How to make people laugh

[Saucyminx]

draw pardner

A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne,
drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

 

[Saucyminx]

and another

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.

The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will." said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learning' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Nope." said the old timer, "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun right up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."

 

[Saucyminx]

*blowing smoke from 6 shooters*

Oh damn--that's only 3 not 6.

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped upon a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

The woman replied, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

 

[Xectxny19X]

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

The woman replied, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

omg...my tummy hurts over this one!

 

[sandj]

Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"

What Will You Be Remembered for?

It's election night, and the senatorial candidate has just suffered a humiliating defeat. Dejected and hopeless, he goes to his favorite bar, hoping the bartender and a stiff drink will console him.

As he sits at the bar, the candidate stares into space with a glazed look of disbelief, his hair a mess, his shirt partially untucked, his tie yanked loose from his neck, looking very roughed up. The bartender notices and says to the candidate, who was a regular, "I guess things didn't go so well for you tonight, huh?" The candidate looks at him, gives a grunt of affirmation, and downs the rest of his drink, acting much more intoxicated than he should be after only one bourbon.

"You know," he begins, his speech slurred, "you work your whole life to make something of yourself, to be remembered for something truly meaningful. But no one remembers that. Your opponents dig up every little bit of dirt they can, and no one remembers the good you did. I worked hard growing up on my family's farm, learned the importance of hard work. I joined the military, did my duty, served my country. But no one cares about that anymore."

The bartender, who has been sympathetically nodding along, pours the man another drink, which he quickly downs and then continues his speech.

"No one remembers that I went to law school, became a prosecutor, brought criminals to justice, reduced crime, made the community safer, a place people want to live, raise a family, where they don't have to worry about becoming victims. No one cares!"

He motions for the bartender to pour him another drink, then sits staring at it for a moment.

"No matter how much good you've done in your life, you fuck just one sheep ..."

 

[smoothdevil]

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.

The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will." said the old-timer.


The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learning' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Nope." said the old timer, "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun right up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."

LMAO ..... great

 

[MercyMia]

Joe sets up his chum Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend
of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he's
never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck
with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you
like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout
'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is
awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the
girl suddenly shouts:

.."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

 

[Saucyminx]

guess i'm the new sheriff lol

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a
cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his
move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it
slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to
discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting
topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer
excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and
the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you
suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally, he replies, "I haven't the
slightest idea!"


"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
shit?

 

[Saucyminx]

A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and notices that her husband isn't in bed anymore.
She gets up and goes down to check out where he is. She finds him staring at the wall, tears in his eyes.
She askes: "what's going on, darling?"
After a while he answers: " Do you remember the first time we had sex in the back of my car and your father caught us?"
"Yes !" she answers. "Do you remember the fact that he putted a barrel of a gun in my mouth and said : You will marry my daughter or you go to prison for at least 20 years !!!" ?
"Yes, I still remember" answers his wife, overcome by his romantic memories.
"Well" he says, " today I would have been free... "

 

[Xectxny19X]

After a while he answers: " Do you remember the first time we had sex in the back of my car and your father caught us?"
"Yes !" she answers. "Do you remember the fact that he putted a barrel of a gun in my mouth and said : You will marry my daughter or you go to prison for at least 20 years !!!" ?
"Yes, I still remember" answers his wife, overcome by his romantic memories.
"Well" he says, " today I would have been free... "

*shakes my head* that's just too funny!

 

[Quoll]

Howdy sheriff

Oxymoron's

Act naturally

Microsoft Works

Holy war

Found missing

Resident alien

Minor Catastrophe

Affordable housing

Near miss

Great depression

Phone sex

United nations

Advanced BASIC

Genuine imitation

Death benefits

Airline Food

Women's rights

Good grief

Same difference

Almost exactly

Sensitive man

Government organization

Everything except

Civil War

Good kid

Sanitary landfill

Alone together

Silent scream

Living dead

Small crowd

Business ethics

Soft rock

Butt Head

Military Intelligence

Software documentation

New classic

Sweet sorrow

Childproof

"Now, then"

Synthetic natural gas

Passive aggressive

Taped live

Clearly misunderstood

Peace force

Extinct Life

Temporary tax increase

New and improved

Computer jock

Plastic glasses

Terribly pleased

Computer security

Political science

Tight slacks

Definite maybe

Pretty ugly

Twelve-ounce pound cake

Diet ice cream

Rap music

Working vacation

Exact estimate

Religious tolerance

Freezer Burn

Honest Politician

Jumbo Shrimp

Loners Club

Postal Service

 

[Saucyminx]

*tips hat* pardner

One night these two men wanted to go out for drinks, but they didn't have any money. So the first man said, "No problem. I have an idea"
The two proceeded to the closest bar and ordered their drinks. The second man asked, "Now what's your plan?"
The first man said, "I'm gonna put this hot dog down my pants and then you unzip me and suck the hot dog. Then we will be thrown out of the bar for sure."
The second man was unsure but agreed. As soon as the bill came, he dropped to his knees and began to suck. The plan worked. The two were quickly thrown out of the bar. They proceeded to do this in bars all over town without ever having to pay.
Finally the second man said, "Man, I'm drunk enough. That was a good plan."
The first man said "Yeah, but I lost the hot dog three doors back.."

 

[Quoll]

An announcement

Because of the Anagrams dispute it has been decided to devote the rest of
this space to a page specially written for people who like figures of
speech, for the not a few fans of litotes, and those with no small
interest in meiosis, for the infinite millions of hyperbole-lovers, for
those fond of hypallage, and the epithet's golden transfer, for those who
fall willingly into the arms of the metaphor, those who give up the ghost,
bury their heads in the sand and ride roughshod over the mixed metaphor,
and even those of hyperbaton the friends. It will be too, for those who
reprehend the malapropism; who love the wealth of metonymy; for all
friends of rhetoric and syllepsis; and zeugmatists with smiling eyes and
hearts. It will bring a large absence of unsatisfactory malevolence to
periphrastic fans; a wig harm bello to spoonerists; and in no small
measure a not less than splendid greeting to you circumlocutors. The
World adores prosopopeiasts, and the friendly faces of synechdotists, and
can one not make those amorous of anacoluthon understand that if they are
not satisfied by this, what is to happen to them? It will attempt to
really welcome all splitters of infinitives, all who are Romeo and Juliet
to antonomasia, those who drink up similes like sparkling champagne, who
lose nothing compared with comparison heads, self-evident axiomists, all
pithy aphorists, apothegemists, maximiles, theorists, epigrammatists and
even gnomists. And as for the lovers of aposiopesis -- ! It will wish
bienvenu to all classical adherents of euphuism, all metathesistic birds,
golden paranomasiasts covered in guilt, fallacious paralogists, trophists,
anagogists, and anaphorists; to greet, welcome, embrace asyndeton buffs,
while the lovers of ellipsis will be well-met and its followers embraced,
as will be chronic worshippers of catachresis and supporters of anastrophe
the world over.

 

[Quoll]

Tech help

Subject: IBM Mouse Ball Replacement

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails
to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball
replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure,
replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly
trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining
the underside of the mouse. Upon inspection, domestic balls will be
larger and feel harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures
differ depending upon the manufacturers of the mouse. Foreign balls
can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced
using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static
sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden
discharge to other items. Upon completion of ball replacement, the
mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each technician involved with mouse ball
replacement have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum
customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing a ball should
suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To re-order, specify one of the following:

IBM P/N 33F8462 - Domestic mouse ball (1)
IBM P/N 33F8461 - Foreign mouse ball (1)

 

[Quoll]

Moooooooving right along

Cattle ranchers
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana.

They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $599.
She buys the bull for $598 and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: "Have found the stud
bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $1 a word.
"I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable." replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

 

[Quoll]

Seriously, no bull!!

BUT OFFICER.....

When police ask people involved in auto collisions to describe the
events in their own words, the descriptions often make it clear the
accidents were at least mysteriously unavoidable and at most acts of God.
Some actual examples from police files:

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
didn't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's
intentions."

"I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand
throught it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side fo the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to
rest in the bush with just his rear end showing."

"In my attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole."

"I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became
squashed."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on ny way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision. I did
not see the other car."

"I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had the accident."

"The accident occurred when I wqas attempting to bring ny car out of a
skid by steering it into another vehicle."

"The other car attempted to cut in front of me so I, with my right
front bumper, removed his left rear tail light."

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel
to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction
going the opposite way."

"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it
was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck
several times before."

"I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and
flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end and there
was a crash."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a
place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to
stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished."

"I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat I found
that I had fractured my skull."

"I was sure that old fellow would never make it to the other side of
the roadway when I struck him."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and
crashed into the other car."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go so I ran over him."

 

[Saucyminx]

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.
"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive",she said.
"Well,"said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?"
"$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman.
The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives blow jobs." Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought his was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog. She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of course, her husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he'd try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another blow
job. About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.
"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" asked the woman.
The husband looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here."

 

[Saucyminx]

"time" for another one

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him".
St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am".
"Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

 

[Saucyminx]

Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that Far!

 

[Quoll]

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information
in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the
cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed
my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were
found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I
decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to
the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the
rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240lbs of bricks.
You will note on the accident report form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in
Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which
I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this
time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to
the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to
experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to
my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of
the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe
lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of
bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel swing six
stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let
go of the rope.

 

[kayte]

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him".
St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am".
"Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

Thank you Saucyminx ~ LMAO!!!

 

[Quoll]

The Preacher's Horse
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third. The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's Ass shows" The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's Ass out in Front" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass" This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best Ass in Town" The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks" They buried the Bishop the next day

 

[Quoll]

less is more?

A Polar Bear goes into a bar and says, " Can I have a gin . . . . . . . .. . . . . . and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic please?" The barman serves him and says, "Why the large pause?" Polar Bear says, "Don't know, I've always had them!"

 

[smoothdevil]

Which sex is your computer?

A men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

A women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little
longer, you could have gotten a better model.

 

[Saucyminx]

FAX: To My Dear Wife,

"You will surely understand that I have certain needs that being with a 54-year old you can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight".

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table. "My Dear Husband, I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I too am very happy with you and value you as a good husband. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old.

"As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back until lunchtime tomorrow".