How to make amends?

[ima6uldv8]

Are you hoping TL will be reading about their weekend? It feels like it..either that or you're doing just a little too much thinking about their weekend away buddy... Things might be taking a turn from the kooky to the creepy!

I think he's secretly interested in TL, in a weird sort of way.

 

[culloden]

I work too much to get properly laid.

Have you ever been inside a guy's head? We talk about sex all the time. We think about sex all the time. When we get together, we are talking about sex. If you have a husband/boyfriend/male partner, trust me, he is likely going to talk about what it's like to have sex with you. Guys do this.

No, not all guys. I have too much respect for the ladies in my life to share those details. And judging from the conversation I have with my buds, they think the same way.

 

[heavyhitter01]

No, not all guys. I have too much respect for the ladies in my life to share those details. And judging from the conversation I have with my buds, they think the same way.

Apparently you are with some very refined gentlemen. I agree that not all guys do it; however, I believe the majority of us do. What else is there to talk about when we're done bitching about work and speculating about football?

 

[Lord Pmann]

The thing that really got my goat about this whole thing is this...

HH cheated with a married woman/man (I like to take liberties with my stories- it is more exciting that way). So his beef with TL isn't that she is a home wrecking whore. It's that she is a persistent, home wrecking whore. This whole thing would have been a lot easier to swallow as him "doing justice or what is right" if he hadn't dipped his dick in married ink. The fact that you came here with this moral outrage just seems so hypocritical. And the fact that when you cheated and you didn't out yourself to every person you knew, makes it tough to take. So it's not that we are daft and just don't get it. It's that we sincerely struggle to see how you feel right in all of this.

You've done nothing to make her a better person, which is what our (maybe fruitless) suggestions about her getting counseling attempted to do. You've only done the equivalent of what my mom used to do to me when I was a kid when I did something wrong like cursed or exposed myself to a teacher. She'd say, "Say you're sorry." I was not sorry. I just said it because my mom had the power to take away my Nintendo and I wasn't letting that happen. So, with puppy dog eyes, I'd say I was sorry. But none of us were.

I remember saying to my mother one day, "Why don't you actually let me wait until I am sorry to apologize to whoever for when I am actually sorry?" That went over like a blowjob in church.

But the point of my story is this... This is only about vengeance, which you sort of stated after I twisted your nuts some, in a metaphorical, completely hetero way. However, you came here as the justice police and that was a bell that couldn't be un-rung for many of us.

I no longer think you are a COMPLETE fuckwit like I originally said. You've somehow become a bit likable to me (that's likable, not lickable- don't get too excited there). I think now you are only a partial fuckwit.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Let work go for 30 minutes to an hour and get laid!

30 minutes? Is he going to have sex 5 times?!??

 

[TeaforMe]

I think he's secretly interested in TL, in a weird sort of way.

There is certainly a twisted obsession that defies reasonable boundaries.

HH, your friend was not man enough to clean up his own mess and he let you play henchman and clean up crew. If he truly cut off all means of communication, she would have no way to contact him. He needed to man up and do the right thing whether it be curbing all access to him, getting a restraining order if what she was doing was that intrusive or simply just ignoring her. He might be playing the role of husband of the year, but quite frankly his past and present actions prove he is weak.

As for his wife, this happened before they walked down the aisle, so she is well aware of what he is made of. Grateful to you or not, she knows she married a man who did this in the first place. No matter what TL does (and mind you, I think she is a horrible person for continuing to interfere with them), the wife will never truly have peace of mind, that's his fault.

TL.. leave these people alone...you've done enough havoc wreaking.

 

[IrishEyes80]

30 minutes? Is he going to have sex 5 times?!??

Sorry, I like sex that takes a long time!! I was projecting I guess...lol 30 minutes to an hour usually isn't long enough!

 

[heavyhitter01]

The thing that really got my goat about this whole thing is this...

HH cheated with a married woman/man (I like to take liberties with y stories- it is more exciting that way). So his beef with TL isn't that she is a home wrecking whore. It's that she is a persistent, home wrecking whore. This whole thing would have been a lot easier to swallow as him "doing justice or what is right" if he hadn't dipped his dick in married ink. The fact that you came here with this moral outrage just seems so hypocritical. And the fact that when you cheated and you didn't out yourself to every person you knew, makes it tough to take. So it's not that we are daft and just don't get it. It's that we sincerely struggle to see how you feel right in all of this.

You've done nothing to make her a better person, which is what our (maybe fruitless) suggestions about her getting counseling attempted to do. You've only done the equivalent of what my mom used to do to me when I was a kid when I did something wrong like cursed or exposed myself to a teacher. She'd say, "Say you're sorry." I was not sorry. I just said it because my mom had the power to take away my Nintendo and I wasn't letting that happen. So, with puppy dog eyes, I'd say I was sorry. But none of us were.

I remember saying to my mother one day, "Why don't you actually let me wait until I am sorry to apologize to whoever for when I am actually sorry?" That went over like a blowjob in church.

But the point of my story is this... This is only about vengeance, which you sort of stated after I twisted your nuts some, in a metaphorical, completely hetero way. However, you came here as the justice police and that was a bell that couldn't be un-rung for many of us.

I no longer think you are a COMPLETE fuckwit like I originally said. You've somehow become a bit likable to me (that's likable, not lickable- don't get too excited there). I think now you are only a partial fuckwit.

And you know what? That's completely understandable.

The difference between my homewrecking incident and ms_intrigue's homewrecking incident(s) is the fact that she never once felt remorse, guilt, a conscience, etc. I definitely did feel those things. No, I didn't out myself. But I did lose my job, my girlfriend, a few of my friends and all of my self-respect. It took a very long time for me to NOT think of myself in a negative light.

And now that I have gone through that, I would rather live the rest of my life alone than EVER go down the cheating road again.

If ms_intrigue had even ONCE apologized, shown a bit of guilt, said what she did was wrong or tried to "make amends" in any way, I would have been more understanding. If she had stopped trying to contact my friend, I would have let it go. I would have seen her as someone like me, who made a very big mistake and needed to learn from it.

But she didn't...and so here we are.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Sorry, I like sex that takes a long time!! I was projecting I guess...lol 30 minutes to an hour usually isn't long enough!

With me... I like to say that 4 minutes of pleasure is better than 3.

(waits for PM box to fill up...)

 

[heavyhitter01]

There is certainly a twisted obsession that defies reasonable boundaries.

HH, your friend was not man enough to clean up his own mess and he let you play henchman and clean up crew. If he truly cut off all means of communication, she would have no way to contact him. He needed to man up and do the right thing whether it be curbing all access to him, getting a restraining order if what she was doing was that intrusive or simply just ignoring her. He might be playing the role of husband of the year, but quite frankly his past and present actions prove he is weak.

As for his wife, this happened before they walked down the aisle, so she is well aware of what he is made of. Grateful to you or not, she knows she married a man who did this in the first place. No matter what TL does (and mind you, I think she is a horrible person for continuing to interfere with them), the wife will never truly have peace of mind, that's his fault.

TL.. leave these people alone...you've done enough havoc wreaking.

I am responding to the bolded part of your post, because obviously you didn't see my response to something like this earlier in the thread.

He did cut off communication. He changed his phone number, closed down his accounts at various places (and the ones he couldn't close down, like his accounts on Lit, he asked me to change the passwords to something he didn't know, and I did that for him) and shut down his email addresses in the same fashion.

I knew she was trying to contact him because I knew where her haunts were, and besides that, she was talking to me from time to time -- she didn't know who I was behind the screen name, of course.

Your posts have a theme. In almost every one of them, you are trying to find fault with my friend, as though he is as "bad" and "at fault" as I am when it comes to outing little ms_intrigue. It's interesting, and makes me think that you have a little too much experience with a cheating spouse or boyfriend.

 

[Lord Pmann]

And you know what? That's completely understandable.

The difference between my homewrecking incident and ms_intrigue's homewrecking incident(s) is the fact that she never once felt remorse, guilt, a conscience, etc. I definitely did feel those things. No, I didn't out myself. But I did lose my job, my girlfriend, a few of my friends and all of my self-respect. It took a very long time for me to NOT think of myself in a negative light.

And now that I have gone through that, I would rather live the rest of my life alone than EVER go down the cheating road again.

If ms_intrigue had even ONCE apologized, shown a bit of guilt, said what she did was wrong or tried to "make amends" in any way, I would have been more understanding. If she had stopped trying to contact my friend, I would have let it go. I would have seen her as someone like me, who made a very big mistake and needed to learn from it.

But she didn't...and so here we are.

But you could also have people who haven't cheated before (probably most of us in this thread) who would say you haven't paid a big enough price for what you did. I mean, you cheated, so someone should key your car. Or whatever it is. The point is, there is always someone more "moral" than you out there. And yeah, maybe you've scare TL shitless. If she is truly doing these bad things, then she is in the wrong.

But I posted the quote before about "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind". And it's extremely fitting here.

Have you gotten any response from those you've contacted?

 

[TeaforMe]

I am responding to the bolded part of your post, because obviously you didn't see my response to something like this earlier in the thread.

He did cut off communication. He changed his phone number, closed down his accounts at various places (and the ones he couldn't close down, like his accounts on Lit, he asked me to change the passwords to something he didn't know, and I did that for him) and shut down his email addresses in the same fashion.

I knew she was trying to contact him because I knew where her haunts were, and besides that, she was talking to me from time to time -- she didn't know who I was behind the screen name, of course.

Your posts have a theme. In almost every one of them, you are trying to find fault with my friend, as though he is as "bad" and "at fault" as I am when it comes to outing little ms_intrigue. It's interesting, and makes me think that you have a little too much experience with a cheating spouse or boyfriend.

My husband is as true blue as they come. Just because I see things the way I (and others here) do, does not mean I have a personal agenda, stop deflecting.

What I have highlighted in your text opens up a whole can of worms. So TL thought she was in contact with the main guy and played like you were him? This no longer seems like a true story to me anymore...you had passwords and access to TL as the main player. Right...so she was never manipulated by you? No traps set?

 

[whynotjustsayit]

*the plot thickens*

 

[Lord Pmann]

My husband is as true blue as they come. Just because I see things the way I (and others here) do, does not mean I have a personal agenda, stop deflecting.

What I have highlighted in your text opens up a whole can of worms. So TL thought she was in contact with the main guy and played like you were him? This no longer seems like a true story to me anymore...you had passwords and access to TL as the main player. Right...so she was never manipulated by you? No traps set?

I think he was playing "random crusty handed Lit Guy" and talking to her. I don't think he posed as the original guy. She just may have thought she was playing around with whoever. She didn't know it was HH the crusty handed Lit Guy.

I am curious... Have you seen this girl naked? (that's actually an inquisitive question, not a pervy one. I want to know how far things got with you guys)

 

[heavyhitter01]

But you could also have people who haven't cheated before (probably most of us in this thread) who would say you haven't paid a big enough price for what you did. I mean, you cheated, so someone should key your car. Or whatever it is. The point is, there is always someone more "moral" than you out there. And yeah, maybe you've scare TL shitless. If she is truly doing these bad things, then she is in the wrong.

But I posted the quote before about "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind". And it's extremely fitting here.

Frankly, I don't think I have paid enough. I remember well the look in the husband's eyes when he confronted me. I'm not sure there is enough justice in the world to make up for that.

Have you gotten any response from those you've contacted?

Any response from certain friends and family, you mean? Yes, I have. Most of them were disbelieving until they saw the proof, then they realized they had been buying into only one side of ms_intrigue.

 

[blulilacgrl]

A
The difference between my homewrecking incident and ms_intrigue's homewrecking incident(s) is the fact that... [is that]I did lose my job, my girlfriend, a few of my friends and all of my self-respect...

And that ladies and gentleman is what it took 20 pages to finally understand as the root of HH's anger and frustration. When he did it, he got busted and busted hard. But when she did it, she didn't get busted.

It's no different than when one of my kids gets mad because he gets caught doing something and gets punished but his sibling didn't get caught the day before for doing the same thing. For the next few weeks you can guarantee the one child is gonna be a tattletale. [laughs]

The fact is HH. It's not your business. And I'll even go one step further. Your friends are cowards. If I even had a hint that one of my "so called friends" thought he needed to go blarin' my business all over the internet just because he got his panties in a twist I would be beatin' his ass down so fuckin' far, he wouldn't recognize himself. The fact that they haven't means they want it done, they just don't want to do it themselves. Which makes them cowards because they will let you come here and take all the heat for them. (And yes I did read that they don't "exactly know" what you are doing. But they know you are doing something. As you said, by sitting quietly by they are participating in it. By not calling you out, they are actively condoning it.)

They are letting you look like the asshole and trust me, that is what you will look like. Because all she has to do is break down and repent. And then you are the bully.
Have you thought about that? These things are like walking a razor's edge and you don't seem terribly nimble.

Grow up and worry about your own life. Let your friend fight his own battles. He did this. She married him anyway. Let them deal with it.

 

[heavyhitter01]

My husband is as true blue as they come. Just because I see things the way I (and others here) do, does not mean I have a personal agenda, stop deflecting.

What I have highlighted in your text opens up a whole can of worms. So TL thought she was in contact with the main guy and played like you were him? This no longer seems like a true story to me anymore...you had passwords and access to TL as the main player. Right...so she was never manipulated by you? No traps set?

No, she did not believe she was in contact with him. She knew she was in contact with a friend of his (that would be me). She would comment that she hadn't heard from him, or that she sent him an email, etc. So I knew she was still trying.

This is an important point: I never had my friend's passwords. We chose to change his passwords to UPC codes...if you want to forget a password forever, that's the best way. Simply grab something with a UPC code out of the trash, type in the UPC code as your new password and save it. Then shred the UPC code and throw it out. You can never figure out that combination of numbers, so you will never access that account again!

I never manipulated her, other than to tell her I was married, which of course I was not. I was curious to see if she would be more interested in a married man...and of course, she was.

 

[TeaforMe]

I think he was playing "random crusty handed Lit Guy" and talking to her. I don't think he posed as the original guy. She just may have thought she was playing around with whoever. She didn't know it was HH the crusty handed Lit Guy.

I am curious... Have you seen this girl naked? (that's actually an inquisitive question, not a pervy one. I want to know how far things got with you guys)

Maybe so, but he had opportunity, means and motive.

 

[heavyhitter01]

I think he was playing "random crusty handed Lit Guy" and talking to her. I don't think he posed as the original guy. She just may have thought she was playing around with whoever. She didn't know it was HH the crusty handed Lit Guy.

I am curious... Have you seen this girl naked? (that's actually an inquisitive question, not a pervy one. I want to know how far things got with you guys)

"heavyhitter01" is a different name than the one she would recognize.

She likes to talk -- a LOT. She likes to talk about sex and give details. She really likes to talk about her conquests and compare them. That made me feel sorry for a lot of the guys here on Lit.

As for pictures, she didn't send me the pictures herself, but I do have a few.

 

[TeaforMe]

No, she did not believe she was in contact with him. She knew she was in contact with a friend of his (that would be me). She would comment that she hadn't heard from him, or that she sent him an email, etc. So I knew she was still trying.

This is an important point: I never had my friend's passwords. We chose to change his passwords to UPC codes...if you want to forget a password forever, that's the best way. Simply grab something with a UPC code out of the trash, type in the UPC code as your new password and save it. Then shred the UPC code and throw it out. You can never figure out that combination of numbers, so you will never access that account again!

I never manipulated her, other than to tell her I was married, which of course I was not. I was curious to see if she would be more interested in a married man...and of course, she was.

Why did he need you to do that? Why could he not do that himself? That is a legitimate question. If he felt nothing but contempt for her, making thoe changes himself and even in the presence of his beloved, would have been very satisfying.

 

[heavyhitter01]

And that ladies and gentleman is what it took close to 30 pages to finally understand as the root of HH's anger and frustration. When he did it, he got busted and busted hard. But when she did it, she didn't get busted.

<snip>

They are letting you look like the asshole and trust me, that is what you will look like. Because all she has to do is break down and repent. And then you are the bully.
Have you thought about that? These things are like walking a razor's edge and you don't seem terribly nimble.

Grow up and worry about your own life. Let your friend fight his own battles. He did this. She married him anyway. Let them deal with it.

Awwww, look! More self-righteousness!

You missed the past where I said that I hadn't paid nearly enough. I guess it was convenient to skip over that, because it doesn't fit in with your stomping-foot pouty-mouth tirade.

So what if I look like an asshole? Apparently I already do. So what if I look like a bully? Apparently you all think I am.

The fact is that ms_intrigue got what she deserved, at least in part. Yes, I'm happy about that. If that means you want to rip apart my psyche and try to find some deep, dark reason why I'm so gleeful, have at it. It won't change the fact that she got what she deserved, I got what I wanted, and my friends are quite relieved.

 

[ima6uldv8]

And that ladies and gentleman is what it took 20 pages to finally understand as the root of HH's anger and frustration. When he did it, he got busted and busted hard. But when she did it, she didn't get busted.

It's no different than when one of my kids gets mad because he gets caught doing something and gets punished but his sibling didn't get caught the day before for doing the same thing. For the next few weeks you can guarantee the one child is gonna be a tattletale. [laughs]

The fact is HH. It's not your business. And I'll even go one step further. Your friends are cowards. If I even had a hint that one of my "so called friends" thought he needed to go blarin' my business all over the internet just because he got his panties in a twist I would be beatin' his ass down so fuckin' far, he wouldn't recognize himself. The fact that they haven't means they want it done, they just don't want to do it themselves. Which makes them cowards because they will let you come here and take all the heat for them. (And yes I did read that they don't "exactly know" what you are doing. But they know you are doing something. As you said, by sitting quietly by they are participating in it. By not calling you out, they are actively condoning it.)

They are letting you look like the asshole and trust me, that is what you will look like. Because all she has to do is break down and repent. And then you are the bully.
Have you thought about that? These things are like walking a razor's edge and you don't seem terribly nimble.

Grow up and worry about your own life. Let your friend fight his own battles. He did this. She married him anyway. Let them deal with it.

Very well said and good point!

 

[heavyhitter01]

Why did he need you to do that? Why could he not do that himself? That is a legitimate question. If he felt nothing but contempt for her, making thoe changes himself and even in the presence of his beloved, would have been very satisfying.

Ah, assumptions again.

You assume his beloved wasn't there. She was.

He asked me to change the passwords because he was afraid he would remember them if he did it. Which makes sense, because this is a guy who remembers conversations from when he was five. But I digress...

So when faced with how to change them, I came up with the UPC idea. I thought it was pretty good. His beloved thought it was excellent. So we did it, and that was it.

 

[ima6uldv8]

Ah, assumptions again.

You assume his beloved wasn't there. She was.

He asked me to change the passwords because he was afraid he would remember them if he did it. Which makes sense, because this is a guy who remembers conversations from when he was five. But I digress...

So when faced with how to change them, I came up with the UPC idea. I thought it was pretty good. His beloved thought it was excellent. So we did it, and that was it.

So he's so weak that if he had those pasdwords, he'd still be talking to her when his dick twitched while thinking of her? He's not man enough to control his urges?

 

[blulilacgrl]

Awwww, look! More self-righteousness!

You missed the past where I said that I hadn't paid nearly enough. I guess it was convenient to skip over that, because it doesn't fit in with your stomping-foot pouty-mouth tirade.

So what if I look like an asshole? Apparently I already do. So what if I look like a bully? Apparently you all think I am.

The fact is that ms_intrigue got what she deserved, at least in part. Yes, I'm happy about that. If that means you want to rip apart my psyche and try to find some deep, dark reason why I'm so gleeful, have at it. It won't change the fact that she got what she deserved, I got what I wanted, and my friends are quite relieved.

Baby? do you even know the definition of self righteousness? because ummm....you might want to look it up.

And while you may feel that you didn't pay enough, you are still pissed off that you paid more than she did. And I don't have to stomp my foot or pout to say that. I get to say that with a giggle.

I'm not ripping apart anything. I'm stating what the end result will be. She will cry and repent (even if only on a surface level), you will then appear the bully and asshole. And your friends will still be cowards who even as adults, you seem to think are so wittle and pwuny they can't stand up for themselves. So they let you, the big stwong man, fight their battle for them And as a consequence, your friend will walk away without a scratch. Because when the shit comes down, he gets to deny involvement. He didn't tell you to do anything. Right?