How long do you wait?

[Kymberley]

A friend of mine was talking about getting back together with her ex husband.

The ex husband and her had not been together for about 5 years. Over the 15 years they were together on and off and during the off times, he was with another woman. The same woman all the time during those 15 years.

Well, last week he told my friend he was going to leave the girlfriend and move back to her. They were talking about the time period that it would take for all this to happen. He and the girlfriend had not been getting along and it was time to end it. Just not sure when or how to end it, without hurting her.

Guess what happened. They get off the phone on Friday night around 9pm. At 4am he calls her back.

She is dead! The girlfriend is dead. She had a heart attack and died around 11pm.

Now they are both confused, feeling guilty and not sure what to do. He doesn't know how long he should wait. The dead girlfriend's sister told him to follow his heart and do what he needs to do, even if that means moving.

So one night he was leaving her, now he is burying her.

So how long does one wait before going on with life?

By the way....he and my friend have two kids together.

 

[lobito]

I'll answer when you clean your fucking PM boxes out!

 

[Kymberley]

cleaned

I'll answer when you clean your fucking PM boxes out!

 

[lobito]

you wait until it's the right time.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Gawd. That sounds like an episode of CSI or something.

I think that you wait until you're sure that what you're doing is the right thing to do. I think that even if she hadn't died, he should spend some time alone before she takes him back.

He cheated on her for 15 years. He wants to leave his gf and immediately move back to the ex... that doesn't sound terribly stable or intelligent.

The short answer... when you're no longer thinking with your fear and desire.

 

[freakygirl]

I'd wait until the police investigation was over..

seriously though.. I agree with PCG.

 

[Kymberley]

it was never him cheating

Gawd. That sounds like an episode of CSI or something.

I think that you wait until you're sure that what you're doing is the right thing to do. I think that even if she hadn't died, he should spend some time alone before she takes him back.

He cheated on her for 15 years. He wants to leave his gf and immediately move back to the ex... that doesn't sound terribly stable or intelligent.

The short answer... when you're no longer thinking with your fear and desire.

When they broke up, he went to the girlfriend.....and when they wanted to work on it...he went to the wife...but they were both too immature to work it all out.

From what I understand this time, they had spent a long time discussing everything that hurt them before and were finally going to get past it all. The girlfriend knew this and knew he was leaving. She was going to move away this time. It would have been over with her for good too.

He just wanted to put his family back together again. My friend was finally ready to try it and make it work. She was the main reason they were apart all that time.

 

[Kymberley]

I'd wait until the police investigation was over..

seriously though.. I agree with PCG.

LOL

It really was a heart attack. She had pneumonia and did not go to the doctor, and the cause of death was congestive heart failure.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: it was never him cheating

He just wanted to put his family back together again. My friend was finally ready to try it and make it work. She was the main reason they were apart all that time.

I'm all for keeping families together/putting them back together. But I still think time alone... dating... all of that should come before the reconciliation. And, maybe that was their plan.

 

[Chicklet]

dead? oh dear...that's...ironic? is ironic the right choice of words? probably not...hrm...

i'd think that the time would be different for everyone. i'd wait until both people were comfortable.

 

[Kymberley]

One of our friends said something along the lines of it being a sign that they were meant to make it this time.

Sort of like with the girlfriend gone, there was nothing stopping them from finally fixing their lives together.

 

[Mia62]

The short answer... when you're no longer thinking with your fear and desire.

Good answer...I would also add...when you are no longer debating about which bed your shoes were last under.

 

[Mia62]

One of our friends said something along the lines of it being a sign that they were meant to make it this time.

Sort of like with the girlfriend gone, there was nothing stopping them from finally fixing their lives together.

Was HE not strong enough to leave the evil gf until she was dead? Sorry...that sounds sort of bitchy doesn't it? I didn't mean it in that way. But...he sounds like he was too weak to leave until a catastrophe forced him to.

 

[Kymberley]

Was HE not strong enough to leave the evil gf until she was dead? Sorry...that sounds sort of bitchy doesn't it? I didn't mean it in that way. But...he sounds like he was too weak to leave until a catastrophe forced him to.

The girlfriend wasnt evil...she was a like a safe back up. She was there when the wife wasn't. She knew that he never stopped loving the wife and the wife never stopped loving him. They just wouldn't put the past problems behind them.

HE was more afraid to leave and it not work out and being alone. The girlfriend would always be there. She had no one but him.

The wife and the girlfriend didn't hate each other either. The wife always thought of her as a guardian, taking care of the hubby when she either wouldn't or couldn't. The girlfriend always dreaded the day the wife would want him back, but made the most of what they had. She always knew they were going to end up together eventually.

 

[Mia62]

Then they are ALL lucky to have found each other.

I am sorry if I sounded bitchy.

I hope it works for the husband and wife.

 

[Kymberley]

you didn't sound bitchy at all....lol