How'd you meet your partner?

[elysium_quester]

If you're with someone, I've got a slightly stupid question that I'd like to ask more as a poll than anything else, or even about past relationships for all you singletons.

Did you get together knowing that the other liked to dominate/be dominated or was BDSM something that got introduced into an established relationship later on?

You can include the story that I know most couples like to tell (how you met, etc). I'm actually kind of interested in that story, particularly how 24/7 relationships started or if they are just regular relationships taken to the next level, similar to marriage.

(Pardon the excess n00bness, please. If you can, that is)

 

[FurryFury]

I met my partner at a D&D game. I was there with my partner at the time. I only marry gamers. LOL

I always thought something was wrong with me. I could never understand why I fantasized about rape and "darker" things rather than slow motion running through fields of flowers, into each others arms and "lighter" things.

For years I really just wanted to be able to shut my brain off because it never stopped bringing up images that I didn't feel were okay.

When I married my current partner I was pregnant by my soon, (but not soon enough, never soon enough), to be ex. He had date raped me and then continued to rape me all during our marriage. His special trick was to make me come so that in his own mind it couldn't be called rape.

My special trick was to fantasize about rape (my kind, not what he was actually doing) and other things in order to come so he'd stop. My other special trick was to call our relationship love. Oh the mental gymnastics I went through. I gave him everything I had.

A decade later he walked out. I thought I would die. I also thought I would be alone. After all I was still married and pregnant. Several friends however showed a good bit of interest at a time when I could promise them very little other than honesty as I knew it then. Honestly is pretty hard when you don't really know yourself that well.

One of them had what it took. He could be a parent, lover and friend. So we began. I didn't tell him I was a sub or kinky. I hadn't allowed myself to accept that or understand it. To be honest, I was pretty thoroughly messed up sexually. He made me feel secure in a way my ex never did and in just a few weeks versus a decade.

He was always patient with me. He believed me when I said I enjoyed sex and wanted it all the time even though I couldn't come for about the first two years. Together we slowly exorcised the abusive past and built a pretty good and active sex life.

About a decade after that, while role playing online, I discovered power exchange and OH MY GOD, it totally blew my mind. He and I had loooong talks. I began to role play sex and D/s online. I then began to demand and expect sex constantly. I always had new things to try.

He would typically freak out about it, whatever it was. Then slowly accept and try it. We had glorious days and nights. Eventually he even shared his kinks with me. They were not at all the same as mine but we tried them too.

For a while there I had to weigh what was most important to me, some possible fantasy come to life with the exact kink I desired or my relationship and family. I chose my relationship with someone that actually likes, and loves me as I am. For me that was and continues to be the right decision.

However, if I could go back in time I would not get married the first time, or have my kids when I did. I would instead explore my kinky side far earlier.

Turns out we are both subs sexually. We sometimes take turns attempting to top one another and do that kinky thing each other likes. More often we just try to find time, even going so far as to schedule what I call maintenance sex.

For a while there I let my guilt win out and put him in charge of sex. That hasn't gone well at all. He will take eating, sports and computer time over sex far, far too often. Turns out he enjoyed me taking the initiative. So I'm working my way back up to that or trying to.

Menopause probably hasn't been helping much. I swear my brain is off line in general and it's not taking to my pink bits much at all. If sex hadn't always been such a big part of me and my "go to" place when I'm feeling insecure, I'd probably just never think about it at all.

Soon however we will have more potential time together with the kids going off. I have been checking for job listings that will help my schedule work better with his. That's not easy he works several shifts in rotation.

I plan to have a really sweet delve back into more kink as we have more compatible schedules and time. Since I waited to have sex until I got married or in reality was date raped at 21 I feel I missed out on a great deal of sex. So I plan to be having sex as long as my body can.

 

[knot_sweet]

I met my partner many years ago, when we used to work together. Never had more than conversation and none of it sexual.

Some years later, I developed an interest in BDSM. Played in a distance relationship, prefered face to face, had a few casual encounters and one semi serious longer relationship.

A couple of years ago, I got in touch with my old work colleague when I discovered we weren't too far apart.

Our first date was a play session.

And we haven't looked back.

 

[seela]

We met online in a non-kinky chat room, but ended up talking about kink among other things. After our first chat we met in person.

I knew I was going to move away a couple of months later, so it was supposed to be just an innocent little summer fling, but my plans changed and I stayed in the same town with him a year longer than I first thought I would. And even after I moved, somehow I found myself visiting him pretty much every weekend and all holidays, and no matter how hard we tried to break up and find other people (because I really didn't have 200 euros a month to blow on train tickets and we were deep in denial about the nature of our summer fling of a relationship), we just never quite managed to do that.

We were in a LDR for 2,5 years, then I moved in with him about a year ago for the summer. In September last year I moved to another country for what was supposed to be the culmination of my never-ending studies, but ended up being kinda waste of time. And since February I'm back with him again.

So that's our story in a nutshell.

 

[Cattypuss]

adultfriendfinder. He was married and looking for some no-strings stuff on the side (with his wife's permission) and my marriage was recently finished and I was looking for some no-strings stuff.

Three+ years on, we're in love and we're a monogamous couple and his marriage is completely finished

 

[catalina_francisco]

Internet dating site when both of us were looking for someone to form a D/s relationship with. You might find How Did You Meet Your Current Partner/s? thread and poll interesting also.

Catalina

 

[nimoway80]

.......

 

[satindesire]

Met my husband at work when I lived in Santa Rosa. I came out as "kinky" to him about a year into our relationship. We are 24/7 but less "whips and chains" and more "traditional Stepford Wife 1950's" life.

Met my girlfriend at Fetlife. She knew I was kinky before we began dating.

 

[MsRoseEvans]

I met my husband while we were both still in school, before I was ready to accept that I was bisexual, and before I even knew what BDSM was. He helped me through that really awkward period when I was scared of labels.

It was a few years later through a work collegue that I was introduced to the topic of BDSM and was very interested in all he had to say. I discussed it with my partner, though I was worried he would think it was too weird for him, and he was very understanding. He made it clear that while he wasn't interested in the lifestyle and he would participate to make me happy.

Over the years we have experimented with aspects of BDSM, though not as much as I would like. We are doing a lot more recently which is making me hopeful. I'm not sure if we could ever become 24/7, but a girl can dream. In the meantime I'm very grateful for what he does give me.