurant. The heat and humidity outside hit me and I was still breathless, silent as he opened the door of a huge brown truck, he put his hand on my ass and half boosted me into it. I tried to gather my composure while he walked around the truck and when he came in I said, "I'm sorry but . . ." but he kissed me again and said, "Are you afraid?"
"No, but. . ."
"Then lets go."
"Ok."
I had been to a job interview that morning, so I was all made up and wearing a snug little skirt and a silk blouse. He was in a cream colored sport jacket, khaki pants, with a pale yellow shirt, no tie. He drove in silence. I didn't know what to do or say so I sat watching him. He was so handsome, slim, with strong looking hands, a tan and waves of brown hair. The truck was old, but immaculate, there was a big red toolbox and some lumber in the back. He played soft jazz on the stereo and headed out of town on the freeway, driving fast but so casual, he seemed to simply guide the big truck, one hand on the wheel, past traffic like he controlled the whole road.
He turned off the highway and kept driving down a country road, them pasta huge stone gatepost and up a cobblestone driveway to a small brick house. There was a barn off to one side and some horses grazing behind a rail fence. He stopped the truck and undid my seatbelt, then he touched my leg and took a little wooden box from his inside pocket. "This is for you." I took the box, started to say something, I wanted to explain but he opened it and inside was a little gold pendant, chess piece, a knight. I recognized it. I saw it in a store that morning, said to my friend how beautiful it was.
"I was watching you, I hope you don't mind."
"Um, no, but . . ." He kissed me. I felt drunk and just let him go on kissing me. He touched my breast, just stroked his hand across my breast as he took my face into his hands. I felt myself becoming so aroused.
"Come with me," he said, "everything is ready for us."
He got out of the truck and walked to the porch. I followed, taking in the scent of magnolia blossoms from the great tree that shaded the house, and noticed an old man, in work clothes, standing by the railing. He spoke with an accent, European, but I couldn't place it. "Mr. Otting was here about the collection." He said, "He left this for you." And offered my stranger a large manila envelope. My stranger took it and replied in a foreign language, the old man nodded and walked off to the barn. We stepped into a small room, cool and dimly lit, with very old-fashioned furniture, paneled walls and African masks and spears along the walls. There was a stairway with a heavy ballistrade to one side and I followed him up it.
I wanted to explain to him that I wasn't who he thought, that I didn't know who he was but at the same time I wanted the moment to last, wanted to see what would happen next. I decided to go through with whatever was expected of me.
The room he took me to was bright and cool, empty except for a large four poster bed and sunlight flooded the room through sheer curtains over a great expanse of stained glass, the coloured light giving the whole room a warm glow. He stepped towards me and started unbuttoning my blouse, looking right into my eyes. I felt my nipples stiffening. I let him unzip my skirt and it fell to the floor. I started to panic, I wanted to run but he lifted me easily and I found myself suddenly face down on the bed, he was behind me, holding me there by the hair with one hand while the other took off my shoes and unhooked my bra. I felt hi hand go under the back of my panties, he parted my thighs with his knees and pressed his fingers into me. I was wet. Then he took my wrists and held them at the small of my back. I heard a click and was handcuffed. He rolled me over.
I started to say something, I was frightened now but he put his finger on my lips, opened my mouth and touched my tongue, I let him put his finger into my mouth and sucked on it. I was in his control, and he knew it. He stood up and took off his jacket and shirt. He was so lean and muscular, like a swimmer, and I could see his proud erection bulging in his pants. He undid his belt and took off his pants and underwear quickly, then stood there naked, erect. I was staring at his large curved cock, the head swollen and tight, veins running down the sides, the soft underside exposed. He pulled down my panties and laid them on the floor. His face lowered down between my legs and he licked softly over my lips, I moaned and opened my legs to him, he licked my lips and clit insistently, I knew I would come soon. I was panting already. What he did next shocked me: he slipped a finger inside me, then withdrew it and pushed it right into my ass, all the way in one quick motion.
I gasped and he looked up at me, smiling, then went back down on my clit with a vengeance as he probed and twisted his finger in my ass. I came hard and screamed uncontrollably, writhing on the bed. When my orgasm subsided he knelt between my legs and took out a condom. I watched him roll it over his beautiful cock and then he asked " Are you ready?" I nodded and he lifted my legs over his shoulders. Then he placed the head of his cock against my asshole. My eyes flew open, but I was so wet that when he pushed it went in past the head. "No!" I screamed, but he just stayed there. It didn't hurt, really, it was a shock and I was afraid, but he was cooing and stroking my breasts, "relax dear," he was saying, "just relax."
Then he started moving in my ass. The feeling was incredible. I was opening to him and soon he was all the way in. I started pushing back and he was fucking me steadily, I watched his face redden and beads of sweat form on his forehead as he arched his back and came in me.
He collapsed on me, kissing my face and neck, saying "Oh Cassandra that was wonderful, thank you, you are wonderful."
I finally looked into his eyes and said "But I'm not Cassandra."
He looked confused. "I wanted to tell you before but you just swept me away, I'm sorry."
"I don't understand. . ."
I explained how I was just ordering coffee when he came and kissed me, how I was shocked and confused but how I lost myself in the moment and he listened, then said he was supposed to meet a woman he had met online, she was to be at the café in a skirt and blouse like mine, how they had been planning this date, and that I fit her description so well. He undid the cuffs and then asked. "Did you enjoy yourself?" I nodded and then he kissed me and said "Let's do it again then."
daiseelady
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Zmey said:
Yowza!!!
Xstatic
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sweetsubsarahh said:
I have to agree with the thread - watching someone make a total IDIOT of himself like that is the most fun I've had in days! I only wish I had the wit (& the typing speed) to contribute more than I did
Sheath - I can understand the feeling - I've felt that way more than once myself. If I could reach through the monitor and who-knows-how-many-thousand kilometers of cable...
*huggggsssss* Sarah - LOVE the joke... AND your stories
Zmey
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I don't even consider it as fetish ... it's like normal sex to me ... my favorite is when I can butt fuck a girl with a toy and lick her cunt in a same time ......sheath said:Hmmmm....
This is turning into the 'anal story' thread.
And THAT makes me smile!
Is my fetish really that obvious?????? LOL
S.
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Xstatic said:I have to agree with the thread - watching someone make a total IDIOT of himself like that is the most fun I've had in days! I only wish I had the wit (& the typing speed) to contribute more than I did
Sheath - I can understand the feeling - I've felt that way more than once myself. If I could reach through the monitor and who-knows-how-many-thousand kilometers of cable...
Sarah - LOVE the joke... AND your stories
Sheath needs a big hug, and perhaps some serious anal sex - but that's just a thought!
Xstatic - thank you! Isn't that Frimost thread funny as hell?
And I stole the joke from Hun's Yellow Pages!
(and - I am always excited when people like my stories!)
daiseelady
Not who I once was.
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Zmey said:You will have to forgive me ... I'm a little drunk ... but that does not make me any less horny
Drunk and horny is not always a bad thing... LOL
sweetsubsarahh said:Sheath needs a big hug, and perhaps some serious anal sex - but that's just a thought!
Xstatic - thank you! Isn't that Frimost thread funny as hell?
And I stole the joke from Hun's Yellow Pages!
(and - I am always excited when people like my stories!)
BIG hug while getting serious anal...
THAT sounds good!
S.
