Humor Thread

[DG Hear]

Future handicapping

OK, one for the other party.
DG

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

 

[Jack_Samuel]

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.
Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize - you're listening to your IPod !

 

[Jack_Samuel]

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the coffee machine the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the coffee machine to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'

 

[TE999]

An old cowboy meanders into a Starbuck's, sits at the counter sippin' his coffee when an attractive woman sits next to him.

"Are you a for real cowboy?"

"Well, I've herded cattle, strung fences, castrated bulls, fixed tractors, spent half my life in the saddle; I guess I'm a cowboy."

"I'm a lesbian. I think about women constantly. When I'm working, bathing, driving, watching tv, eating lunch; all the time."

They chat for a bit, then she leaves. Then a man sits next to him.

"Say, are you a real cowboy?"

"I thought I was, but now I learned I'm a lesbian."

 

[DG Hear]

None for you

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.”

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”

 

[DG Hear]

Had them before but they are worth another post.

These hilarious exchanges are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'.

They were recorded verbatim and published by Court Reporters that had the torment of staying calm and remaining professional while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said.
'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?'

 

[DG Hear]

Sent to me by a lady friend.
DG

Mother and son are in the shower together. He's just a little tyke, they're running late that day, and she figures it will be fine. After a while, he looks up and asks, "Mom, what's that?"

She says nervously, "Oh, that's just my sponge. Don't worry about it."

He says, "Okay."

In a few minutes he says, "Hey mom?"

"What, Honey?" she asks.

"The babysitter has a sponge too."

"Now how would you know that?" she asks.

"Because she was cleaning Dad's face with it the other day before you got home."

 

[DG Hear]

Goose Hunting

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese. He catches one and puts it in his bag with the other geese. Just as he closes the bag, a Hunting Inspector walks up.
"Sir, can I please see that bag?" he asks. "Sure," says the hunter and hands the bag over.

The Inspector looks through the bag, pulls out one goose, and sticks his finger up its ass. He pulls it out, smells it and says, "This here's a Virginia goose, do you have a Virginia Hunting License?"

The hunter looks through his wallet and pulls out it and shows it to the inspector. The inspector nods and sticks his hand in the bag and pulls out another goose.

He sticks his finger up it's ass and says, "This here's a Maine goose, do you have a Maine Hunting License?"

The hunter looks again through his wallet, pulls out the card, and shows it to the inspector. He nods again, and pulls out the last goose. He does the routine and says, "This here is a Rhode Island goose, do you have a Rhode Island Hunting License?"

The hunter fishes through his wallet, shows the card to the inspector and puts it back in.

"Boy," you having all these licenses, where you from?" asks the Inspector.

The hunter pulls down his pants and asks, "Why don't you find out?"

 

[DG Hear]

Smoking in the Rain

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

 

[DG Hear]

Kitty Problems

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

Hope your week is better than his!

 

[The_Fool]

32 Rules of Life and 1 Consolation

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't
do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore
than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life
is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is
not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts
feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw
away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to
the real world.

25. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved its full potential, that word
would be 'meetings.'

26. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and
'mental illness.'

27. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

28. You should not confuse your career with your life.

29. Never lick a steak knife.

30. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

31. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are
good drivers.

33. Your friends love you anyway.

 

[DG Hear]

Two Little Old Ladies

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over andsaid,

'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'

'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill.



The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can)through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.


'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement'.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment:

Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.

Fact: 37,000,000 are getting/giving oral sex.

Fact: 1 lonely f **ker is reading this... You hang in there, Sunshine!

 

[DG Hear]

Don't listen to him!

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”

 

[DG Hear]

Talk to the animals

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Indian Look of shock )

Cowboy:"Is this Indian your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian Look of disbelief )

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Good."

Indian Extreme look of shock )

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian Complete look of utter amazement )

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep liar."

 

[DG Hear]

If a fly goes down three inches

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh... if I go down three inches...I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "gosh...if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "If that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper lunch.

You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more.

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish...the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time, “gosh...if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish.. and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich....then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water............

The fish swallows the fly...
The bear grabs the fish...
The hunter shoots the bear...
The mouse grabs the hunter’s cheese sandwich...
The cat jumps for the mouse...
The mouse ducks...
The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches... Some pussy is
probably in danger

 

[DG Hear]

Drivers Education Exam Answers

I just read them and post them LOL
DG

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.
(read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too sh*t-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving. A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.

 

[Jack_Samuel]

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said , "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...

 

[fifty5]

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said , "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...

Was she a rigid grammarian? He should, of course, have said, "to whom I hope ..."

 

[TE999]

A farmer had the misfortune to marry a woman who was, in later years, a perpetual complainer who nagged him constantly. He would retreat to the fields where he would plow happily with his mule for hours on end.

One day the wife followed him to the field, nagging and complaining. Before he could hitch the mule to the plow, it kicked the wife in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral, his brother from out of town noticed when the townsfolk approached the farmer, he would nod to the ladies and shake his head at the men.

Afterwards, he asked the farmer what that was about.

"When the women said to me what a tragedy, I nodded," the farmer replied. "When the men asked if the mule was for sale, I said no."

 

[DG Hear]

This is spooky...try it!

If you watch the images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr. Angry is on the left, and Mrs. Calm is on the right. Get up from your seat, and move back about eight feet! They switch places! I believe this illusion was created by Phillippe G. Schyns and Aude Oliva of the Univ. of Glasgow. This proves that we may not be seeing what's actually there, all the time! I do not know how they generated this fascinating image, and I believe no-one else is able to generate anything similar in Photoshop. I know it has something to do with "low-pass" and "high-pass" filters, but the details?




http://forum.nicestories.com/files//27706-%21cid_003901c636ca%248ec13c00%2478f5f7dc%40melvani1.jpg

 

[DG Hear]

10 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say...

Remember! I just read them and post them. LOL
DG

10 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say...

1. I don't want you to suck my dick.

2. No thank you honey, I've had enough beer.

3. I'm bored. Let's go shopping!

4. Forget Viagra - I love my small cock the way it is.

5. Let's start subscribing to Vogue Magazine.

6. I Thing you look best with your clothes on.

7. Looks like you're busy. Please don't cook tonight.

8. I'm too tired for sex. How about tomorrow?

9. Have fun with your friends - I'll clean the house.

10. Would you like to see a video of me going down on my secretary?

 

[DG Hear]

Naming the car.

These are rather interesting;

In Canada, General Motors is forced to come up with a new name for its Buick LaCrosse sedan after discovering that crosse is a slang term for masturbation in Quebec. Just to be on the safe side, let's also lose the jack, the fuel pump, and the four-stroke engine.


"Crosse" is indeed used as a verb. "Se crosser" means to "jack off" it only applies to men.

--------------------------------------

Car naming is a black art. There are many instances of cars' names being changed in different countries. The Chevy Nova had to be renamed because in Mexico it means 'won't go'. Rolls Royce intended to call one of their cars 'Silver Mist' until it was pointed out that in Germany mist sound like a slang word meaning 'crap'. Rumour has it the next Lamborghini is to be called the 'Viagra'.

-----------------------------------------
Another car name example was the Triumph Acclaim which was renamed for the German market, since the company had a policy of translating names into the local language and they thought that the Sieg Heil might not sell too well.

-----------------------------------------

Why can't car makers be more honest with their names? I remember the Triumph Acclaim, and it certainly didn't get much acclaim from anybody! How can Mitsubishi call a car Charisma when it so patently lacks that characteristic? Skoda Superb? Puh-lease! It's quite good, I'll grant you, but superb? No.

I for one would love to see a Nissan Yawn or a BMW Arrogant Bastard.

-----------------------------------------

My personal favorite was the Ford Probe. Now there's a car you don't want to get rear ended by!

 

[DesertPirate]

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower - Cooter, Pete and KC.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife."

KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive shit, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"

"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies."

That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

"Well, not exactly, KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'Y ou must be Cooter's widow. ' "

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."

Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

Rednecks are good at that sensitive shit.