Humiliation

[Netzach]

For a lot of the people I do serious humiliation/psychological play with, the edge of "bad" is what makes it erotic and exciting. You still have to make sure that there's more "ok" than "bad" for the experience to not go totally south, it's definitely an edgy and risky way to play, but that risk is part of the appeal, frankly.

One way I play it safe while playing it unsafe, is that I let some of this catharsis kind of play come to me from the bottom up, I don't impose it. I would never suggest or just start going off on how fat a woman is in a scene unless I knew she had some desire or interest in that direction unless it had been talked out and frankly, unless she'd asked for it in some uncertain terms at some point in those discussions...it would be like doing gunplay with someone without knowing their feelings about it one way or the other.

So I know my slave very well, I know the hot buttons in his life and the triggers and the edgy areas, and which ones are safe to play with and which are not yet, and which are just off limits...at least for now.

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

Thanks all for your replies and sorry I couldnt have responded sooner, my internet has been down. I must admit, I am really glad there is two viewpoint being expressed here. I have posted before and sometimes the thread becomes one sided and that is not what is intended, or even, in any way, shape or form, usefull.

Well, catch ya'll later. Take care.

 

[rakastuja]

I can think couple reasons why humiliation can be a turn on.

First reason is based on "real shame". I think many of us carry some kind knowledge that general audience could be disgusted with what we like. Shame is a powerful thing in society - many choose death over that anytime. Its a scary thing. Getting sexually turned on safe humiliation, can be just a way to cope that fear of real shame.

You know deep down your "social senses" tell you that you deserve shame on you. You perhaps even feel quilty for things you love in sex. Humiliation gives you that punishment and satisfies some thing deep down there. I know Im very open-minded myself. I know there's nothing bad in things I like - they dont harm anyone. But still same time I know that people would see me perverted and society would see things I doo as "shameful".

Another reason could be what I wrote about in earlier post: Getting attention. What does a child do when she doesnt get her mothers attention? Changes are that she does something "bad" to get it even though she would know that she will get "punished" for doing it. Its all about provoking.

It dont suite quite so well in BDSM scene maybe but I think this is partly what it is about with me. I seek embarrassement time to time. I seek feeling ashamed. It all usually has some others who dont give me "right kind of attention" and then doing something "bad" after which they think Im disgusting/perverted/weirdo which is the "punishment" there.

Hmm.. run out of coffee.. Hope this made some sense. I dont have psychological studies so this is just my rambling after looking into bathroom mirror.

I have written couple times about this in my blog but I couldnt quickly find anything to copy paste. I really should start putting keywords there.

 

[Killishandra]

Well I don't know about anyone else, but that paragraph sure turned me on! I'm about to start masturbating right here at my desk thinking about it.

*blush* hehe, thanks... I didn't know it would come off that way! woohoo!

 

[sphynx's dragon]

I actually don't enjoy any humiliation to anything other than a very mild degree, apparently quite the rare trait in a male sub. Probably because of my rather delicate self-esteem, I've had problems with it before, for sure.

Sounds like me several years ago. Don't worry too much though...give it a few years and your self-esteem will probably buck up. It just takes experience to develop an iron hard view of yourself. Funny though...that's when the whole humiliation thing got much more fun...hmmmm....

 

[smy3th]

deleted

 

[Aeroil]

Sounds like me several years ago. Don't worry too much though...give it a few years and your self-esteem will probably buck up. It just takes experience to develop an iron hard view of yourself. Funny though...that's when the whole humiliation thing got much more fun...hmmmm....

lol, perhaps it is just the youth thing, Draggie, but I dunno, being told I'm worthless really isn't a turn-on at the moment.

 

[smy3th]

deleted

 

[Aeroil]

It depends on what else is happening at the same time. If you are getting sexual attention while they tell you how you are going to be thoroughly punished for your worthlessness and make to keep doing it until you get it right, it makes a BIG difference.

To you, I'm sure it does, to me, I'm not so sure, I really don't like punishment, ESPECIALLY if I've done nothing wrong, that pisses me off. And even if it's not really punishment, if they're calling it that then it still pisses me off....
ugh, now I'm delving into my psyche and I'm getting lost.....

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Sphynx's Dragon,

That girl walking the dragon could walk me on her leash anytime.

That's generally the reason She HAS me on one....

 

[sphynx's dragon]

lol, perhaps it is just the youth thing, Draggie, but I dunno, being told I'm worthless really isn't a turn-on at the moment.

There are of course many different types...being told I'm worthless doesn't do anything for me either...since I know my own worth. But for example being reminded of my place when my big mouth has gotten me in trouble again..well...<shrug>

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

Ah, tis all becoming very interesting. I do think self-esteem plays a major role in things. If someone is not sure of themselfs, I think the last thing needed is humiliation because it could drive them to depression.

But I do think some maturity is required to fully enjoy humiliation.

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[TaintedB]

For instance, as early as age 15 I remember getting highly aroused anytime I had to get onto my hands and knees for something... Even having to mess with the cords behind the T.V. for a few minutes in that position made me want to get fucked! (I also remember getting into a doggy-style position in the shower, ass thrust into the air, head low, and fucking myself with my hairbrush handle... )

Heh, you sure bring back the memories! I did something similar when I was 15. Same pose, but on my bed next to the window when it was pitch black outside, and I had my curtains wide open (I didn't have an "upstairs" bedroom, btw, nor one that faced the back yard ), but I think the object was a pen and the orifice my anus. As I masturbated I fantasized that one of the cute neighborhood boys would walk by, see me, and then run and get his friends. I felt quite daring doing this, and liked to imagine that they talked about me behind my back all the time.

 

[Killishandra]

Heh, you sure bring back the memories! I did something similar when I was 15. Same pose, but on my bed next to the window when it was pitch black outside, and I had my curtains wide open (I didn't have an "upstairs" bedroom, btw, nor one that faced the back yard ), but I think the object was a pen and the orifice my anus. As I masturbated I fantasized that one of the cute neighborhood boys would walk by, see me, and then run and get his friends. I felt quite daring doing this, and liked to imagine that they talked about me behind my back all the time.

You stuck a pen in your butt??
What a slut.

 

[shy slave]

lol, perhaps it is just the youth thing, Draggie, but I dunno, being told I'm worthless really isn't a turn-on at the moment.

Verbal humiliation is a big turn-on for me, but being called worthless is not a part of that.

Filthy, dirty slut

Fuck meat

Gutter whore

Piece of crap

Then being made to beg to be called those things or repeating the words ~ useless nor worthless are not words used but it still feels humiliating.

Many of us remember times when we have been called those things with vehemence from people who alledgedly cared about us. Most PYL's would respect that.

If you read shadowsdream new thread on planning a scene you can always say what would be considered a limit, then if the Domme is worth her title she won't go there....just yet.

Hope that helps

 

[Marquis]

There are some unusual coincidences in this world.

 

[TaintedB]

Verbal humiliation is a big turn-on for me, but being called worthless is not a part of that.

Filthy, dirty slut

Fuck meat

Gutter whore

Piece of crap

....

Hope that helps

I am having a full-fledged blonde day today. (my apologies to the blondes--perhaps I should say "bimbo moment", er "bimbo day"--see what I mean?) Could you tell me if the phrases you used are examples of the kind of humiliation you like or examples of the kind you hate. The reason I'm asking is because some of those prhases seem to be synonymic with "worthless" which you say you don't like.

 

[shy slave]

I am having a full-fledged blonde day today. (my apologies to the blondes--perhaps I should say "bimbo moment", er "bimbo day"--see what I mean?) Could you tell me if the phrases you used are examples of the kind of humiliation you like or examples of the kind you hate. The reason I'm asking is because some of those prhases seem to be synonymic with "worthless" which you say you don't like.

Sorry if i wasn't clear and forced you into a 'blonde moment' lol

They are examples of alternatives to using the actual word 'worthless' or 'useless'.

It can be the actual use of the words 'worthless' or 'useless' that has a demeaning long term effect; alternative wordoing is one way of enjoying humiliation without damage to self-esteem.

 

[Marquis]

To me, the point of verbal humiliation is that it is just a fantasy. People often have different sensitivities, but I think like most other things in bdsm, these are limits that can be pushed when trust is established.

 

[TaintedB]

To me, the point of verbal humiliation is that it is just a fantasy. People often have different sensitivities, but I think like most other things in bdsm, these are limits that can be pushed when trust is established.

I agree it's a fantasy in that you probably don't in your heart of hearts feel that way entirely toward the person you're doing the VA with, but to me it's "tangier" if it both hits close to home and if the person doing the VA seems to really feel at least some of it.

 

[Gelert Lonewolf]

I suppose it is all about trust. It's like a friendship. I insult my friends all the time, calling them whatever names I can think of. But I know, if I tried that on some random stranger on the street then I would probobly get my arse kicked lol.

Though I don't really think the person giving the Verbal Humiliation needs to belive some part of what their saying. It makes it to personal, to much like an argument. Also, if I tired that with my S/O then I couldn't.

I don't think, in any way, shape or form that she is a slut. So thats half the verbal humiliation vocabulary I know out the window then So, I do think that you can say things you 100% don't mean.

Catch ya later. Take care.

 

[Molly_O15]

My thoughts

Bondage, cock sucking or a spanking are not humiliating really. It would be to find yourself doing these things in front of other people without expecting or really wanting to. That I would find a turn-on. It would be humiliating because you are exposed and can do nothing to stop it or stop the actions being done with you at the time. For me cases like this would be being given a bare bottom spanking by a strong partner at a party and I can't stop him from pulling down my pants and undies and exposing my bottom half to everyone. or being tied naked to the bed when a guy turns on a web cam or invites friends to watch him do things to me. Not that I have really done those things but they would be stimulating and humiliating at the same time. On the other hand is it really humillation or just an excuse to do what you want to do but would not have the nerve to do unless you have the excuse of being tied up. You end up getting the thrill of doing something in public yet you are removed from the guilt because you are powerless at that moment to stop it.

 

[rakastuja]

Ah, tis all becoming very interesting. I do think self-esteem plays a major role in things. If someone is not sure of themselfs, I think the last thing needed is humiliation because it could drive them to depression.

But I do think some maturity is required to fully enjoy humiliation.

Catch ya later. Take care.

Somehow I would have said that humiliation tickles more person with poor or damaged self-esteem. Yes in unsure environment it probably hurts way too much and goes directly into mental violence.

A person with healthy and strong self-esteem is not easily humiliated. Especially if that person chooses voluntarily to get humiliated.

Among submissive fantasies rape, losing power/control and losing dignity are very common. I think humiliation in some level is all about those... and when you are afraid and unsure about your self-esteem its more natural to fantasize those through humiliation scenarios.

Or not. Im once again mostly talking about myself

 

[smy3th]

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[wolf2002]

In my experience humiliation can be a useful way for disciplining... but I agree with Netzach, it's risky business... physical bruises go away, mental bruises have a tendency to stay...

Wolf