Humiliation

[Gelert Lonewolf]

I have no doubt this has been covered many a time and that I am just to lazy to find previous posts, so I am going to start it all over again.

What do people here think of humiliation, being verbal, physycal and every other form. Any stories of humiliation to acompany your opinion would be a great benifit.

Thank you very much.

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[Brinnie]

i *personaly* am only interested with others interests of this.

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

From previous posts of yours, Brinnie, I gathered this

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[TaintedB]

I like almost all forms of humiliation peformed on me in a sexual context or in a nonsexual one with a sexual partner. There are probably a few oddball things I wouldn't like performed on me. Normally, the closer the humiliation is to the ordinary kind that ordinary cruel people nonsexually involved peform on each other on a daily basis, the less erotic I find it.


There are a few forms of humilation I've seen in bdsm that I don't understand very well or like. One is the small penis thing--I don't get that, maybe because I am not a man. But there's one that seems similar in feel to it for women that I also don't get. It was very popular on yahoo a few years ago: humiliating fat women for their fatness. In other words wallowing in how allegedly disgusting their fat is and what ugly pigs they are. This kind of humilation, strangely enough, attracted huge numbers of women to it, as well as men, and seemed to involve a huge amount of non-sexual cruelty and humiliation. But maybe I only saw it as nonsexual because I am not into this fetish.

Here's a couple links for you:

ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/Orestes/
Story archive, all by one author, with M-f and F-f style stories.

http://www.guyblond.sexyboards.com/
Great storyboard! All styles of stories (M-f, F-m, F-f, etc.) are represented but they aren't always clearly labled, so you have to read a little of the tale to find out if it's one that meets your tastes. This guy has been online for a very long time, started out on the Bianca boards I believe. He keeps moving his messageboard around to various hosts and, for some odd reason, I keep refinding it.

This storyboad has a "no small penis threads!" rule. Just warning you! Also, they steer clear of incest stories, so if you kick is incest humiliation (and there are some great stories involving this theme) you have to go to an incest board and wade through their tales to find the right ones. Usually that isn't too hard to do, a lot of those types of stories involve humiliation for some reason. My favorite kind to read in that genre are the "sexy mom gets humiliated by her sons" or older sister forced into sex by younger brother" sort.

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

Thank you very much, TaintedB, for your response, reply and all the help you have provided.

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[rakastuja]

I guess this is just about my biggest turn on. But unfortunately I have hard time to put it in words.

There are times when humiliation gets me off better than anything else. But when thinking about BDSM context I generally see many humiliation things there just silly. Things like verbal abuse rarely attracts me at all as there someone is kind of "attacking" the sub. I dont think I could feel embarrassed or ashamed. More likely I would feel just offended or start dislike that person.

On other hand when the embarrasment or humiliating situation comes more naturally, from context instead of direct acts, its very arousing. Usually the context has to be at least somewhat sexual. But I dont think I can easily start classifying "this kind of thing would/woundnt turn me on". Its all about mind play and it needs certain kind of thing going on in psychological level.

Once a woman started to call me "slut" because she was damn envious. I knew that she didnt mean to hurt me. I knew that she actually liked me a lot... And all time she called me names I was thinking "omg please continue".

Another very common example is when talking about sex with my friends. I like to perform a bit self humiliation by telling them very honestly all the nasty little secrets I have. I like to get feeling that see me really perverted. I get really embarrassed and ashamed telling those things but same time its a huge turn on.

Those feelings are something I time to time really crave for - I have done really weird things to get those feelings. I guess, if I go to psychology for a while, its my way to cope my sensitivy to what others think about me. Deep down Im afraid about shame so much that I feel need to turn it to something sexual when ever its possible in safe enviroment - just like it is when you are with a good friend or when you are sure that you getting humiliated turns someone else on.

 

[rakastuja]

Just something that came to my mind...

Some years ago I had a spanking fantasy. I really considered it as a huge turn on and eventually I got it carried out. I got spanked.

It was boring.

I then wanted to try it much harder. I got spanked. It hurted. I cried. But it was still boring.

Later on I have realized that in my spanking fantasies the spanking is just a stage where I fantasized about humiliation. Now if there would be someone I care watching me getting spanked, it would most likely be completely different thing.

 

[rosco rathbone]

It seems that some element of causing humiliation is present in pretty much all of my sexual activity. I think that it must represent something deeper. I often think in terms of conquest and indeed, I can never read accounts of ancient conquests, the sacking of cities, the emslavement of the women folk, the humiliating extraction of tribute, kings forced to bend the knee---etc etc---without feeling "sexually turned on".

Lately reading The Iliad almost as pornography--one hand always on my unit-- and finding the arrogance of Achilles to be very stimulating.

Humiliation I suppose is the best way to remind the conquered races that they are now subjects of an alien crown. Is it something in our very chimpanzee brains that makes us enjoy not merely victory but the gratuitous act of trampling the fallen foe (I speak in metaphor)?

 

[Stefani]

Can't say that I am attracted to the idea of being humiliated, but the Domme women I've been involved with in the past used it rather effectively.

One thing that comes to mind... When I was very young, early 20's and still living as a boy and just starting to x-dress, my Domme Mistress Marlena, bought me pairs of women's panties and told me to wear them under my boy clothes all the time. The very first time, we were out at a restaurant, and she kept talking very loudly, asking me how my panties felt... were they too tight... how did I like the feel of the lace... weren't they pretty, etc... She kept doing this, even in front of our waitress, knowing that her words had me squirming in my seat in utter mortification. The redder I blushed, the greater Marlena's amusement. She loved embarrassing me like that, as a definite sadist, it gave her great pleasure.

On another occasion, we went to visit her sister in New York City, and the three of us were going to go to an S&M club called the Vault in Manhattan. I'd never met Marlena's sister Patti before. Marlena was twice my age, in her 40's but Patti was younger, in her early 30's, and strictly vanilla. After the two women got changed to go out to the Vault, Marlena called me into the bedroom and told me to strip naked. Patti got up to leave, but Marlena told her, no, to stay and watch. Patti blushed as deeply as I did. I undressed in front of the two women. When I was naked Marlena brought out some lingerie she wanted me to wear under my boy clothes, including a garter belt and stockings. Patti watched in utter fascination. I felt completely humiliated, but just did as i was told. Marlena also put my penis in some form of restraint... i forget which... It hurt terribly. Later, during the night, it hurt so much I went into the bathroom at the Vault and took the restraint off and threw it away... all of which cost me a good beating when we got home.

I found things like that, Marlena dominating me in front of someone else, particularly someone that wasn't into the "scene", all very humiliating... but at the same time, rather exciting.

Steffie

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

Thank you very much for your opinions and insight, it has been veryu usefull and I hope many more people will be sharing their views and expressing their opinions and I look forward to each and every one.

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[smy3th]

deleted

 

[laurel-marie]

Humiliation can either make me extremely turned on or make me want to curl up in a cornor and hide. Depends on the subject, delivery and setting. Saddly I have self esteem issues...mine being very low(I know, not a good thing blah, blah, blah). Happily though, I am with someone who knows me enough that during the times he decides to use humiliation I seldom feel the need to curl up and hide.

 

[sophia jane]

I guess I'm in the minority on this. I don't find any kind of humiliatoin a turn-on. Just the opposite in fact. All it does is make me want to withdraw- definite self-esteem issues with me, I think.

SJ

 

[rakastuja]

I guess I'm in the minority on this. I don't find any kind of humiliatoin a turn-on. Just the opposite in fact. All it does is make me want to withdraw- definite self-esteem issues with me, I think.

I think you're in majority of population - possibly in minority at BDSM Talk

 

[sophia jane]

I think you're in majority of population - possibly in minority at BDSM Talk

Right- that's what I meant to say.

SJ

 

[smy3th]

deleted

 

[sophia jane]

I'm not quite sure how you can have a av of a slave in chains sucking cock, and say you don't like humiliation. Maybe it depends on how you define humiliation.

It probably does depend on the definition of humiliation. I don't consider bondage or cock-sucking humiliation, at least not generally. And as far as the av, it's just a picture I liked. Maybe it does give the wrong impression- I don't know.

I don't want to feel bad about myself, so I guess what I meant was that I don't care for anything that causes that.

Probably still not being clear- apologies.

SJ

 

[rakastuja]

It probably does depend on the definition of humiliation. I don't consider bondage or cock-sucking humiliation, at least not generally. And as far as the av, it's just a picture I liked. Maybe it does give the wrong impression- I don't know.

Humiliation is purely psychological. Some acts can be generally viewed as humiliating, but in the end its all about what you feel as humiliating.

Its a big thing to me but still its so difficult to explain. I cant ever tell just a list of things that would humiliate me in an arousing way. Its not really the acts but the context and persons who are involved. And there are different kind of those feelings.

For example, I can feel really embarrassed and ashamed confessing to someone that I like humiliation. And then to someone else I can tell like I would tell which brand of coffee I prefer. Humiliation is always about what you believe other would think about you.

I like most that cozy embarrassed feeling when I feel Im observed as "a dirty slut" and I get all the attention but still feel secure enough that Im liked.

 

[sophia jane]

I like most that cozy embarrassed feeling when I feel Im observed as "a dirty slut" and I get all the attention but still feel secure enough that Im liked.

I get what you're saying. I don't that kind of situation has arisen for me yet. I think the feeling secure enough part is probably where the problem comes in for me. Perhaps when I do feel secure in being liked, I'll feel differently about humiliation.

SJ

 

[beautifulstrife]

I like debasement more than pure humiliation I guess... the idea of being reduced to an object, a slave. I think the only things that could really humiliate me would not be fun to experience... and things that are sexual that are used as humiliation tools are too fun to be humiliating *laughs*

 

[MintSoda]

I love it in the confines of the bedroom relationship and I definitely agree with whoever said debasement is a total turn on. I've loved being called a slut or whore by Mistresses, but I liked it even more when they treated me like a sex toy. The name calling gets dulled after a bit though. I mean if she only refers to me as "slut" eventually it just becomes a word. Name calling has to be mixed up and it goes so much better with debasement.

I agree on the spanking thing too. I loved the fantasy of it and then the first time I got spanked I was thinking "okay let's do something else, this is boring."

I'm not a foot fan either, so maybe that cuts back on a bit of humiliation for me. Being made to lick boots or feet really isn't sexy at all for me.

I had a Mistress that called me her "toy holder" and she wouldn't let me use my hands when holding her toys...use your imagination on that.

 

[Killishandra]

What'd you call me?

First of all, I haven't experienced alot of either verbal or physical humiliation, but since it factors heavily into alot of my fantasies I strongly suspect I'll like it just as much in reality as I do in fantasy.

I have (in the past) gotten one boyfriend to call me "Slut" a few times in bed whilst pulling my hair from behind and such... He wouldn't go any farther with the name calling on his own, and didn't respond well to my urging (during talk before sex) to be "dirtier" with me, unfortunately. Seems I always attract the reserved ones.

I have also found that the quickest way to get myself off is to talk from my "Dom's" perspective... i.e., say outloud some of the nasty things I'd like to be told, including various name calling. And long before I had the nerve to call myself names I was putting myself into masturbation positions that I found humiliating and titillating. For instance, as early as age 15 I remember getting highly aroused anytime I had to get onto my hands and knees for something... Even having to mess with the cords behind the T.V. for a few minutes in that position made me want to get fucked! (I also remember getting into a doggy-style position in the shower, ass thrust into the air, head low, and fucking myself with my hairbrush handle... )

What I'd looooove to know is _why_ humiliation turns me on. Non-sexual humiliation definitely makes me uncomfortable. I mean, no one likes to be called names outside the bedroom (no one that I know of, anyway,) and having really mean things said in the bedroom (like being called fat, or stupid, etc) probably wouldn't do shit except make me feel resentful towards the person.

I'm sure most people ask themselves why humiliation does it for them. I have one theory, and it's that humiliation and degredation are some sort of release for me. I don't have to be the Golden Girl, I don't have to be smart, or funny, or intellectual, or a good sister/daughter/friend/WHATEVER..... All those burdens are removed, and I only have to be a slut, a whore, eye-candy, or even just a set of holes to be used.

Eh, just some ramblings from a BDSM newbie... Someday when I experience it I will have a little more to contribute on the subject.

 

[Aeroil]

I actually don't enjoy any humiliation to anything other than a very mild degree, apparently quite the rare trait in a male sub. Probably because of my rather delicate self-esteem, I've had problems with it before, for sure.

 

[smy3th]

deleted

 

[TaintedB]

I don't want to feel bad about myself, so I guess what I meant was that I don't care for anything that causes that.

Agreed. Almost nobody likes feeling bad about themselves. I'm a glutton for most humiliation, probably because it doesn't make me feel bad about myself--it just arouses me intensely. Temporarily it can be hard to deal with, but over the longterm I remember it fondly. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, I draw the line at non-sexual humiliation. Certain types of humiliation enjoyment are hard for me to understand, though, like the fuckpig stuff, although I do wonder what goes through peoples' minds when they experience it. Are they feeling any bad at all or is it all good for them?