How many dirty fantasies have you revealed in your relationship(s)?

[Primalex]

And how much is exactly left that you keep hidden away? Do you think D/s leads to more openness and honesty, or is that just delusional hubris? Do submissives or dominants worry less about scaring their partner away compared to vanilla couples?

 

[IrisAlthea]

I think that is mostly delusional hubris.

When people meet with the specific goal to find a partner in kink and go all in on finding compatibility and come armed with self-awareness and introspection, to have these discussionsright from the start I think there is a window of opportunity when more can come to light.
Otherwise D/s doesn’t change the fact that people tend to not want to loose their partner because of all kinds of pretty reasons but also quite frankly because of the sunk cost reasoning that also makes us keep that shirt that doesn’t really fit too well anymore.

In my own experience, while I have been open about quite a few things, I can’t say that I’ve always been open about the details, the context…in a way that would do them full justice or give a partner a full view of all the dirt in the attic, so to speak.
Even with the intention to be open, I think it kan be really hard to communicate the exact flavour of the dirty, if that makes sense?

 

[subdudeme13]

All of them, way to many. I gave her a beautiful knife!

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

All of them, way to many. I gave her a beautiful knife!

It’s good to be able to be so open with someone.

 

[jd_sw]

Is that even possible? I mean to be totally 100% open?

That depends on what your fetishes are. If they are what the 99.9999999% of population won't accept [dark web stuff] then not possible.

But for my case, I have reveled 100% of my fetishes to my partner. Some ideas were shot down. Some we tried and didn't end up liking. We kept on doing what we both like.

 

[GoodGirlsDeserveFun]

And how much is exactly left that you keep hidden away? Do you think D/s leads to more openness and honesty, or is that just delusional hubris? Do submissives or dominants worry less about scaring their partner away compared to vanilla couples?

I'd saw were pretty open but some kinks maybe take more time to expose as you get to know someone and work out their reactions. As you know people better then it's easier to be more open

 

[Lovealippy]

No idea - I don't keep count

 

[Icekiller56]

Is that even possible? I mean to be totally 100% open?

I believe so, was I in the beginning? No, but my girlfriend has been nothing but loving and supportive with mine, and it has made some fantasies for us to try. It takes time to be more open, but if anything spikes my interest I won't be as hesitant to mention it to her.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

I'd saw were pretty open but some kinks maybe take more time to expose as you get to know someone and work out their reactions. As you know people better then it's easier to be more open

Do you think that, if you meet someone through Lit, it is easier to share your fantasies and desires?

 

[GoodGirlsDeserveFun]

Do you think that, if you meet someone through Lit, it is easier to share your fantasies and desires?

Possibly, if someone is active on lit bad you through their posts you're going to find out a lot about them even before you chat to them. I think it definitely makes it easier to bring kinks or fantasies up and to be open about what turns you on

 

[Submissivepat]

I have had most of my fantasies realized. I chat with people on Lit and talk about my fantasies very openly, I think.

 

[UtilityCurve]

I am finished with hiding my desires. I don't demand that my partners accommodate them, but I need to feel free to express them.

That was not always true.

 

[OddLove]

I've had one romantic partner about five years ago, and when I disclosed being into kinky stuff she was repulsed. And I was only disclosing the mild stuff, like collars, cuffs, and shibari. So I'd say I kept about 75% of my fantasies from her cause I had no interest in expressing anything else after her reaction.

As far as people who are interested in D/s being more "open", I think it's only true if both people give each other the space to be honest without being judged. I imagine there would still be certain things kept secret. For example if two people are open to classic D/s dynamics, but one partner might have much more "taboo" kinks/fantasies/fetishes like DDLG, Piss Play, Cuckold, or CNC. And stuff like that is still seen as very extreme to certain people who only enjoy something like bondage or spanking, so they might just keep it to themselves.

 

[PaxNurgle]

In my relationship with a professional domme, of course I revealed all of my dirtiest fantasies to her and it was such a catharsis to be able to share these things, and explore them with someone.
But of course, she was a professional, and in the end, could not satisfy my need for a real, soulful romantic connection- I was just a cash cow for her to be milked and the relationship could not be sustained.

With all my vanilla romantic partners, I have not shared any of my dirty fantasies, for fear that it would lead to... them no longer being my vanilla romantic partners.

I could imagine such a conversation going like this:

"You know babe, it really turns me on to prostrate naked in front of you and lick your leather boots. And I, uh, like being spanked, peed on, and forced to worship a plastic dildo. I, uh, hope you don't think that's weird..."

Her response: "EEEW! What's wrong with you! That's creepy and gross! Ick! I'm leaving. Bye!"

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

In my relationship with a professional domme, of course I revealed all of my dirtiest fantasies to her and it was such a catharsis to be able to share these things, and explore them with someone.
But of course, she was a professional, and in the end, could not satisfy my need for a real, soulful romantic connection- I was just a cash cow for her to be milked and the relationship could not be sustained.

With all my vanilla romantic partners, I have not shared any of my dirty fantasies, for fear that it would lead to... them no longer being my vanilla romantic partners.

I could imagine such a conversation going like this:

"You know babe, it really turns me on to prostrate naked in front of you and lick your leather boots. And I, uh, like being spanked, peed on, and forced to worship a plastic dildo. I, uh, hope you don't think that's weird..."

Her response: "EEEW! What's wrong with you! That's creepy and gross! Ick! I'm leaving. Bye!"

I hope if someday you do decide to share with a partner, she surprises you by saying it’s more than she dared hope for. Surely there are women who want men to shine their boots and thank them for golden showers but are terrified to say so for fear of rejection. Even a vanilla woman could enjoy her boots polished especially if the effect on her man was firmly in her favor. Mmm, firming effect.

I understand Dommes are less numerous than msubs but I think you deserve a chance to find one. Or you might find a poly woman who is happy to let you play with a Domme friend at a club?

If I was a Domme and my man was ok with it, I’d have a whole slew of subby guy friends on a rotating play time schedule at a club! I honestly don’t get why Dommes don’t befriend a ton of guys to play with.

All I can do is send sympathy.

 

[lilmissdarling]

Like two. I can respect that it's not for him though.

 

[Primalex]

Do you think that, if you meet someone through Lit, it is easier to share your fantasies and desires?

Sharing something with a stranger and sharing outside the real world is easier.

 

[tallladiesman]

None, I once revealed one to my wife and nearly got divorced
Not a great idea

 

[BiBunny]

My ex knew basically everything.

I hold a lot back from my current Daddy. It is what it is.

I think it's mostly hubris to think we're somehow superior to vanilla couples ìn this regard. It mostly depends on the people involved.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Me and my wife talk about everything. My wife is the basis for my fantasy. I’m open because she’s open. Also I really only fantasize about things I’ve done or talked about with my wife.

 

[CX726577]

Quite a few! Would be even better to make a few more become reality.

 

[NCWSLvr]

We would do mutual masturbation and share most fantasies. But, one day she said she wanted to be mire submissive. Like a light switch, I told her I would be slut training her, for real. That we would be doing those fantasies, for real. Gloryholes, threesomes, even more. There now isn't anything we keep from each other (and we were pretty open to begin with).

 

[Goldenfinger]

Also what do we mean by reveal. Are we revealing by discussing or are we walking out the bathroom in a clown suit (here I am) reveal.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

None, I once revealed one to my wife and nearly got divorced
Not a great idea

What was the fantasy you told her about that almost ended your marriage.
Hope you don't mind me asking.
I have hidden a lot from my wife.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

In my relationship with a professional domme, of course I revealed all of my dirtiest fantasies to her and it was such a catharsis to be able to share these things, and explore them with someone.
But of course, she was a professional, and in the end, could not satisfy my need for a real, soulful romantic connection- I was just a cash cow for her to be milked and the relationship could not be sustained.

With all my vanilla romantic partners, I have not shared any of my dirty fantasies, for fear that it would lead to... them no longer being my vanilla romantic partners.

I could imagine such a conversation going like this:

"You know babe, it really turns me on to prostrate naked in front of you and lick your leather boots. And I, uh, like being spanked, peed on, and forced to worship a plastic dildo. I, uh, hope you don't think that's weird..."

Her response: "EEEW! What's wrong with you! That's creepy and gross! Ick! I'm leaving. Bye!"

That's how I am, saw a domme for a few sessions and felt a fantastic sense of catharsis and release, but i don't want to rely on her for that. That's not going to go anywhere, sadly.
It would be great to find something real with someone else, but how on earth do you bring these things up? What if they don't react well? It feels like you have to settle for living half a life, but at least then you have a shot at being happy...