How would you deal with this situation

[TirelessTongue]

Just put yourself in my shoes here.........

Don't you ever get upset because you feel that a friend of yours isn't really a friend afterall? Doesn't it really burn you up when somebody, a friend, tries to use you and play you for a fool? Don't you ever just feel the need to get it off of your chest?

Just thinking about how she got the wrong impression of me makes me want to laugh. So for this purposes, I'll refer to her as Ms. Laughter.

Ms. Laughter and I have known one another for 3 to 4 years. I met her from work. It was all just a casual friends only deal. We talked and shared a common ground. We both loved movies and enjoyed talking about them. This is as far as our friendship was intended to go. I didn't know much about her or her outside life other than that she has kids. She also didn't know much about me or my outside life as well. I considered her a friend and enjoyed talking to her now and then. Then came the day when she asked me if I'd like to go and catch a movie with her. I said that would be fine and it would be nice to share a common interest.

We never did make it to the movies together. She soon warned me to keep our "friendship" under wraps since she was afraid of the people at work talking and spreading gossip. That was the reason we never hung out to catch a movie. She said it herself that she was too concerned of someone seeing us together and spreading rumors. Of course this was about 2 years ago.

Fast forward to August 2006. Up until now, we've talked and kept in contact. In our last conversation, she brought up that she'd like to go and catch a movie with me again. Having my doubts, I agreed and we both settled on a movie and time of showing. A 7:40 pm showing.

After running a few errands, I figured that I'd grab something to eat before the movie. As I am eating, I receive a text message at around 6:45 pm saying that something has come up and she can't make it to the movies due to some kind of emergency. Dissapointed, I just shrugged it off and dismissed it. I finished dinner and headed out on the road. As I am driving, I receive a few more text messages. They are starting to annoy me and I just pull over into a parking lot to see what they are all about. This is where it all gets interesting. Ms. Laughter is now asking me for a favor. I text back asking what this favor is about curious as to what it may be. Believe it or not, she is asking me to lend her money. My heart skipped a beat after I read this, no joke. I thought to myself, "This is rich", and proceded to carry out the text conversation. I promptly told her "No" in a text message saying I was short on money. She replied that it was no big deal and said that she knew I'd give her the money if I had it. This conversation, or shall I say, text, was bugging me for quite sometime.

My biggest question here was, "Why me?" Doesn't she have any family to ask? She works two jobs! Doesn't she have credit cards? She has to have some NERVE of asking me for money after blowing me off on such short notice. How much money you ask? To tell you the truth, I don't even want to know. But when she mentioned the word "emergency", it gave me the impression that it was a hell of alot more than $20. And whats with all the text messages? They are the most annoying form of communication. It would have been alot less effort on her part to just call me.

First of all, I don't lend anyone money, and I don't borrow money from anyone. Lending and borrowing money have never lead to good things in the future and have ended many friendships and have destroyed many families. But what insulted me the most was for her to think that I was such a pushover. Did she actually think I'd march my way back out there and lend her the money? If she did, than she doesn't know me very well and has the wrong impression of me. Money matters have destroyed friendships, but I never lent her a dime. Perhaps there was no "friendship" afterall?

Thanks for listening.

 

[human_male]

I'm sorry if I've got this wrong, but I don't see a big deal with any of this. You're annoyed that she's twice asked you out and blown you off, fine. I'd personally probably not agree to go out with her again unless she made a big effort to appologise. As for the money thing I really wouldn't give a crap that she asked. I'd probably feel why she was asking me and not the damn bf or someone (if she had one), but I wouldn't be too concerned.

That's just me though.

 

[silverwhisper]

tongue: if it were me, i'd initiate no contact w/ her and not accept her calls. she appears not to have given you an explanation for canceling on you at the last minute, which i think is just rude.

there are several possible explanations that come to mind:

1. you're a contingency plan she likes to have around b/c her primary relationship is troubled.
2. she has godawful rotten luck and some insane crisis just arose.
3. this is her idea of playing hard to get.

of the three, i think that only the first is plausible. what's her marital status?

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

My first thought was that she's married. In any case, you were right not to lend her money. I wouldn't spend a lot of time or energy thinking about this, Tireless. Just move on, and consider yourself the wiser for not getting involved with her.

 

[TirelessTongue]

tongue: if it were me, i'd initiate no contact w/ her and not accept her calls. she appears not to have given you an explanation for canceling on you at the last minute, which i think is just rude.

there are several possible explanations that come to mind:

1. you're a contingency plan she likes to have around b/c her primary relationship is troubled.
2. she has godawful rotten luck and some insane crisis just arose.
3. this is her idea of playing hard to get.

of the three, i think that only the first is plausible. what's her marital status?

ed

Her marital status has me confused. I remember talking to her one day when I visited her. I was talking to her about my cruise, and how I went by myself and would take someone with me next time. She mentioned that if I had asked her, she would have come along. However, recently I saw her in the halls of the place I work wearing a shirt that says "Taken" written on the front of it.

Very confusing, but I think some women wear that kind of shirt to repel most men. I don't know about her marital status, just that she has 3 kids, and is 40 years of age, and is on myspace with over 1300 -1400 friends.

I just got the sick feeling to my stomach that she wasn't a friend after all and thought I was too soft and wouldn't come looking for her to pay back anything I lent her.

 

[M's girl]

I think it's a bit strange that you call someone a friend when you don't even know for sure about their marital status, for instance. That is an acquaintance, not a friend!

You can't lose a friendship you never had in the first place. Come on.... you talk about movies a lot. So what? I think you need to re-define your definition of 'friendship' ....

I am, however, sorry if this all made you feel sad regardless....

 

[Kailey_86]

....and even if she was more than an acquaintance i think it would be best to get rid of her. i had a friend like that. i was only kept around in case she needed something or wanted to go out but had nobody else to go with. She moved away and then came back and told me that she was glad she came back because she didn't have a bitch when she was gone (this was while i was putting together a futon for her). i have asked her to do things with me and she never has time but expects that i will take the time off work to go do something with her. Grrrrrr...anyway, sorry about the ranting. i was happier after we stopped talking and i think you will be too. Good luck. i wish you the best.

 

[jerseyman1963]

Just put yourself in my shoes here.........

Don't you ever get upset because you feel that a friend of yours isn't really a friend afterall? Doesn't it really burn you up when somebody, a friend, tries to use you and play you for a fool? Don't you ever just feel the need to get it off of your chest?

I think you already have a clue that she's at the least emotionally stunted, but more likely has some real problems: money, marriage, and problems interacting with people. People like this used to burn me up. I'd get really frustrated because they couldn't see what a nice guy and good friend I was, or if it was a woman I was interested in, if she couldn't see how much more of a catch I was than the other guys.

But after a few experiences with people like this, I started to realize that I didn't want selfish, screwed up, and imbalanced behavior and people in my life. Too much melodrama. I like my life simple and straightforward. Now I don't get too close to people like this. I get rid of them when I can, and if I have to have some sort of relationship with them (for example, if it's a co-worker), I keep them at a long arm's length.

Why are they like this? You won't know that until they've had years and years of therapy. Just accept that it's a messy situation you don't want or need to be a part of, that you had nothing to do with the way they are, it's not you they're reacting to, they react to everyone this way, and move on.

 

[TirelessTongue]

I just feel dissapointed and all. Good friends are hard to come by. I hate to have to burn bridges, but in this case I feel it is necessary.

-The thing is, she works in my building and is good friends with a co-worker of mine. A co-worker who'd love nothing more than to see me fired or whatever.

-When she broke off our meeting and asked me for money, it was all through text messaging. A simple phone call would have saved time and effort.

-When she talks to me, her voice is all soft and sweet. When she talks to that co-worker of mine, the ghetto sound comes out. Just an observation.


I don't know what she was thinking. Did she really think I'd lend her the money? She has 1400 myspace friends? Why not ask one of them?

 

[onyxvixen]

I think you just have to maintain your dignity here. Be civil to her if you encounter her where you work. Be prepared for her to bitch about you but again, if she's so friendly with this co-worker of yours, why is she asking you for money.

You have to assume that she asked you because she thought that you would give it to her. She was playing the odds, no more. If she's working 2 jobs it must be because money is tight, she may have credit cards already that need paying off. Accept that the emergency may have been real, she may have had nobody to ask and had you helped her out she may well have paid you back. The fact she's working so hard suggests to me that she wants to be financially independent, even if she isn't right now.

The bottom line is that none of this is your problem and she has let you down and been ashamed of you. That alone is enough reason to break off the friendship without agonising over anything else. Perhaps her husband (if she has one - I'm a bit confused about that) is very jealous? Could be fear of him rather than shame about you that's the issue here. Whatever, this lady has caused more trouble than she's worth to you at this time.

Make a decision and stick to it but don't waste time being bitter. Neither allow this experience to sour any future friendships with others.

 

[candescence]

I know it is tough to come by good friends, but this girl doesn't sound like anything close to a friend. There should be no love lost there and no worries, you are better off and I am sure you have better friends than that.