How to combat sexual frustration...

[tbs230]

I haven't had sex for a little under a year and a half.

17 months! Sometimes I think that it would have been better if I never lost my virginity (the right way) to begin with. This is not fun, at all!

psst (shhh)...I've had these cravings, which are just torture. It's like I'm in heat...constant, continuous heat.

Sometimes I can ignore it, like during the day when I'm in class (although the images that play in my head are still there), and sometimes, it's all I can do not to scream.

I need help! HELP!

 

[SweetErika]

Why not have sex then?

I guess I figure there's an easy fix if the source of the frustration is a lack of sex. As a woman, you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone who's relatively attractive to you, nice and good in bed.

Finding a committed relationship is a little more difficult, but even that's not too hard for a young woman with high, but reasonable, standards, if she puts some effort into meeting likeminded people.

 

[tbs230]

Hi SweetErika,

I would, if I could. But the options are not up to my standards...they're no where near my standards. And I don't have a lot, I just want someone smart, discreet, and patient. But the likelihood of finding someone like that at my school is pretty much zero.

And I don't know how I feel about meeting someone I haven't met before just for sex, I don't think that's something I could do.

 

[SweetErika]

Hi SweetErika,

I would, if I could. But the options are not up to my standards...they're no where near my standards. And I don't have a lot, I just want someone smart, discreet, and patient. But the likelihood of finding someone like that at my school is pretty much zero.

And I don't know how I feel about meeting someone I haven't met before just for sex, I don't think that's something I could do.

How many students attend your school? You're in college, I'm assuming?

Are there no locals, people who don't go to your school, or people who live within a reasonable drive?

Have you tried to meet people on sites like OKCupid?

There's no law saying you have to have sex the first, second, or even hundredth, time you meet someone. You could very well develop a friendship or go on some dates until you feel comfortable taking it a step further. Saying you're looking for friendship first, with a possibility for sex or something else if you click in that way, is perfectly acceptable, and there are plenty of people who are willing, and even prefer, to go that route.

Even if I were looking for casual sex, I'd never sleep with someone without meeting in a public place and getting a good sense of whether or not I was comfortable with them. I'm just not into putting my health and life on the line like that. Knowing someone well doesn't mean they won't harm me, but it's a much bigger risk to be alone with someone before I've had the chance to look for red flags and run.

I generally need 2 or 3 good dates with plenty of communication before I can consider being alone with someone, and much more time prior to any notable sexual activity. That's just my personal style and need, but my point is that I don't do anything I'm not comfortable with, and anyone who won't take the time to meet this need will never get anywhere with me.

Figure out what you truly want, what you have to do to get it--even though that may mean you need to think outside the box--then go out to get it and be happy!

 

[emap]

What she said. Also keep in mind, any personals site is 99% men and robots to promote another personals site so the instant you put a profile up with a picture you will be deluged in messages. Any message you send out will get answered as well so you will have your pick of thousands of men in your area in the course of a week or two.

Well probably not that bad, it sorta depends on the site as well, the bigger known ones that cost more have alot more 'real' people, though you have alot more competition as well. It's something of a double edged sword.

 

[SweetErika]

What she said. Also keep in mind, any personals site is 99% men and robots to promote another personals site so the instant you put a profile up with a picture you will be deluged in messages. Any message you send out will get answered as well so you will have your pick of thousands of men in your area in the course of a week or two.

Well probably not that bad, it sorta depends on the site as well, the bigger known ones that cost more have alot more 'real' people, though you have alot more competition as well. It's something of a double edged sword.

OKCupid is completely FREE and I've yet to see a profile that appears to be from a bot there in about 4 years. IIRC, it was started by two technology students who wanted to test their skills and give the world a totally free site that allowed for semi-accurate matches based on peoples' answers to user-generated tests. It's a great site overall, and well worth donating to.

I've not seen any suspicious profiles or messages on CollarMe (a completely free, kink-friendly site), either.

So far, I've seen a good balance of women and men on both sites. It's not 50/50 to be sure, but I've not noticed an overrun of men on either site, or any of the other free sites I've frequented. I don't think the OP is looking for women, anyway, so more men works in her favor.

There are bots and fakes on some of the other sites, most notably the friendfinder network of sites (including AFF), and I've heard rumors of fake profiles on Match.com.

I suspect the pay sites like AFF and Match have more of a reason to use bots and post fake profiles - they're really concerned with making themselves look good because they depend on reeling people in to purchase memberships. Free sites usually don't have the time or money to pay for bots and fake profiles, which is another reason why I patronize and spread the word about them.

 

[PertPerth]

Hi SweetErika,

I would, if I could. But the options are not up to my standards...they're no where near my standards. And I don't have a lot, I just want someone smart, discreet, and patient. But the likelihood of finding someone like that at my school is pretty much zero.

And I don't know how I feel about meeting someone I haven't met before just for sex, I don't think that's something I could do.

Hello tbs230.
I was in your position - and felt exactly the same way as you're feeling - up until earilier this year when I found a lovely guy. The only thing was - it was 8 years since I'd last had sex, not just 17 months! Yep, there were times when I wish I'd not had sex at all, but I don't think that would have helped. I craved being intimate with someone - not just the sex itself.
Masturbating takes care of the physical, but there is nothing that con replace being intimate with someone - especially when there is love involved.

My only suggestion is to really LOOK for someone. Get out there, meet new people (I know how hard it can be), try new things - even speed dating and internet dating. It's not all people just looking for sex. I know 3 couples who are now married after meeting on line. I met my boyfriend on an internet dating site.

Keep positive and don't give up!

~Pert

 

[Missdemeanour]

I haven't had sex for a little under a year and a half.

17 months! Sometimes I think that it would have been better if I never lost my virginity (the right way) to begin with. This is not fun, at all!

psst (shhh)...I've had these cravings, which are just torture. It's like I'm in heat...constant, continuous heat.

Sometimes I can ignore it, like during the day when I'm in class (although the images that play in my head are still there), and sometimes, it's all I can do not to scream.

I need help! HELP!

I havent had sex in 19months 3 weeks 12 days 7 hours and 20 mins but who's counting??!!

 

[Phaedre]

8 years. No, make that 9 years 4 months & who knows how many days.

Seriously though try to focus on other things. Maybe put that imagination to use and write?

 

[fire_breeze]

Work out. Delve into work/study. Get a hobby. Do something! It'll ease, trust me!

 

[Bert Notorius]

I went 120 days once- not counting the early years. Sex in the start up period is generally sporadic. Unfortunately, by definition, there is only one cure for sexual frustration.

 

[tbs230]

Thanks everyone!

I checked out OKCupid...not bad!

And yes, today is a much better day than before. And after hearing how long it has been/was for others...I'm not feeling quite so bad.

I'm just so very impatient, and toys can only do so much...

Thanks again!

 

[silverwhisper]

good to see you here again, tbs. :>

i like phaedre's suggestion, btw.

ed

 

[tbs230]

*waving*

good to see you here again, tbs. :>

i like phaedre's suggestion, btw.

ed

Hiya, Ed!! It's good to be back. I stop by every once in a while, just don't really have much to say! It's a little quiet in here though.

Everyone has such great suggestions. That's why I love it here.

 

[silverwhisper]

sorry i don't have any useful suggestions of my own, tbs. :<

keep us posted re: OKcupid, though?

ed

 

[tbs230]

sorry i don't have any useful suggestions of my own, tbs. :<

keep us posted re: OKcupid, though?

ed

You know I will, either here or elsewhere! I can't keep good news quiet to save my life!

 

[silverwhisper]

good. :>

ed

 

[rydia57]

I agree with fire_breeze. While you're looking get some hobbies. Write if you can. Until I find someone, I just write about what I want him to do to me... among other things, LOL. I wish you good luck!

 

[tbs230]

I have hobbies!!

I agree with fire_breeze. While you're looking get some hobbies. Write if you can. Until I find someone, I just write about what I want him to do to me... among other things, LOL. I wish you good luck!

I have hobbies... , I hope I don't sound like some depressed soul that's wallowing in her self pity...

I'm a full-time college student, with two jobs and a whole bunch of extra-curricular activities...

It's just that I'm in need for a tune up and I'm starting to hear creaks!!

But I have been writing, it's going slow but everything put on paper is coming from the heart!

 

[helix27]

Why not have sex then?

I guess I figure there's an easy fix if the source of the frustration is a lack of sex. As a woman, you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone who's relatively attractive to you, nice and good in bed.

Finding a committed relationship is a little more difficult, but even that's not too hard for a young woman with high, but reasonable, standards, if she puts some effort into meeting likeminded people.

On another note if your a man your just screwed (or well not screwed in this instance).

 

[Chi-Guy31]

I think I dealt better with sex dry spells when I was single than when in a committed relationship. In my marriage, we are now at 10 months without any sex of any kind and only 7 times total in the last 2+ years, due to some physical issues my wife struggles with. While in a relationship I think it's tougher to go without as your body and mind know it should be happening and wants to express love & lust for your partner. When I was single and went awhile without sex, it was just par for the course. Not that that makes it easier for anyone!

 

[helix27]

I think I dealt better with sex dry spells when I was single than when in a committed relationship. In my marriage, we are now at 10 months without any sex of any kind and only 7 times total in the last 2+ years, due to some physical issues my wife struggles with. While in a relationship I think it's tougher to go without as your body and mind know it should be happening and wants to express love & lust for your partner. When I was single and went awhile without sex, it was just par for the course. Not that that makes it easier for anyone!

yeaaa that would be reallly rough. good on ya for stinking by her side though!

 

[Chi-Guy31]

yeaaa that would be reallly rough. good on ya for stinking by her side though!

Thanks! Although I hope I am not "stinking" by her side - I swear I shower every day!

 

[EjAcKuLaToR]

If you have a partner and due to physical illness of you or the partner you can't do it for 17 months, then I hate it for you.

Conversely, if you don't have a partner and haven't done it for 17 months, I think it's probably because you're not trying hard enough.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Many women don't want to have casual sex. They don't want to feel like a slut or be labelled as one. I also sympathise with the limited free time you have when juggling college and jobs etc.

There are opportunities to widen your circle of friends. Try to socialise regularly and don't feel guilty about having a night off from everything occasionally. You could round up a couple of girlfriends and go out somewhere new or a bit further from where you live so that you meet new people.

Dating sites are an option but you'll have to sift through a lot of BS as these sites tend to be man-heavy. Worth your while if you are prepared to take the time to vet somebody compatible.