How to make people laugh

[Saucyminx]

......"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the
senior center.

I told my kids this joke and they thought it was really funny.

Something fun to do if you have small children. Teach them this tongue twister:

One smart fella, he felt smart.
Two smart fellas, they felt smart.
Three smart fellas, they all felt smart.

I got in so much trouble when i was a librarian and taught this to about 50 three year olds--but it was so darn funny it was worth it.

 

[MercyMia]

I read it this way:
......"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist. "It took three days to clean up the
senior center."

My bad.

Oh, good point. It might have been clearer if the [It took three days ... center] was in a separate paragraph.

Saucyminx, ha ha! I just tried saying that tongue twister out loud.

 

[Saucyminx]

Saucyminx, ha ha! I just tried saying that tongue twister out loud.

I told them they should just be glad i didn't teach them this one:

I slit a sheet,
a sheet i slit,
on this beslitted sheet i sit.

That one would have gotten me fired. That director had no sense of humor.

 

[bobsgirl]

I told them they should just be glad i didn't teach them this one:

I slit a sheet,
a sheet i slit,
on this beslitted sheet i sit.

That one would have gotten me fired. That director had no sense of humor.

Minxie, try this one:

The sixth sheik's sixth sheep is sick.

 

[Saucyminx]

Minxie, try this one:

The sixth sheik's sixth sheep is sick.

lol--i love that one and yes, i did sit here saying it outloud. I adore tongue twisters and i'm really good at them. (Well now, that is sure to inspire comments from the penis, er peanut gallery).

 

[bobsgirl]

Huh?
I hope it's because I've had a hard couple of days, but what am I missing?

Did you hear that Picabo Street, the famous American downhill skier, is building a new hospital addition in her hometown.
They are going to call it



Picabo ICU

Actually, magic, i thought that was pretty funny.

 

[bobsgirl]

lol--i love that one and yes, i did sit here saying it outloud. I adore tongue twisters and i'm really good at them. (Well now, that is sure to inspire comments from the penis, er peanut gallery).

Even something as simple as "toy boat"...that is damn hard to say a few times fast.

 

[midwestyankee]

lol--i love that one and yes, i did sit here saying it outloud. I adore tongue twisters and i'm really good at them. (Well now, that is sure to inspire comments from the penis, er peanut gallery).

The next time you're in a Chinese restaurant, ask your waiter to translate "44 dead lions" for you. It should sound like his tongue got caught in a circular saw.

 

[smoothdevil]

sex genres...



> The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you
> first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
>
> The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with
> your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex
> anywhere, even in the kitchen.
>
> The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with
> your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually
> have sex only in your bedroom.
>
> The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with
> your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both
> say "Fuck You".
>
>
>
> The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand
> your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of
> everyone.
>
>
>
> Oppps.. Don't forget Social Security Sex. You get a little each month.. But
> not enough to live on !

 

[MercyMia]

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director What the
criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed by the wall or near the window?"

 

[Saucyminx]

snip--"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed by the wall or near the window?"

Yeah, that's funny unless you've fallen for it more than once. . .


What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes "Ribbit" and the other goes "Rubbit"

 

[HappyMisha]

More pick-up lines... for men...

Hope you haven't read those before...

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

Do you want to see something swell?

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice.

Did the sun just come out, or did you just smile at me?

You're perfect for me.

I know how to make your ex-boyfriend jealous.

Romeo would've ditched her for you.

If you lost 30 pounds, you'd look like a supermodel.

Finally! Someone good enough for me!

Are you naturally brunette?

Have you registered to vote yet?

 

[HappyMisha]

And now...

Pick-up lines for women!

I'm doing a survery on how many guys eat breath mints. Can I test your breath and see?

I want you more than a popsicle on a hot summer day!

Hey, did you see that UK basketball game last night?

I noticed you noticed me!

Hey! If you're here, who's running heaven??

And on the 7th day, he made you.

Picture it: you, me, a Twister board, malt liquor and baby oil.

Are you talking to me? No? Well, start.

Boxers or briefs? I wanna know what I'll be tearing off you tonight in my dreams!

It's men like you that stop me from becoming a nun.

You… me… dance!

Penny for my thoughts, quarter to act them out!

Damn, I'm glad I'm not blind.

Want to have a meaningful overnight relationship?

 

[Saucyminx]

Picture it: you, me, a Twister board, malt liquor and baby oil.

It's men like you that stop me from becoming a nun.

Ok, these two made me giggle.

What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common?

They both cost about $100.

They both last about 30 seconds.

And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.

 

[MercyMia]

she's ticklish

http://www.axefeather.com/index_pop.aspx?referred=&country=en

 

[sassy_girl1963]

Quick Test

1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken?

3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm?

4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?

6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?

7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear?

8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?

9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?

10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver?

Answers:
1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.

2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour.

3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am & pm.

4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.

5) 9 live sheep.

6) The match.

7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.

8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.

10) YOU are the driver.

 

[smoothdevil]

>Redneck Mama

>A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids ....
>
>"WOW," the social worker exclaims. "Are they ALL YOURS???"
>
>"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
>question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy."
>
>All the children rush to find seats.
>
>"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names."
>
>"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."
>
>"OK, and who's next?"
>
>"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."
>
>The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through
the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
>
>"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they
ALL named Leroy?"
>
>Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time
to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when
it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they al l comes
a-runnin'. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street,
I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever
had, namin' them all Leroy."
>
>The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and asks tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to
come, and not the whole bunch?"
>
>"Then, I call them by their last names."

 

[smoothdevil]

Subject: Punctuation











An English professor wrote the words :

"A woman without her man is nothing"

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.


All of the males in the class wrote:

" A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote:

" A woman: without her, man is nothing."


Punctuation is powerful!

 

[smoothdevil]

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small
sign next t o the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."

"Very well my son. Please follow me.." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!

 

[smoothdevil]

>

>.>Subject: Smart Mouth
>
>
>A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the
>husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone
>at a nearby table.

> The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
>
>"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.

>She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear
>she hasn't been sober since."
>
>"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
>that long."
>
>
>"Daily Double"

 

[Ron54]

After many long years of marrage the wife decides to try to put a little spark back into the relashionship. She goes into the bedroom and puts on her neglegie with the low cut back but decides to put it on backwards. Her husband is sitting in his easy chair reading the daily paper. Standing in the bedroom door she says to him "hey honey notice anything diffferent?'
He puts down the paper takes one look at her and raises the paper back in front of his face.
She says " Well?'
He says " yea, the shit stains are in the front"

Services will be held Tuesday.

 

[Quoll]

Tourism Follies

The world is a big place. We can't know everything about everywhere, but sometimes it's funny when tourists visit places and meet people completely ignorant of where they came from. Funnier still is when the tourists don't have any clue about the places they are visiting.


Local Yokels:

"So, you live in Plymouth. What city is that in?"

"England? Can you get there by train?" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.

"England? That's in London, isn't it?" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.

"England? That's near Paris, the city of love!" -- Asked of an English tourist in the United States.

"Do they have beer there?" -- Asked of an English tourist in a bar in the United States.

"So, you guys are from Ireland -- did you drive across?" -- Asked of two Irish women on a trip to Delaware.

"You're from New Zealand, aren't you? That's just off the southeast corner of Canada, isn't it?" -- Asked of a New Zealander on a trip to Washington D.C.

"After moving here, how were you able to know what the speed limit was? Could you read our traffic signs?" -- Asked of a Canadian who moved to the United States.

"You're from America? Do you know my cousin Patrick in Chicago?" -- Asked of a tourist from Connecticut in Ireland.

"New Zealand is a state in Australia, right?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.

"How do you get around, since you don't have any cars?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.

"You don't have electricity there, do you?" -- Asked of an Australian, travelling abroad.

Tourists Without a Clue:

"Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" -- Asked of a travel agent about travel arrangements to Hawaii.

"Does your flag come in any other colors?" -- Asked by a tourist in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

"Excuse me, is this the Eiffel Tower?" - Asked by one tourist of another while waiting in line for the CN Tower in Toronto.

"Were these steps always here, or did they build them?" -- Asked of a guide at Mitchelstown Caves, Cork, Ireland. The guide jokingly replied, "No, but the electricity was!" and the tourist said, "Oh, really, wow!"

"Can you smell the smoke from the bush fire?" -- Asked of a resident of Perth, Australia, about a fire in Sydney.

"How long does it take the penguins to migrate to Kelly Tarlton's?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre; Kelly Tarlton's is an aquarium which features penguins.

"Which parks have swings for six-year-old babies?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre.

"Can I get a ferry to Australia?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre.

"Can you tell me where the Sky Tower is?" -- Asked at the Auckland, New Zealand, Visitor Information Centre; the Sky Tower in Auckland is the tallest building in the southern hemisphere and difficult to miss.

"How does the snow get up Ben Nevis?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland, referring to the United Kingdom's highest mountain.

"What time do the penguins leave the zoo?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.

"Is there anyone here who speaks Australian?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.

"Is Fort William still alive?" -- Asked of a tourist information center in Scotland.

"Why did the queen build Windsor Castle so close to Heathrow Airport?" -- Asked by an American tourist in England.

"Didn't this lighthouse used to be round?" -- Asked of a guide at a lighthouse in Nova Scotia.

"Was it always like that, or did they change it after JFK was President?" -- Asked of a guide at Royal Gorge in Colorado, after saying that from a certain angle, one mountain peak looks like JFK's head.

"Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?" -- Asked by a prospective tourist of Canada.

"Are there any ATMs in Canada? Can you send me list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax?" -- Posted to a web site about tourism in Canada.

"Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.

"Which direction is north in Canada?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.

"Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?" -- Posted to a web site about tourism in Canada.

"Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.

"I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns." -- Posted to a tourism web site.

Bon Voyage:

"Oh, are you going to drive there?" -- Asked repeatedly of a couple moving to Iceland.

"How does Canadian sound? I don't think I've ever heard that language before." -- Asked after a friend told him about his vacation in Canada.

International Business:

"You guys are working on the Fourth of July? I can't believe it! Don't you celebrate it?" -- Asked of an English employee by an American employee of a international company.

Geography:

"What do you mean New Hampshire's a long distance call?! It's part of Massachusetts!" -- Declared by someone who grew up in Boston.

"Vermont is a state?" -- Asked of a contractor that provided long-distance information for AT&T.

"What state is Minnesota in?" -- Overheard in a store.

"Sorry, we don't sell tickets outside of the U.S. . . . I don't care how new Mexico is, we don't sell tickets outside the U.S." -- A ticket salesperson for the 1996 Olympics, on the phone with someone from New Mexico.

"What countries belong to the Netherlands? France...Belgium?"

"I'm from West Virginia."
"So, what's life like in western Virginia?"
"No, I said West Virginia."
"You know, you're the third person I've talked to from western Virginia, and I will never understand why you don't just say you're from Virginia. It's not that bad of a place!"
-- A conversation between a West Virginian and a Californian.

"I didn't know you could drive to Europe." -- An eavesdropper, piping in when he overheard a conversation about someone who had driven to Montreal.

"I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -- can I follow the railroad tracks?" -- Posted to a tourism web site.

Geography Anecdotes:

Caller: "Hello. I'm calling about [a product]. I need to talk to one of your technical people so I can assess the product's suitability for a proposal I'm writing."
Operator: "Sure. So I may route your call more effectively, please tell me the region from which you are calling."
Caller: "Auckland, New Zealand."
Operator: "Sir, in which state is that?"
Caller: (chuckles) "Quite a good one actually, but with recent elections you never know!"
Operator: "Sir, I need you to tell me which state Auckland New Zealand is in so I can route your call."
Caller: "Oh. New Zealand is not in any state. It is a country in the South Pacific, near Australia. Auckland is a city in New Zealand."
Operator: "Thank you, sir. I have Australia -- putting you through now."
Caller: "No--" (click)

I recently moved from Wisconsin to Texas.

Her: "Hi! Where are you from?"
Me: "I'm from Wisconsin."
Her: (pause) "Where are you from?"
Me: "Wisconsin."
Her: "Oh, where's that?"
Me: "You know where Canada is?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Right under that."
Her: "Wisconsin...is that a state?"
Me: "Yeah. It is."

Later, I had this conversation with my new social studies teacher:

Him: "Well, welcome Samantha. You're from Minnesota, right?"
Me: "No, Wisconsin."
Him: "So you're from...Chicago?"
Me: "No, sir, that is in Illinois."
Him: "Oh, and you're from Michigan!"
Me: "No, sir, Wisconsin."
Him: "Well, why didn't you say so earlier?"
Me: "I don't know, sir."
Him: "So there's a lot of cheese there right?"
Me: "Some, sir."
Him: "And y'all's football team is the Cubs, right?"
Me: "No sir, that's Illinois."
Him: "Vikings?"
Me: "No. That's Minnesota."
Him: "But I thought you're from Minnesota."
Me: "No sir, I'm from Wisconsin."
Him: "Oh...so you don't have a football team there!"
Me: "No sir, the Green Bay Packers are very popular there."
Him: "But that's a Michigan team."
Me: "No sir, Green Bay is in Wisconsin."
Him: "But I thought you were from Illinois."
Me: "No sir, Wisconsin."
Him: "Oh. So you just have hockey there, huh?"
Me: "Not any professional teams, sir."
Him: "Well, I thought the Stars were from up there."
Me: "From Minnesota sir, but now they play for Dallas."
Him: "Do they really? I didn't know that."
Me: "Yes, sir, they do."
Him: "Well, anyway. Welcome, Samantha from Michigan."
Me: "Wisconsin."

Tourism Anecdotes:

I was sitting on the city bus the other day (in July), and there were two British women sitting at the back talking. After noticing that they were unfamiliar with the city, the woman sitting across from them struck up a conversation.

Her: "Where are you folks from?"
Them: "England."
Her: "What's it like there?"
Them: "Cold."
Her: "Oh, is it winter there now?"

It didn't end there. The conversation continued. Among the other questions this woman asked was:

Her: "Is everyone there left-handed since you drive on the left side of the road?"

I just barely maintained decorum long enough to get off the bus.

An American was planning an extended trip to Australia and asked, via a chat forum, whether his electrical equipment would work over there. The short answer is yes, provided there are no problems with voltage mismatches. But somebody, just for fun, decided to say, "The Coriolis Effect will make your CDs spin the wrong way." The American bought this and asked whether there were any devices he could buy to correct the problem. A number of people, my colleague included, jumped onto the bandwagon with various suggestions. Eventually somebody took pity on the poor guy and admitted it was all a joke. The response? "How do you expect me to know it's a joke if you don't use a sarcastic smiley?"

 

[smoothdevil]

Subject: Afternoon quickie



The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.

A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"

A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike.."

A few moments later, Looks like the Sanders are moving"

"Jason is on his skate board...."

A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!! Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

 

[Saucyminx]

ok, i know this is gross. . .

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her,

"Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Why don't you prove it."
He frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay."
He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can you tell?"

 

[redbarron77]

7 reasons not to mess with children.

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The
teacher
said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because

even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The
little
girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's
work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl:
replied, "They will in a minute."

3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with
her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy
Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches
us
how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered,
"Thou shall not kill."

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She

looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs
white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong
and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how
nice
it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's
Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying
to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head,
the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face"
.
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is
watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take
all
you want. God is watching the apples.