How To Dominate Boyfriend

[stewaae]

My boyfriend wants me to dominate him, which I would love to do but I am not sure exaclty what all to do. Any suggestions would be welcomed! I know I am going to use a strap on but like I said, any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[rosco rathbone]

why not start off with lite spanking or ask him to model ladies panties and stockings for you

 

[Byakuya]

I love it when my wife sits on my face.. at first she's a little hesitant, but after she gets going she starts really grinding her pussy into my mouth.. sometimes it gets tough to breathe but she just keeps on pleasuring herself ignoring my gasps for breath.. I love it! makes me horny just thinking about it!

 

[neonflux]

has he ever expressed any particular fantasies? and what fantasies have you had about taking control? this can be a good place to start. btw, teasing and denying access (even movement) is always hot... (it's also fun to start with an appropriate task for him to complete earlier in the day) Neon

p.s., for ideas, you might check the stories in the bdsm section also...

 

[SweetErika]

I'd start with figuring out some of the things that turn you two on, discussing limits and choosing a safeword.

Look through the BDSM Library sticky at the top of the main BDSM Talk page and grab a BDSM checklist (there are links in the library plus many others online if you google) to get a feel for some of the possibilities. Checklists are great for figuring out interests and limits, in my experience. And, once you have an idea of the main categories you're interested in (e.g. bondage, impact play, wax, toys, having him serve or please you, orgasm control/denial, etc.) to start, you'll likely be able to get a lot more helpful advice.

I completely agree with Rosco - try starting out with lighter play, then working your way up. It's crucial to learn about safety prior to doing any kind of play, as well because serious physical and mental/emotional harm can result from anal, striking certain areas, using some toys, bondage, etc.

 

[neonflux]

Erika, I think that the advice to start by a conversation about turn-ons and limits is very good. That's why I suggested discussing fantasies (and teasing and tasks). I think it may be a jump to begin thinking about safewords, etc. immediately, if only because we don't know what the OP means by the word "dominate." There are lots of men who find the idea of being sexually dominated by an assertive woman a turn-on, but that can mean so many different things that don't necessarily lead to S/m play. (My SO is one of those men, btw.)

Stewaae, I guess that begs the question, what do you envision and what does he? What does the word "dominance" mean to both of you? And does it involve pain, power-play, role-play, etc? Certainly the checklists that Erika mentioned might help stimulate discussion...

Neon

 

[SweetErika]

I think it may be a jump to begin thinking about safewords, etc. immediately, if only because we don't know what the OP means by the word "dominate." There are lots of men who find the idea of being sexually dominated by an assertive woman a turn-on, but that can mean so many different things that don't necessarily lead to S/m play. (My SO is one of those men, btw.)

I agree, "dominate" is an ambiguous term, and it could very well mean something like being on top and a little more aggressive than usual.

However, I suppose I see where having a safeword can come in handy in even what are typically considered to be very mild forms of play. All sorts of activities can trigger negative feelings/reactions, and (especially as a newbie) having a safeword allows me to play more freely because I have some measure of assurance that my partner will call a warning and/or stop to it if something's not going well. I still watch carefully and check in, but I feel like the safeword is another safety net, no matter what we're experimenting with or practicing.

Granted, that's just my style and preference, but I feel if it has a chance at helping people be more comfortable, it's worth mentioning whether they use it or not.

 

[neonflux]

I agree, "dominate" is an ambiguous term, and it could very well mean something like being on top and a little more aggressive than usual.

However, I suppose I see where having a safeword can come in handy in even what are typically considered to be very mild forms of play. All sorts of activities can trigger negative feelings/reactions, and (especially as a newbie) having a safeword allows me to play more freely because I have some measure of assurance that my partner will call a warning and/or stop to it if something's not going well. I still watch carefully and check in, but I feel like the safeword is another safety net, no matter what we're experimenting with or practicing.

Granted, that's just my style and preference, but I feel if it has a chance at helping people be more comfortable, it's worth mentioning whether they use it or not.

I actually have to agree with you here. Ironically, after my last post, here is what I just posted on the new "safeword" thread, LOL...

Neon

 

[BBWetKitty]

I suggest you get down and dirty with him. Make him clean the toilet, do the laundry and mop the floor. Then you go watch some porn and drink a martini while he cleans. Check his work - that floor has to shine! Make him sweat.

Or yeah, slap some panties on that ass and smack it! Yeah!

 

[subwannabe]

Give him a household chore to perform first before being dominated. Tell him if he doesn't do it, he doesn't get to be dominated. At some point early on tie him up and tease his cock mercilessly until he can't stand it anymore. When he is at the point where he will do absolutely anything to get off, make him tell you some of the things that turn him on, including his deep down fantasies he doesn't want anyone to know. Keep those in mind and add some in that turn you on, even if it is getting a candlelight massage or making him run bath water for you. By adding his secret desires to things you would like your slave to do for you, you should cum up with many possibilities to keep you busy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I probably won't be popular for saying it, but if you are 'dominating' another simply because they want you to, then you are not dominating, at best you are topping. I know it is popular with some to ask for ideas, but I also am one who prefers someone who is topping or dominating me to be able to come up with their own ideas based on what is going to work for them, and hopefully on some level for me even if only because it really wasn't what I had in mind. There are lots of ways to explore those feelings if they exist, and by doing so setting up a healthy process whereby fresh ideas will develop and the play will not become stale due to running out of ideas and not having a plethora of volunteers to give you some new ones in the heat of the moment. If you are set on doing this, explore your feelings in relation to their limits and begin building something you both can enjoy tailored by your individuality, not the random ideas of strangers who may not be the least bit tuned the same as you or your partner.

Catalina

 

[SweetErika]

I know it is popular with some to ask for ideas, but I also am one who prefers someone who is topping or dominating me to be able to come up with their own ideas based on what is going to work for them, and hopefully on some level for me even if only because it really wasn't what I had in mind. There are lots of ways to explore those feelings if they exist, and by doing so setting up a healthy process whereby fresh ideas will develop and the play will not become stale due to running out of ideas and not having a plethora of volunteers to give you some new ones in the heat of the moment. If you are set on doing this, explore your feelings in relation to their limits and begin building something you both can enjoy tailored by your individuality, not the random ideas of strangers who may not be the least bit tuned the same as you or your partner.

Catalina

I definitely agree ideas should be tailored to the people involved. At the same time, however, I've found it very helpful to hear/see what others do, then adjust the ideas that spark something in me/us to fit our individual style and needs.

I guess I can sympathize with having trouble coming up with ideas, especially as a newer Dominant, and have really appreciated people sharing some of their knowledge and experiences on different topics. I've never asked how to dominate someone, but I have mentioned being interested in different activities (bondage, discipline, impact, toys, etc.), and found it helpful when people have offered what they know or like in relation to those subjects. Often I may not use specific ideas, but hearing them sparks my creativity enough for me to come up with something similar that works beautifully for us.

And, as time goes on, I find it's getting easier to act with BDSM in mind and come up with creative ideas on my own. I've just had a bit of trouble getting started, that's all.

 

[stewaae]

Thanks everyone for some great ideas!

He just wants me to dominate him and by that he means also to humiliate him and just overall me dominating him and getting kinky and talking to him like he is a male whore. We're pretty open on what we both like and in terms of experimenting.

I'll defintely look on the BDSM story site too for some ideas.

Thanks again!

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks everyone for some great ideas!

He just wants me to dominate him and by that he means also to humiliate him and just overall me dominating him and getting kinky and talking to him like he is a male whore. We're pretty open on what we both like and in terms of experimenting.

I'll defintely look on the BDSM story site too for some ideas.

Thanks again!

I still hope you'll use a checklist or discuss what words like humiliate, dominating, getting kinky and talking to him like he's a male whore mean to both of you, because those are still pretty ambiguous; to some, "kinky" is using a blindfold or whipped cream, whereas others define it as whips and chains. Some might love being dressed up in lingerie for humiliation, whereas that's off-limits to others because they find it demeaning to women or were hurt by being called a "sissy" in school. A lot of male subs find eating their own cum delightful and humiliating, whereas my husband will only do it if he's being punished - otherwise, it's a limit for him.

See what I mean? Your ideas for domination and humiliation may not mesh well with his, and it's usually a lot better to have a good understanding of each others' limits BEFORE you start playing.

 

[Masterrobyitaly]

 

[WriterDom]

You want him clean, so have him take a bath first. But before he turns on the water, have him lie down and piss on his own face while you watch. Or, you can join in.

After the bath have him crawl everywhere he goes. A buttplug with a pig's tail would be a nice touch.

A leash and choke collar might be good as well.

 

[strawberrykiss]

wanted to try dominating my b/f, these are some great ideas! Thanks!

 

[ChainedRebel]

Excellent website. The Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination by Akasha:

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

 

[SweetErika]

Excellent website. The Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination by Akasha:

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

It was a lot better when more than one article was free!
Mother Superior- $69.95 for 6 months
Mistress- $13.95 monthly recurring
Femdom- $19.95 one month

 

[ChainedRebel]

It was a lot better when more than one article was free!
Mother Superior- $69.95 for 6 months
Mistress- $13.95 monthly recurring
Femdom- $19.95 one month

Agreed. But the Guide still has a lot of good info as an introduction.