How would You keep the attention of a submissive with ADD/ADHD
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CutieMouse
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If they actually had ADD/ADHD, I'd recognize it as a biochemical imbalance, educate myself on the subject, and work with my partner/their medical team to resolve whatever issues the disorder is causing on their/our lives. (therapy, routine, meds, etc)
If they were simply blaming bad behavior on "ADD/ADHD" with no improvement, I'd presume we were A) mismatched, B) they operated under a different definition of submissive than myself, and/or C) not worth my time and attention.
If they were simply blaming bad behavior on "ADD/ADHD" with no improvement, I'd presume we were A) mismatched, B) they operated under a different definition of submissive than myself, and/or C) not worth my time and attention.
midwestyankee
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Ah, CM, always the first responder with logic and reason.
Trolltroll420
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Unfortunately people with add and ADHD re not capable if having long term relationships unless they are medicated.
MellowTone
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Ummmmm, yeah, gonna hafta go ahead and kind of disagree with you on that one.
OP, AD(H)D is not something that necessarily affects someone's ability to commit, to be a supportive partner, or to be a party of a healthy relationship. When you ask how to keep such a sub's attention, I'm not sure if you mean keep her interested in you long term or like, keep her focused on one activity for an hour or whatever. AD(H)D probably isn't a factor in the first concern. As to the second, I can make better recommendations if I know what kind of activities we're taking about. Sitting through a movie? A serious conversation? A bondage play session?
I have been told by a licensed therapist that I am the best self-treating ADHD adult she has ever seen. I am in a very happy D/s relationship, as the sub. I have had several long-term, healthy relationships. Feel free to PM me.
Noor
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Nonsense.
desertslave
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Utter bullshit! My first marriage lasted almost 15 years and mostly ended because he was chronically depressed and refused to seek treatment. There were other issues but none of them were related to my unmedicated ADD. I've done meds in the past, along with intensive behavior mod. I'm not everybody else's normal, but I'm extremely functional most of the time.
I've been with my Master/husband for 14 years and don't see it ending any time soon, unless one of us is taken out feet first. I supposed one could argue that I've been medicated with endorphins, but that's not really to treat the ADD anyway.
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CutieMouse
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Pssst! The troll thing up there is just trying to stir y'all up.
Stella_Omega
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Why else would they use that handle?Pssst! The troll thing up there is just trying to stir y'all up.
Still, its much better to refute a troll's statements with the facts than leave them lying about-- and I do mean "lying."
JustaSCOUNDREL
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I agree with desertslave. Some may need meds, but not all, my slave was diagnosed with ADD many years ago and still has some occasional problems with it. I will guarantee when I am standing behind her with a flogger or some other impact toy her attention is wholly riveted on me and what she is receiving. I know she is not looking out the window and thinking "Oh look there's a butterfly. She does need some degree of of regular use, every two to three seems to work best for both of us.
She has not been on any ADD meds during the several years we have been together.
Mike
She has not been on any ADD meds during the several years we have been together.
Mike
knot_sweet
mmmm rope...
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Dammit, I take you off ignore in case you had a valid and reasonable question and this is my punishment.
Back you go...
My respect for some of the posters on Lit just went up a fair bit.
How you guys manage to give polite, informative responses to this crap is utterly beyond anything I am capable of lately.
A standing round of Aweplause to you fair Lit folk. You are by far, better than I.
SirVPL
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It appears...
It appears I have been iggied. Curiosity seems to offend little and teach much.
It appears I have been iggied. Curiosity seems to offend little and teach much.
SirVPL
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Not True
I have a nephew with ADD. He has been happily married for five years and w/ 3 children. He is not medicated. He is a dedicated worker.
I have a nephew with ADD. He has been happily married for five years and w/ 3 children. He is not medicated. He is a dedicated worker.
VladHarkonnen
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As someone with ADHD I can tell you that some of it is selective so don't let the sub use it as an excuse. Bear in mind that in mistakes that can be attributed to attention deficit there are opportunities for punishment. I can't describe to you just how win/win this situation is. But that aside, if part of your routine is to have them do chores be sure to write lists. Structure is extremely helpful and attractive to us and we desire someone that will give us that. We aren't capable of giving it to ourselves. Please understand that and relish the fact that it gives you a lot of interesting opportunities as a dom.
Now, we won't be able to remember everything if you stand there and give us a litany of crap to do. Before you get to item #3 we'll be thinking of what's going to happen in the next Star Trek movie or the question of whether or not it would be a good idea to have a pet lemur and would it enjoy sleeping in a loft bed. Lists...and step by step directions if you want things done a certain way...perhaps even a demonstration. Tell us that we have to complete the tasks in order and to mark off what we've done as we go. If we don't do this it's a given that we'll skip something and completely forget about it because we think we're done and we're busy thinking about how cool it would be to be a city alderman.
Now, we won't be able to remember everything if you stand there and give us a litany of crap to do. Before you get to item #3 we'll be thinking of what's going to happen in the next Star Trek movie or the question of whether or not it would be a good idea to have a pet lemur and would it enjoy sleeping in a loft bed. Lists...and step by step directions if you want things done a certain way...perhaps even a demonstration. Tell us that we have to complete the tasks in order and to mark off what we've done as we go. If we don't do this it's a given that we'll skip something and completely forget about it because we think we're done and we're busy thinking about how cool it would be to be a city alderman.
Netzach
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Mandatory, no, everyone's right, whoever said that is a douche.
Helpful to be appropriately medicated in LTR's versus not? Um, YES. In this case, it dampens down the adventure in crazy town and makes things manageable.
This said, I would not trade the advantages that M's unique chemistry brings to the table for anything, just sharpen the focus on the good parts the way meds do.
I neither spank, threaten, or list. I take advantage of the strengths and gloss over the weaknesses, otherwise, frankly, I'd be with someone else. It's part of the package.
I may not get the same tasks done for me that I would with someone else, but I always have someone catching my details, serving as a human calendar app, reminding me of minute things that I'd never notice in the first place, suggesting ways to do things I'd never thought of. Hypervigilance is pretty neat. Getting outside my own head and having to consider the world though their eyes has actually made me learn a lot of things.
Helpful to be appropriately medicated in LTR's versus not? Um, YES. In this case, it dampens down the adventure in crazy town and makes things manageable.
This said, I would not trade the advantages that M's unique chemistry brings to the table for anything, just sharpen the focus on the good parts the way meds do.
I neither spank, threaten, or list. I take advantage of the strengths and gloss over the weaknesses, otherwise, frankly, I'd be with someone else. It's part of the package.
I may not get the same tasks done for me that I would with someone else, but I always have someone catching my details, serving as a human calendar app, reminding me of minute things that I'd never notice in the first place, suggesting ways to do things I'd never thought of. Hypervigilance is pretty neat. Getting outside my own head and having to consider the world though their eyes has actually made me learn a lot of things.
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desertslave
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On behalf of the "squirrel!!!" subset, thank you so much for being this understanding and appreciative of our quirks.
nh23
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Changing things up frequently would be a good way to keep her attention. I have a wandering mind a lot of times and a child diagnosed with ADHD. Variety is the key. Maybe after 5 minutes of flogging switch instruments to the cane, or a bare ass spanking, then after another few minutes move on to nipple torture etc.. My mind sometimes wanders if things are prolonged so changing the stimulus every few minutes works well for me.
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Stella_Omega
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Another thing we agree about.
I think it's a catchall diagnosis, that gets used to sedate children who actually need more free time to burn off their energy-- or to brush off far more serious problems.
nh23
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I didn't either until I had my daughter. She is diagnosed with ADHD and severe learning disabilities. I fought for years to keep her off meds. Her 3rd grade teacher finally sat me down a few years ago and said I was hurting her by keeping her off meds. She asked me if she had been diagnosed with diabetes world I deny her insulin? So I tried her on meds and she's a much happier child who can actually learn and enjoy school now. If she misses a dose of her Adderall she tells me she can't concentrate or think, she says on the meds she feels normal. That's all the proof I need.
I will not tell you how to live and raise your kids.
However, to point out some things why I believe what I believe; if someone is diagnosed with diabetes, they have a chemical difference in their body than a "nornal" person.
ADD/ADHD has no chemical or physical abnormalities, they just act differently which means it's behavioral.
Teachers "live" with your child for only a year and would probably suggest all children to be drugged so the teachers didn't have to work harder.
If a child got tired easily from walking to school, would you give them crutches or a wheelchair?
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