How would you feel if a close friend started seeing your ex

[Nellie60]

I just been reading another thread on this topic and its an interesting one so I thought I wanted to know the reasons why this would bother you.

For me its obviously time but sometimes time doesn't heal a wound like this. It all depends on how it broke up and who broke it off, how long you been together and how soon she started seeing your friend. I will be plain honest, yes that plays an important parts to how you feel about this and how you you "get over it".

Through experience I found it hard to let go the sexual aspects of our relationship. There were things we did and the intimacy that i personally found the most painful, besides losing essentially two close relationships in one swipe.

With this relationship I am referring to, they essentially started seeing each virtually the week after, there was little warning and who really knows if they were in fact fucking each other even earlier. It did take a few years to get over it and in all honesty it still pains me to think about it but I also admit there is a sense of arousal that pops up every moment when I think about them together..they are still together.

As this is a sexual fourm I am happy to discuss all aspects as everyone's different and will handle thus type of break up differently.

 

[HoldYouDown]

With this relationship I am referring to, they essentially started seeing each virtually the week after, there was little warning and who really knows if they were in fact fucking each other even earlier.

If it was only a week after? Most likely it had been going on a bit longer.

If it were me I'd be more upset at the friend if we were close. Women/men come and go but a good friend is hard to find. (Maybe this person wasn't such a good friend.)

 

[PleasePeesMe]

Relieved.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

Ha, you too eh?

 

[CuttingEdge]

First of all, I must say, I am sorry you experienced this @Nellie60

As for if your friend and lover were getting together before the break-up, I am not sure, but then.... neither do you. In these kinds of situations, it is easy to get wrapped up in those details, but my advice is to just take what happened at face value. They got together AFTER your break-up, there is no proof that they were together before so it will be self-defeating to keep ruminating that they did.

To get over the issue?

I am a writer so I might handle it differently, but my suggestion is to write the friend and lover a letter, perhaps one each, but DO NOT MAIL IT. Instead, just let your feelings come out on the page, and then just let it be for awhile. A week at the minimum, a month would be better. From that letter pull out the parts that you like and reform another letter.

Do you mail the second one?

Only you can choose, but its a great way to work through your feelings.

In the end, maybe take stock as I had to do. I came to the conclusion she did me a true favor. She left, and that ultimately was a good thing. If a person leaves someone that would have never left them, then their lack of intellect is not someone I want to be with anyway.

 

[PrincessxXxDarkstarr89]

Depends on the circumstances, I once had an ex dump me & our mutual friend immediately became the new girlfriend a day later, found out that they'd had an affair behind my back, was a very hard time for me.

I'd be more ok with that kinda thing if there was more time rather than it getting pushed in my face immediately after the relationship has ended.

 

[AmandaKellyUK]

Not quite the origina question but one of my friends ended up marrying my ex, and they met at my wedding - kinda sweet

 

[Hodes101]

I'd feel putty for them. There is a reason she is my ex.

I'd warn them and then leave them to it.

 

[Nellie60]

If it was only a week after? Most likely it had been going on a bit longer.

If it were me I'd be more upset at the friend if we were close. Women/men come and go but a good friend is hard to find. (Maybe this person wasn't such a good friend.)

Thank you for your wisdom..it is indeed true that good friends are hard to find and yes I was angry at the friend pretty much big time..the trust and friendship was over just like that. But the closest thing at the time was her and supposedly she was meant to be a best friend and the intimacy you share was kind of blown wide open.

 

[Vitriolhack]

No matter the amount of time, if you were with her and loved her means that you, at some point in your life, wanted her happiness.

If she found her happiness with someone else, even if it’s a close friend, can you really be mad at her or them for it?

I don’t know, maybe it’s my lack of jealousy; if she finds more suitability with someone else and is truly happy, then, good for her and good for my buddy.

At least, I get to still see them since they remain friends with me.

 

[desire30]

giggle. stupid girl.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Not quite the origina question but one of my friends ended up marrying my ex, and they met at my wedding - kinda sweet

That sounds like an interesting story.

 

[Nellie60]

First of all, I must say, I am sorry you experienced this @Nellie60

As for if your friend and lover were getting together before the break-up, I am not sure, but then.... neither do you. In these kinds of situations, it is easy to get wrapped up in those details, but my advice is to just take what happened at face value. They got together AFTER your break-up, there is no proof that they were together before so it will be self-defeating to keep ruminating that they did.

To get over the issue?

I am a writer so I might handle it differently, but my suggestion is to write the friend and lover a letter, perhaps one each, but DO NOT MAIL IT. Instead, just let your feelings come out on the page, and then just let it be for awhile. A week at the minimum, a month would be better. From that letter pull out the parts that you like and reform another letter.

Do you mail the second one?

Only you can choose, but its a great way to work through your feelings.

In the end, maybe take stock as I had to do. I came to the conclusion she did me a true favor. She left, and that ultimately was a good thing. If a person leaves someone that would have never left them, then their lack of intellect is not someone I want to be with anyway.

Again thanks for your wisdom. I like that idea
about the writing of the letters and putting down the pain you are experiencing and giving it some time before readjusting your thoughts later. It would have been a good release.

Its been a few years but it still bugs me when I think about it...probably cause I think too much about them together especially knowing what she was like when we were first physical with each other.

 

[Nellie60]

No matter the amount of time, if you were with her and loved her means that you, at some point in your life, wanted her happiness.

If she found her happiness with someone else, even if it’s a close friend, can you really be mad at her or them for it?

I don’t know, maybe it’s my lack of jealousy; if she finds more suitability with someone else and is truly happy, then, good for her and good for my buddy.

At least, I get to still see them since they remain friends with me.

Love your positive attitude. Quite right if they are happy together good for them...it was just the way it happened and the short time before they "got together" We were all too close at the time.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Love your positive attitude. Quite right if they are happy together good for them...it was just the way it happened and the short time before they "got together" We were all too close at the time.

I am not saying that you won’t go through a grieving process, it’s only normal, but, take some time to think about it when the emotions subside.

In the end, do you really want to be with someone who prefers to be elsewhere?

You, like everyone else, deserve better.

 

[Nellie60]

I am not saying that you won’t go through a grieving process, it’s only normal, but, take some time to think about it when the emotions subside.

In the end, do you really want to be with someone who prefers to be elsewhere?

You, like everyone else, deserves better.

Thanks for the heads up Vhack

 

[gtnlynn]

I don't have any exes, but my wife happy to be a bride's maid when her best friend married her ex.

 

[Katch123]

They're an ex for a reason, so more power to them.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I don't have any exes, but my wife happy to be a bride's maid when her best friend married her ex.

Exes don’t need to be enemies.

Of course there are exceptions like in the case of abuse mentally or physically.

 

[gtnlynn]

Exes don’t need to be enemies.

Of course there are exceptions like in the case of abuse mentally or physically.

All of her exes remained her friends until she lost contact with most of them when we moved to Texas.

 

[ZfrkS62]

Statute of limitations has ended on all my ex girlfriends. I wouldn't really care.

 

[Katch123]

I'm good, we could compare notes.

 

[Nellie60]

I like the idea of a good friend hooking up with my ex wife and earnestly telling me how great she is in bed … or her letting me watch her with another guy for fun - pm me if you’d like to explore with me

I definitely would love to watch an ex get hot with another while I watch and then even with each other afterwards

 

[stiv837]

I would be happy for my friend ,but would definitely warn him about her mean and miserable , sadistic side , that she keeps well hidden until you really know her.

 

[BiWifeMyrtleBeach]

The immediate one before my husband? I would tell her what a possessive piece of shit he was with no understanding of what a woman needs sexually or otherwise.