How Does A sub Correctly Address a Dom?

[@}-}rebecca----]

I do think though, if talking good manners and etiquette, it should come back to how the person you are addressing wishes to be addressed. How people perceive you can matter a whole lot on first impressions and waltzing up to someone in RL and addressing them as Master/Mistress etc., can just as easily be seen as rude and/or insulting to some as it can be to not do so to others. As most have said here, we believe use of such titles are earned through both respect and position in that person's life so for someone to overstep the boundary of our wishes to keep using such an honoirific title, especially if it has been explained how we feel and what we prefer, then becomes a matter of rudeness and not being able to follow the simplist of directions, and for many a sign they are lost in cyber or fantasy heaven. It is the overuse of such terms which turns me off places like chat rooms and role play forums as from all I hear, they are overrun with people who think this is how the real world operates and spill forth such terminology like it is candy. LOL, and if someone presumes to call him Master, and continues after being told to use his name, I get a little annoyed, and see it as insulting and presumptuous... from his reaction to one such person today, I would say he gets just plain pissed off and if it continues will possibly tell them to not bother talking to us anymore.

Catalina

I know I am reasonably articulate so I can only assume by your 'opinion' that you have not read my original post on this thread and have taken what I have said out of context.Which I might also add in my opinion is a little concerning considering the status you have here .

I am not , nor have I ever been sycophantic enough to consider addressing a Dom/me that I do not know offline or as you have a penchant for using the term 'real life/real world' as Master or Mistress, unless I know as a fact that is their preference.How would I know their preference ? Its rather simple actually , we are familiar to each other .

Neither do I specialise or endorse mind reading or making assumptions either for that matter. Exactly what is the context of the social 'real life/real world' interactions you refer to as I am not aware . Munches perhaps, the affectionate 'tupperware' of BDSM meetings or as some I know endearingly also refer to as ' a bunch of old pervs getting together in a pub'. Play parties ,on your criteria I have no idea . Generally speaking I refer to just about anywhere mutual friends might gather that have a love and value for aspects of BDSM , Ds or dare I say it the 'Lifestyle' is just fine with me. I will go 'out on a limb' and include internet chat rooms where regulars might gather , its a rather inexpensive way to chill out with some like minded people.

Wondering also at the moment how many people here wrote a letter this week affixed a stamp and mailed it (Christmas cards don't count....laughs) as opposed to sending off an email . Yes there is a point to this perhaps seemingly unrelated comment.

I also manage to mix rather well in more challenging circles than the faux science this Forum seems to make of others experiences of Ds and BDSM and with great success suggests my intuition in this situation may actually be correct. I can assure you its not overly complimentary at times to some of the repetitive tirade I am witnessing here . You know I could happily cross reference your post against my original and perhaps you might take a step back long enough to see that we actually agree on quite a bit.

Though that wouldn't serve the agenda which seems currently to be discrediting people here you seem to incorrectly assume live in 'cyber or fantasy heaven'. Perhaps in the future some here would prefer accompanying affidavit to posts ? Its almost getting past the point of amusing for me. Maybe it would be wise to screen who are welcome to participate on this Forum , you could give out passwords to those worthy of your criteria for posting within your 'real life' acclaim. Better still why not innovate completely ? We could have a 'Real Life Forum', a' Not Real Life Forum' , 'People Who Are Attempting To Get A Life Forum'.................can you imagine the scope of this ? You just have to love lateral thinking


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For those participating or lurking around the Forum currently who are new to BDSM and or Ds and at this stage have only had access to the concepts and how they may apply to your curiosity or lives via the internet for now you have my apologies in advance. My intention in no way is discredit or disenfranchise you by my comments at all. It was catalina that used the term 'cyber and fantasy heaven' , I am merely making a distinction as my experiences are varied.

 

[brioche]

Um, I could be totally off base here, and if so, feel free to slap me back, but I don't think Catalina was referring to you. I could be wrong, but I thought she was referring to people on another chat.

I think what we have all learned in this thread is that there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to BDSM as opposed to leather, and as a result one just has to go by the seat of their pants and by feel. Perhaps following others' lead in most situations is the best bet - what are people around you doing?
And when in doubt, I would certainly say that it's safer to overelevate someone rather than underestimate someone's importance.

*makes a note not to piss off rebecca and slides back into lurking on the thread*

 

[alice_underneath]

I did go in a BDSM chat room once. That was enough for me. LOL

LOL! What about the experience made you uninterested in repeating it?

LOL, Alice, some people just get carried away with their own importance (self perceived)

Speaking in general now - not about BDSM in particular (and certainly not about anyone who posts on this Board) - I will tell you that I have absolutely no respect for arrogance or pretentiousness. At best, these attributes in a person make me giggle.... at worst, they make me walk away in disgust.

I may admire a man's skill as a surgeon, or an architect, or a baseball player. But if his skill is not accompanied by humility and recognition of the worth of others, I will have very little respect for the man himself - no matter how impressive his skills are with the tools of his trade.

Switching back to the subject of BDSM, I personally would have a very hard time addressing a guy with special deference, simply because he's a whiz with a flogger, or has 85 women in line to kiss his feet.

My own personal view of d/s is that calling a dom "Sir" would be like offering him my body. I would only do this if I respected and loved and trusted him enough for this type of intimacy.

But that's just me. And as Shy Slave correctly stated, I'm weird and quirky!

One reason that this topic seems so confusing is that everyone appears to have a different view on what various titles mean, and when or how they are rightfully applied. What works for one person makes no sense for another.

One thing does seem clear to me, though. You can tell a lot about a person by their opinion on this subject. In a way, it's a very helpful clue in determining whether you would enjoy interacting with someone in a BDSM sense.

Alice

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know I am reasonably articulate so I can only assume by your 'opinion' that you have not read my original post on this thread and have taken what I have said out of context.Which I might also add in my opinion is a little concerning considering the status you have here .

I am not , nor have I ever been sycophantic enough to consider addressing a Dom/me that I do not know offline or as you have a penchant for using the term 'real life/real world' as Master or Mistress, unless I know as a fact that is their preference.How would I know their preference ? Its rather simple actually , we are familiar to each other .

Neither do I specialise or endorse mind reading or making assumptions either for that matter. Exactly what is the context of the social 'real life/real world' interactions you refer to as I am not aware . Munches perhaps, the affectionate 'tupperware' of BDSM meetings or as some I know endearingly also refer to as ' a bunch of old pervs getting together in a pub'. Play parties ,on your criteria I have no idea . Generally speaking I refer to just about anywhere mutual friends might gather that have a love and value for aspects of BDSM , Ds or dare I say it the 'Lifestyle' is just fine with me. I will go 'out on a limb' and include internet chat rooms where regulars might gather , its a rather inexpensive way to chill out with some like minded people.

Wondering also at the moment how many people here wrote a letter this week affixed a stamp and mailed it (Christmas cards don't count....laughs) as opposed to sending off an email . Yes there is a point to this perhaps seemingly unrelated comment.

I also manage to mix rather well in more challenging circles than the faux science this Forum seems to make of others experiences of Ds and BDSM and with great success suggests my intuition in this situation may actually be correct. I can assure you its not overly complimentary at times to some of the repetitive tirade I am witnessing here . You know I could happily cross reference your post against my original and perhaps you might take a step back long enough to see that we actually agree on quite a bit.

Though that wouldn't serve the agenda which seems currently to be discrediting people here you seem to incorrectly assume live in 'cyber or fantasy heaven'. Perhaps in the future some here would prefer accompanying affidavit to posts ? Its almost getting past the point of amusing for me. Maybe it would be wise to screen who are welcome to participate on this Forum , you could give out passwords to those worthy of your criteria for posting within your 'real life' acclaim. Better still why not innovate completely ? We could have a 'Real Life Forum', a' Not Real Life Forum' , 'People Who Are Attempting To Get A Life Forum'.................can you imagine the scope of this ? You just have to love lateral thinking


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For those participating or lurking around the Forum currently who are new to BDSM and or Ds and at this stage have only had access to the concepts and how they may apply to your curiosity or lives via the internet for now you have my apologies in advance. My intention in no way is discredit or disenfranchise you by my comments at all. It was catalina that used the term 'cyber and fantasy heaven' , I am merely making a distinction as my experiences are varied.

Firstly, I don't have a status here. I am a poster first and foremost who does live 24/7 in the same house as my Master and so relate my experiences from that perspective, but also allow for others. Yes, I am a moderator, and was invited to be so because I was seen as someone who would not let it go to my head and feel I was above the average poster. Of course many things have been suggested to me since accepting that position such as it does mean I am better (BS), it means I should post less or not at all (BS), I should not have an opinion (BS), I should impose my wishes on everyone (BS), I should tell others how and what they can post (BS). Bottom line is it is a job that has to be done, and we don't get paid for it, we just do what Lit asks.

Secondly, I think you take it too seriously in that you seem to think using a quote by you means you and you alone are being addressed, and for that matter, targeted. No it doesn't, it just seemed to me some people were looking at it from the POV it could be seen as nothing but respectful to use such a title even if it was not wanted by the one you were addressing, and as BB admitted she had little experience and didn't want to put her foot in her mouth, I felt it important to show a POV that differed in presenting it as the first choice of the sub and a mark of respect no matter what. My theory is it is better to ask before doing anything that could be seen to be as presumptuious as to assume it would be well received as it isn't always. Contrary to your accusation also, I did not take it out of context as from memory I quoted your whole post simply because I often am too busy to stop and take out bits of a post.

Thirdly, yes I and many here do refer to RL and online, and do often differentiate because we feel a responsibility to differentiate between telling an experience based in real hands on experience and real life than cyber space. It is not a judgement but too often people have come here (and other forums) and advised others about how to do something, how something feels, etc., only to be found later to have no actual experience to go by and be talking about their fantasies and often their advice if taken by someone inexperienced could result in serious and/or tragic consequences. It just isn't the same..and how do I know? Because I have done online and I have done real life and believe me, taking a spanking online or a flogging (which just was not something I could ever get into) is going to be vastly different to the real thing and believe it or not some people who do live in chat rooms and online D/s do tell newbies that 'it doesn't hurt much' or 'it can't damage you' BUT don't mention they are talking about fantasy, not the real thing.

What might also be of interest to you seeing as you seem to think we hang out at munches which you mentioned as 'Munches perhaps, the affectionate 'tupperware' of BDSM meetings or as some I know endearingly also refer to as ' a bunch of old pervs getting together in a pub' ..oh and play parties too, is that we do not attend either though I don't hear anything bad about either from those who do and it is usually recommended to many as a way to meet people safely. You see, we live a very private and quiet life where we live 24/7 TPE D/s, and don't frequent chat rooms and role play, or socialise in the larger party and munch community, simply because we have enough going on in our own life and with those we choose to play with and mentor. F has been part of that scene before we met, and had a reputation as someone to be trusted and gave workshops on bondage, but it was not what he wanted and once we met, it no longer was part of his or our life.

Forthly, I notice this is not the only post you have mentioned your noticing others negatively judging people on the board or not posting in a style you see as appropriate, only to then launch into your own judgement and criticism which you seem to think is different because it is yours. Not to mention you say you don't assume or try to mind read but then make insulting statements about munches and play parties and our assumed attendance at such events you seem to hold in low regard, based solely on your decison that is what we must do. If you had read my postings over the last 3+ years, even up to the last month, you will see many references from me as to us not living in the social lifestyle of munches and parties.

Another question you asked elsewhere was about where m'Lord comes from as you are unaware of it anywhere else. The first Dominant I ever spoke with several years ago in Australia used it as an address with his submissives, and I have come across many more worldwide who also do....as someone said, what is difference between using Lord and Lady (as you say you do) except for the genitals?

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL! What about the experience made you uninterested in repeating it?

Speaking in general now - not about BDSM in particular (and certainly not about anyone who posts on this Board) - I will tell you that I have absolutely no respect for arrogance or pretentiousness. At best, these attributes in a person make me giggle.... at worst, they make me walk away in disgust.

I may admire a man's skill as a surgeon, or an architect, or a baseball player. But if his skill is not accompanied by humility and recognition of the worth of others, I will have very little respect for the man himself - no matter how impressive his skills are with the tools of his trade.

Switching back to the subject of BDSM, I personally would have a very hard time addressing a guy with special deference, simply because he's a whiz with a flogger, or has 85 women in line to kiss his feet.

My own personal view of d/s is that calling a dom "Sir" would be like offering him my body. I would only do this if I respected and loved and trusted him enough for this type of intimacy.

But that's just me. And as Shy Slave correctly stated, I'm weird and quirky!


Alice

LOL, we think a lot alike. I never can tolerate a holier than thou attitude and steer clear of those who wear them. I see red when people say 'but you have to respect her/him because he is so good at what s/he does....they have a right to be arrogant'. Sheesh, reminds me of the George Bush's and John Howard's of the world.

Catalina

 

[Blushing Bottom]

LOL! What about the experience made you uninterested in repeating it?

The chat rooom I experienced was apparently full of children plys simpering and *batting eyes* at Plys who merely ignored them for the most part other than to say hello and move on to the next salutation. And the Im windows that open as soon as you log in, well how could you have an intelligent conversation with anyone closing all those window

 

[Marquis]

12 hours ago it would have been entirely appropriate to call me your highness.

 

[Lilith]

<snort>

 

[alice_underneath]

The chat rooom I experienced was apparently full of children plys simpering and *batting eyes* at Plys who merely ignored them for the most part other than to say hello and move on to the next salutation. And the Im windows that open as soon as you log in, well how could you have an intelligent conversation with anyone closing all those window

Thanks for answering my question.

I am guessing that BDSM chat room experiences (like everything else) vary to a considerable degree.

My daughter (almost 16) is permitted to chat in a room that is open only to herself and 3 or 4 of her close friends.

Perhaps some BDSM chat rooms are more meaningful, if visited only by those who know each other well.

Alice

 

[caela]

12 hours ago it would have been entirely appropriate to call me your highness.

Just out of curiosity, if it was appropriate to call you "your highness" 12 hours ago, what does that make it appropriate to call you now???

 

[alice_underneath]

12 hours ago it would have been entirely appropriate to call me your highness.

LOL!

Thanks for some much needed humor on this thread, Marquis.

Alice

 

[Marquis]

Just out of curiosity, if it was appropriate to call you "your highness" 12 hours ago, what does that make it appropriate to call you now???

Broke and dehydrated.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

12 hours ago it would have been entirely appropriate to call me your highness.

...and 12 hours ago would you have been surrounded by let's see how had you put it women who "look like models, think like artist's and fuck like porn stars"?

And no hijacking now.

 

[brioche]

Broke and dehydrated.

If you're REALLY dehydrated, Pedialyte if you can stand it, or Gatorade if you can't, helps you get back on your feet faster.

It has electrolytes and stuff you need.

And DON'T TAKE TYLENOL! The alcohol is still in your body.

...
Um, you are hung over aren't you?


ETA: People do know not to take Tylenol for hangovers right? Hmm...
*heads off in the direction of the new year's thread*

 

[Marquis]

...and 12 hours ago would you have been surrounded by let's see how had you put it women who "look like models, think like artist's and fuck like porn stars"?

Definitely the first, probably the third, I'd have been surprised by the second, but there's always a few undercover boffins masquerading as bimbos.

Hey, clever girls gotta eat too!

I've been hanging around too many Europeans.

 

[Marquis]

If you're REALLY dehydrated, Pedialyte if you can stand it, or Gatorade if you can't, helps you get back on your feet faster.

It has electrolytes and stuff you need.

And DON'T TAKE TYLENOL! The alcohol is still in your body.

...
Um, you are hung over aren't you?


ETA: People do know not to take Tylenol for hangovers right? Hmm...
*heads off in the direction of the new year's thread*

I go with Propel, less calories.

 

[Xelebes]

12 hours ago it would have been entirely appropriate to call me your highness.

But not now? Mk, your lowness.

 

[brioche]

I go with Propel, less calories.

Good call, it's mostly water, less sugar in it to dehydrate you more.
I usually am not eating (I'm not a big drinker and alomst never get hung over) and am put on a clear diet, so Powerade helps with the energy.

IBS sucks, man. Even if it only acts up once in a while.

How is Propel, does it taste good? Some of those flavoured waters are evil
in a bottle.
And BB, I take full responsibility for the hijack.

I think Catalina is right btw: just ask! It's not like you are going to pass yourself off as experienced when you're not, so asking how a PYL prefers to be addressed would seem respectful to me. They know you are learning, and if you can't glean how people refer to each other at that place from casual conversation, I don't see who could take umbrage at a respectful question. Plus, take note of how you are introduced, or, when meeting someone, how they refer to themself.

ETA: Why is the screen size fucked up? Who did that?

 

[Kajira Callista]

ETA: Why is the screen size fucked up? Who did that?

dontcha just hate that?

 

[caela]

How is Propel, does it taste good? Some of those flavoured waters are evil
in a bottle.
And BB, I take full responsibility for the hijack.

Propel is actually pretty decent stuff. From me that's high praise since I don't like most bottled waters, I tend to think they taste like the plastic bottles they come in.

 

[Marquis]

Good call, it's mostly water, less sugar in it to dehydrate you more.
I usually am not eating (I'm not a big drinker and alomst never get hung over) and am put on a clear diet, so Powerade helps with the energy.

IBS sucks, man. Even if it only acts up once in a while.

How is Propel, does it taste good? Some of those flavoured waters are evil
in a bottle.

Berry and Kiwi-Strawberry is ok. Not a big fan of lemon. The only reason I drink the stuff is because I like having a disposable bottle to take to the gym in the morning, and I add supplements to it so I need the flavoring.

I think Catalina is right btw: just ask! It's not like you are going to pass yourself off as experienced when you're not, so asking how a PYL prefers to be addressed would seem respectful to me. They know you are learning, and if you can't glean how people refer to each other at that place from casual conversation, I don't see who could take umbrage at a respectful question. Plus, take note of how you are introduced, or, when meeting someone, how they refer to themself.

A sub asking me how I like to be addressed is a sure way to get my respect. It shows respect and attentiveness on her part, and I'm always more impressed when a sub asks rather than assume I'd like to be called Sir.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

In my haste to post this thread I completly omitted the addressing of a Domme. I stand corrected and apologize to any who may have been offended.

 

[Marquis]

In my haste to post this thread I completly omitted the addressing of a Domme. I stand corrected and apologize to any who may have been offended.

Any and all?

Or just any?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Any and all?

Or just any?

Do I detect a taunt?

Of course "any and all."

 

[catalina_francisco]

In my haste to post this thread I completly omitted the addressing of a Domme. I stand corrected and apologize to any who may have been offended.

Don't worry too much as most here are fairly understanding about such things and don't trip over their egos enough to worry about them.

Catalina