"How does a new submissive know she is ready to make her fantasies real?"

[trainee_sub]

As someone who is very very new to this lifestyleI just wondered if anyone could help answer this for me

 

[bunny bondage]

well, i'd say you should have a dom in your life whom you trust implicitly and communicate with openly. don't get yourself into trouble with some stranger because you're anxious to get started. form a relationship first. ok, that is an important step. as for knowing when you yourself are ready to take the plunge and have your first experience, that's something only you can answer with your instincts. don't let anybody talk you into something you're not comfortable with. start SLOWLY, and establish safewords WAY BEFORE the scene. this will allow you to back out at any time for any reason. safety first.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: "How does a new submissive know she is ready to make her fantasies real?"

As someone who is very very new to this lifestyleI just wondered if anyone could help answer this for me

# 1...know what your fantasies really are.
# 2...realize that the first Dominant that offers to fullfill them may not be the right Dominant.
# 3...baby steps...you have to be able to crawl before you can run.
# 4...desperation=stupidity and devalues the experience and excitement can=a lack of caution.
# 5...build a gut feeling level of trust based on common sense with the Dominant over time...before even considering the first play.
# 6...enter the relationship honestly...with yourself and the partner.
# 7...leave your shyness at the door...it is a wonderful journey!

 

[exiledmaster]

More importantly, how does a sub know that a particular dom is the one to make their fantasies real?
I could witter on for ever about trust and responsibility, but if you're havin doubts about whether a particular dom is right for your fantasy, then you probably haven't done enough talking.
I know that one size doesn't fit all (number three in the all time list of greatest lies, after 'I won't come in your mouth' and'the cheque's in the post') but for me, dealing with a long distance (non-exclusive) relationship right now, every time my sub expresses doubts I talk to her. Talk to her about what she doubts, about whether she's happy with the safewords and rules we've agreed, whether she's still turned on by my plans for her orgasms... If your dom/me won't do that, maybe you're right to have doubts...
I know one size doesn't fit all... Maybe the alternative is to meet a dom in place where a 'little' play can take place, like a club or a scene venue, so that you can get a feel for their self control and their ability to fit within the agreed rules; if that's your way opf being a sub that is...

 

[trainee_sub]

well, i'd say you should have a dom in your life whom you trust implicitly and communicate with openly. don't get yourself into trouble with some stranger because you're anxious to get started. form a relationship first. ok, that is an important step. as for knowing when you yourself are ready to take the plunge and have your first experience, that's something only you can answer with your instincts. don't let anybody talk you into something you're not comfortable with. start SLOWLY, and establish safewords WAY BEFORE the scene. this will allow you to back out at any time for any reason. safety first.

Thanks for your answer Bunny i do intend to take things slowly and right now we are only chatting on line i was just curious to know how other's knew they were ready for real life.

 

[trainee_sub]

Re: Re: "How does a new submissive know she is ready to make her fantasies real?"

# 1...know what your fantasies really are.
# 2...realize that the first Dominant that offers to fullfill them may not be the right Dominant.
# 3...baby steps...you have to be able to crawl before you can run.
# 4...desperation=stupidity and devalues the experience and excitement can=a lack of caution.
# 5...build a gut feeling level of trust based on common sense with the Dominant over time...before even considering the first play.
# 6...enter the relationship honestly...with yourself and the partner.
# 7...leave your shyness at the door...it is a wonderful journey!

Thank you Shadowsdream I've ready many of your post's and already learnt a lot from them

 

[trainee_sub]

More importantly, how does a sub know that a particular dom is the one to make their fantasies real?
I could witter on for ever about trust and responsibility, but if you're havin doubts about whether a particular dom is right for your fantasy, then you probably haven't done enough talking.
I know that one size doesn't fit all (number three in the all time list of greatest lies, after 'I won't come in your mouth' and'the cheque's in the post') but for me, dealing with a long distance (non-exclusive) relationship right now, every time my sub expresses doubts I talk to her. Talk to her about what she doubts, about whether she's happy with the safewords and rules we've agreed, whether she's still turned on by my plans for her orgasms... If your dom/me won't do that, maybe you're right to have doubts...
I know one size doesn't fit all... Maybe the alternative is to meet a dom in place where a 'little' play can take place, like a club or a scene venue, so that you can get a feel for their self control and their ability to fit within the agreed rules; if that's your way opf being a sub that is...

Thank you for your words of wisdom Exiledmaster, I'm not having doubts if anything the Dom i am talking to on the net is more cautious than i am and He doesnt think I am ready yet. I dont think i'm anyway near ready to go public if ever. Shadowsdream said to leave my shyness at the door and that will i think be the hardest thing for me when the time comes.

 

[bunny bondage]

heh, it's hard to let go of the shyness and nervousness. i've never done the online thing, so i'm not sure how it relates to that, but i do feel anxiety when i'm about to take that first step with a guy i've been seeing. when i KNOW it's about to happen for the first time, i just get this thrilling fear that feels like i'm high. it's kind of like stage fright in that i'm excited but also frazzled. but like Shadowsdream said, it is a great journey and certainly worth the effort of pushing down your scared thoughts!

 

[Shadowsdream]

Now you have brought a question from Me...
Is it online fantasies or real life fantasies you are talking about please?

 

[trainee_sub]

heh, it's hard to let go of the shyness and nervousness. i've never done the online thing, so i'm not sure how it relates to that, but i do feel anxiety when i'm about to take that first step with a guy i've been seeing. when i KNOW it's about to happen for the first time, i just get this thrilling fear that feels like i'm high. it's kind of like stage fright in that i'm excited but also frazzled. but like Shadowsdream said, it is a great journey and certainly worth the effort of pushing down your scared thoughts!

I feel the excitement and a little fear each time we meet on line, I hope that when the time comes to meet for real i can overcome the shyness, thanks for sharing with me

 

[trainee_sub]

Now you have brought a question from Me...
Is it online fantasies or real life fantasies you are talking about please?

My question was about real life fantasies.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My question was about real life fantasies.

ok

My answer would be...you may test your fantasies before you are ready if you settle for less than your magic.
But once you find your magic the moment to kneel to your magic is in that moment.
When you feel secure that you have a bases of trust and respect with the Dominant without a doubt in the pit of your stomache.
When anticipation outweighs excitement and you understand that looking for romance is looking too far.
When you know that you are emotionally strong enough to survive if the moment does not turn into an eternity...you may be ready now.
There is as much danger in waiting too long sometimes than there is in not waiting long enough.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: "How does a new submissive know she is ready to make her fantasies real?"

As someone who is very very new to this lifestyleI just wondered if anyone could help answer this for me

You've received some great advice!

This is going to sound over-simplified, and contains no advice but the obvious, still I have found it true for myself.

You will know you are ready to make your fantasies real when you are compelled to act on them - ready to get out of your head, and actually do it. In each new and somewhat anxiety producing step there was a part of me saying "I can't believe I am actually going to do this!" and yet it was a certainty that it was indeed going to happen despite the anxiety (within all the safety precautions mentioned).

Sometimes a first step towards is thinking and talking about it with others - looking for advice and/or encouragement, sharing ideas, learning - so congratulations on that step, and good luck with the pursuit of your real life fantasies.

 

[WynEternal]

Wow. Some really great advice, Shadows.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Piggybacking...

When anticipation outweighs excitement and you understand that looking for romance is looking too far.

I really think this statement has a lot of wisdom in it.

Many times submissives and dominants jump too far ahead. When you are submissive or dominant looking for your D/s magic AND romance or love, you may find yourself working at cross purposes.

 

[trainee_sub]

ok

My answer would be...you may test your fantasies before you are ready if you settle for less than your magic.
But once you find your magic the moment to kneel to your magic is in that moment.
When you feel secure that you have a bases of trust and respect with the Dominant without a doubt in the pit of your stomache.
When anticipation outweighs excitement and you understand that looking for romance is looking too far.
When you know that you are emotionally strong enough to survive if the moment does not turn into an eternity...you may be ready now.
There is as much danger in waiting too long sometimes than there is in not waiting long enough.

Thank you Shadowsdream, it isnt just romance I'm searching for it's something a lot deeper than that and without wishing to sound fanciful it's something I have searched for for as long as I can remember without realising exactly what it was I wanted untill recently.

 

[trainee_sub]

Re: Re: "How does a new submissive know she is ready to make her fantasies real?"

You've received some great advice!

This is going to sound over-simplified, and contains no advice but the obvious, still I have found it true for myself.

You will know you are ready to make your fantasies real when you are compelled to act on them - ready to get out of your head, and actually do it. In each new and somewhat anxiety producing step there was a part of me saying "I can't believe I am actually going to do this!" and yet it was a certainty that it was indeed going to happen despite the anxiety (within all the safety precautions mentioned).

Sometimes a first step towards is thinking and talking about it with others - looking for advice and/or encouragement, sharing ideas, learning - so congratulations on that step, and good luck with the pursuit of your real life fantasies.

Thank you Lark sparrow I can relate to the "I can't believe I'm actually going to do this and the mixed feeling's of fear and anticipation and excitement" and I'm looking forward to taking the next step.

 

[trainee_sub]

Re: Piggybacking...

I really think this statement has a lot of wisdom in it.

Many times submissives and dominants jump too far ahead. When you are submissive or dominant looking for your D/s magic AND romance or love, you may find yourself working at cross purposes.

Thank you Ebonyfire sound advice as always

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thank you Shadowsdream, it isnt just romance I'm searching for it's something a lot deeper than that and without wishing to sound fanciful it's something I have searched for for as long as I can remember without realising exactly what it was I wanted untill recently.

That statement allows Me to think that you have a deeper understanding than you may even realize. ~~smile~~

 

[SinfullySweet]

Great Feedback !!!

I agree with everything posted here, this is some excellent advice & feedback from everyone. I like you; have had doubts if I would be ready to go to the next level & bring these desires to reality. I believe that it is key to know exactly what you want in real-life as opposed to " online-play ".

I believe that exilledmaster had a great point - perhaps you should meet at a venue or night club in person. After all these are just words on a screen and we can all say what we want someone else to hear. I know for myself, I met with an online dominant in a nightclub for drinks and conversation. We decided that mutually we are on the same level and crave the same desires, however due to the distance between us, we are not able to act upon our fantasies at this time. We still keep in touch often and if circumstances should change, we will act upon it.

When you meet in person and have the opportunity to talk in person, it certainly puts a different perspective on things, not to mention all of your shyness, and nervousness goes out the window. Also, make sure the lines of communication are always open. If for any reason he doesn't want to talk to you about your worries, desires then of course he could not be the one for you. I wish you all the luck in the future!!

Take Care.

 

[trainee_sub]

That statement allows Me to think that you have a deeper understanding than you may even realize. ~~smile~~

Thank you Maam

 

[trainee_sub]

Re: Great Feedback !!!

I agree with everything posted here, this is some excellent advice & feedback from everyone. I like you; have had doubts if I would be ready to go to the next level & bring these desires to reality. I believe that it is key to know exactly what you want in real-life as opposed to " online-play ".

I believe that exilledmaster had a great point - perhaps you should meet at a venue or night club in person. After all these are just words on a screen and we can all say what we want someone else to hear. I know for myself, I met with an online dominant in a nightclub for drinks and conversation. We decided that mutually we are on the same level and crave the same desires, however due to the distance between us, we are not able to act upon our fantasies at this time. We still keep in touch often and if circumstances should change, we will act upon it.

When you meet in person and have the opportunity to talk in person, it certainly puts a different perspective on things, not to mention all of your shyness, and nervousness goes out the window. Also, make sure the lines of communication are always open. If for any reason he doesn't want to talk to you about your worries, desires then of course he could not be the one for you. I wish you all the luck in the future!!

Take Care.

Thank you Sinfully sweet I hope that when I meet Him eventually what you say about shyness will apply to me

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Great Feedback !!!

Thank you Sinfully sweet I hope that when I meet Him eventually what you say about shyness will apply to me

As someone who went off half cocked and full of sub lust, being certain you are ready, is key. Then, how can one ever know she is ready?

Seeing Him with clear vision is key. When you meet, prior to your meeting, is HE the man He is presenting to you? If that is the case, step 1 is so much easier.

Then, if He is the man He presents, does His being Him make your tummy tingle and your most private parts hungry while massaging and teasing your mind?

In my own experience, after having talked to someone on line for a period of time, it takes just about ten minutes into a meeting to know if this is the One. It has something to do with my gut, and when gut tells me it is wrong, it usually is.

Shyness is an issue for me. I find that I can type away and speak very openly, but when with a Dom with potential, I tend to clasp my hands in my lap and blush. A patient man can find a way to have me speak openly and honestly about my hopes and desires. An impatient man probably would think I was a clam!

A Dom who is invested and yes, experienced, recognizes my shyness as a sign of something deeper and generally finds it adds to the allure of who and what I am.

No matter how comfortable you are with Him on line or on the phone, there is still that nerve wracking anticipation that goes with the first meeting. Savor it and enjoy it. It only happens once

In any event, I am rambling on as i didn't sleep well last night!

Good thread, trainee sub.

I do believe I have learned a thing or two here as well. Thanks!

 

[trainee_sub]

Re: Re: Re: Great Feedback !!!

As someone who went off half cocked and full of sub lust, being certain you are ready, is key. Then, how can one ever know she is ready?

Thanks Miss T I've had some very helpful replys here. If and when I meet this Master I will let you know how it went.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Good topic to revisit ?