I feel like arguing a start.

[Euphony]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.​

10 bajillion swipe lefts suggest you're wrong.

Mother died today. Or maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure.​

Well, WHICH is it for Chrissakes?!! More importantly, did she ever ride on your lap? Bypass the BS and get to why we are here. 0 stars!

Call me Ishmael.​

Amateur

Fucking

Hour.

-anonymous

 

[Melon_Morph]

what

 

[Areala-chan]

In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit.

Is this about gophers? It's about bloody gophers, innit? Sod off, ya dotty ol' git!

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.
Bitch, if I wanted to know about normal people, I'd not be opening up your story now, would I? Next!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
Right. Look, mate, Imma need you to get yer arse out the gutter, admit you're off your head, and go home to sleep it off.

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.
I've no interest in any of that at all, thank you very much, please don't come round again, yeah?

There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.

Are you bloody serious? You literally just say, "Excuse me, Imma take a walk right quick," and then (and here's the key) go take a walk. This ain't Heathrow, you don't gotta announce your departure, just bloody go!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.​

10 bajillion swipe lefts suggest you're wrong.

Mother died today. Or maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure.​

Well, WHICH is it for Chrissakes?!! More importantly, did she ever ride on your lap? Bypass the BS and get to why we are here. 0 stars!

Call me Ishmael.​

Amateur

Fucking

Hour.

-anonymous

Well, hello there Euphony, long time no see. The prolonged absence hasn't made your posts easier to understand, it seems

 

[onehitwanda]

Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough, and looked don't-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.

what a cuck weak beta boy probably rim's guys while tehyre showing his wife what 12 inches is like in her ass 1 star only becas i cant give 0 fuck this stupid ass guy and his cuck prison

- Anonymous, probably

 

[Euphony]

Well, hello there Euphony, long time no see. The prolonged absence hasn't made your posts easier to understand, it seems

I reserve "understandable" for my subscription tier.

 

[Euphony]

This ain't Heathrow, you don't gotta announce your departure, just bloody go!

Exceptional. Truly exceptional.

 

[TheLobster]

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

 

[Euphony]

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

All children, except one, grow up.

 

[AchtungNight]

"Scarlett Johansson had a problem."

Who the fuck cares? She has millions of dollars, tons of fame, a talented husband with an awesome sense of humor, lots of friends, lots of fans...

Oh wait, it's 2006 and she's still working on achieving all the above. On top of that, her problem is lust for Keira Knightley and Rachel McAdams and fear of whether indulging in it will compromise her vanity. But of course it won't because this is an alternate reality where erotic stuff is cool when indulged in for the right people by the right reasons...

Pass the popcorn and tissues, folks. Let's read about these beautiful women getting over their angst!

https://www.literotica.com/s/fear-lust-and-vanity

Yes, I did this for one of my own stories. Anyone else want to follow up?

 

[Euphony]

“All happy families are alike;​

​

Yes. Tab A into Slot B.

​

each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”​

It's the small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. A shaft leads directly to the reactor system.

-Litcest fans

 

[THBGato]

You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. Relax. Concentrate. Dispel every other thought. Let the world around you fade. Best to close the door; the TV is always on in the next room. Tell the others right away, "No, I don't want to watch TV!" Raise your voice--they won't hear you otherwise--"I'm reading! I don't want to be disturbed!" Maybe they haven't heard you, with all that racket; speak louder, yell: "I'm beginning to read Italo Calvino's new novel!" Or if you prefer, don't say anything; just hope they'll leave you alone.

Dude, I'm just trying to find a quiet corner for a wank, shut up already.

 

[Euphony]

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man.

We've been waiting for you!

-Loving Wives

 

[Euphony]

Under certain circumstances there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.

huh·taa·chee

You're welcome.

 

[AlexBailey]

"Scarlett Johansson had a problem."

Who the fuck cares? She has millions of dollars, tons of fame, a talented husband with an awesome sense of humor, lots of friends, lots of fans...

Oh wait, it's 2006 and she's still working on achieving all the above. On top of that, her problem is lust for Keira Knightley and Rachel McAdams and fear of whether indulging in it will compromise her vanity. But of course it won't because this is an alternate reality where erotic stuff is cool when indulged in for the right people by the right reasons...

Pass the popcorn and tissues, folks. Let's read about these beautiful women getting over their angst!

https://www.literotica.com/s/fear-lust-and-vanity

Yes, I did this for one of my own stories. Anyone else want to follow up?

WTF! It’s so much easier for girls to be seen as hot sex symbols. Why? Is it objective and intrinsic gender dimorphism? I think it’s just more cultural bullshit.

If you doubt this just consider:

Does anyone know the name of Scarlet Johannson’s twin brother?

 

[WrongFrog]

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror

And the rest of us wish you'd tripped over your own clumsy feet head first into the toilet, thereby saving us from six books that absolutely fucked up our entire culture for over a decade and we're still fighting the stigma from.

-BDSM lifestyles and writers

 

[SimonDoom]

I'll argue a start. You started this thread with your foot across the line. An unfair advantage. I call foul.

 

[SimonDoom]

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Oh, Jeez. I can see how this is going to go.

 

[StillStunned]

In Styria, we, though by no means magnificent people, inhabit a castle, or schloss.

Probably written by a typesetter, getting paid extra for commas.

 

[Euphony]

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror

And the rest of us wish you'd tripped over your own clumsy feet head first into the toilet, thereby saving us from six books that absolutely fucked up our entire culture for over a decade and we're still fighting the stigma from.

-BDSM lifestyles and writers

 

[AchtungNight]

WTF! It’s so much easier for girls to be seen as hot sex symbols. Why? Is it objective and intrinsic gender dimorphism? I think it’s just more cultural bullshit.

If you doubt this just consider:

Does anyone know the name of Scarlet Johannson’s twin brother?

Hunter.

What? I learned his name while researching his hot sister.

 

[StillStunned]

Who calls their kids Scarlett and Hunter? Whatever happened to Alice and Bob?

 

[Areala-chan]

Whatever happened to Alice and Bob?

Probably got caught fucking in their parents' bed, which is why we don't talk about them anymore.

 

[Areala-chan]

Pass the popcorn and tissues, folks. Let's read about these beautiful women getting over their angst!

Instructions unclear: tissues unnecessary for the consumption of popcorn. Please advise.

 

[AchtungNight]

Who calls their kids Scarlett and Hunter? Whatever happened to Alice and Bob?

The Johanssons, apparently.

Alice got lost in a Wonderland of distractions. She never made it out. I’m not sure what happened to Bob.

Instructions unclear: tissues unnecessary for the consumption of popcorn. Please advise.

The tissues are for cleanup. Popcorn is salty. Also, the story is bound to arouse emotions. And those lead to natural body reactions like arousal and tears. Again, tissues are useful for cleanup.

And hey, they also make cheap advertising platforms. Learned that in Asia.