How to get a woman to reply to a PM

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

I'm going to help you out guys. Some of you send PMs with no response, making you (I imagine) more frustrated and dejected. I'm going to go through what I do when I get a PM.

1. What do you say in the message? Keep in mind, since we aren't face to face, I can't see you, so I have no visual cues. So, my first impression is your message. "Hi, wanna chat?" Boring. "May I masturbate to you?" Lazy and creepy. Give me something to work with. You are introducing yourself. You wouldn't introduce yourself like this in real life; you would want to catch her attention... in a good way. Give it a few sentences. Be personal, like "what do you think about Batffleck?" or "besides lurking on Lit, I also like woodworking and I'm a Revolutionary War enthusiast." About 4-10 sentences is good. Opening with a novel is also not a great idea: information overload.

2. Ok, so good message, lets see who you are. I look at your profile. Do yourself a favor and fill it in. You may not want to hand out yahoo ID on it, and that's ok. Also pics. I usually don't respond back to guys who's profile pic is their penis. Too much too fast. Don't be excessively snarky to try to look cool. Don't try to look smarter than everyone else. Don't be angry guy.

3. Your signature. Up to 3 sentences, 5 tops. Too much really is too much. Only one clever quote. Save the others for later. Give me something to look forward to.

4. Lets look at his posts. Are you the guy who has 500 five word replies to other posts? Are you angry guy? Are you fetish guy? Are you weird fetish guy? I know it's Lit and we aren't supposed to judge, but we do. If you're into something that weirds me out, I don't reply. If you're into pee, skat, or incest, I block you. Being the geek, some guys may block or ignore me. That's ok. No reason to try to force an uncomfortable relationship.

Keep in mind, this is just me and my guidelines. I would like to have other ladies post to say what they like to see in a PM. All in all, most guys here are pretty decent. Good luck fellas!

 

[AHornyMilf]

I'm going to help you out guys. Some of you send PMs with no response, making you (I imagine) more frustrated and dejected. I'm going to go through what I do when I get a PM.

1. What do you say in the message? Keep in mind, since we aren't face to face, I can't see you, so I have no visual cues. So, my first impression is your message. "Hi, wanna chat?" Boring. "May I masturbate to you?" Lazy and creepy. Give me something to work with. You are introducing yourself. You wouldn't introduce yourself like this in real life; you would want to catch her attention... in a good way. Give it a few sentences. Be personal, like "what do you think about Batffleck?" or "besides lurking on Lit, I also like woodworking and I'm a Revolutionary War enthusiast." About 4-10 sentences is good. Opening with a novel is also not a great idea: information overload.

2. Ok, so good message, lets see who you are. I look at your profile. Do yourself a favor and fill it in. You may not want to hand out yahoo ID on it, and that's ok. Also pics. I usually don't respond back to guys who's profile pic is their penis. Too much too fast. Don't be excessively snarky to try to look cool. Don't try to look smarter than everyone else. Don't be angry guy.

3. Your signature. Up to 3 sentences, 5 tops. Too much really is too much. Only one clever quote. Save the others for later. Give me something to look forward to.

4. Lets look at his posts. Are you the guy who has 500 five word replies to other posts? Are you angry guy? Are you fetish guy? Are you weird fetish guy? I know it's Lit and we aren't supposed to judge, but we do. If you're into something that weirds me out, I don't reply. If you're into pee, skat, or incest, I block you. Being the geek, some guys may block or ignore me. That's ok. No reason to try to force an uncomfortable relationship.

Keep in mind, this is just me and my guidelines. I would like to have other ladies post to say what they like to see in a PM. All in all, most guys here are pretty decent. Good luck fellas!

Absolutely love this post...there's a girl who knows what she's talking about.

 

[sethp]

Guess I'm fucked! LOL

I put Midgets on my sexual bucket list and have written some incest stories...oh yeah..mentioned golden showers too! arg....

 

[SexyAlison]

True dat.

 

[rider81]

OP, outstanding post. Thanks.

 

[SheilaT]

Well said!

 

[SheilaT]

May I add another?
Many women (but maybe not all) do not like being called, "love" , "dear", " babe" . Most of us have chosen a name here and would likely prefer to be called this. At least initially

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

OMG Now we know what women want!

 

[trojank]

Well written, hey thats me to a T , nah they still dont answer ......lol

 

[Mindfondler]

I would like to have other ladies post to say what they like to see in a PM.

I'm not a lady, but I'd like to suggest that the following is a crucial point for both sides in any introductory dialogue (whether real life or online) to remember:

Give me something to work with.

Yes! The trick is to provide just enough for the recipient to "bounce off" if they're interested in continuing the conversation. This also enables the sender to draw the conclusion that the recipient doesn't wish to pursue things if they don't pick up on any of the "hooks". It can be a difficult balance, though.

I'll illustrate this with an extreme counter-example. A while ago, I received a seemingly friendly PM from a woman who referred to my profile and asked a series of follow-up questions. I replied with a few sentences of information and a friendly query about her (as her own profile was empty). I received a reply which quoted back my answers and added:

lol

Fair enough -- I assumed that was the end of the exchange. However, I then received another PM with more questions, but still nothing about the sender. I just sent back a polite but closing one-liner as I had lost any interest in continuing the dialogue. Was I harsh? I don't think so.
.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm not a lady, but I'd like to suggest that the following is a crucial point for both sides in any introductory dialogue (whether real life or online) to remember:



Yes! I think that the trick is to provide just enough for the recipient to "bounce off" if they're interested in continuing the conversation. This also enables the sender to draw the conclusion that the recipient doesn't wish to pursue things if they don't pick up on any of the "hooks". It can be a difficult balance, though.

I'll illustrate this with an extreme counter-example. A while ago, I received a seemingly friendly PM from a woman who referred to my profile and asked a series of follow-up questions. I replied with a few sentences of information and a friendly query about her (as her own profile was empty). I received a reply which quoted back my answers and added:



Fair enough -- I assumed that was the end of the exchange. However, I then received another PM with more questions, but still nothing about the sender. I just sent back a polite but closing one-liner as I had lost any interest in continuing the dialogue. Was I harsh? I don't think so.
.

Nothing pisses me off more than a female playing 20 questions and offering nothing in return.

 

[GoddessHathor]

Wonderful thread!!! I love meeting new people on here and chatting, but I've lost count of the number of PM's I get that only say, "Wife is at work till 4am, let's get kinky" Seriously?!?

I've met some amazing people thru Lit...including my husband...and none of them introduced themselves this way. LOL

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

I'm usually pretty good on what i say in Pm's but i still don't get replies.


It could very well just be me.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Wonderful thread!!! I love meeting new people on here and chatting, but I've lost count of the number of PM's I get that only say, "Wife is at work till 4am, let's get kinky" Seriously?!?

I've met some amazing people thru Lit...including my husband...and none of them introduced themselves this way. LOL

Tis true. And men do it because it gets rewarded by many women.

 

[sereneone4u]

May I add another?
Many women (but maybe not all) do not like being called, "love" , "dear", " babe" . Most of us have chosen a name here and would likely prefer to be called this. At least initially

True, don't be overly intimate with me right out of the gate, it shows disrespect.

I'm not a lady, but I'd like to suggest that the following is a crucial point for both sides in any introductory dialogue (whether real life or online) to remember:



Yes! The trick is to provide just enough for the recipient to "bounce off" if they're interested in continuing the conversation. This also enables the sender to draw the conclusion that the recipient doesn't wish to pursue things if they don't pick up on any of the "hooks". It can be a difficult balance, though.

I'll illustrate this with an extreme counter-example. A while ago, I received a seemingly friendly PM from a woman who referred to my profile and asked a series of follow-up questions. I replied with a few sentences of information and a friendly query about her (as her own profile was empty). I received a reply which quoted back my answers and added:



Fair enough -- I assumed that was the end of the exchange. However, I then received another PM with more questions, but still nothing about the sender. I just sent back a polite but closing one-liner as I had lost any interest in continuing the dialogue. Was I harsh? I don't think so.
.

Good point too. I hate it when a man sends me a PM with very little words and nothing for me to go with on my end. It feels like too much work for me for someone who has an interest but shows little effort.

And to add,

Don't be one of those bloody jackasses that thinks because a woman is on an erotic website she owes you something.

 

[spunkyE]

Awesome post!

You totally said what I like! I don't know how many times I just delete the 1 sentence pm. Wanna chat? grrrrrrrrrrrr

also I would have to add check out my posts, my profile and interests and use those things to get my attention!

Hope all the guys on lit read this thread!

 

[suckonsimon]

Dare I say it ... Just for the record, I will.

I've had a pm or three from women on here which have lacked any kind of introduction and have left me feeling sad that she needed to write something so stark. So the issue this thread is about isn't uniquely a man to woman thing. A difference is that, as a man who is reasonably confident, I feel obliged to reply once with a message which is respectful at the same time as saying 'let's leave it there'.

That said, those delightful, entertaining, or flirty pms ... keep them coming ladies, we love them.

Si

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

True, don't be overly intimate with me right out of the gate, it shows disrespect.



Good point too. I hate it when a man sends me a PM with very little words and nothing for me to go with on my end. It feels like too much work for me for someone who has an interest but shows little effort.

And to add,

Don't be one of those bloody jackasses that thinks because a woman is on an erotic website she owes you something.

Why do you come here?

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

May I add another?
Many women (but maybe not all) do not like being called, "love" , "dear", " babe" . Most of us have chosen a name here and would likely prefer to be called this. At least initially

Speaking for myself, I don't mind the Dears and Babes. But then, my handle is Gorgeous Geek Girl. Darling is also ok, and here in Texas it's Darlin which is completely charming. But that's me; the other gals didnt seem to like it.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

I'm usually pretty good on what i say in Pm's but i still don't get replies.


It could very well just be me.

I'm going to be a bit mean here. Taking a soy in the dark, I'd say the problem might be your profile pic. I usually don't reply back to guys with penis pics, and your profile pic is you naked with most of your genitalia barely covered. It's a heartbeat from being a penis pic. My opinion though...

 

[GrrlFriday]

Nothing pisses me off more than a female playing 20 questions and offering nothing in return.

Men do that too. An interrogation isn't a pleasant conversation.

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

so no pic is preferred?

 

[Zulae]

Men do that too. An interrogation isn't a pleasant conversation.

In general I like to tell men to ask me 5 questions, because their questions also tell me a lot about them. As I am the one offering those questions I answer them properly (at least I hope so). But often enough their reply is just "interesting", "yeah, agreed" or "that's hot" and then "so, what now?". Really, if I give you plenty of things to refer to, please try to.
And I agree, I also hate being called "babe" or "hun" by complete strangers.

That being said, there are many wonderful men here and their PMs are always a pleasure

 

[eric60red]

I'm going to help you out guys. Some of you send PMs with no response, making you (I imagine) more frustrated and dejected. I'm going to go through what I do when I get a PM.

1. What do you say in the message? Keep in mind, since we aren't face to face, I can't see you, so I have no visual cues. So, my first impression is your message. "Hi, wanna chat?" Boring. "May I masturbate to you?" Lazy and creepy. Give me something to work with. You are introducing yourself. You wouldn't introduce yourself like this in real life; you would want to catch her attention... in a good way. Give it a few sentences. Be personal, like "what do you think about Batffleck?" or "besides lurking on Lit, I also like woodworking and I'm a Revolutionary War enthusiast." About 4-10 sentences is good. Opening with a novel is also not a great idea: information overload.

2. Ok, so good message, lets see who you are. I look at your profile. Do yourself a favor and fill it in. You may not want to hand out yahoo ID on it, and that's OK. Also pics. I usually don't respond back to guys who's profile pic is their penis. Too much too fast. Don't be excessively snarky to try to look cool. Don't try to look smarter than everyone else. Don't be angry guy.

3. Your signature. Up to 3 sentences, 5 tops. Too much really is too much. Only one clever quote. Save the others for later. Give me something to look forward to.

4. Lets look at his posts. Are you the guy who has 500 five word replies to other posts? Are you angry guy? Are you fetish guy? Are you weird fetish guy? I know it's Lit and we aren't supposed to judge, but we do. If you're into something that weirds me out, I don't reply. If you're into pee, skat, or incest, I block you. Being the geek, some guys may block or ignore me. That's ok. No reason to try to force an uncomfortable relationship.

Keep in mind, this is just me and my guidelines. I would like to have other ladies post to say what they like to see in a PM. All in all, most guys here are pretty decent. Good luck fellas!

Oh that explains everything then, I don't stand a chance, so I will not bother. I am intrigued though by a mature sexy geek woman, who likes science fiction

 

[Que]

so no pic is preferred?

Can't say if that one poster is on target with your picture cause I didn't see it (and I'm not a chick.)


I think they tend to like a picture that gives them a feel for what you look like, but there's some kind of line that's hard for guys to discern.

Back in a previous incarnation when I was on Lit with my then-wife, she was quite taken with a lot of the photos done by y=mx+b..(I cut him some slack for looking better than I because I'm a big fan of quadratic equations, but I digress)

Because of a particular picture of his we went out thrifting and found me a pair of button-fly vintage jeans to replicate one of his pictures. It showed nothing but the flap was slightly undone. With women (generally speaking here) less is more.

A hint of rakish behavior is better than flashing.

If anonymity is required I'd go with maybe a close-up of an eye, or a smile...back turned mostly from the camera could work too.

You mentioned you thought your pm's content were fine (assuming you mean you avoided the pitfalls suggested) perhaps you, like I, don't leave enough mystery. You seem open to me, and the sort of guy wears his heart on his sleeve.

Girls SAY they like a man "in touch with his feelings" and forthright about his intentions. So, we as guys tend to tell them straight out what it is that we find attractive about them. Best to tease that a bit. A hint of attraction is great, fawning when they don't know you is awkward to them. We don't get that because as men we are compliment starved...women hardly ever give us compliments on our appearance even if you can believe it a man as handsome as I!

As you can tell, I tend to write prolifically. I do WAY better online and in real life on the rare occasion when I pause and say quite a bit less than what I had in mind.

Plus they are DELUGED with pm's so keep it interesting and really pithy if possible.

THEY on the other hand need to work on being LESS pithy. As mentioned in my thread and above here "LOL" or "Go on..." or "Tell me more..." is NOT a conversation.