Humilation & Degradation

[subish2009]

<snip>
In the military someone of lower rank is not lesser of a person but they do have less power. That is how I see the degradation in my relationship. He does not look down on me, I am not less. I am his property. More of an objectification type of thing

And CM's quote: "...that moment where you realize something inside you just went *ping!* and suddenly you're doing or wanting or begging for things no self-respecting, confidant, intelligent, kick-ass woman would ever consider doing, wanting, [needing], or begging to do."

humiliation, for me, done with someone who has a vested interest in me, feels like facing fear or truths i dont want to confront. degradation is all about taking away a lot of the pride/ego stuff that keeps me from being as open as i need to be.
<snip>

Yes! These all resonate with me so much! Especially the bolded parts. We don't do true humiliation. I tend to think of it that way, but I think it's mostly more objectification. Forced exhibitionism. But it takes some degradation to get me out of my normal smart-ass petulance into my happy, intense subspace...to separate me from my ego and any resistance to his control. I thrive under degradation and objectification. I feel adored in that space. Safe and useful and humbled. Humiliation would do nothing for me.

 

[Homburg]

I don't call anyone I'm with "stupid" or "ugly" or "worthless" etc. Why would I? They're untrue. It does nothing for me to lie about such things. The closest I get is "whore" or somesuch that has colloquial connotations that could be correct at the moment.

The humiliation aspect comes in when I tell her to admit to what she feels, what she wants. Nothing more. She is humiliated by her own desires and needs. In essence, she does the work, I simply set up the scenario in which she can be humiliated by her own lust.

I can push anyone's buttons. It is more interesting by far to lay their fingers on their own buttons and watch them push.

I think that I have a lack of vocabulary here because I do not fetishize humiliation. The concept itself does not turn me on. It's another method I can use to achieve my ends, nothing more.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I don't call anyone I'm with "stupid" or "ugly" or "worthless" etc. Why would I? They're untrue. It does nothing for me to lie about such things. The closest I get is "whore" or somesuch that has colloquial connotations that could be correct at the moment.

The humiliation aspect comes in when I tell her to admit to what she feels, what she wants. Nothing more. She is humiliated by her own desires and needs. In essence, she does the work, I simply set up the scenario in which she can be humiliated by her own lust.

I can push anyone's buttons. It is more interesting by far to lay their fingers on their own buttons and watch them push.

I think that I have a lack of vocabulary here because I do not fetishize humiliation. The concept itself does not turn me on. It's another method I can use to achieve my ends, nothing more.

Yes. That.

 

[subish2009]

I don't call anyone I'm with "stupid" or "ugly" or "worthless" etc. Why would I? They're untrue. It does nothing for me to lie about such things. The closest I get is "whore" or somesuch that has colloquial connotations that could be correct at the moment.

The humiliation aspect comes in when I tell her to admit to what she feels, what she wants. Nothing more. She is humiliated by her own desires and needs. In essence, she does the work, I simply set up the scenario in which she can be humiliated by her own lust.

I can push anyone's buttons. It is more interesting by far to lay their fingers on their own buttons and watch them push.

I think that I have a lack of vocabulary here because I do not fetishize humiliation. The concept itself does not turn me on. It's another method I can use to achieve my ends, nothing more.

Yes. That.

Yes, EXACTLY that! And also that third bit. God, I love that. My online D is so effing good at making me do that.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Yes, EXACTLY that! And also that third bit. God, I love that. My online D is so effing good at making me do that.

That was all I had this morning before coffee, but upon further reflection, it does fairly accurately express what I like.

The interrogation. The confession. The realisation that I would indeed do whatever is asked to relieve that pestering ache, that I have no shame, that I've been reduced to that.

Indeedy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That was all I had this morning before coffee, but upon further reflection, it does fairly accurately express what I like.

The interrogation. The confession. The realisation that I would indeed do whatever is asked to relieve that pestering ache, that I have no shame, that I've been reduced to that.

Indeedy.

...I don't get it...

When you say you have no shame, my reaction is duh-- why should you?

It's like I'm tone deaf or colorblind to these nuances.

Which means that I can't top someone using this stuff, either, it's so meaningless to me.

Interesting, isn't it?

 

[fuckmeat]

...I don't get it...

When you say you have no shame, my reaction is duh-- why should you?

It's like I'm tone deaf or colorblind to these nuances.

Which means that I can't top someone using this stuff, either, it's so meaningless to me.

Interesting, isn't it?

I think it all stems back from the 'good girls don't' thing we get instilled in us by parents, religion or whatever else shapes our morals. There's also the fact that less enlightened men can easily confuse sexual liberation with indiscriminate promiscuity or the 'if I do this he'll think I'm a total slut' thing. Dominant guys can have a lot of fun playing with a girl's inner prude.

At least that's what I interpret it as.

 

[Dearelliot]

not for everyonne

I find that Humiliation/degradation is just another special room I enjoy venturing into...Like eating in a restaurant with a special decor...Asian, african, european castle etc when I walk out of there I dont consider myself Asian or African etc..Im still the same old me. I wonder if having grown up playing cowboys and indians didnt prepare me well for the make believe game of D/s. That said I would never invite a person to join me at a restaurant that offered a cuisine that my guests would not enjoy.

 

[Leopald]

I agree with dearelliot on this much, in that my style often varies based on the sub I'm playing with. Not everyone enjoys or even can handle a good mental beating, just like not everyone can enjoy or handle a physical one. Throughout my experience as a D, I've really tried to 'test' the waters in as much of the Labels and styles as possible; anything from beloved pets, to owning a puppygirl, using a fuckdoll, capturing masochists, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. I still have a lot to try and learn, but I say this only to support the idea. One style and one degree of it rarely works on more than one individual.

That said, mental domination (including humiliation/degradation) is often much more effective in an online setting than physical. You can 'play' beat a sub with a cyber whip, or even come up with painful tasks for them to complete by themselves. But mind games really do go straight to the core of subs that respond well to them, regardless of distance. In RL, when I'm in 'sadist mode', I usually still rely on the mental aspect with physical pain thrown in for spice. I try to find their biggest insecurities and play on them, the degree of play available depends largely on the person. For example, sometimes the simplest ways are to simply ignore. Highly effective, and any sub that cares would rather go through a night of extreme mental and physical pain than endure a single night of being treated as if they don't exist. I eat the dinner they've prepared in silence, don't make eye contact, don't acknowledge their chores or tasks, don't give them new ones, basically just go out of my way to wipe their existence from my mind for the night. Drives them more to question themselves and their own worth than most anything I can do. Another part of making them press their own damn buttons.

Another example is playing the disgusted D. They mess up, and you just can't bring yourself to even touch them for punishment. Force them to physically beat themselves, all the while playing the simpler games of 'look at what you're doing to yourself... you are one fucked up slut'. I have been known to threaten girls insecure with their own bodies that I would throw them out of the house naked and lock the door. I've threatened to give away to groups of friends for gangbang fodder if I'm not pleased. With a certain someone, I've told that I would never give them the chance to be able to please me by using her holes. But she's a particularly fucked up little cunt with all kinds of issues, and she loves and adores a good mindfuck.

The degrees and style vary by person and target, but my favorite is of the mental sadist with a strong arm to add physical spice. Just so delicious to peel back the layers and get the sub to help with their own demise. Of course, just as style is important, so is the level of aftercare. Some need a lot, some don't. Figuring out just how much can be a game in and of itself.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Netzach]

I'm not always a truth fetisist to the point where I won't call a guy with an IQ higher than mine a dipshit insect brained lardass. And where it won't be mutually enjoyable.

I think part of the excitement with "stupid" is for people who never ever hear that kind of thing, so it's exciting. It's titillating. They think of the ways they might be stupid - all that higher math is one thing, but sweet talking a girl leaves him a mouth breathing turd with a hardon.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Joking with the other folks in line and the cashier at clerk when i'm buying my pullups.

Not fun although overall it does help me be more comfortable with the fact that i really love my pullups.

They are just for "in case" i don't actally NEED them. Its just for in case.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think it all stems back from the 'good girls don't' thing we get instilled in us by parents, religion or whatever else shapes our morals. There's also the fact that less enlightened men can easily confuse sexual liberation with indiscriminate promiscuity or the 'if I do this he'll think I'm a total slut' thing. Dominant guys can have a lot of fun playing with a girl's inner prude.

At least that's what I interpret it as.

Oh gosh, that just gave me a twinge.

I don't know how many times my grandmother and mother referred to me as 'the good, sensible, girl' - they'd be horrified at some of the things I get up to.

And I do so very much like it when he purrs out a 'good girl' when I've done something particularly.. blergh. It's so different to my usual 'good girls' and just intensifies everything.

 

[Essene]

I tend to praise my pyls during humiliating/degrading/objectification scenes to a certain extent. I think it's strength, taking something that "ought" to be shameful and turning it into pleasure.

I do let people know that, in negotiation-- that I don't do verbal abuse, and I have known a couple folk that wanted that in particular who decided not to play with me. Likewise if I'm bottoming. When a top started talking abuse at me, one time, I started laughing. It just didn't make any sense to me.

You know what? When I bottom that's totally my thing. It's not the typical humiliation/degradation that I get into. I get my rocks off on condescending praise.

With the verbal stuff I think in the past I've either laughed, rolled my eyes, or gotten so annoyed that I was like "yo, I'm out, peace." But to get a "good girl" just does it for me. -Has to be patronizing though.

Oddly enough it goes against the likes of my non-sexual personality. (Yes, I have a rather stoic, sarcastic public persona that thrives on being respected, and adored.) My bedroom personality is a super sly kinky devil, and when I get attached I can be an emotional masochist to the umpteenth power.

 

[Dearelliot]

Re humiliation

I dont care for name calling, insults..etc..what I like is the woman is required to perform humiliating acts that supposedly she doesnt wish to do...made to masturbate while being watched etc...Not unlike men being forced to go down on a lady when in fact they would gladly pay her for the privilege...but all part of role play