How do you

[Guest]

Get rid of an abusive husband, one who threatens to kill you and has the means, one who beats your dog, all without the aid of your family? How do you get past being in love with this person? Where do you get the strength to face life alone and rejected?

 

[glamorilla]

falling out of love can be a really hard thing to do if all you want is one.

 

[bad kitty]

When you actually realize that life does go on without this person, and that you truely are worth more than they give you credit for. When your self worth and preservation outwieghs how you feel about the abusive person. When you wake up and realize that there is more to life than what you are living right now and you want a piece of it. When you can actually get a glimmer of hope and your backbone stays intact long enough to act on it. It is a hard point to reach and sadly too many stay too long before they get there.

 

[Guest]

 

[Spinaroonie]

Court order or use a gun.

 

[Guest]

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

Wait until he has left the house. pack a bag with clothes. Go.

Go to your parents, brother's/sister's, cousins, friends.

inform the police.

whatever you do, LEAVE.

NOW.

 

[Guest]

falling out of love can be a really hard thing to do if all you want is one.

Therein lies the problem... when the "man" rescued the woman from a similar relationship years ago and forged a special love.... then to turn the tables and become abusive.

 

[I'mVan]

This is an extreme I've never had to deal with, I wish you hope and happiness. If I had to extrapolate my own experiences I'd say, the first thing you need to do, is learn you don't need to be loved. It makes no logical sense to love this person, but I know I've loved after it stops making sense, because I fear being alone.

It'll take time, which I hope you have, but I hope you can learn to love yourself.

 

[Guest]

Wait until he has left the house. pack a bag with clothes. Go.

Go to your parents, brother's/sister's, cousins, friends.

inform the police.

whatever you do, LEAVE.

NOW.

I'm trying to coach her to do this, but I fear that if he gives her a glimmer of hope she'll get sucked right back in.

 

[Soblue]

Wait until he has left the house. pack a bag with clothes. Go.

Go to your parents, brother's/sister's, cousins, friends.

inform the police.

whatever you do, LEAVE.

NOW.

This is how.

 

[glamorilla]

When you actually realize that life does go on without this person, and that you truely are worth more than they give you credit for. When your self worth and preservation outwieghs how you feel about the abusive person. When you wake up and realize that there is more to life than what you are living right now and you want a piece of it. When you can actually get a glimmer of hope and your backbone stays intact long enough to act on it. It is a hard point to reach and sadly too many stay too long before they get there.

the coolest thing is being able to get rid of someone who is no good for you and realizing it. it's very liberating.

 

[bad kitty]

I'm trying to coach her to do this, but I fear that if he gives her a glimmer of hope she'll get sucked right back in.

Sadly I think you are right. This is something that should be done as soon as possible and as fast as possible. She should get in touch with a local battered women's program where they can hide her in a safe haven where he can not find her or contact her.

 

[bad kitty]

Sadly I think you are right. This is something that should be done as soon as possible and as fast as possible. She should get in touch with a local battered women's program where they can hide her in a safe haven where he can not find her or contact her.

And it should be away from family in my opinion. Family is the first place he will look, plus it will endanger the family if he knows she is there and wants to get back at her.

 

[ma_guy]

Therein lies the problem... when the "man" rescued the woman from a similar relationship years ago and forged a special love.... then to turn the tables and become abusive.

This is CLASSIC abusive spouse behavior. They seek out weak or vulnerable people, gain their trust, seperate them from family and friends, control their activity and then the abuse begins. By that point the "victim" has no place to turn because they've burned all their bridges with family/friends - or at least they think that's the case. They're usually wrong.

 

[Guest]

This is CLASSIC abusive spouse behavior. They seek out weak or vulnerable people, gain their trust, seperate them from family and friends, control their activity and then the abuse begins. By that point the "victim" has no place to turn because they've burned all their bridges with family/friends - or at least they think that's the case. They're usually wrong.

Yep.

Stockholm Syndrome - classic example

 

[ma_guy]

Do you know this woman in r/l or is this a net connection? Hell, it doesn't matter. Go to every spousal abuse WWW site out there and find descriptions of the "stereotypical" abusive spouse. Hand her the URLs or printouts and get her to identify every trait that applies. Once she sees them popping up on every page it might sink in. SHE has to be the one to realize that she has to make the break. There are shelters all over the place. I'd also guess that friends/family aren't as upset with her as she thinks. She may be more embarrassed about being fooled and not want to admit it to family. Those are all typical reactions that have to be over-come.

 

[Guest]

RL

Very close friend

 

[J.B.]

I know this isn’t a joking matter. And it may come across the wrong way with many of you, but seeing as I grew up in this type of environment I only know what I would do in this type of situation.
I’ve also warned my boyfriends of how I feel about wife beaters (the “men” not the shirt)
My policy:
You’ll hit me only once and don’t plan to walk away with out a mark on you.
If you ever beat me (and there is a difference) Don’t plan to walk away from it. I’m stronger than I look and have no problems with getting even.


The cops can only help so much. But it's a good place to start.

 

[intrigued]

I agree with all the others, and please do as ma_guy suggests.

Just wanting you to know I care.

 

[Trail48]

Call the police, file domestic battery charges, meaning he'll go to jail. if he can't make bail, he'll stay there for at least 72 hrs. Tagging along with that is an order of protection which will run for a minimun of three weeks. One call for a violation and he's in jail for an extended period

 

[Guest]

Call the police, file domestic battery charges, meaning he'll go to jail. if he can't make bail, he'll stay there for at least 72 hrs. Tagging along with that is an order of protection which will run for a minimun of three weeks. One call for a violation and he's in jail for an extended period

This, and some of the other comments above, illustrate the technical aspects of what to do just fine, but those were not what I asked for.

She'll go back the minute he throws her a proverbial bone. How is THAT avoided?

 

[ma_guy]

This, and some of the other comments above, illustrate the technical aspects of what to do just fine, but those were not what I asked for.

She'll go back the minute he throws her a proverbial bone. How is THAT avoided?

The only way that is going to be avoided is for you to educate her to the fact that she's been intentionally trapped. SHE has to realize that she isn't helpless. SHE has to realize that she HAS options. SHE has to make the decision that she can't go back. No one else in the world can do that for her. You CAN enlighten her though.... Sometimes they just need their eyes forced open.

It's not easy and it's not pleasant. Good luck.

 

[Guest]

The only way that is going to be avoided is for you to educate her to the fact that she's been intentionally trapped. SHE has to realize that she isn't helpless. SHE has to realize that she HAS options. SHE has to make the decision that she can't go back. No one else in the world can do that for her. You CAN enlighten her though.... Sometimes they just need their eyes forced open.

It's not easy and it's not pleasant. Good luck.

I'm in the process now. Yeah, it sucks. And not the fun way.

 

[slowfingers1]

This, and some of the other comments above, illustrate the technical aspects of what to do just fine, but those were not what I asked for.

She'll go back the minute he throws her a proverbial bone. How is THAT avoided?

Bad Kitty's comment about a battered woman's shelter finding her a place where she cannot be contacted by him answered that one pretty well I think.. It is possible for someone to just drop out of sight for a while, if he cant contact her, he wont be able to worm his way back into her life?

Slowfingers