How much do small details get to you?

[lovecraft68]

Just posting this because of an e-mail I received this morning. Last week an author who has commented on several of my stories reached out to me and asked if I would look at a story for him.

I said I would, but as always stressed I still struggle with grammar and I am not an editor, but would be happy to read it and give him some general feedback about what I liked an didn't and why.

Now their response was that was fine and the reason they liked my work is I am consistent throughout my stories and seem to pay attention to small details and inject as much reality in the fantasy as possible and that is what he is looking for is "holes" in the story.

Last night I finally had a chance to read it and it wasn't bad, but one thing stuck out to me. The story is about a girl losing her virginity. Now she is a horny little thing who has been fantasizing like mad, but too nervous so far to go through with it.

The story starts with her masturbating with an 8" dildo the scene is fairly hot for what it is because he puts in a nice fantasy for her as she does it. BUt he stresses several times it is 8 inches and thick.

Now at the end when she does have sex he writes that she "yelped at a brief sharp pain as her hymen broke"

Two things, one "Hymen" to me is like saying penis or vagina. its too medical for my liking say "her cherry popped", but that of course is just my opinion.

But then it hit me. The girl has been fucking herself with an 8 inch long and fat dildo for months. Her "hymen" is long gone. She is a virgin as in never had a guy, but that cherry has long since popped.

I sent that back to him and the response was "No, only a real penis can pop a cherry"

I sent back, Ummm, no how does the cherry know this is a fake dick?

Anyway he then told me I was being too picky.

Now aside from the fact that is what he asked me to do, my question is would anyone else here even pick that up? Am I "too picky"

And if you did how much do things "inaccuracies" like that bother you, or do you just roll with them?

 

[loquere]

Your right

 

[lovecraft68]

For the record, just going to add my suggestion to him was that she could still experience some discomfort as a man's fucking her would be faster and harder than when she masturbated, so he could use that line, just lose the "popping"

The final answer I received was, "I wasn't looking for you to rewrite it"

As I read that I found myself sympathizing with the VE editors here. Many authors tend to pick on them, but they have a lot of patience to deal with that crap on a steady basis.

 

[loquere]

Look I wrote a story a 5,6 years back under another name. The girl only wanted to have anal sex as not to loose her virginity. Now the guy fingering her asks her, "is it okay that I finger you?" shes responds. "yeah I use a vibrator sometimes." her hymen is long broken.

Less than a dildo can break a hymen. I have a current virgin story, where the hymen isn't even mentioned. Most virgin stories on here leave out the hymen. I think. There will be pain though, definitely.


The guy is being protective of his story, because he feels the hymen is an intricate part, and he's being stuburn about it. The readers wil bite into him. I think you should fire of an email with the further responses of this honorable board.

 

[PennLady]

Oh boy can little details get to me. I think it's worse when I'm watching a movie to TV show, but it can get me in books, too.

I'd say the problem here is quite likely a misunderstanding of the hymen, and what and where it is. And that's not just a guy thing. I've read plenty of stuff, some surely by women, where a guy is halfway in before he "hits her maidenhead." A while ago Stella posted this video, by Laci Greene, that explains about the hymen. Ever since seeing this, I cringe when reading incorrect stuff in a story -- but I didn't know this information before.

It's like when I saw an HBO sex show and they addressed the issue of 12" cocks -- they used a diagram to show that (at least on average), a good half of it won't fit. So unfortunately for me, reality intrudes when I read stories that specify cocks of that length. I keep thinking of the diagram and laughing.

I'd say you're right, though. I won't say "no way," but it kind of beggars belief that she would be using a toy like that and then have trouble with "the real thing."

I think loquere is right, this guy is being defensive as many writers are. He doesn't want to be wrong. I -- personally -- would stop at this point. if he won't listen about this, he probably won't listen about anything else.

 

[loquere]

Penn you are right, I think the largest penis size I used was 9.5. But it was really a just before submission change. I have another story with a guy whose a huge b-ball player. So I gave him an 8.

Is the story published now?

Can you send us a link?


Small detail can kill, there's a show I used to watch called scandal, they drive the POTUS in a Lincoln limo.

 

[lovecraft68]

Oh boy can little details get to me. I think it's worse when I'm watching a movie to TV show, but it can get me in books, too.

I'd say the problem here is quite likely a misunderstanding of the hymen, and what and where it is. And that's not just a guy thing. I've read plenty of stuff, some surely by women, where a guy is halfway in before he "hits her maidenhead." A while ago Stella posted this video, by Laci Greene, that explains about the hymen. Ever since seeing this, I cringe when reading incorrect stuff in a story -- but I didn't know this information before.

It's like when I saw an HBO sex show and they addressed the issue of 12" cocks -- they used a diagram to show that (at least on average), a good half of it won't fit. So unfortunately for me, reality intrudes when I read stories that specify cocks of that length. I keep thinking of the diagram and laughing.

I'd say you're right, though. I won't say "no way," but it kind of beggars belief that she would be using a toy like that and then have trouble with "the real thing."

I think loquere is right, this guy is being defensive as many writers are. He doesn't want to be wrong. I -- personally -- would stop at this point. if he won't listen about this, he probably won't listen about anything else.

A detail that has always gotten to me is no one gets pregnant (for the most part unless its part of the kink such as "breeding" stories or incest") condoms are not used, birth control never mentioned and the guy is cumming inside repeatedly (especially in a series)

Now I know condoms ruin it for many and BC being mentioned interrupts the flow "Good thing I'm on the pill" is not sexy dialogue.

Although I like incest, pregnancy in it squicks me and when I did the long running SWB series that occurred to me and I put it in the first chapter that due to injuries she suffered through being molested as a young child the sister could not get pregnant, which took me off the hook for 40 chapters of unprotected sex.

To this day I wonder if I only did that for my own self edification as I am curious to know how many would care.

I also did it to avoid any suggestions of "I think they should have a kid and..."

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I quit editing when too many LIT 'writers' simply wanted a backpat and flattery. And I'm not an anal obsessive nit-picker. Punctuation, weak verbs, excessive adjectives and adverbs, and multi-syllable words are what I look at. That is, make sense and the rest will follow along.

Details: If you dont know dont write it.

 

[lovecraft68]

Penn you are right, I think the largest penis size I used was 9.5. But it was really a just before submission change. I have another story with a guy whose a huge b-ball player. So I gave him an 8.

Is the story published now?

Can you send us a link?


Small detail can kill, there's a show I used to watch called scandal, they drive the POTUS in a Lincoln limo.

No, he is still working on it and at this point I doubt he will come back to me (or that I want him too) so not sure when it will be up.

Ironically the story is called "The real thing" and it really is fairly good, but there are a couple of other misnomers in there as well.

I think it will do fine here, I am just curious as to whether or not I'm the only one that gets that into little things like that.

 

[lovecraft68]

Details: If you dont know dont write it.

That would put a serious damper on things here. It would cut half the BDSM stories out along with a big chunk of group sex.

Also a large percentage of lesbian stories are written by men and GM stories written by women.

And as for incest? let's hope most people who write it have never had any experience with it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

No, he is still working on it and at this point I doubt he will come back to me (or that I want him too) so not sure when it will be up.

Ironically the story is called "The real thing" and it really is fairly good, but there are a couple of other misnomers in there as well.

I think it will do fine here, I am just curious as to whether or not I'm the only one that gets that into little things like that.

A few years ago I read a Vietnam War memoir. The author disclosed that he's from my hometown, and pretty nearly all that he wrote about our hometown is nonsense. Its not common errors, either. In 1967 there were no armed forces induction centers in our town, the induction centers were located at Jacksonville and Coral Gables. Had he said "Miami' rather than Coral Gables, thats close enough. The University of Miami is in Coral Gables. His favorite restaurant in town never existed. It was fulla nonsense.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That would put a serious damper on things here. It would cut half the BDSM stories out along with a big chunk of group sex.

Also a large percentage of lesbian stories are written by men and GM stories written by women.

And as for incest? let's hope most people who write it have never had any experience with it.

That reminds me, I need to speak to you privately about a BDSM situation that just blossomed in Jim World. Its like a ticket to heaven and I dont believe in heaven. Know what I'm sayin?

 

[lovecraft68]

That reminds me, I need to speak to you privately about a BDSM situation that just blossomed in Jim World. Its like a ticket to heaven and I dont believe in heaven. Know what I'm sayin?

Send me a pm and we can talk about it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Send me a pm and we can talk about it.

I did.

 

[PennLady]

Penn you are right, I think the largest penis size I used was 9.5. But it was really a just before submission change. I have another story with a guy whose a huge b-ball player. So I gave him an 8.

Well, that's fine, but I just don't bother with, and don't care about, measurements. Some people do like it, and that's fine. I won't click out of a story just because of it. To me it simply doesn't matter and I haven't read a story where it's made a difference. But that's just me; I'm sure for others it adds to the excitement factor.

Small detail can kill, there's a show I used to watch called scandal, they drive the POTUS in a Lincoln limo.

Trivial detail -- I was watching Castle the other week, and the plot was that the title character's daughter was kidnapped. He is a mystery writer and "Castle" is his pseudonym. In an early episode, season one or two, it's revealed as part of the plot that this last name is something else. When his daughter is taken, her name shows up on a list of people as "Castle, Alexis." I said, wait, no... and I bet I'm about the only one who noticed. Didn't ruin the episode, but man I remember small stuff sometimes.

A detail that has always gotten to me is no one gets pregnant (for the most part unless its part of the kink such as "breeding" stories or incest") condoms are not used, birth control never mentioned and the guy is cumming inside repeatedly (especially in a series)

Now I know condoms ruin it for many and BC being mentioned interrupts the flow "Good thing I'm on the pill" is not sexy dialogue.

I see this, but it doesn't bother me. I think I just assume that the woman is using something -- the Pill, a patch, whatever. Also, pregnancy is an odd thing. As often as people do get pregnant, it's actually a pretty chancy thing. You have to have a lot of factors come together at just the right time, so if someone doesn't get pregnant, then that doesn't bother me either.

I've found it pretty easy to work around it when I think I need it. In "Rhythm...", the first time they have sex, they have a quick conversation -- she says she's health and protected, he says he's prepared. About three lines and no one seemed to care or think anything was ruined.

I also did it to avoid any suggestions of "I think they should have a kid and..."

I think that was a good move. You avoided something you didn't want to deal with in a reasonable way. And although it sounds like it fit the story, there are other reasons women can't get pregnant that you might have used. Still, this sounds like it worked out fine.

 

[Domesticity]

That detail would have driven me crazy. If I read the whole story and it ended with her having a cherry still I would want to fling my ipad. I was a very active kid and didn't have a hymen..I probably broke it riding my bike. Trust me, an 8 inch dildo would have taken that sucker out with the tip (just the tip...just for a sec).

I attempted to read an incest story the other day but had to quit when the sister gave birth two days prior and tells the brother that the doctor told her she can't have penetrative sex but that doesn't leave other stuff out. It then goes on to describe her pussy but no mention of the bloody mess it would be after giving birth two days ago.

Not all women get torn to hell, but there is no getting around the fact that you bleed A LOT after giving birth. He performs oral sex on her and I just was all squicked out because lochia isn't quite like period blood AND because I give birth to huge babies so the thought of anyone touching me two days after delivery, let alone sucking on my labia and clit was way too much. It just seemed like they could have waited a week. It was enough to make me instantly stop reading the story.

I also hate it when you're and your, too and to, and then and than are confused. It makes me stop reading and start editing.

I read a story the other day where the woman was wearing a skirt that the guy couldn't wait to get off and then in the next paragraph he was rubbing her through her pants. grrrr. I had to stop reading that one, too. So, yes, details are highly important.

A detail that has always gotten to me is no one gets pregnant (for the most part unless its part of the kink such as "breeding" stories or incest") condoms are not used, birth control never mentioned and the guy is cumming inside repeatedly (especially in a series)

Yes! I'm always like, "really? No pregnancies? No STI's?" I would have appreciated your story with the explanation of the endless sex with tons of cumming and no tiny little incest mutant spawn coming forth into the world.

 

[loquere]

To think bout it LC when you looked at my story. I can't remember what it was but it wasn't major. Either way I went back redid it and doubled the length.

 

[i_would]

Long time ago, in the mainstream media, I heard more about this hymen thing. This was related to some Middle-Eastern countries where it is expected for a bride to bleed on her wedding night, as that proves she is a virgin.

The reporter mentioned that many brides will make sure they bleed - using some contraption they put in their vagina. He also quoted doctors saying that it is quite normal for a woman to not bleed the first time she has sex, even if her hymen is still intact. Many women lose their hymen before that already, and not just by penetration (fingers, toys), certain activities such as horseback riding can also do the job.

A detail that has always gotten to me is no one gets pregnant (for the most part unless its part of the kink such as "breeding" stories or incest") condoms are not used, birth control never mentioned and the guy is cumming inside repeatedly (especially in a series)

Condoms: rarely used indeed. I have seen a story or two here that mentioned it at the beginning, something like "This is a fantasy where STDs don't exist and babies don't accidentally hapoen, in reality make sure you use a condom and birth control". It's rare.

Birth control: easy enough these days. I'm quite sure that women that are into casual sex will be using the pill as a matter of precaution. Even if still insisting to use a condom.

And yeah, fantasy men have the most incredible staying power. That's the one that's most unrealistic, really. Isn't it always irritating when reality gets in the way of your fantasy?

 

[Neonurotic]

It annoys me when I read simple, but blatant anatomy and physiology errors in an erotic story. The author's ignorance makes me think they really did learn about sex from actual birds and bees.

 

[Porkwarrior]

Details: If you dont know dont write it.

This. Heh I don't think the author in the OP has fucked many virgins.

It's funny, but one story I read years ago really got to me, one of those that just pushes all of your fantasy buttons and you are hooked for an entire series.
But there was one detail in there that bugged me, the author was walking about the teenage studmuffin's car and all the work he had done to it, including "a fuel injected four barrel carb).

Ugh. Even years later it still bugs me.

Writing about the emotional aspects of fantasies you haven't, or can't, physically do yourself is fine. But if you don't know what you are talking about, gloss over as much technical detail as you can.

And I never saw the big deal in banging virgins, other than an ego booster for insecure males. I am far from packing an 8" monster, and even then I had many hard times taking a girls virginity, no matter how eager they were.

 

[oggbashan]

Shakespeare had a chiming clock in his play Julius Caesar.

Even four hundred years later people notice...

I made an editing mistake in my Christmas contest entry: http://www.literotica.com/s/christmas-on-duty

Originally I was going to have the hero and heroine go to the Sandy Balls Resort in the New Forest but I decided to change it to a country hotel near Tunbridge Wells in Kent.

But the hero announced that he was ready to drive to "the New Forest". People noticed. I should edit it...

 

[Jessie_Pinkman]

Come on, guys! Set the example!

Your right

You're right.

No, he is still working on it and at this point I doubt he will come back to me (or that I want him too) so not sure when it will be up.

Ironically the story is called "The real thing" and it really is fairly good, but there are a couple of other misnomers in there as well.

I think it will do fine here, I am just curious as to whether or not I'm the only one that gets that into little things like that.

(or that I want him to) Unless you want him, too!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This. Heh I don't think the author in the OP has fucked many virgins.

It's funny, but one story I read years ago really got to me, one of those that just pushes all of your fantasy buttons and you are hooked for an entire series.
But there was one detail in there that bugged me, the author was walking about the teenage studmuffin's car and all the work he had done to it, including "a fuel injected four barrel carb).

Ugh. Even years later it still bugs me.

Writing about the emotional aspects of fantasies you haven't, or can't, physically do yourself is fine. But if you don't know what you are talking about, gloss over as much technical detail as you can.

And I never saw the big deal in banging virgins, other than an ego booster for insecure males. I am far from packing an 8" monster, and even then I had many hard times taking a girls virginity, no matter how eager they were.

Virgins are a colossal pain in the ass, they cry and boohoo afterwards then become whores with other guys.

Ha! Nine inches scared more girls than it thrilled. I AINT THAT BIG! IT'LL NEVER FIT!

Old age convinced me that its best to catch them in the grips of the empty nest syndrome. They definitely want something in their nest.

Details: If I know for sure, I put it in, otherwise it stays out.

 

[Ironiclaconic]

Story matters. If a detail knocks me out of the story, I get annoyed. Lack of condoms doesn't knock me out of a story, but gross anatomical errors, purple prose, and excessive "ahh, ooo, yes! aooooeyaiaiaiaiaiiaiaieep!"- dialogue all do. Mileage will vary.

 

[damppanties]

I also did it to avoid any suggestions of "I think they should have a kid and..."

And you didn't still have some requests along those lines anyway? What is the Literotica readership coming to?! *shakes head*

About the thread topic: Yes, a content editor is supposed to point out all the inconsistencies or 'holes' in the story. There have been instances in the past when I edited for Lit where I did just that and the authors refused to budge on their version of reality within the story. No, it wasn't sci-fi either. In such cases, I refused to be associated with the story anymore.

When such things happen in my stories (and yes, there have been a few places where the character removes her panties twice or was lying down, but lies down again in the heat of the moment, etc.), I submit an edited version as soon as possible because nothing really makes me cringe as much as such things happening in my stories.