How to overlook preachy people in a bizzarre sexy forum ?

[Prasa]

I am exhausted to a great extent !

all who read , write , share , bizarre fetish and sex desires are preaching about ethics , moral etc etc ?

hahahaha

is it not ironic ?

how to be calm , not upset by them ?

 

[pplwatching]

all who read , write , share , bizarre fetish and sex desires are preaching about ethics , moral etc etc ? is it not ironic ? how to be calm , not upset by them ?

Having a fetish, kink, or enjoying sexual desires of any flavor doesn't mean that a person is automatically without morals and ethics. I have met people here who enjoy a lot of different things. Some ideas don't interest me, and others do. Many of the posters are very ethical people, who just happen to love sex in different ways.

One of the ethics that usually comes up in forums like this is ensuring that our partners have a right and ability to choose for themselves if and when they want to be a part of a fetish or sexual act. When a poster expresses a desire to do something to subvert or take away their partner's right to choose, people should and will take a stand against that behavior. Other than that, people around here are pretty tolerant of just about any consensual and mutual sex, including fetishes and unusual things.

I haven't read many of your posts, but I'm guessing that if you're being told that what you want to do is immoral or unethical it's most likely because you're trying to do something that is disrespectful to your lover or trying to force her to do something against or will. Without reading your posts I can't say, but if that sounds right then maybe there's a message in those posts that's worth listening to and learning from. People may express an opinion that they don't like or understand a kink, but it's very unusual for posters here to be intolerant.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I am exhausted to a great extent !

all who read , write , share , bizarre fetish and sex desires are preaching about ethics , moral etc etc ?

hahahaha

is it not ironic ?

how to be calm , not upset by them ?

Accept that they have opinions that differ from yours. No one has really gotten that preachy nor have they started any personal attacks. They simply think that cheating on your wife is wrong. Fine. You don't have to agree with them just like they don't have to agree with you.

On another note some of the kinkiest people I know are also the most principled, so I would be a little careful on playing with the idea that kinky equals immoral or unethical.

 

[pplwatching]

I just went and read through your other thread. Many people here, myself included, believe that marriage and even committed relationships deserve a great deal of respect and honesty. While you believe that what your wife doesn't know doesn't hurt her, I believe that what she doesn't know does hurt her because if she knew then she might choose to end your marriage. By continuing to have extramarital sex you are taking away her right to choose to leave based on your actions.

The thing about freedom of speech is that it is a sword that cuts both ways. You are free to say whatever you want, and other people are free to comment on what you say. You don't have to agree with me or anyone else on these boards. You can ignore anything that anyone says. If what someone says bothers you, it's most likely because you realize that there may be some truth in what they say Calling them immoral or unethical might make you feel better about what you're doing, but their sexual tastes doesn't make it true. If they were having an affair and still telling you not to have one, then that would be different.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I am exhausted to a great extent !

all who read , write , share , bizarre fetish and sex desires are preaching about ethics , moral etc etc ?

hahahaha

is it not ironic ?

Nope. Sexuality and morality are not enemies; it's only a few zealots that have tried to make them so.

It's not one of my favourite books, but maybe you should check out "The Ethical Slut".

 

[Prasa]

Wonderful friends

i am not justifying any by posting nor forcing my wife either !

i didnt probe or judge others too !

just no over preaching pl

 

[Prasa]

One more thing ,
all of my kinky acts are of consensual nature and even the bizaare idea over my wife are also happened on mutual ok !
it is just that i have started them , but they are consumated on my wife's , lovers , one nighters willingness !

cant write the climax first !
it is a step by step

 

[bailadora]

There's a difference between an open relationship and cheating. In the first, everyone is aware of and *consents* to their partner having other lovers. If this is the case with you and your wife, then there aren't many here who will give you grief over it.

On the other hand, if you don't have your wife's consent to have other lovers, then that is cheating and contrary to what you believe, you don't have everyone's consent. Which some people have a very, very negative point of view about, as already demonstrated.

 

[bailadora]

2 Guns Trailer 2013 - Official movie teaser trailer in HD - starring Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg, Paula Patton - directed by Baltasar Kormákur - an explosive action film that tracks two operatives from competing bureaus who are forced on the run together. "2 Guns" movie hits theaters August 2, 2013

Oh, by the way - reported for spam. (Not the thread, Prasa. This particular post)

 

[pplwatching]

my wife is getting wonderful orgasm from me all time , cheating her dont lesson it.

Prasa,

In this post you appear to be saying that you are cheating on your wife. I think this is what people are talking about, because the word 'cheating' implies that she does not know that you are having sex with other women. If she is aware that you are having sex with other women, and chooses to remain with you (which includes being free and able to leave), then no one is criticizing her choice or you. If she knows and approves, then 'cheating' is not the right word to use.

 

[Prasa]

Prasa,

In this post you appear to be saying that you are cheating on your wife. I think this is what people are talking about, because the word 'cheating' implies that she does not know that you are having sex with other women. If she is aware that you are having sex with other women, and chooses to remain with you (which includes being free and able to leave), then no one is criticizing her choice or you. If she knows and approves, then 'cheating' is not the right word to use.

I understand now clearly !
my choice of words is just backfired .
thank you ,
it is apt to say that we are more liberal couples which is based on our confidence .

my wife never felt me as cheated nor me on her too!

 

[bailadora]

You might want to explain that in your other thread, or you might continue to receive negative responses based upon your word choice. It's better to say that you and your wife are in an open relationship, rather than you are cheating upon her.

 

[NightL]

Is everyone who offers an opinion you disagree with preachy or is it just you who is being preachy?

Are you here to actually ask questions or are you just trying to justify your self belief of masculinity and eagerness of right hand?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Most people are fulla shit and embrace absolutes theyre determined to impose on everyone else. This thread is no exception.

Reading the posts I recalled a nice man who cheated on his wife without her knowledge or consent. He did it openly and financially supported his consort; everyone who knew of it had no problem with the arrangement.

And you gotta wonder how it is that everyone was OK with a man (and the other woman) who openly cheated on his wife without her consent or knowledge?

In this case the wife was comatose and institutionalized for many years, kept alive by the husbands wealth.

 

[dougsan]

There will always be people ready to confront those who do anything different, espouse different thinking, etc. They are not people to be ignored for they believe what is different to them is wrong and should be abolished.

 

[pplwatching]

Reading the posts I recalled a nice man who cheated on his wife without her knowledge or consent. ... In this case the wife was comatose and institutionalized for many years, kept alive by the husbands wealth.

The OP's situation reminds you of a man with a comatose wife who used his money to justify cheating? How do you connect those dots?

As for the situation you've given, these situations are thought provoking. My thought is that it's impossible to ask a formally incompetent person anything. Her legal guardian is responsible for making those kinds of decisions on her behalf (e.g. if she'd choose to remain married to a wandering spouse). Her guardian must have either not known, believed that she would, or was negligent. If her husband was the guardian, then it's impossible to say which of the latter two it was from this side of the fence post. Without knowing, it's impossible to say how I'd feel about it.

This is also is a major difference in the OP's situation and your example. The OP has said that they both enjoy extramarital sex, but prior to that revelation his word choices implied that his wife didn't know that he was. The difference between the two scenarios is that the OP's wife is competent to choose for herself but prior to the revelation that she already knows, the OP was perceived to be denying her that choice. IMHO that's a critical difference.

It's interesting that you mention his money, and the fact that it kept her alive, as a factor in your support of his choices. Using wealth as a rational for choices is as old as money. Some people think money imparts certain rights, while others find the idea reprehensible. Why does his money make his choice more acceptable to you and the people who chose to associate with him? If he was broke would any of you view his actions differently?

While we're sharing anecdotes, my Grandfather had Alzheimer's. His wife (my step Grandmother) shared a story of a man who visited his wife in the same facility every day. When they were asked in their support group why they continue to come back day after day when their spouses would never recognize them and never know that they were gone, his answer was "Because I'll know." I can only hope to be that kind of man if I'm ever in that situation, but until I am I can't say what I'd do. I would like to believe that I wouldn't cheat because even though she would never know, I would know. It would seem to me that there are more dignified ways to treat a woman that I profess to love. One choice would be to honor my vows. If the loneliness proved to be too much to bear, then another would be a divorce prior to seeking companionship. If I couldn't bring myself to do that, I'd have to live with myself. Thankfully, I'm not in that position and I won't judge anyone else who is. If they flaunted a lack of respect for their spouse, I might still be tempted to.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The OP's situation reminds you of a man with a comatose wife who used his money to justify cheating? How do you connect those dots?

As for the situation you've given, these situations are thought provoking. My thought is that it's impossible to ask a formally incompetent person anything. Her legal guardian is responsible for making those kinds of decisions on her behalf (e.g. if she'd choose to remain married to a wandering spouse). Her guardian must have either not known, believed that she would, or was negligent. If her husband was the guardian, then it's impossible to say which of the latter two it was from this side of the fence post. Without knowing, it's impossible to say how I'd feel about it.

This is also is a major difference in the OP's situation and your example. The OP has said that they both enjoy extramarital sex, but prior to that revelation his word choices implied that his wife didn't know that he was. The difference between the two scenarios is that the OP's wife is competent to choose for herself but prior to the revelation that she already knows, the OP was perceived to be denying her that choice. IMHO that's a critical difference.

It's interesting that you mention his money, and the fact that it kept her alive, as a factor in your support of his choices. Using wealth as a rational for choices is as old as money. Some people think money imparts certain rights, while others find the idea reprehensible. Why does his money make his choice more acceptable to you and the people who chose to associate with him? If he was broke would any of you view his actions differently?

While we're sharing anecdotes, my Grandfather had Alzheimer's. His wife (my step Grandmother) shared a story of a man who visited his wife in the same facility every day. When they were asked in their support group why they continue to come back day after day when their spouses would never recognize them and never know that they were gone, his answer was "Because I'll know." I can only hope to be that kind of man if I'm ever in that situation, but until I am I can't say what I'd do. I would like to believe that I wouldn't cheat because even though she would never know, I would know. It would seem to me that there are more dignified ways to treat a woman that I profess to love. One choice would be to honor my vows. If the loneliness proved to be too much to bear, then another would be a divorce prior to seeking companionship. If I couldn't bring myself to do that, I'd have to live with myself. Thankfully, I'm not in that position and I won't judge anyone else who is. If they flaunted a lack of respect for their spouse, I might still be tempted to.

My point is this: People like to make absurd generalizations. People talk out their asses. The one I hear most often is, THERES NO JUSTIFICATION FOR VIOLENCE. Nonsense.

 

[nowiser]

One choice would be to honor my vows. If the loneliness proved to be too much to bear, then another would be a divorce prior to seeking companionship.

Full disclosure. . . I'm married. I TOOK THOSE VOWS.

I've never cheated on my wife. I can't swear that I never will, however.

I love my wife. I think she's a fantastic person. But the idea that she meets all my needs is. . . ridiculous.

I would be OK with an open marriage if it was something she was interested in. She's not. And sometimes she's not interested in having sex with me. Sometimes she's not interested in having sex with me for MONTHS AT A TIME.

I tell her I'm not OK with that. Meh, she doesn't care. I drop 60 pounds, start running and lifting weights regularly, her friends start commenting that I 'look good,' and that I 'look like I did when she first met me,' and all of a sudden she starts kicking down regularly. . .

Is it because she has suddenly rediscovered a genuine passion for me? Doubtful. I think it's more likely that she's suddenly become concerned I might look elsewhere. . .

So I'm essentially extorting sex (not explicitly, though) through fear of abandonment. This is NOT in anyway consistent with the vows I took.

Does this make me a bad person? Am I a rapist for extorting sex in this way?

I don't know. I don't care.

We BOTH have free will. Some traditional promises that we made over seventeen years ago, with no real concept of what we were promising. . . that's a shitty reason to live unhappily, and I'll be damned if I get locked into some sort of pseudo-slavery because of some bizarre social and religious expectations. . .

But that's just me. Your mileage may vary

 

[pplwatching]

My point is this: People like to make absurd generalizations. People talk out their asses. The one I hear most often is, THERES NO JUSTIFICATION FOR VIOLENCE. Nonsense.

I'm not sure how we've gone from discussing consensual extramarital sex to violence. Are you talking about jealousy and domestic violence resulting from discovering affairs?

There is a school of thought that believes that personal freedom trumps even common courtesy, and that spouses don't have a right to know when a spouse is having sex outside of their marriage. I have said that I don't subscribe to that line of thinking, and others have also expressed their disagreement. People expressing their personal values, feelings, and even opinions in an open discussion forum are writing things that seem to be fairly specific to each writer. Discounting those personal views wholesale as "talking out of their asses" would seem to be, ironically, a very broad generalization (and not at all accurate).

Is it safe to infer from your posts that you don't believe spouses have a right to know? If so, would you be willing to write about why you believe that? How do you feel about issues like infecting an unaware partner with STDs? At what point does a spouse not have a right to choose to leave a marriage in which vows are not being kept?

 

[pplwatching]

We BOTH have free will. Some traditional promises that we made over seventeen years ago, with no real concept of what we were promising. . . that's a shitty reason to live unhappily, and I'll be damned if I get locked into some sort of pseudo-slavery because of some bizarre social and religious expectations. . .

Like you, my marriage was sexless for a long time. I never cheated. My decision to stay in the marriage was my decision to make, not dictated by religion or society. I'm accountable to myself, not to anyone else. I hope that the worst is behind us, and that we don't backslide. If we do, I would like to believe that my values will guide my choices.

When I made personal and lifestyle changes, did those changes make me more attractive and inspire more sex or as you say did she become sexually available only because she felt like she could lose me? Since there was never any danger of me leaving, I am willing to concede that part of working to make my marriage better involved me making an effort to be more sexually attractive to her. I also believe that my wife has an obligation to live her vows, but that part of my commitment to her is helping her meet my needs. Some of that was just my attitude, some was taking better care of myself, and some was constantly striving to make her feel sexually desirable without pressure. Whatever the reasons, I did my best to capitalize on her newfound interest in sex and work to rebuild the other areas of my marriage.

I don't know if any of that helps you, but I wish you the best.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm not sure how we've gone from discussing consensual extramarital sex to violence. Are you talking about jealousy and domestic violence resulting from discovering affairs?

There is a school of thought that believes that personal freedom trumps even common courtesy, and that spouses don't have a right to know when a spouse is having sex outside of their marriage. I have said that I don't subscribe to that line of thinking, and others have also expressed their disagreement. People expressing their personal values, feelings, and even opinions in an open discussion forum are writing things that seem to be fairly specific to each writer. Discounting those personal views wholesale as "talking out of their asses" would seem to be, ironically, a very broad generalization (and not at all accurate).

Is it safe to infer from your posts that you don't believe spouses have a right to know? If so, would you be willing to write about why you believe that? How do you feel about issues like infecting an unaware partner with STDs? At what point does a spouse not have a right to choose to leave a marriage in which vows are not being kept?

No. What I believe is, folks in love don't screw around or hangout on porn boards rationalizing their presence such places. Otherwise, if the spouse is unavailable for sex you gotta make some hard decisions. And its kinda silly for the peanut gallery to chisel absolutes in marble.

 

[nowiser]

How do you feel about issues like infecting an unaware partner with STDs? At what point does a spouse not have a right to choose to leave a marriage in which vows are not being kept?

I hear the STDs issue brought up pretty frequently as another way to censure people who cheat. Of course it happens.

But how often? Is it statistically significant? Is it the main source of 'damage' when people cheat?

Personally, I think the emotional and financial fallout is almost always the main source of damage. I suppose there may be way more diseased people running around than I think there are, but I wasn't particularly wise or careful as a youth, and yet I still managed to dodge that particular bullet. Most of the people I know who got divorced didn't do it because one of the partners infected the other due to their careless promiscuity.

Most of the people I know, who got divorced, did so because they no longer made each other happy.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like marriage vows go both ways, and a promise to 'love' someone until death do you part INCLUDES physical intimacy.

If the arrangement is going to be 'let's be good friends, buy property together, and you can pay my taxes and all the utility bills for the next sixty years," well, that's a perfectly respectable arrangement, but I think BOTH parties should be aware of that going in. Otherwise, SOMEONE is getting ripped off.

I think a lot of guys have no idea that the intimacy well is gonna dry up pretty damn quick, but that THEIR obligations under the vows really will last until they're DEAD. And if your wife has made it pretty clear that what she REALLY cares about is not YOU, but the comfort and stability that you provide, then why is it so wrong to continue providing that for her, even though she provides little or nothing in return?

And then do what's necessary to take care of yourself, as well.

Of course, I'm a bitter, middle aged man in the midst of a crisis, so I'm not exactly objective on this issue.

 

[LallyH]

Full disclosure. . . I'm married. I TOOK THOSE VOWS.

I drop 60 pounds, start running and lifting weights regularly, her friends start commenting that I 'look good,' and that I 'look like I did when she first met me,' and all of a sudden she starts kicking down regularly. . .

Is it because she has suddenly rediscovered a genuine passion for me? Doubtful. I think it's more likely that she's suddenly become concerned I might look elsewhere. . .

A few years into my marriage, after the kids came along, the sex dried up. Having been an overweight teenager, I had always had to work at looking attractive, diet watching, regular exercise, all of which was made twice as hard with the toll childbearing takes on the body. But I kept at it because I wanted to look good to my husband.

He, on the other hand, had been naturally slim when younger but gradually gained weight over the years and made no effort to make himself attractive to me. He'd stopped using cologne, ever, he didn't care how he dressed, and wasn't bothered about the fact that he was well overweight. And I just didn't want to have sex with him as a result and it was more the fact that he didn't care enough about me to make any kind of effort that was the biggest turn off.

We ended up having an almighty row about it, no doubt fuelled by sexual frustration on both sides, but the result was that he started looking after himself. He became more like the man I had married.

So I think you may be off the mark with your interpretation of your wife's motivation - you may have just become attractive to her once more.

 

[pplwatching]

No. What I believe is, folks in love don't screw around or hangout on porn boards rationalizing their presence such places.

That seems like another overly broad brush stroke, or at least it contradicts what I've observed. Many HT posts have a lot to do with relationships and sexuality and less to do with porn. I haven't seen much in the way of a very strong correlation between contributing here and not being in love. Many people write about their spouse in a way that is demonstrative of their love. People seem to post here because they want to, and I've observed a lot of people sharing their experiences on the outside chance that their hard earned experience might help someone else. Why do you think that equals rationalization? If anyone finds a useful nugget in what someone writes, then it's all good. What is the point of trying to shut down enlightened discussion?

Otherwise, if the spouse is unavailable for sex you gotta make some hard decisions. And its kinda silly for the peanut gallery to chisel absolutes in marble.

It seems contradictory to say that people have to make hard decisions and yet complain about absolutes. However, I agree that people need to pay attention and make choices. Some of the harder choices may need to be based on their personal values and beliefs. When we're adrift and struggling in our relationships, it often helps to see that other people share our values. I don't think that having people offer their views in a discussion constitutes chiseling them in anyone else's marble.

Just my opinion, anyway.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That seems like another overly broad brush stroke, or at least it contradicts what I've observed. Many HT posts have a lot to do with relationships and sexuality and less to do with porn. I haven't seen much in the way of a very strong correlation between contributing here and not being in love. Many people write about their spouse in a way that is demonstrative of their love. People seem to post here because they want to, and I've observed a lot of people sharing their experiences on the outside chance that their hard earned experience might help someone else. Why do you think that equals rationalization? If anyone finds a useful nugget in what someone writes, then it's all good. What is the point of trying to shut down enlightened discussion?



It seems contradictory to say that people have to make hard decisions and yet complain about absolutes. However, I agree that people need to pay attention and make choices. Some of the harder choices may need to be based on their personal values and beliefs. When we're adrift and struggling in our relationships, it often helps to see that other people share our values. I don't think that having people offer their views in a discussion constitutes chiseling them in anyone else's marble.

Just my opinion, anyway.

LIT isn't urban gardening, is it? I'm sure they buy PLAYBOY for the articles in it, too.

I'm convinced there's a monolithic group-think here, that's been my take so far. The regulars don't stray from the orthodoxy.