Husbands - How many men is too many?

[UnexpectedLuggage]

Her past is her past. It's basically irrelevant to me, as long as she doesn't constantly compare me to past experiences.

 

[verseandworse2]

I fully agree. I wouldn't commit to someone like that either. Too many relationships or hookups is a very big red flag.

I don't agree that women generally want to commit though - I used to think that and then I realized that, by their own confessions, women are much better at pretending to want commitment from the guy who looks like he might be stable by being innocent and not being 'that' type of girl, but will open her legs all the time for the guy who simply doesn't care that much except for sex. When she already knows he won't commit, who cares?

Guys are just very bad at committing openly and keep stammering out stupid replies if they're asked about commitment. And they're terrible at communicating what they might want or give in a relationship, though they're not all the same. Women are great at talking the talk about commitment, and they'll never walk the walk. They'll get gangbanged every single day or week if they could and state loss of sexual privileges if anyone exposes them, so other guys will especially keep their mouths closed. They're also very good at pretending to want something to change other people's opinions of them.

It's usually the 0.000000...1% of good men and women who actually want to commit but get screwed over.

Well, I think you are going too far, LOL . But I respect your POV. In my distant youth, women were very much into commitment, it may well have changed now, don't know.

 

[verseandworse2]

That's not politically incorrect, it's just stupid and prejudiced. You're making broad judgements based on your own misguided opinion. Fuck you with your 'most women' bullshit. Many women feel the pressure by a male led society to conform to men's expectations.

Life isn't like that. Women are sexual beings as much as men are. Nobody's questioning if men should be limited by their number of conquests to make them good husband material.

Single men get to 'sow their wild oats' and are encouraged to fuck around. Women get called sluts for the same behaviour. We're still being judged by Victorian standards.

If I choose to marry in the future I'll be totally honest with the man about my sexual past. I'll even give him a blow-by-blow of the highlights if that floats his boat. But if he disapproves, or passes judgement, he's not good husband material for me and will be cast aside.

Just two points, one of them a repetition - I repeat that both men and women are on their best behaviour during their courtship phase, or while they are "going around", or whatever it is called these days, that there is a lot of baggage both of them have which neither partner finds out about early on. It is impossible to get to know a person unless one has lived with him/her 24x7 for a sizeable amount of time. The other point: there is much more to a relationship than sex, as every couple who start living together or marry, soon discovers. In every relationship, for both the man and the woman, there will be a series of unpleasant shocks once they marry or live together. Most of them will have nothing to do with their sex lives. There is no getting away from this. (I'm sorry to say this on an erotica site celebrating sex, but it is true.)

To minimise these shocks, it is very important to know about the prospective partner's past. (Those who claim, 'Oh I don't care about his/her past, it is of no consequence to me, I'm oh-so-woke and progressive, are plain idiots.) Unfortunately it is impossible to get an objective view - one only gets the prospective partner's POV. (One can't possibly consult his/her parents, siblings, exes , and there is a chance even they may lie.) But hints should be speedily picked up. If a guy admits he slapped one of his exes - because she was behaving like a prize bitch, his POV obviously - the woman can be pretty sure that at some time in the future, he will slap her too, or do even worse. If he says he got drunk and passed out at some party, his lady should be quite sure it will happen again and again when she is with him as well.

That is why if a woman has had a series of affairs, without being able to settle into a long-term, stable relationship, it is definitely a red flag, a sign that there is something very wrong with her temperament. Or yes, there is a slim chance that she just picks the nasty guys, and realizes her mistake every time. But the chances are greater that she is the nasty one.

As with a woman, if the guy you are getting involved with has a colourful past - to put it tastefully - be sure to find out why his earlier relationships didn't work out. You talk blithely about men "sowing wild oats". Believe me, it is not half as common as you imagine, because men do not sow these oats in a field, it is flesh-and-blood women with emotions we are talking about. A man has to have a heart of stone, has to be a monster, to get involved with a woman just to fuck her and then walk away. Will she let him? She will make his hell, at least for a while, and rightly so. So women too should make sure their prospective partner is not a monster, will not walk away from them the way he did from his previous girlfriends.

I have personal experience of this - long years ago, I was so desperate to lose my virginity that I got into a tangle with a girl I didn't really care for. Sure I lost my virginity, but I also lost my piece of mind, once I tried to weasel out of the relationship. Given the things she said, and the texts she sent me, I feared she might commit suicide. I told myself, never again, never again, never again, and I have stuck to that resolution, even if it meant remaining an "incel" for extended periods. (I don't deny I deserved it, I am ashamed, I should never have hassled that poor girl.) This wild oats business is a myth about men I want to break, hence this uncomfortable revelation.

 

[Justfantasies]

Depends on what you are looking for. If its stability above all -- just a few past lovers. If its an exciting life find yourself a woman with a history

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Well, I think you are going too far, LOL . But I respect your POV.

I'm not really going far enough.

In my distant youth, women were very much into commitment, it may well have changed now, don't know.

Some people are looking for commitment. Some not. Some of them are men. Some are women. Don't generalise.

 

[magic_rat]

Just two points, one of them a repetition - I repeat that both men and women are on their best behaviour during their courtship phase, or while they are "going around", or whatever it is called these days, that there is a lot of baggage both of them have which neither partner finds out about early on. It is impossible to get to know a person unless one has lived with him/her 24x7 for a sizeable amount of time.

Not always the case. I got together with my ex-wife about 40 years ago. She was very open about her past, as was I.

The other point: there is much more to a relationship than sex, as every couple who start living together or marry, soon discovers. In every relationship, for both the man and the woman, there will be a series of unpleasant shocks once they marry or live together.

What might they be? I've been with my current partner for 2 years. No shocks. I told her about my bisexuality the day I met her. She told me how many partners she'd had. Showed me the list, with comments against each. We came into the relationship with complete honesty and openness. We never lie to each-other.

Most of them will have nothing to do with their sex lives. There is no getting away from this. (I'm sorry to say this on an erotica site celebrating sex, but it is true.)

Not in our case.

To minimise these shocks, it is very important to know about the prospective partner's past. (Those who claim, 'Oh I don't care about his/her past, it is of no consequence to me, I'm oh-so-woke and progressive, are plain idiots.) Unfortunately it is impossible to get an objective view - one only gets the prospective partner's POV.

We have that covered. See above.

(One can't possibly consult his/her parents, siblings, exes , and there is a chance even they may lie.) But hints should be speedily picked up. If a guy admits he slapped one of his exes - because she was behaving like a prize bitch, his POV obviously - the woman can be pretty sure that at some time in the future, he will slap her too, or do even worse. If he says he got drunk and passed out at some party, his lady should be quite sure it will happen again and again when she is with him as well.

Your world must be very suspicious and restrictive.

That is why if a woman has had a series of affairs, without being able to settle into a long-term, stable relationship, it is definitely a red flag, a sign that there is something very wrong with her temperament. Or yes, there is a slim chance that she just picks the nasty guys, and realizes her mistake every time. But the chances are greater that she is the nasty one.

Again I disagree. At least in part. If a man has been abusive in previous relationships there's a red flag for sure. If he was unfaithful to his last wife 27 times, maybe. Maybe not. You don't know why.

As with a woman, if the guy you are getting involved with has a colourful past - to put it tastefully - be sure to find out why his earlier relationships didn't work out. You talk blithely about men "sowing wild oats". Believe me, it is not half as common as you imagine, because men do not sow these oats in a field, it is flesh-and-blood women with emotions we are talking about.

I think you've made Lucy's point; for every man sowing his wild oats there has to be a willing woman to reciprocate. But the man is just being a man, the woman is a slut and somehow not worthy of marriage (in some eyes).

A man has to have a heart of stone, has to be a monster, to get involved with a woman just to fuck her and then walk away.

Then I'm a monster. I met my partner via swinging. I've has sex with many willing people, male and female, who just wanted an evening of fun with no repercussions. I'm friends with some of them now, some I never saw again.

She will make his hell, at least for a while, and rightly so.

Why? My partner didn't.

So women too should make sure their prospective partner is not a monster, will not walk away from them the way he did from his previous girlfriends.

Enjoying sex, even one night stands, doesn not make you a monster (assuming everything is consensual). If it does, both my partner and myself and a lot of our friends are monsters.

I have personal experience of this - long years ago, I was so desperate to lose my virginity that I got into a tangle with a girl I didn't really care for. Sure I lost my virginity, but I also lost my piece of mind, once I tried to weasel out of the relationship.

That's a 'you' problem. Don't project your shit onto other people.

Given the things she said, and the texts she sent me, I feared she might commit suicide.

Again that's on you. And to be honest teenage hysterics do not equate to adult relationships.

I told myself, never again, never again, never again, and I have stuck to that resolution, even if it meant remaining an "incel" for extended periods.

Wow. Declaring yourself an incel speaks volumes. No wonder you're so angry.

(I don't deny I deserved it, I am ashamed, I should never have hassled that poor girl.) This wild oats business is a myth about men I want to break, hence this uncomfortable revelation.

If you think the wild oats thing is a myth, you must live in a vacuum. Or a tiny church-dominated village.

As a teenager, back in the late 70s/early 80s, before AIDS made sex scarier, everyone I knew was fucking everyone I knew. Wild oats were in profusion amongst both sexes.

When I parted from my wife I became a swinger and sowed wild oats I didn't even know I still had in me. I still enjoy sex with others, as does my partner, sometimes together, sometimes apart. We visit sex clubs together. We enjoy life. We have a wide circle of friends who feel the same.

Sex is fun, not something to be quantified or judged. You've fucked your whole life up because you treated a woman badly when you were a teenager. You're opinions are not valid.

 

[verseandworse2]

Not always the case. I got together with my ex-wife about 40 years ago. She was very open about her past, as was I.

What might they be? I've been with my current partner for 2 years. No shocks. I told her about my bisexuality the day I met her. She told me how many partners she'd had. Showed me the list, with comments against each. We came into the relationship with complete honesty and openness. We never lie to each-other.

Not in our case.

We have that covered. See above.

Your world must be very suspicious and restrictive.

Again I disagree. At least in part. If a man has been abusive in previous relationships there's a red flag for sure. If he was unfaithful to his last wife 27 times, maybe. Maybe not. You don't know why.

I think you've made Lucy's point; for every man sowing his wild oats there has to be a willing woman to reciprocate. But the man is just being a man, the woman is a slut and somehow not worthy of marriage (in some eyes).

Then I'm a monster. I met my partner via swinging. I've has sex with many willing people, male and female, who just wanted an evening of fun with no repercussions. I'm friends with some of them now, some I never saw again.

Why? My partner didn't.

Enjoying sex, even one night stands, doesn not make you a monster (assuming everything is consensual). If it does, both my partner and myself and a lot of our friends are monsters.

That's a 'you' problem. Don't project your shit onto other people.

Again that's on you. And to be honest teenage hysterics do not equate to adult relationships.

Wow. Declaring yourself an incel speaks volumes. No wonder you're so angry.

If you think the wild oats thing is a myth, you must live in a vacuum. Or a tiny church-dominated village.

As a teenager, back in the late 70s/early 80s, before AIDS made sex scarier, everyone I knew was fucking everyone I knew. Wild oats were in profusion amongst both sexes.

When I parted from my wife I became a swinger and sowed wild oats I didn't even know I still had in me. I still enjoy sex with others, as does my partner, sometimes together, sometimes apart. We visit sex clubs together. We enjoy life. We have a wide circle of friends who feel the same.

Sex is fun, not something to be quantified or judged. You've fucked your whole life up because you treated a woman badly when you were a teenager. You're opinions are not valid.

My point was: if one is looking for a long term relationship (and I assumed the question was about a long term relationship, the past of the prospective partner is extremely important. This is a gender-neutral consideration. You may have personally been lucky, that's all I'll say. If one is looking for just a sexual encounter, obviously all that is required is that the partner be willing - his/her history is of no consequence.

 

[Confundido2120]

Question for the husbands here. Everybody has a past. And some people’s sexual past can be a bit off putting to their spouses. Most men would prefer that their wives have had limited experiences with other men before him. While some actually like that their wives were promiscuous before they met.

So husbands - how many past lovers is too many? Or is there no such thing as too many? Do you maybe wish your wife threw it around more than she did? Or maybe less?

Now that you’re married, is your wife having too much extras marital sex? Or none at all and you’d like for her to take that plunge?

For me, I do not think it matters. My recent wife is not into extra marital sex so I just can relate to my previous marriages , and my previous one she fulfilled most of her fantasies.

 

[verseandworse2]

My point was: if one is looking for a long term relationship (and I assumed the question was about a long term relationship, the past of the prospective partner is extremely important. This is a gender-neutral consideration. You may have personally been lucky, that's all I'll say. If one is looking for just a sexual encounter, obviously all that is required is that the partner be willing - his/her history is of no consequence.

By past, I don't just mean sexual past. If the partner was expelled from school or lost his/her licence for drunk driving, that matters too in deciding about the relationship. And as I said this is gender neutral

 

[verseandworse2]

You've fucked your whole life up because you treated a woman badly when you were a teenager.

Actually, now I look back, you may something there. It really scarred me She even came home, when I was not around, and told my parents. Horrible, horrible!

 

[UnexpectedLuggage]

Not always the case. I got together with my ex-wife about 40 years ago. She was very open about her past, as was I.

What might they be? I've been with my current partner for 2 years. No shocks. I told her about my bisexuality the day I met her. She told me how many partners she'd had. Showed me the list, with comments against each. We came into the relationship with complete honesty and openness. We never lie to each-other.

Not in our case.

We have that covered. See above.

Your world must be very suspicious and restrictive.

Again I disagree. At least in part. If a man has been abusive in previous relationships there's a red flag for sure. If he was unfaithful to his last wife 27 times, maybe. Maybe not. You don't know why.

I think you've made Lucy's point; for every man sowing his wild oats there has to be a willing woman to reciprocate. But the man is just being a man, the woman is a slut and somehow not worthy of marriage (in some eyes).

Then I'm a monster. I met my partner via swinging. I've has sex with many willing people, male and female, who just wanted an evening of fun with no repercussions. I'm friends with some of them now, some I never saw again.

Why? My partner didn't.

Enjoying sex, even one night stands, doesn not make you a monster (assuming everything is consensual). If it does, both my partner and myself and a lot of our friends are monsters.

That's a 'you' problem. Don't project your shit onto other people.

Again that's on you. And to be honest teenage hysterics do not equate to adult relationships.

Wow. Declaring yourself an incel speaks volumes. No wonder you're so angry.

If you think the wild oats thing is a myth, you must live in a vacuum. Or a tiny church-dominated village.

As a teenager, back in the late 70s/early 80s, before AIDS made sex scarier, everyone I knew was fucking everyone I knew. Wild oats were in profusion amongst both sexes.

When I parted from my wife I became a swinger and sowed wild oats I didn't even know I still had in me. I still enjoy sex with others, as does my partner, sometimes together, sometimes apart. We visit sex clubs together. We enjoy life. We have a wide circle of friends who feel the same.

Sex is fun, not something to be quantified or judged. You've fucked your whole life up because you treated a woman badly when you were a teenager. You're opinions are not valid.

Hitting that nail right on the head. Bravo.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Well, I think you are going too far, LOL . But I respect your POV. In my distant youth, women were very much into commitment, it may well have changed now, don't know.

Whatever you say - perhaps it's different for you. Good for you.

Note that I've criticized all genders here. With the number of trans women and even men starting OnlyFans, it's getting much harder to find a partner you'd want.

Unless you start one of them yourself or if you're fine with polyamory, of course.

PS Perhaps I'm wrong and women were more committed to relationships in your time, but even in a 3rd world country like mine, I've heard of so many affairs, cheating, and so on in my time and my grandparents time. Lots of the stories are from women too.

 

[eroticbum]

Question for the husbands here. Everybody has a past. And some people’s sexual past can be a bit off putting to their spouses. Most men would prefer that their wives have had limited experiences with other men before him. While some actually like that their wives were promiscuous before they met.

So husbands - how many past lovers is too many? Or is there no such thing as too many? Do you maybe wish your wife threw it around more than she did? Or maybe less?

Now that you’re married, is your wife having too much extras marital sex? Or none at all and you’d like for her to take that plunge?

My wife is not having extra marital sex, our sex life has also declined some what. But when it's time for
some fun she still got it. Her hands, mouth, body just get me going, Physically it's painful for her to have sex,
but she makes up for it with awesome blowjobs = just wish she'd let me cum in her mouth

Years ago we tallied our pre marital exploits, It sorta aroused me when she somewhat detailed some things.
I would imagine her doing certain things and it did not bother me. It was as if I was watching.

 

[magic_rat]

My point was: if one is looking for a long term relationship (and I assumed the question was about a long term relationship, the past of the prospective partner is extremely important. This is a gender-neutral consideration.

The past, as they say, is a different country.

And yes it should be genderless but men and women are judged differently. There's no escaping that. Shouldn't be, but are.

Seems like a lot of men here want a double-standard; not too many lovers before them, but a willingness to fuck anyone and everyone after.

You may have personally been lucky, that's all I'll say. If one is looking for just a sexual encounter, obviously all that is required is that the partner be willing - his/her history is of no consequence.

I don't think I've been especially lucky. I've been non-judgemental, and I've been honest. My partner and I both laid everything out on the table, so no secrets or shocks. We share a lot of common interests (sex being only 3 of them!) and we work.

It gets complicated when people lie. Or when delicate male egos get dented. If your wife's last lover had a 10 inch cock, is that going to mess with your head for the rest of eternity? If she's slept with a couple more guys than you have women, it that an issue?

My partner has fucked a lot of guys. She's had some big cocks. Why should I care? She ends up in my bed every night. We enjoy life. People should have fewer hangups.

 

[magic_rat]

Unless you start one of them yourself or if you're fine with polyamory, of course.

I am totally fine with polyamory. And OF too. I know several content creators. They're just normal people.

PS Perhaps I'm wrong and women were more committed to relationships in your time, but even in a 3rd world country like mine, I've heard of so many affairs, cheating, and so on in my time and my grandparents time. Lots of the stories are from women too.

People cheat. People have always cheated. That's not really relevant to this discussion.

Tell me who you think is most likely to be unfaithful; a person who previously enjoyed sex with a large number of people, or one who was a virgin when they married and has never known what it's like to be with another.

Anecdotally (I don't have stats) it seems like if you've experienced a wide selection of bodies, and decide that THIS particular person is the one, that's a major commitment, and much curiosity has been satisfied.

If you haven't, you're always going to wonder about what it would be like with another. And possibly more likely to act on it.

 

[Foreverhopeful92]

I think it would depend how she made me feel. I've never wanted to be the safe fallback guy she settles for after spending her 20s and 30s spreading her wild oats, whose sex life has become limited to the occasional reluctant bout of pity sex to keep me on the leash. But I have no problem dating a woman with a history as long as I get to be part of the fun going forward.

 

[Justfantasies]

Is one permitted to ask, how many is too few?

 

[verseandworse2]

The past, as they say, is a different country.

And yes it should be genderless but men and women are judged differently. There's no escaping that. Shouldn't be, but are.

Seems like a lot of men here want a double-standard; not too many lovers before them, but a willingness to fuck anyone and everyone after.

I don't think I've been especially lucky. I've been non-judgemental, and I've been honest. My partner and I both laid everything out on the table, so no secrets or shocks. We share a lot of common interests (sex being only 3 of them!) and we work.

It gets complicated when people lie. Or when delicate male egos get dented. If your wife's last lover had a 10 inch cock, is that going to mess with your head for the rest of eternity? If she's slept with a couple more guys than you have women, it that an issue?

My partner has fucked a lot of guys. She's had some big cocks. Why should I care? She ends up in my bed every night. We enjoy life. People should have fewer hangups.

 

[verseandworse2]

Sure, sir, I respect your POV. It is just that mine is somewhat different.

In all my broken relationships, the problem has never been the sex, which was always fine. It was always 'life' beyond sex. In one case, for instance, it was the lady's temper. She was very enthusiastic about sex all the time and much more imaginative than me, and it was fun, but I thought, 'If she gets so furious with me even before we have moved in together (or married), what will she be like afterwards?' Had I known about the temper issue - about her past - I would never have started dating her. (Again, getting out of the relationship was a huge problem.) Maybe I attract only clingy women of the long term relationship kind?

I also have a different view on dick size. Bigger is not always better. For some women of the petite kind, it is often positively painful and it does not get much better despite regular practice. This was told to me by one of my exes, who had a tough time coping with one of her earlier boyfriends.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I am totally fine with polyamory. And OF too. I know several content creators. They're just normal people.

People cheat. People have always cheated. That's not really relevant to this discussion.

Tell me who you think is most likely to be unfaithful; a person who previously enjoyed sex with a large number of people, or one who was a virgin when they married and has never known what it's like to be with another.

Anecdotally (I don't have stats) it seems like if you've experienced a wide selection of bodies, and decide that THIS particular person is the one, that's a major commitment, and much curiosity has been satisfied.

If you haven't, you're always going to wonder about what it would be like with another. And possibly more likely to act on it.

Never been my observations, or most other people's. People who are used to a bigger selection also get used to the variety and don't want to give it up. Virgins might be curious but when they experience it, whether as teens or not, they might be wanting to learn more about different kinds of sex with that one person.

I've experienced the variety of people who will do certain things and will not do others. Like the ones who only Top and others who love to lick arses. It's very hard to go back to someone who won't do the things you want.

Would I think differently if I never experienced certain sex acts? Possibly. Would I watch them in porn and want to try them anyway? Very likely. I've seen fetishes I'm desperate to try and might want to be slutty just so I can experience them. It just might be different for couples who explore their sexuality slowly and gradually incorporate new ideas into their repertoire.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I think it would depend how she made me feel. I've never wanted to be the safe fallback guy she settles for after spending her 20s and 30s spreading her wild oats, whose sex life has become limited to the occasional reluctant bout of pity sex to keep me on the leash. But I have no problem dating a woman with a history as long as I get to be part of the fun going forward.

That's not a bad observation. I won't be with someone who has fifty times my body count, I think most guys are scared they'll be stuck with a frigid woman who never explores both of their sexuality and women don't want to be with someone who does the same old missionary and isn't dominant. They don't want to be in the corner wanking off, the sad backup guy who has to wait while his wife is used by the local drug dealer.

(I'm not talking about cuckolds and humiliation in this case.)

 

[FrejyaFrejya]

We'll always have to deal with politics (see: Aristotle). We will also always have to deal with sex. Improvements are possible in both areas.

Aristotle also said, “as between the sexes, the male is by nature superior and the female inferior, the male ruler and the female subject.” Also, he concluded that women’s period blood provides the inferior parts of a fetus while men’s semen adds superior aspects. So….maybe his findings were of similar merit to SCOTUS’s?

 

[verseandworse2]

If a woman has a body count 50 times mine, the chances are very high that she will move on from me too sooner rather than later. What's so special about me or my dick size that she would want to stay? Nothing whatsoever! Men who enter relationships with excessively experienced women should go into them with their eyes wide open, expecting the outcome I mentioned. Men's egos prevent them from realizing this. A woman with too many past affairs is a huge red flag.

 

[SPARTAN047]

If a woman has a body count 50 times mine, the chances are very high that she will move on from me too sooner rather than later. What's so special about me or my dick size that she would want to stay? Nothing whatsoever! Men who enter relationships with excessively experienced women should go into them with their eyes wide open, expecting the outcome I mentioned. Men's egos prevent them from realizing this. A woman with too many past affairs is a huge red flag.

Well said. That's pretty much how it would work and I agree.

Not that men's huge body counts isn't a red flag. I believe it is and I've experienced it first hand. Men who were sucking and fucking other men or women all the time were inclined to keep carrying on that behavior too and they weren't worth staying with.

Women have a better chance of successfully hooking up on nights out (maybe except gay men) so they could be inclined to behave more badly since another opportunity is very easy to get. And men don't care about cheating women which is just sad. Imagine if it was your girl cheating, dude.

 

[verseandworse2]

Well said. That's pretty much how it would work and I agree.

Not that men's huge body counts isn't a red flag. I believe it is and I've experienced it first hand. Men who were sucking and fucking other men or women all the time were inclined to keep carrying on that behavior too and they weren't worth staying with.

Women have a better chance of successfully hooking up on nights out (maybe except gay men) so they could be inclined to behave more badly since another opportunity is very easy to get. And men don't care about cheating women which is just sad. Imagine if it was your girl cheating, dude.

Absolutely. That is what I have been arguing on this thread, but some people don't get it since they are brainwashed by political correctness. Both men and women should know why the previous affairs of anyone they are considering hooking up with ended. If the guy is the kind who fucks a woman one night and blocks her the next day, he is definitely someone to avoid. The expression 'sowing wild oats' is all very well, but the sowing is not done in a field, it is flesh and women being used and thrown away. Women should certainly know what their partners have been up to in the past, and so should men. I repeat that too many past affairs is a red flag.