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Maxine and her creator

I never knew who the creator of Maxine was, this is interesting.

Creator Of Maxine................

Mother, grandmother inspire Hallmark artist John Wagner to create Maxine. Whatever pops into her mind, Maxine says. Ordinarily, folks might be offended.

But instead, millions of Americans have identified with the crabby, irreverent Maxine,

The popular Hallmark character that lambastes everything from holidays to aging, and does not hesitate to tell it like it is - or as she sees it.

Maxine keeps up with the times. 'I'd like to try day trading,' she says. 'I'd start by trading Mondays for Saturdays.'

Or she might snap, 'You're a year older?...Want me to moon the birthday fairy for you?'

Nobody and nothing is sacred to Maxine. She's not your typical warm and fuzzy greeting-card character.

The only thing warm and fuzzy about Maxine is her bunny slippers - and her dog Floyd!

She points and shakes her finger at you. She dishes out philosophy to anyone who will listen:

'When life hands you lemons...tuck 'em in your bra. Couldn't hurt, might help.'

John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when 'fill in the pumpkins' was about the extent of his art classes atSt. John'sCatholicSchoolhe attended inLeonia,N.J.

John remembers doodling as a preschooler, and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic interests. He eventually attended theVesperGeorgeSchoolof Art inBoston, and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists group.

But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings (a tiny little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a new dimension to John's professional life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his talents and he created Ma xine.

'Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world; we just try to humanize them,' John says.

'If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about.'

Those smiles have led to Maxine's becoming a bit of a celebrity. She (and John) have been the subject of media stories, includingPeople,USAToday, Good Morning America,The Wall Street Journal, St. Petersburg (FL) Times, and Las Vegas Journal-Review, and they have been included in a major Associated P ress story.

Collector and trade publications have reported that fans nationwide are collecting Maxine items. Letters from consumers and fans to John and Maxine reveal a very personal connection to Maxine. Many people say they are just like Maxine.

Why the name 'Maxine'? 'People at Shoebox started referring to the character as 'John Wagner's old lady,'

And I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife,' John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character, and three of the approximately 30 entries suggested 'Maxine.

' John says the name is perfect.

John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, admits he's proud of her.

-------------------------
And remember -


'Be kinder than necessary;
For everyone you meet is
Fighting some kind of battle.'

'The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind.'

The secret to happiness is a Good Sense of Humor and a Bad Memory.

Some more of Maxine's saying...

"A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius."

"Sure marriage can be fun some of the time. Trouble is you're married all of the time."

"I like to rub my meat with lemon and spices... is a sentence most men who grill cannot say without giggling like idiots."

"I get my summer glow from a bottle of Zinfandel."

"I believe everything happens for a reason. Usually the reason is someone screwed up."

"Why adopt a highway? I already drive like I own the road."

"Most stress is caused by three things, family, money and family with no money."

"I try to not limit my madness to March."

"Only on a cruise ship will you pay hundreds of dollars to sleep in a closet."

"Thanks to the internet, you can get hopelessly in debt without ever leaving the house."

"Apperently windshield wiper fluid works better than spit on a mitten."

"Prescription costs are a tough pill to swallow."

"If there is a tourist season, how come we can shoot them?"

"I'd consider hormone replacement therapy but I've got a bunch of other things that need replaced first."

Hope you enjoyed these.
DG
:):):)
 
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil... In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
 
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A &more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I' m t wo months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. ;

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.



'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space'
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day.
WE ALL NEED A SMILE!

'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
 
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up
to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on
her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test
to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the
balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a
couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"
 
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, and was confrounted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner, `good morning,` said the young man, `if I could take a few minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate this high- powered vacuum cleaner.`
`Go away!` `I`m broke and haven`t got any money, and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash the man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open `Don`t be too hasty!` he said `Not until you have a demonstration.`
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on the carpet, `If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of the manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat all thats left. the old lady stepped back and said, `Well let me get you a fork cause they cut off my electricity this morning.`
 
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said: "I’m here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." Puzzled, the lawyer asked: "How do you start a flood?"
 
A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts
raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you
going to tell the other Sisters now?"
"I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground,
and raped me twice....unless you're tired." she responded.
 
About 5 minutes after an Okie & his new bride checked into the
honeymoon suite of a fishing resort, the new groom passes thru the
lobby with all his fishing gear, headed for the river.
The desk clerk waves him over. "Hey buddy" he says, "shouldn't you be
upstairs making love to your new bride?"
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got gonorrhea the doc says no
sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"
The next morning, the Okie is on his way thru the lobby with his
fishing gear. Trying to be helpful, the clerk waves him over and
says. "Since you can't have vaginal sex, maybe you could try anal
sex."
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got diarrhea the doc says no
anal sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"
The following morning, again trying to be helpful, the Clerk waves
the Okie over on his way thru the lobby. "Since you can't have
vaginal sex or anal sex, maybe you could coax her into performing
oral sex for you" he says.
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got pyorrhea her dentist says
no oral sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"
The clerk asks the Okie incredulously, Let me get this straight, your
new bride has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea why the hell would
you marry a girl like that?
"Well" says the Okie, "she's got worms too, and I love to fish!"
 
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession:
"Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and
told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said
that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was
Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."
 
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind the wall behind him.
He asked, "What are all these clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "these are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a "lie clock."
Every time you tell a lie, the hands on the clock will move.
"oh, said the man. "And whose clock is that?"
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
Incredible, said the man. "And whose clock is that one."
St. Peter responding , "that's Abraham Lincoln's clock, The hands have moved twice, indicating that he lied twice in his in his entire life."
Where is President Bush's clock,? asked the man."
Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.!
 
A Small White Dot

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy
the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a
piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back
down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him wha t it was. 'It's a period,' he replied.
'I can see that,' said the teacher, 'but what is so exciting about a
period?

'Darned if I know,' he said, 'but this morning my sister was missing
one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door
joined the Army."
 
Recall

The United States Post Office was trying a new stamp that reportedly looked like a woman's vagina.

They eventually had to recall it, learning that 97 percent of men couldn't lick it correctly.
 
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They have seats 3 rows back on the 50 yard line and she follows the plays with great interest.

When the game's over he asks her how she enjoyed it.

"Oh I liked it a lot, all those hunky guys in tight pants with big muscles. I just don't understand all the fuss over some pocket change."

The guy's baffled and asks what she means by that.

"Well, before the game they flipped a coin and then they beat up on each other all that time hollering 'Get the quarterback. Get the quarterback'. I mean Hellooo...it's only twenty-five cents."
 
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took the wallet out my purse, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. 'I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

:eek::eek::eek:
 
Here, let me buy you a cup of coffee!

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5 CLICK ON 'OPEN'
ENJOY!
Don't forget to click on 'OPEN' !!!


Click Here: COFFEE MACHINE
http://www.cartoline.it:80/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf

Hope it works!:) Edited and added the link. Please click on it.
DG
 
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Don't Mess With Southerners

Two businessmen were sitting down for a quick coffee break in their soon-to-be new store. The store isn't ready yet and only a few shelves are set up.



After a few moments rest, a curious southerner walked up to the window and poked his head inside. In a thick southern accent, he asked, "what y'all be selling, fellers?"



One of the shopowners gave a snicker and replied, "we're selling idiots today."



Without missing a beat the southerner said, "well it looks like y'all have done some mighty fine business today, 'cause they's only two left."
 
A few Little Johnny jokes

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... MATH:
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father? The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said, " 6 " replies Johnny.
"But that's right!" "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference? " asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... ENGLISH:
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says," Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says " Mas-tur-bate. "
Miss Rogers smiles and says, " Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful. "
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob. "

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

Very good, Suzie, "replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully. She said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny?

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful,... just fucking beautiful!'"

:eek::eek::eek:
 
A cute quiz. Come on you know you want to try it. :devil: Nobody will know you went there but you. Unless you tellus. :)


I don't know how this works, but it does!

Just click on the link below.


http://joeschwartz.net/quiz.htm

It is a rather harmless and short quiz. :D
DG
 
What do old folks do???

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, Scotch and martinis into urine. And, we're pretty damn good at it too!!

:D:D:D
 
First time???

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel room.

When they're relaxing after a wild ride in bed, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"

She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying, "You might be," she says, "Your face looks familiar."

;););)
 
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