How heavily do you weight sex?

[Expertise]

How heavily do you weight sex at the beginning of a relationship?

Lets say you have been out on a couple of dates and you are sitting at home enjoying a glass of wine when the subject of sex comes up.

You love anal sex .... he/she has an exit only tatoo on his/her butt.

You love rimming (giving and recieving) .... he/she spews wine all over the coffee table.

You adore threesomes ..... he/she thinks any more than two people means crowd control and the riot squad.

Now everything else is hunky dory fine. Your sex drives are compatible. You get along famously and enjoy each others company immensely. Its just that your sexual tastes go in different directions.

Would you or would you not continue the budding relationship????

 

[Pokerman]

I think that if your sexual tastes go in different directions, as you put it...then the relationship is doomed. Either you settle for more 'vanilla' sex and your partner feels guilty for denying you what you like. Or he/she gives in but doesnt like it, and you feel guilty about 'coercing' them into doing something they're not comfortable with.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Since I am slightly obsessive about sex....

And absolutely require a partner to be at least understanding of that obssesion.......

Then it is pretty important to me.

It helps further if my partner is as obssesive as I.

I don't beleive that one gets "more interested" in sex over time - actually the opposite is true - so - early relationship "sexual weight" as you call it......

Is pretty damn important to me.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Every person is bound to differ in some aspect of his/her sexual needs. A good partner would help you explore those sides, but some people are either too shy, or too hung up on what is normal, and what is "sick." If you felt that the relationship would actually go somewhere, I would stay with them. Sex is minor.

 

[sexy-girl]

i dont see whats the big deal

these types of sexual things arent exactly something you'd do every time anyway i presume

3somes i wouldnt do that because i am too jealous to share my gf with anyone

 

[Expertise]

OK first off its a damn good thing that some of you replied.... I was about to write more fishing stories.

Secondly, I guess I should have made myself more clear.

Would you just say "thanks for comin' out" and beat a retreat a la Sparky?

Would you be totaly cool about it and say vive la diferrance like Sexy Girl (BTW not every time but often enough sweetie

Would you try and work through it like magnificent Myst?

I would say Sparky puts major weight on it
Myst medium weight
Sexy Girl light weight.

 

[lavender]

 

[Expertise]

Note to self..... have a long and intense conversation with Lavender then rim her for 3 to 6 hours.

 

[lavender]

 

[doctor_insanus]

Damn!

 

[TN_Vixen]

Expertise

good to see you back, btw

I also believe that sex is extremely important in a relationship, but you don't have to have the kit & kaboodle from the get-go. There are a lot of things that I originally never found provocative that I've grown into over time and although the opinion may be "yuk" or "noway" at first, after more conversation and discussion about why those opinions are held... barriers tend to break down and you find yourself exploring all kinds of things with someone you never thought could be open to it.

Since most people aren't willing to reveal their true kinks and quirks in a "budding" relationship, I think it would be jumping the gun to assume that the opinion given now would always hold true. And, you wouldn't necessarily have to coax the partner into experimentation... rather it could just happen, and each barrier that falls is an extreme aphrodisiac and suddenly puts new life into a relationship over a long period of time.

 

[lavender]

 

[miles]

lavender

Well said.

 

[TN_Vixen]

lavy

my marriage was very similar to the relationship you described. I was always the one willing to experiment, never completely turned off by things, but had obvious preferences. I enjoyed pornography and liked to push limits a little but he was so completely reserved. Every once in a while he'd bend but never to the extent I desired. It was a huge problem in my marriage. Absolutely phenomenal. So I do understand what you mean and agree that if the entire attitude is reserved, you can expect reservations entirely.

However, I was reading Expertise's post to not be so all-inclusive about sexual attitudes in general but that specific acts were vetoed by one partner. I think when you get down to specifics, then it is simply a matter of determining WHY someone refuses to acknowledge the eroticism in such an act.

 

[Expertise]

Rebuffed by Lavender yet again.....

oh well, onward and upward.

Note to self...... rim Vix for 3 to 6 hours.

Note to everyone else.... this is merely a hypothetical question and not a peek at Exie's real life.... you'll have to wait for the book kids.

 

[lavender]

 

[Expertise]

Good post Vixen. I see where you are coming from now, and do agree.

Expertise, one day you'll catch me when I can no longer resist your exquisite and frighteningly sexy charm.

I feel damp...... must be the sarcasm dripping on me

 

[lavender]

 

[Expertise]

yeah-usssss maaaaaa'aaaaam (sic)

 

[sexy-girl]

light weight ?

light weight ? sheesh .... my point was that you were talking about specific acts i dont think specific acts as you have described would make any difference on your sexual compatibility ... the sex might be amazing even though she doesnt wish to try a 3some or anal ... and likewise you might not be in tune with eachother sexually just because she would do those things


im lucky i guess because my gf has the same limits and desires and we're very compatible ... we've explored limits that maybe at the start of our realationship we wouldnt of tried ... you seem to have found your limits and desires perhaps this girl hasnt yet perhaps she would try things givin time ... just dont preasure her

 

[Expertise]

Please see note above saying this is PURELY hypothetical.

 

[It'sasecret]

I would say sexual compatablity is VERY important. If anyone has read my posts in the "how to " board you would see why. My husband and I are very much like you lavender. It has put a real strain on how relationship. ( and we just got married) It is very difficult to deal with. I love my husband very much, but he just does not satisfy me sexually. We have tried to work on it but to no avail. I would NEVER cheat on my husband, but I would be lying if I said I was not tempted. I also think when you are sexualy insync the rest of the realtionship follows. I know that is the case with us anyway. When we were on a "good" streak sexually we were also much happier out of the bedroom.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[nasty]

I'd be upset, although

I LOVE the taboo of giving into all those things. HOWEVER, if it was to interrupt the relationship, I can deal without it. Better to have a gf, then no one at all.