I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

[JazzManJim]

I have been called a good person and a nice man. I don't see myself as either. I see the flaws and failings which none of you can possibly see from where you sit and few ever see even close up. The complements I receive from time to time truly baffle me when I think about them because I don't see myself as any of the things I'm said to be or to reflect.

But I don't define myself by what I do well or poorly nor by what I believe I am or am not. I define myself by the quality of the people who call me a friend. I do not make friends easily and I've only recently learned what it takes to hold a friendship and make it prosper. I'm lucky in that in my time on this planet I've managed to find more than my share of intelligent, funny, talented, and above all, good people who consider me their friend. My friends constantly surprise me with their strength of character and kindness.

Yeah, this is more than a tad bit mushy, but it's part of a conversation I had this weekend about self-perception and how we see ourselves compared to how others see us. We all tend to be far tougher on ourselves than anyone else can possibly be. Some delude themselves by thinking that they are greater than they are. No one's self-perception is accurate.

I think that perhaps judging yourself by the quality and character of your friends might just be a good way of finding your own quality. I find that it is for me.

 

[jass1960]

still a ...

...dumbass!!!!

it's compliments not complements

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: still a ...

...dumbass!!!!

it's compliments not complements

And?

 

[jass1960]

Re: Re: still a ...

And?

...you want more... but JMJ I am too shallow to actually put any thought into a reply... though you knew that

 

[Guest]

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Jim I do not know of you very well

but from cross postings I enjoy what you write. I would be honored if we could become friends. Merry Christmas sweetie.

that is if the whole sub bitch boy Hans thing did not scare you.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Lancecastor]

I have been called a good person and a nice man. I don't see myself as either. I see the flaws and failings which none of you can possibly see from where you sit and few ever see even close up. The complements I receive from time to time truly baffle me when I think about them because I don't see myself as any of the things I'm said to be or to reflect.

But I don't define myself by what I do well or poorly nor by what I believe I am or am not. I define myself by the quality of the people who call me a friend. I do not make friends easily and I've only recently learned what it takes to hold a friendship and make it prosper. I'm lucky in that in my time on this planet I've managed to find more than my share of intelligent, funny, talented, and above all, good people who consider me their friend. My friends constantly surprise me with their strength of character and kindness.

Yeah, this is more than a tad bit mushy, but it's part of a conversation I had this weekend about self-perception and how we see ourselves compared to how others see us. We all tend to be far tougher on ourselves than anyone else can possibly be. Some delude themselves by thinking that they are greater than they are. No one's self-perception is accurate.

I think that perhaps judging yourself by the quality and character of your friends might just be a good way of finding your own quality. I find that it is for me.

Jim;

I disagree with the fundamentals of your thread starting post.

Simply put, I think judging yourself on the basis of what other people think of you is a fool's game and is evidence of a lack of backbone.

Good friends of strong character are references and testaments, not components.

JMHO

Lance

 

[Gord]

But what do you consider a friend - ?

I do not consider a friend an anonymous cyber pal whom I know nothing about except a sig line and an AV that is certainly nice to look at , but not them

Friends to me are real people who I have met , who I can visit , share a glass, play some sport , laugh with ,have a chat , who can rely on me and me on them.

Nurture your real friends because they know you. There is a lot of rubbish put out on these boards and I am sure you would never actually begin to believe your press here ( good and bad ) !!

 

[glorfindale39]

A man is not great because of he believes he is great, he is great because of the number of people his life has touched in a positve way. Many of us live lives that give very little back to our communities, on a local or larger scale, and yet we wonder why we feel unfufilled. It is true that the quality of our friends can speak well of our character, but even more so, the way we treat and interact with strangers does.

Jim I have heard a great many wonderful things about you from others on this board, and have enjoyed your posts. It seems they recognize your quality, ask yourself why you have a hard time recognizing it yourself?


G.

 

[Guest]

Merry Christmas from a friend.

 

[penguindance]

 

[morninggirl5]

I have been called a good person and a nice man. I don't see myself as either. I see the flaws and failings which none of you can possibly see from where you sit and few ever see even close up. The complements I receive from time to time truly baffle me when I think about them because I don't see myself as any of the things I'm said to be or to reflect.


I think that perhaps judging yourself by the quality and character of your friends might just be a good way of finding your own quality. I find that it is for me.

True friends generally see us much more accurately than we do. It's amazing to me how accurately my true friends are able to see the things i thought were deeply hidden.

The old adage "birds of a feather flock together" rings true.

 

[Guest]

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

You're nice to people. That's a good thing. People respond the that. Have a great holiday JMJ.

 

[Killswitch]

Re: Re: I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

Good friends of strong character are references and testaments, not components.

That just about sums it up.

But humans define themselves by what their conscience tells them.
There are no psychopaths.
Conscience is real, and unforgiving.
It does not lie, or decieve, like people do.

It is constant....and it is the measuring stick I personally use to define ...myself.

I also think Jim is a decent dude, and I have said that several times before in threads. But you simply can not, and should not, define who you are, what you are, and how good you are, by who is your freind, and who is not.

K.S.

 

[curious2c]

Hmmm...I judge myself by my enemies. heh heh. That said...You are highly thought of around here Jim and that says something in itself. Me, well I prefer to be defined by what I think is important and how I choose to react to certain situations.

Friends are a true reflection of how well you are doing. I hope that I have made some sort of sense here. I know what I mean...hard to say exactly what I am thinking for some reason.

 

[juicylips]

Re: Re: I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

I think you do yourself a slight disservice, Jazzy, cos it's the imperfections in us that make us perfect.

The few people I love... I love them *because* of what they are, not in spite of what they are.

But you're right, our friends reflect the best parts of ourselves

I you.

You are sweetness and perfection personified. I'm so honored to have you as my friend.
jl

 

[zipman]

I have been called a good person and a nice man. I don't see myself as either. I see the flaws and failings which none of you can possibly see from where you sit and few ever see even close up. The complements I receive from time to time truly baffle me when I think about them because I don't see myself as any of the things I'm said to be or to reflect.

But I don't define myself by what I do well or poorly nor by what I believe I am or am not. I define myself by the quality of the people who call me a friend. I do not make friends easily and I've only recently learned what it takes to hold a friendship and make it prosper. I'm lucky in that in my time on this planet I've managed to find more than my share of intelligent, funny, talented, and above all, good people who consider me their friend. My friends constantly surprise me with their strength of character and kindness.

Yeah, this is more than a tad bit mushy, but it's part of a conversation I had this weekend about self-perception and how we see ourselves compared to how others see us. We all tend to be far tougher on ourselves than anyone else can possibly be. Some delude themselves by thinking that they are greater than they are. No one's self-perception is accurate.

I think that perhaps judging yourself by the quality and character of your friends might just be a good way of finding your own quality. I find that it is for me.

I think that people should be judged by their actions. Although I do think that your friends are a reflection or testament of your character, I do not think that they define you as a person.

 

[His_kitty]

I understand where you were coming from in this thread J.



I am always amazed by the quality of people who call me their friend, who give me such unconditional love. Why me, I wonder. Why have they chosen to be my friend? What can I possibly give them in return? For it would never be close to what they give to me.

There must be something there though, because I truly have wonderfull, amazing, kind, sweet friends.

When you are blessed enough to find someone that you get along with, who can end your sentences, who can read your thoughts.. thats someone worth fighting for.

I'm rambling and not coherent. Insomnia is going to kill me one of these days.


J - you're a very special man indeed.

 

[Ladybird]

Jim we barely know each other. I've read your posts, and have recently received a lovely PM from you. I hope that we will get to know each other better as time goes.

I think that like attracts like. What we give.. we receive. If you are a 'good' person, then similar people will be drawn to you, and will form your circle of friends.

I also believe that the most important person to understand and know, is yourself. Look inside, you'll know who and what you are. If you don't like what you see.......... change it. If you do..... then be honest enough to say so.

There's nothing wrong Jim, with knowing that you're a good person. That's not an ego trip, it's a fact. Now look at your friends... your close friends, confidantes. Look closely, and you'll see yourself reflected. Again, you'll know just who and what you are.

Jim, I don't think you'd be in for any surprises. You're an intelligent man. Look inside and see the man that you are... warm, loving, caring, witty and intelligent. How close am I? And I haven't even met you.

Thank you Jim, for bringing a little bit of warmth into my life with your PM.

Sharon

 

[busybody..]

I judge who and what I am

By how I act every day.

With my children

Employess

Community

And most important......how I act towards those that DONT even know I have helped them

I have paid the tuition of several DOZEN parents who couldnt afford the tuition....and they dont even know it.

I have set people up in their own business at my own cost.....and expect nothin in return, not even a thank you.....Because THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IT WAS ME!

My actions and my actions only define who and what I am

What others think of me does not matter

To try to act in accordance with wishes of others is a sign of low self esteem

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

I think that people should be judged by their actions. Although I do think that your friends are a reflection or testament of your character, I do not think that they define you as a person.

I believe in a sense they do.

By their reflection you're able to see how your character appears to the world, which is a very important thing. How my character is perceived is a very important thing to me. It's not enough for me or anyone else to merely have character. We have to display that character in our daily actions or the character just doesn't matter. We live in a world with billions of other people and how we interact with those people is the testament we leave after we are gone.

My friends are important in that regard because it's through them that I view how my character influences the world around me. I evaluate my actions and modify them based on how those around me, and expecially my friend, react.

They are also important because I believe that I have carefully chosen the people I consider my friends. From face-to-face interactions to interactions online, these people are important on me because my voluntary associations belie my character. If I have around me people who are strong of character, that speaks to my own. Honorable, decent, good people do not long associate with those who are not. That they choose to associate themselves with me shows me in another way that I am one of those people as well.

And truly, it's not about knowing myself. It's more about realizing that the view I have of myself from inside myself will never and can never be a complete view. No one's can. I bring biases into my self-evaluation the same as everyone else does. I more trust the view I have of myself in the honest and unflinching mirror of my friends to show me my true measure, good and bad.

 

[sunstruck]

I do not judge myself based on my friends, but I would not object to being judged based on my association with any one of them. I have been blessed in my life with amazing friends. We may be a modestly sized cluster, lol but you can drop us to the four corners and we will still be tighter than blood.

I get what you were going for Jim.

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: Re: I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

I believe in a sense they do.

<snip>
It's not enough for me or anyone else to merely have character. We have to display that character in our daily actions or the character just doesn't matter. We live in a world with billions of other people and how we interact with those people is the testament we leave after we are gone.

<snip>
If I have around me people who are strong of character, that speaks to my own. Honorable, decent, good people do not long associate with those who are not. That they choose to associate themselves with me shows me in another way that I am one of those people as well.

<snip>

Jim,

The first paragraph you wrote is about actions, not just perceptions. The second paragraph is about what it means that you have good friends. That was the point of my post.

In your initial post, you said:

But I don't define myself by what I do well or poorly nor by what I believe I am or am not. I define myself by the quality of the people who call me a friend.

This is different from your opening post where you state it is not about actions but only about your friends being the defining factor of your own worth.

I think the distinction is important.

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I Define Myself by Those who Call Me Friend.

This is different from your opening post where you state it is not about actions but only about your friends being the defining factor of your own worth.

I think the distinction is important.

I do have a couple different thought trains running along the same track. I hope to be able to put them together sometime.

My friends really are the defining factor of my worth. It's their quality that shows me what value my life holds. I think that may make sense only in my own head, though. I'm having a tough time spelling this concept out.

Okay, let me try this. The quality of a human life can only be measured in how they touch the lives around them and the character they build inside themsevles enables them to interact with those people honorably, decently, and truly. If I have people of quality who choose to spend time with me, that shows me that my character is in the right place - that I'm making the sort of impact I feel a person ought to make. Their reactions to me help me modify my behavior which more often than not requires a modification of how I think or react or some other part of my character.

Did that make sense?