* Does the BD get in the way of your SM? *

[Granite77]

In fact or in fantasy, are Bondage and Discipline essential to your appreciation of BDSM -- or can you / do you (and your in-reality or in-fantasy partner) co-exist without those aspects?

As one half of a bi-female bi-male Switch couple now sent sadly on our separate ways by the uncontrollable workings of time and circumstance, I'll always savour the honest delight we shared in the consensual indulgence of our best visceral tastes and hungers, derived either from the pleasure of watching others giving and enduring pain, or from the sheer joy of gifting it to and taking it from ourselves.

Bondage we were never into, even though we could see the aesthetic beauty in clever shibari, whilst Discipline eluded us altogether: contrived transgressions and constructed pretences were never necessary for the healthy exercise of our innate sado-masochism.

Being too independent of spirit and substance ever to want or need to be in a relationship of master and mastered, we were never in a stereotypical Dom/Sub relationship, rather a female-male co-equal, so perhaps that explains why BDSM for us was all about the last two letters of the acronym rather than the first two.

I do wonder though how others are, were, have been or would wish to be, in regard to side-stepping the B & D and going instead for the S & M?

And having said that, I wonder if any bi-females amongst Lit's ladies may be looking right now for an online bi-male lover to share thoughts and writings in celebration of mutual carnality and the safe secure indulgence of deepest-seated desires and fantasies?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Good question. In the real world SM (often with B for practicality or fetish reasons) seems most common, but on Lit it's rare to find a kink story without the sub/dom aspect, even if any discipline isn't about rules and punishment.

I suppose it isn't much of a story: "Hey, cute person! I like your arse. I'd love to make it red and feel you squirm over my lap. How about it? Sex optional."
"Yeah, OK. Ask me about sex afterwards."

 

[seela]

For me it's about the person I'm with. With some people the dynamic is about D/s, with others it's about s&m, and then there are those people with whom it all blends together.

A few times I've had to end things with someone because I felt like the situation was moving in the wrong direction, and in those cases it's always been about D/s starting to bleed into what was supposed to be "pure" fetish or s&m thing.

It's an interesting thing to ponder, though. I've never had an experience when the other person would have gotten in D mode and that would have made me want to end things. It's always been that the other person has gotten in s mode and have wanted me to be dominant towards them. Now I wonder if I just don't notice or don't mind it happening the other way as much because it's more natural for me that way, or if it just is more common to happen the other way. Maybe a little both?

 

[AlexBailey]

Good question. In the real world SM (often with B for practicality or fetish reasons) seems most common, but on Lit it's rare to find a kink story without the sub/dom aspect, even if any discipline isn't about rules and punishment.

I suppose it isn't much of a story: "Hey, cute person! I like your arse. I'd love to make it red and feel you squirm over my lap. How about it? Sex optional."
"Yeah, OK. Ask me about sex afterwards."

Lol. This is largely me. I love lots of fetishy B stuff, and I suppose that things like spanking are D in nature, but for me it's more of a fun thing. There are times when I'd love to be bound and dominated, but I'd be more into endurance contests and mutual predicament situations.

One fantasy I've always had is to have myself and a partner both blindfolded and strapped into straitjackets and not allowed to help each other escape until we've both orgasmed.

My stories have fetish and bondage elements without the S/M.

 

[eroticspank]

Interesting, I never thought of BDSM as something you had to do like one thing or something you did all together. I see it as a clever way to list the activities, and the couple picks the ones they like to enjoy. So I agree with others that it depends on who I am with as to what activities we do. Sometimes Bondage and discipline are not part of S and M play for me. In fact, being in bondage while getting flogged has happened to me several times with no discipline or D/s play.

Another thought is there are many levels of bondage and discipline depending on the people involved.
ES

 

[LittleSwitchy]

In this lifestyle there’s nothing set in stone. Nothing says you have to do ABC. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. Find what works for those in the relationship.
This lifestyle has many paths you can explore. If that’s BD or SM or any mix in between. If those in the relationship like the play and not the mental aspects of it all. Ok. Enjoy that. If it’s a bedroom only thing or involves things outside the bedroom. If that’s what y’all want. Go for it.
There’s many levels in the SM arena from mild to pain slut. Depends on where your interests lie.

 

[AlwaysInTrouble]

I have to concur w/ everyone else' opinion that there's no hard correlation across the BD and SM areas....One of my sexiest memories was during the second "liaison" with a new girl I was dating and in the middle of some hot, but comparatively vanilla sex, she just blurted out "Smack my ass, baby". That opened the door to a lovely SM sexual relationship without any of the power exchange aspects to it (she was a very successful software sales rep who just liked some "heat" with her "sweet") you'd find in a BDSM relationship.

All in all, it's about pleasure with no bounds beyond those of the participants' desires and imaginations so have fun and leave all the "categories" and "boxes" at the bedroom (or any other room/space) door.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Like others are saying, my experience is that people choose their own flavor from everything that makes up the BDSM continuum. My relationship now is lots of B, with a fair amount of D, and little to no S or M. I think the ideal is finding that person with matching or similar kinks and then learning and exploring together.

My last dominant partner was a sadist and I tried for him, which he definitely appreciated. But, he definitely adjusted his bedroom decisions to accommodate my brand of submission. He didn’t mind my service sub tendencies, of course, and he actually very lovingly told me I had been made to be dominated. But, he did miss getting to inflict serious pain.

 

[Granite77]

Thanks to everyone for taking the time and trouble to provide so many helpful, thoughtful responses: much appreciated!

 

[fma20fma]

my ex-bi-bf has motivated me to receive caning on bare butt before sodomy. i wont say i loved that. but wasnt too bad after all. kinky and painful. but the experience is memorable.