How to...open my partner up?.

[lil_blue_rufus]

Hey,

So I'm getting more and more into the lit community and loving every second.

So this probably my first real post and I want to ask, does any one here have a "prudish" partner?

If so did you change their views and how??

My partner has a few hang ups and I do all I can to help her over come this. I reassure her that I love and find her attractive, I tell her how good she makes me feel. I've let her read stories, that she doesn't know I wrote, that she admits gets her turned on but she won't attempt or begin to attempt it!

Hopefuly as my time goes on I can get some stories up here and be a more active member but any help would be grand!!

 

[njlauren]

One suggestion I have is that maybe she might be willing to try out some of the 'adult romances' out there, not to be confused with the idiotic harlequin romances and such...some of them are well written, and they often have themes of couples coming alive and so forth. the series "50 shades gray" has been credited with a lot, but there are plenty of other books out there, some of them much, much better written, that she might enjoy...and a lot of them are written by women, which means they don't have rhe rawness a lot of stories on Lit have (sorry, guys, but most of what men write on here is not particularly romantic, it is pretty much porn, which is fine, but with someone skittish, well, may not work so well). Lot of great writers out there, the site goodreads is not a bad place to start, writers like Kirtsten Ashely comes to mind, there are plenty of others who write in that genre (a lot, the e-book revolution has really done a number). All I can say is from personal experience, it can help a lot

 

[luvnmyboys]

communication - ask her what she likes or would like to try, tell her what you like. reading 50 shades of grey really helped me. i used to be the prudish one and now i've come around to wanting to try all kinds of new stuff. talking and reading stories really helped. i know 50 shades gets some bad reviews and some of it is pretty harsh, but it's a mainstream book that i felt comfortable reading. maybe buy her some new toys if she's into toys.

 

[lil_blue_rufus]

Yeh we talk, I ask her about what she would like, I tell her what I would like.

I bought her the Gray books. Cover to cover on all 3 books in around 5 days. Nothing.

When we do have a sex life there is no foreplay etc. she won't even kiss me! Just in and out.

Any suggestions?

 

[GrrlFriday]

Does she think her 'prudishness' is a problem?

 

[LadyVer]

Yeh we talk, I ask her about what she would like, I tell her what I would like.

I bought her the Gray books. Cover to cover on all 3 books in around 5 days. Nothing.

When we do have a sex life there is no foreplay etc. she won't even kiss me! Just in and out.

Any suggestions?

She won't even let you kiss her and there's no foreplay? This is more than prudish, lbr. Prudish is being scared and wary of the unknown and learning to enjoy sex, especially kissing and foreplay. How old is your partner?

 

[lil_blue_rufus]

@grrlfriday - She admits our sex life is lagging a bit. She claims its down to her weight. Which tbh is one of the reassons im with her in the first place!

@ladyver - She is 26 and i am 25. When we met we were 18/19 respectively and had an active and fullfiled sex life. we used to try lots of things and its only in the last 2 years things have changed. But it changed over night. There was no real "event" that caused things to fizzle out.

 

[silverwhisper]

the first thing what you said has me thinking rufus is that there's possibly abuse in her past. if this thought hasn't already crossed your mind, consider if this might be a factor.

ed

 

[lil_blue_rufus]

@Silverwhisper - there was one situation when she was 14 and a older family friend tried to kiss her. As she tells it she told him to stop and he did and neve tried it again. Do you think this may not be exactly what happened? It would be like her to bend the truth to avoid hurting her family and embarasing them. As she sees it. When we have talked about it in the past she always clams up. As muh as i try to tell her that there is nothing to be embarased about she blames her self.

 

[silverwhisper]

rufus, it sounds like you've been suspecting for a while that there's more to what she said, and honestly, i've got a concern there myself as a complete stranger on the internet.

this becomes a different conversation now. the question is trying to understand what did/didn't happen. if she isn't sufficiently comortable talking with you about it, the question to me is: is there anyone at all with whom she would be?

ed