How to tell her I love her?

[Dreamtwine]

So I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost three years now and I've never told her "I love you." I take the expression very seriously and I don't want to say it unless I really mean it. I used to be a very romantic guy, desparately in love with my previous girlfriend. But the ex didn't care much for the romantic stuff so I got out of the habit and just stopped being a romantic guy.

Now I want to be romantic. I want to tell her I love her. I want to hold her and look into her eyes and do all the stupid cheesy stuff. But... that's not how she knows me. She knows me as the guy who doesn't like to talk about the future, doesn't like to be mushy in public. We don't even look like we're going out when we're out.

So my question is how do I, after three years without romance, tell her that I love her?

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

what scaly said. that man is wise.

ed

 

[tanyachrs]

I had a guy text it to me once. Least romantic way ever.

 

[M's girl]

Three years.... wow, it took you a long time to let your guard down again and come to this conclusion. But I know sort of what you mean. I also understand about the hesitance. I think it would be a good thing if you not only start telling and showing her, but also explain what kept you in the past. She needs (probably) to understand the (sudden) change.

If you tell her it was partly her doing that made you feel comfortable enough she will take it as the huge compliment it is.

I'm wondering if you have ever talked about this. Did you tell her about being hesitant and shy and why that is? Does she know the reason? Has she ever mentioned she would wish for things to be different, more romantic? Because there is a slight change, of course, she likes things just the way they are. Some women are not the romantic fuzzy types, you know. But after three years I assume you know her well enough to know if she will appreciate the change.

 

[izabella]

You can start holding her hand often, touching her when you walk by, stopping for a kiss for no particular reason.

Start to slip in little, "I love how pretty your hair looks in the light" and "I love how you always stock my favor beer" and "I love how your eyes sparkle when you laugh"...

Then, one day when you're laughing together about something silly, look into her eyes, say I love you, and kiss her.

 

[Eilan]

Does she say it to you? And, if so, how do you respond?

 

[Leah57]

My BF and I have known each other almost 4 years, and it was just about 3 months ago that he said "those 3 words" to me for the first time. Ok, OK.. it was about 5 months ago that he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me, but that's another story!

The back-story is that both of us were married before for a LONG time. I was married 23 years (separated after almost 20) and he was married about 18. Both our marriages ended badly, and both of us were quite emotionally bruised and battered from those relationships when we met. Actually, the very LAST thing he wanted when we met was a relationship (by his own admission). However, fate and meeting each other intervened. We've moved very slowly in our relationship and have been very openly communicating from the jump. We're both commited to NOT remarrying, NOT living together, etc... it works for us. However, it seems that our hearts are entwining regardless. (still aren't going to live together or get married, tho!!!)

Bottom line - from your actions, she probably already knows anyway - saying it just confirms it.

 

[Succulent-one]

3 years???? 4 years????? I think there are some major hidden issues here. If it doesn't seem natural saying it after this long, I am speechless

 

[Eilan]

From what my husband has said, I don't think that my father-in-law has ever told my mother-in-law that he loves her, and my husband's oldest brother is in his early 50's. They're no longer married, but aside from the separation which led to their divorce 20-odd years ago, they've been together all that time.

I'm not sure that my grandpa ever told my grandma that he loved her, but it was obvious that he loved her very much.

I kinda like hearing those words, though.

 

[SweetErika]

From what my husband has said, I don't think that my father-in-law has ever told my mother-in-law that he loves her, and my husband's oldest brother is in his early 50's. They're no longer married, but aside from the separation which led to their divorce 20-odd years ago, they've been together all that time.

I'm not sure that my grandpa ever told my grandma that he loved her, but it was obvious that he loved her very much.

I kinda like hearing those words, though.

My husband only saw his parents say "love" in greeting cards. Needless to say, we had issues with the subject. He still told me within the first year, though, and now often calls just to say he loves me. I like it A LOT.

 

[melissa85]

Hey Dreamtwine,

One of the nicest ways i have ever told someone i loved them without committing to saying the words, was writing it on their back with my finger. Do it quick and if they realise it they realise it, if they realise what you are saying and arent willing to say it back they can just disregard it without being put into a confronting situation.

However, if they realise it and feel the same, it will be a really cute, innocent and romantic memory that she wont forget!

Good luck!

 

[Phaedre]

Somewhat belatedly...

I would hope that she already knows this from your behaviour. ;-)

I understand your reasons for not having said it before; it took longer than you've mentioned for my husband to say those words out loud to me so from my own personal experience she may simply be astounded by your saying it. Hopefully in a good way.

As with all these things I'm not convinced that having a plan of action is necessarily the best way to approach it, rather just wait until the moment presents itself and drop it into the conversation. That way it won't seem forced or false.

I wish you luck.

 

[only_more_so]

So I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost three years now and I've never told her "I love you." I take the expression very seriously and I don't want to say it unless I really mean it. I used to be a very romantic guy, desparately in love with my previous girlfriend. But the ex didn't care much for the romantic stuff so I got out of the habit and just stopped being a romantic guy.

Now I want to be romantic. I want to tell her I love her. I want to hold her and look into her eyes and do all the stupid cheesy stuff. But... that's not how she knows me. She knows me as the guy who doesn't like to talk about the future, doesn't like to be mushy in public. We don't even look like we're going out when we're out.

So my question is how do I, after three years without romance, tell her that I love her?

If you are in love with her, tell her. If all of the romantic claptrap doesn't come easily to you anymore, then just say the words. Don't wait for the right moment, don't engineer some encounter. The next time you want to say the words, just say them (well wait until you are face to face at least).

 

[LoboBoy]

If you are in love with her, tell her. If all of the romantic claptrap doesn't come easily to you anymore, then just say the words. Don't wait for the right moment, don't engineer some encounter. The next time you want to say the words, just say them (well wait until you are face to face at least).

I agree 100%. If after a kiss you can't look at her and say "God, I love you!" ... then chances are you don't.

 

[Kailey_86]

i can understand where you are coming from. i don't think that 3 years is too long. i take the word seriously too. IMO the word is tossed around too carelessly. It has lost a lot of it's meaning.

i think that the fact that you haven't been that romantic up until this point will just make it all the more special. It will be unexpected. This could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you handle the situation. i think you should have a very romantic evening together. In a way, this will prepare her. She will know SOMETHING is up. If she is like me she will get very excited. When you feel the time is right look into her eyes and tell her how wonderful she is and then tell her you love her. If she takes this well lean in for the passionate kiss.

This sounds like a movie but it sorta happened to me. It was dark and snowing out and there was a spotlight on us. There was no noise, complete silence. i was holding a single red rose. i wrapped my arms around his neck and we kissed. After the kiss i leaned my forhead to his and he told me he loved me. He didn't really. We had only been going out for a week. Still, it was so perfect. We held hands and walked around the park. *mind wanders*

i wish you all the best. i think you will do fine. It always works out in the end. Even if you mess up somehow she will probably think it's cute if she feels the same way that you do. Good luck.