I can't make it flow.

[Five_Inch_Heels]

The concept and progression are fine from country kids to perverted city sluts under the guidance of their aunt, but it jumps from scene to scene to repetitive scene without a smooth flow. It's almost like a 10,000 word outline. I'm lost in it and don't know how to fill in the story line to make it seem comfortable for readers rather than a bunch of outtakes.

 

[summer_reine]

Do you have a bullet point outline of each scene? Might help to see potential transitions from one moment to another.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Separate scenes can be fine, if you write it that way deliberately. You might think about having some kind of progression to make it feel like one story, say a character getting more and more comfortable with some situation, or just time passing ("January" ... "June" ... "December" of the year that the story takes place over, for instance).

-Billie

 

[TheRedChamber]

Gerrit done.

(No, seriously write, finish, ask someone else to look at it and confirm that the problem is not just in your hear, then worry about flow.)

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Once of age they move to the city to live with their rich, but mysterious aunt.

She takes them under her wing and teaches them things.

They do those things.

They do those things again.

They go to another room and do those things and a few more things

Other characters come in and they do those things.

Then other characters do those things.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Take the sex out to see if you've got a story. If all you have left is a blank page, there's your answer.

There's anyone thread running at the moment - Storytelling. You might want to pop over to that one for some ideas.

 

[Mastered_again]

Take each scene as a separate story.
Ask the how and why did the characters end up together. Afterwards, is there a reason for them to meet up again? Do they make any plans or does fate force the issue? Either way, something happens to bring them together.
Or maybe it's an escape room and they've got to complete all the scenes to unlock the door.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

" Jane chimed in, “Dick, part of my reason for being here this time is to take you to Aunt Nancy’s place where she’ll put you up and help you adjust like she did with me. She’s a terrific lady and has helped me in all sorts of ways.” My sister Jane spoke with that calm and soothing confidence I’d heard in our Aunt’s voice.


I was given a few days to visit with some of my friends before I left with my sister for something I wasn’t at all sure of. Part of me wanted to stay home and help Mom, but I was told that wasn’t an option. The house was already sold and she’d be moving in with distant cousin in her small house far out in the country.

Little was said during the trip. Jane wouldn’t tell me much of what to expect.

“You just have to trust Aunt Nancy. Let her teach you and guide you. Follow her every step of the way and she’ll lead you to a whole new way of life, just like she did me.”

Jane’s voice got uncharacteristically stern, “Dick, you have to do what she says. You have to trust her completely. It may almost seem like boot camp, but she WILL help you make your life better.”

Jane told me she’d gotten an apartment a few miles from Aunt Nancy and would be visiting me as often as she could when she could get away from work. I’d also be visiting my sister from time to time when our Aunt had to go away on business trips.

We were here, at Aunt Nancy's condominium in a high rise building in the city. Jane used a passkey to get us into the building and up the elevator which opened on to her floor and into her entry way. She handed the pass key to me telling me it was mine now and not to lose it. After a walk down a short hallway, we turned into another room where Aunt Nancy was waiting for us. She was standing as we approached her and I’d never seen her look as good. She took me into her arms in a very warm and very close embrace like nothing she’d ever done in the past. It was both uncomfortable and very, very comfortable, warming, reassuring and more than a little arousing as I felt her breath on my neck. "

 

[ronde]

The concept and progression are fine from country kids to perverted city sluts under the guidance of their aunt, but it jumps from scene to scene to repetitive scene without a smooth flow. It's almost like a 10,000 word outline. I'm lost in it and don't know how to fill in the story line to make it seem comfortable for readers rather than a bunch of outtakes.

The flow of a story between scenes happens because the characters have a reason for the change. The question you need to ask your characters is why would you go from Scene 1 to Scene 2? Real people don't do things without a reason. Put all those reasons together and you have a plot, which is what you're looking for.

 

[Mastered_again]

Why was mom moving?
How did Jane know so much about Aunt Nancy?
Has Jane changed from when she left home until now? (It seems Jane has some knowledge of the aunt's methods)
Otherwise (I'm guessing), you're just throwing the main character together with Aunt Nancy to get to a sex scene

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Why was mom moving?
How did Jane know so much about Aunt Nancy?
Has Jane changed from when she left home until now? (It seems Jane has some knowledge of the aunt's methods)
Otherwise (I'm guessing), you're just throwing the main character together with Aunt Nancy to get to a sex scene

That's all explained earlier.


“Now go to bed. In the morning we’ll be back in formal time, so remember what you’ve learned so far about how to address me and follow instructions.”

A very gentle and loving kiss on the lips and I was off to bed to try to get some sleep. I had a feeling tomorrow was going to be difficult.

I had learned I wouldn’t be eating much here. I wasn’t even sure what I was eating half the time but it tasted good and even after only a week, I had to admit I was feeling better and had more energy. As we finished breakfast I heard the elevator open and a very tall, very slim and very shapely very black lady appeared in the kitchen door. I’d never seen skin so dark black. She removed an outer jacket to reveal a leotard stretched over a body so tight it appeared it might split. But damn what a body.

“Dick, this is Angelique. She’ll be your trainer for the next few weeks. You will obey her the way you do me. If you, don’t I’ll know and neither of us will be happy. Am I clear on that?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

 

[Mastered_again]

That's all explained earlier.


“Now go to bed. In the morning we’ll be back in formal time, so remember what you’ve learned so far about how to address me and follow instructions.”

A very gentle and loving kiss on the lips and I was off to bed to try to get some sleep. I had a feeling tomorrow was going to be difficult.

I had learned I wouldn’t be eating much here. I wasn’t even sure what I was eating half the time but it tasted good and even after only a week, I had to admit I was feeling better and had more energy. As we finished breakfast I heard the elevator open and a very tall, very slim and very shapely very black lady appeared in the kitchen door. I’d never seen skin so dark black. She removed an outer jacket to reveal a leotard stretched over a body so tight it appeared it might split. But damn what a body.

“Dick, this is Angelique. She’ll be your trainer for the next few weeks. You will obey her the way you do me. If you, don’t I’ll know and neither of us will be happy. Am I clear on that?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

I don't know how that helps. I'll check back tomorrow. It's bedtime for me now.

 

[StillStunned]

Once of age they move to the city to live with their rich, but mysterious aunt.

She takes them under her wing and teaches them things.

They do those things.

They do those things again.

They go to another room and do those things and a few more things

Other characters come in and they do those things.

Then other characters do those things.

Each scene should move the story forward. You can do this by introducing a new character, event or plot device, or building up the tension and stakes compared with the previous scene. Push your characters out of their comfort zone, right up against their boundaries. Then end the scene. In the next scene, they explore their new boundaries. And so on.

For the I/T readership, you might also want to stress how the siblings' feelings for each other develop. Adding a few sweet, romantic moments between the hard sex will go down a treat.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Each scene should move the story forward. You can do this by introducing a new character, event or plot device, or building up the tension and stakes compared with the previous scene. Push your characters out of their comfort zone, right up against their boundaries. Then end the scene. In the next scene, they explore their new boundaries. And so on.

For the I/T readership, you might also want to stress how the siblings' feelings for each other develop. Adding a few sweet, romantic moments between the hard sex will go down a treat.

That's all being done. But it seems too brief and not really enough words if that makes sense. It happens, but I can't describe HOW it happens without being repetitive. How many different ways can one detail a guy screwing or a woman undressing, or him appreciating her looks.?

 

[StillStunned]

How many different ways can one detail a guy screwing or a woman undressing, or him appreciating her looks.?

Judging by the number of stories here on Lit, I'd say about 650,000 and counting.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Now From what I gather, longer stories tend to do better on lit than short ones.

That being said, I am tempted to tell you, maybe try making this into a series with short chapters? Rather than trying to make all the scenes fit nicely together into one wall of text?

That way, you might also be able to give each part a proper intro and outro (though obviously not repeating yourself with exposition, every time)?

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

"When you can accurately describe to me the small mole very high up on your sister's inner thigh, I'll know you've been learning what I've been trying to teach you."

"When you can tell me how Angelique tastes on your tongue in a way that I can almost taste her, I'll know you're ready for another step."

 

[Mastered_again]

"When you can accurately describe to me the small mole very high up on your sister's inner thigh, I'll know you've been learning what I've been trying to teach you."

Is there a point to posting snippets of the story?
I thought you were looking for advice/help. You either reject it or ignore it by posting another snippet.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

More looking for feedback on those bits.

Do they convey the session the way I think they do? Or do they need work?

 

[Mastered_again]

More looking for feedback on those bits.

Do they convey the session the way I think they do? Or do they need work?

Personally, I can't comment on a few random paragraphs here and there. They could be good, could be gratuitous. Without context, I can't tell.
My advice, seek a collaborator who could read the story through the first scene to see if the story has 'flow' and/or suggest way to achieve it

 

[Jorunn]

Your story bits sound exciting, and I can see some foreshadowing in them. I liked the earlier comment which is to step back from the sex scenes, and ask, "What is the rest of the story?". It sounds like a first person MMC viewpoint. Does he willingly slide down the sexual slope? If he has a pass key, does he leave the building and think about not returning? Why is he drawn back? Some reluctance would build tension.

Drop more hints on the past history of the Aunt. He must have known her before this. Do a slow reveal through the eyes of the other characters. Perhaps the story actually is the MMC uncovering the story of the Aunt? Give him a mission like that, rather than being a sub who accepts what others are giving/doing to him. Why do these other characters come in, and why does the Aunt have power over them as well?

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

It's at 14,000 words now so I'm not sure how I could send it to anyone if they wanted to look it over.

 

[Lifestyle66]

The concept and progression are fine from country kids to perverted city sluts under the guidance of their aunt, but it jumps from scene to scene to repetitive scene without a smooth flow. It's almost like a 10,000 word outline. I'm lost in it and don't know how to fill in the story line to make it seem comfortable for readers rather than a bunch of outtakes.

I'm a slow writer, and an admittedly shitty one at that.

But I've found that if I listen to my story drafts with a text-to-speech program, I hear not just the spelling and grammer errors, but I also get more ideas to improve the story flow. And after listening several times, I also pick out some redundancies between scenes.

I'll be listening to an updated version of my story for the tenth time and think "Wait, I said that earlier in the story, so why have it here?" I'll be listening to it for the 11th time and think "That just doesn't flow from the last scene, and maybe I'll try this instead."

My auditory connection to my stories seems to help my mind get through writing different ideas. EDIT: It as if when I listen to the story, I'm engaging a different part of my brain with that part's different ideas.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

I'm a slow writer, and an admittedly shitty one at that.

But I've found that if I listen to my story drafts with a text-to-speech program, I hear not just the spelling and grammer errors, but I also get more ideas to improve the story flow. And after listening several times, I also pick out some redundancies between scenes.

I'll be listening to an updated version of my story for the tenth time and think "Wait, I said that earlier in the story, so why have it here?" I'll be listening to it for the 11th time and think "That just doesn't flow from the last scene, and maybe I'll try this instead."

My auditory connection to my stories seems to help my mind get through writing different ideas. EDIT: It as if when I listen to the story, I'm engaging a different part of my brain with that part's different ideas.

Same here! When listening, I also pay attention to the parts of the story where I find myself tuning out, or on the contrary what pulls me in.

 

[gunhilltrain]

More looking for feedback on those bits.

Do they convey the session the way I think they do? Or do they need work?

Who is the narrator of this again? It's being told in first person.

I see you have one story posted on this site. But this happens to all of us, I think. I mean we start writing something or even finish it, and then we find it isn't working. A couple of techniques/gimmicks:

1. Read the whole thing from the top again when you when you get back to it. You'll get a sense of how of how you how you got to the most recent events.
2. Do start off with some notes or an outline of what is supposed to happen, including the ending. Well, that's for your next story!
3. Where is this happening? (I assume that it is happening in the present.) One of my quirks is that 90% of the time I have some specific geography in mind. What you're written is not science fiction or fantasy, so it's okay to use the real world.

A caution: I've seen a number of posts like this that are basically asking, "How do I write?" Often the responses are about what they do. I just did that myself!