How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[CandiCame]

N.B.: Antichrist does not mean "opposite of Christ," it means "false Christ," a pretender to messiahood. There were many such in Judea in Jesus' time.

This was more or less my point. There's no demons involved in canon.

In second tier canon demonology there is, but it's still not satan. Dude is half-demonic, on his father's side.

I've never even heard an interpretation where it's Satan - Satan is there, with him, as a separate entity, as a big dragon monster. There's no way to read that and get Satan = antichrist. Even the pop culture sources usually pull from second-tier canon where Luci is his dad. There's a lot of representations like that but I've never seen one where it's a straight up body swap on some Freaky Friday shit.

Plus in that second-tier canon Satan and Lucipher aren't the same person. There's absolutely no reason to think anything like that.

These Christians go buckwild with fanfiction.

 

[Kirkrapine]

Plus in that second-tier canon Satan and Lucipher aren't the same person.

What are you basing that on?

Satan is called "Lucifer" because some ancient Near Eastern kings used the title "Morning Star," which is "Lucifer" ("light bearer") in Latin.

These Christians go buckwild with fanfiction.

A religion is just a fandom that has lasted a long time.

 

[CandiCame]

What are you basing that on?

Satan is called "Lucifer" because some ancient Near Eastern kings used the title "Morning Star," which is "Lucifer" ("light bearer") in Latin.



A religion is just a fandom that has lasted a long time.

It's not because kings used it, it's based on a specific story about the character "Venus" who was one of two sons of the "Dawn", who was himself the son of the Sun.

You can trace the prebiblical origins back to a specific Babylonian story, which is what's being referenced here. In the original Hebrew it's EXPLICIT that it's referencing the Babylonian mythology to make a point, and uses the Babylonian name for the planet, which is I THINK Etana or Ethana or something like that. My Hebrew is super rusty- I said before that I don't claim to be fluent in any language but English. But it's close enough for Goggle to pick up which is all I'm going for.

Satan, meanwhile, in Biblical canon, is a SEPARATE character, the Lord of the Flies, who is strongly associated with the Horseman Pestilence, and is a general in Lucipher's army. He was a god of the Philistines incorporated into the canon after the genocide of the Philistines by King David, and "Satan" is actually a title. His actual name is Baal Zebub (again that's not spelled right because Philistines translated to English has a lot of accent markers to help with the transfer from a syllabry to an alphabet). Most folks pronounce it "Beelzebub" so it would actually be like, "Beelzebub the Satan" or "Satan Beelzebub".

"Satan" is a rank in the army of angels/demons, not a person, it's just that Beelzebub is the only satan listed by name in the bible (but it's made clear that it is a rank and there are others, he's called out specifically because he's a fallen satan- most satans still work for god). Lucipher does not have this title- he's a seraphim. He outranks a satan and would probably be insulted by the association. A seraphim is the highest rank, closest to god, second-hand men. A Satan is a leader of a military unit sent to accuse mortals of wrongdoing (Satan literally translates to "the accuser" or Ha-satan, which is the actual rank in Hebrew, is something like "the heavenly accuser").

The name Bealzibulb also speaks of his rank as a general, it means something like general, but I can't remember exactly what, like "high lord" or someshit, but almost all Biblical names are metaphorical, so it is accepted that that's also his name and it's a pun, like how all the seraphim have names with 'light' in them and seraphim means something like "flying light". The bible is full of puns.

I'm not gonna actually look any of this up but you can. Feel free to check my work here.

If y'all would read this as a book and not get caught up in religious bullshit you'd unlock those puns and get to experience them as jokes and it is actually pretty funny. The bible is a good book. I wish more people read it.

 

[Kirkrapine]

A Satan is a leader of a military unit sent to accuse mortals of wrongdoing (Satan literally translates to "the accuser" or Ha-satan, which is the actual rank in Hebrew, is something like "the heavenly accuser").

The character in which he appears in Job.

 

[Hal9000_]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awVNCIjQq1A

In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
You got your good things
And I've got mine

In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
You got your good thing
And I've got mine

In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
In Heaven
Everything is fine
You got your good thing
And I've got mine

 

[HelpImLost]

I don't trust these other literotica Christians! They stand around cherry picking while I get repeatedly attacked and harassed on these forums! I pray to you Lord, to give me patience and strength to stand on my own and not be resentful of it! They're crucfied your Son, and now they're building my cross next! Help me to battle alone , amen!

https://catholicismpure.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/sacredheart2.jpg

 

[Kirkrapine]

I don't trust these other literotica Christians! They stand around cherry picking while I get repeatedly attacked and harassed on these forums! I pray to you Lord, to give me patience and strength to stand on my own and not be resentful of it! They're crucfied your Son, and now they're building my cross next! Help me to battle alone , amen!

https://catholicismpure.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/sacredheart2.jpg

Christian humility should compel you to consider the possibility that maybe it's you.

 

[CandiCame]

The character in which he appears in Job.

There's actually a lot of debate on this- as to whether this is a demonic or angelic satan.

Job is actually the oldest book of the bible, not in-canon, but it was the first written, before the canon was established, so it was written BEFORE the authors had incorporated anything about the war in Heaven. That's why the satan is carrying out god's orders. It's very likely that this was an angelic satan, not a demonic one, and literally worked for god. The god presented in Job still had a lot in common with Utu, and it's believed that this was a Babylonian story before it was a Jewish one. There's an almost identical story about Utu that this is likely just a retelling of, and when it was canonized the rank of satans already existed, so there was no need to recon it.

This makes more sense, narratively than trying to read this as Lucipher's general Satan, who god would have no reason to talk to, and who would have no reason to obey him. It also makes more sense in-canon that God at this time would have servants who questioned him- they had already learned about free will in the heavenly war. So I'm on the side of it being an angelic satan, but there are certainly arguments either way.

 

[HelpImLost]

Christian humility should compel you to consider the possibility that maybe it's you.

Clearly not. But of course a heathen like yourself would love for that lie to be the truth. I posted a beautiful new year prayer and was instantly attacked. My original "I love you God" thread was instantly invaded before I was even involved in the heathen drama.

Your souls are all wicked and you can't stand when someone brings in the word of the Savior. I pray every night for the healing of your soul among a few others here , kirk.

 

[Kirkrapine]

Clearly not. But of course a heathen like yourself would love for that lie to be the truth. I posted a beautiful new year prayer and was instantly attacked. My original "I love you God" thread was instantly invaded before I was even involved in the heathen drama.

Then you need to look at what it is about your posts that would provoke that sort of thing even from Christians.

 

[HelpImLost]

Then you need to look at what it is about your posts that would provoke that sort of thing even from Christians.

https://media.giphy.com/media/FQvlxag2kbVyU/giphy.gif

 

[Kirkrapine]

https://media.giphy.com/media/FQvlxag2kbVyU/giphy.gif

Jealousy?! I'm sure I provoke a lot more backlash than you do!

 

[Tryharder62]

John says, “But every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist” (1 John 4:3). Anyone who does not acknowledge Jesus Christ as the Bible presents Him is inspired by the spirit of the antichrist.

Christ came to earth to do God’s will; the Antichrist will come to do the will of Satan. The anti-Christ will be the culmination of all Satan's work against God.

 

[BoyNextDoor]

John says, “But every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist” (1 John 4:3). Anyone who does not acknowledge Jesus Christ as the Bible presents Him is inspired by the spirit of the antichrist.

Christ came to earth to do God’s will; the Antichrist will come to do the will of Satan. The anti-Christ will be the culmination of all Satan's work against God.

My observation is anyone that profits in any way from the name of Jesus is not from God.

 

[Tryharder62]

My observation is anyone that profits in any way from the name of Jesus is not from God.

You mean monetarily?

 

[Kirkrapine]

John says, “But every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist” (1 John 4:3). Anyone who does not acknowledge Jesus Christ as the Bible presents Him is inspired by the spirit of the antichrist.

Christ came to earth to do God’s will; the Antichrist will come to do the will of Satan. The anti-Christ will be the culmination of all Satan's work against God.

Oh, mine eyes have seen the coming of the Dark Lord Antichrist!
He is humorous and handsome, and he isn't very nice!
You'll get along just fine if you don't make Him tell you twice!
Apocalypse today!

Gory, gory Armageddon!
Gory, gory Armageddon!
Gory, gory Armageddon!
Apocalypse today!

Evil's good and good is evil, and world's turned upside down
Every idiot's a sage, and each professor is a clown
And our Dark Lord's first commandment's "Get undressed and go to town!"
Apocalypse today!

[chorus]

It's really most annoying, with the rains of flaming pitch
And the things that bite, and things that burn, and things that sting and itch!
But, oh, that Whore of Babylon's a lusty royal bitch!
Apocalypse today!

[chorus]

It's really most confusing, with the horsemen in the skies,
And the seven seals and seven plagues and lambs with seven eyes
But we get no fun from Jesus, so bring on the Prince of Lies!
Apocalypse today!

[chorus]

 

[CandiCame]

You know, Tryharder, in the defense of the antichrists (plural, because that's what that verse actually means when you translate it correctly, that anyone not of Christ is an antichrist, that is simply "not of christ", not necissarily against him, because all an antichrist is is someone who's NOT christ-like in that context- what he's saying is "If you're not with us, you're against us.") the Jesus they're talking about here is the one who became battle-hardened after freeing the souls that he judged not to belong in hell and was coming back with a flaming sword to wage a fucking war and kill dragons and shit.

They're not talking about hippie Jesus, they're talking about forsake your family and follow me into battle Jesus. Badass prophocised warrior Jesus riding in on a goddamn unicorn to slay a dragon.

BTW, this translation change from "unicorn" to "white horse" for this prophecy is one that pisses me off real bad. Like makes me legit angry. Because Revelations was not written in Hebrew, it was written in Latin. And in Latin, unicorns are a real thing. And they don't look like this:

http://www.lrgaf.org/articles/10**0Jesus**0on**0horseback**0-**0Auxerre**0cathedral.jpg

Or this:

https://artsy-media-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/ZmitqgL-9TUF2F7KTHQkHg**FUnicorn_hunt_-_Martin_Schongauer_**8circle**9.jpg

The latin word 'unicornus' is a real animal. This one:

http://images.asianage.com/images/aa-Cover-57eem1aqk9tf0id6rf9a12rma4-20170404061630.Medi.jpeg

And this is backed up by the description given of a unicorn in the bible. The Reem, Monoceros, and Unicornus were all referring to the same animal.

Numbers 23:22

God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.

Numbers 24:8

God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.

Deuteronomy 33:17

His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh.

Job 39:9-12

Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?

Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?

Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?

Psalm 22:21

Save me from the lion’s mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

Psalm 29:6

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

Psalm 92:10

But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.

Isaiah 34:7

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

These are talking about a goddamn rhinoceros.

My point is- the nonbelievers, the antichrists, will witness Jesus descend from heaven with a fucking flaming broadsword riding a rhinoceros COMING TO KILL US SO HE CAN PAVE THE WAY FOR THE "NEW EARTH". And I think that anybody could be forgiven for... not being on board with that? Like yes, people might be a little anti-christ in the few minutes they have before they get their head lopped off with what I can only assume will be a lightsaber? Like that's what a flaming sword is, right?

That's a natural human reaction to that situation. No one left is gonna be comforted by that and think, "Oh I should change my mind. I love this guy."

My one comfort is that I'll be here to see it. Y'all will have been raptured. That shit is gonna be all over youtube.

Also, reading Revelations... those people who think this is a real book, who think that Satan, Lucipher, Lilith, and the serpant are all the same person-

How the fuck is he standing up in the prophecy? How the fuck is he not cursed to slither on his belly? Did god change his mind to make the fight more cool? Like what is your logic here? How'd we go from:

Genesis 3:14: So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.

To

3 And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.

4 And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman

...

9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

I'm sorry he did what now? Stood? On his legs? Not crawled on his belly?

People who think these are the same character and that this is a prophetic revelation of things to come rather than a retelling of a legend that was cut (as I explained earlier in this thread) during the canonization process describing events that already happened- explain. Explain what the fuck is going on here.

I mean, the easy, obvious answer is that this isn't a prophecy and the end times are simply not a real thing, that this was recounting of a prechristian legend or was a metaphor for political events at the time.

But if this is a prophecy that we should all be scared of, that this serpent-satan is a monster that Jesus has to defeat during the end of days, and this satan is also Lucipher and also the serpent from the garden- how does this make sense? Why is he suddenly un-cursed? How is he waging this war? When did he get his powers back in complete defiance of god PROVING that god isn't infallible or omnipresent? How do you explain any of this?

 

[CandiCame]

My point is that some of us aren't afraid of an antichrist because... the story presented here of the leader of the antichrists, whom Christians refer to as the only antichrist for some reason, despite the book not saying that-

Is what is colloquially known as a load of unicorn shit. These are not real things. Armageddon is not going to happen- EVEN BY YOUR OWN LOGIC.

 

[Tryharder62]

Never mind

 

[Kirkrapine]

The latin word 'unicornus' is a real animal. This one:

http://images.asianage.com/images/aa-Cover-57eem1aqk9tf0id6rf9a12rma4-20170404061630.Medi.jpeg

It is generally believed that the unicorn of European legend and heraldry is based on third-hand descriptions of the African rhinoceros.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

It is generally believed that the unicorn of European legend and heraldry is based on third-hand descriptions of the African rhinoceros.

My understanding is that that is actually not true, but you may be correct.

 

[phrodeau]

Unicorns must have been on Noah's Ark somewhere. How else would Job have known about them?

219 posts to go.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

Unicorns must have been on Noah's Ark somewhere. How else would Job have known about them?

219 posts to go.

My understanding is that the Unicorn mentioned in the Bible is not the same unicorn as we think of today.

07214. Mar r@'em, reh-ame'
Search for 07214 in KJV


or rieym {reh-ame'}; or reym {rame}; or rem {rame}; from 7213; a wild bull (from its conspicuousness):--unicorn.

 

[CandiCame]

Unicorns must have been on Noah's Ark somewhere. How else would Job have known about them?

219 posts to go.

They might have been one of the critters he barbecued.

Because... yeah, I mean, it's not like there was anything for them to eat. All the plants were dead. God literally salted the earth. What the hell else are you gonna do with them?

Might as well eat.

 

[CandiCame]

My understanding is that the Unicorn mentioned in the Bible is not the same unicorn as we think of today.

07214. Mar r@'em, reh-ame'
Search for 07214 in KJV


or rieym {reh-ame'}; or reym {rame}; or rem {rame}; from 7213; a wild bull (from its conspicuousness):--unicorn.

You need to present more information because you're wrong but I can't tell you how unless you actually say something. The word for unicorn in the bible is "Unicornus" which is Latin for a species of rhino, like I already said.

No one who actually studies the bible really thinks it's a unicorn. That's not a thing. That's why it aggravates me when atheists throw it up at religious folks. No one actually believes that.

They do actually think the globe is flat and the moon produces it's own light and a bunch of other crazy shit but there's nothing in the text indicating that they actually believe in unicorns.

Edit: In fact, the bible only mentions unicorns like... 9 or 10 times, and I think I already listed them all in a previous post.

And they were very clearly talking about a rhino. They talk about it being big and bulky and difficult to tame and even place the horn on its nose (not its forehead like a sheep or goat).