How do you say goodbye?

[mbb308]

Always on your side, Dear.

If there're any unfinished somethings that need to be said, don't let Fear stop you from saying them while you still can. You'll wish you if you don't.

My Grandfather (who, in the "male role model" regard, was more a father to me than the Sperm Donor)) keeled over and died from a heart attack suddenly when I was 23 - half my lifetime ago. I wish I could have told him how much he meant to me, and I never did.

I hope he knows, but I wanted the satisfaction.

 

[Freya]

You know, for a bunch of elitist snobs - you people here are pretty wonderful.

Thanks Mbb, Romeo, Johnny and all the rest of you. Your advice has really helped make things a little clearer for me. I'm sorry for bringing up any painful memories for anyone who has gone through this before - that wasn't my intent, and I apologize.

Freaky

 

[mbb308]

I'm sorry for bringing up any painful memories for anyone who has gone through this before - that wasn't my intent, and I apologize.

Yeah, that sort of hurt.

But, you're worth it.

So there.

Just be good to you, okay?

 

[kidthor]

Big hug for you Freya...Don't look at it like saying goodbye...He will always be in your heart. I lost my grandfather over a year ago and now I just have wonderful memories that make me smile. My grandmother has been dying a little everyday since then, but we can still sit down and remember him and laugh...

~KID~

 

[silent_wolf]

There is never enough time to say goodbye....

Ive sometimes find that a stranger can be your best friend and the easiest to talk to......

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Just be with him there as much as you can.

Lance

For once, I'm agreeing with Lance...

Be with him. Sometimes actions say more than words.
When I sat with my dad, the night he died, I held his hands, and I rambled on about things in our past. How happy I was that he was my father, and what a wonderful childhood I'd had. He couldn't respond. His speech was gone, and I'm not sure if he even comprehended what I said. But, everything I said came from my heart, and I'm sure he knows that now. i

It's hard hon. My heart is with you.

 

[morninggirl5]

You'll know the moment when it's time to say goodbye, it's impossible to explain, but when the time comes, you'll recognize it. Until then, talk. Talk about your memories, the plans you've made, the dreams you have, tell him all the things you have been saving for "someday".


Saying goodbye is one of the things that we never want to do, but the time eventually comes for all of us. If you talk to anyone who's worked in a hospital for a long time, they'll tell you that many times our loved ones linger, waiting for us to be able to say goodbye. The hardest thing i've ever in my life done was say goodbye to my Uncle (he was my father much more than my Dad ever was), but after he was gone, i was so relieved to have spent that time with him and for the opportunity to say "I love you".


If you need to talk, i'm here.

 

[Freya]

Yeah, that sort of hurt.

But, you're worth it.

So there.

Just be good to you, okay?

Ya think?

I'll try hun - feeling a bit wore down between this goddamn cold that won't leave, and all this stuff. Now I wait for my daughter to get here, so she can go see him. I don't want to leave until she's here because the roads are kinda slippery, and I need to be home in case she calls. Maybe I'll nap a bit.

Morninggirl - I've heard of that so many times - that family members need to let the person go in their own hearts and minds, so they can die peacefully. When my grandpa had his fnal heart attack, they brought him back after being gone for 25 minutes. Needless to say, he was clinically dead at that point, but they hooked him up to machines to keep him breathing. Once they made the choice to take him off those, he continued to breathe on his own for a few days, and he didn't die until the very first time he was actually left alone in the room - when my grandma and aunt went out so the nurse could do some stuff with him. I think even though he was brain dead, he maintained an awareness of what was around him, and didn't let himself go until the moment when my grandmother wouldn't have to be there to actually see it.

Sky - that's what I've told my daughter to do. My dad is her hero, she worships him and the ground he walks on, so I've told her she needs to talk to him, tell him all that before it's too late.

Thor and Wolf - thanks to you. Thor, sorry for your loss hun.

 

[mbb308]

Ya think?

I'll try hun - feeling a bit wore down between this goddamn cold that won't leave, and all this stuff. Now I wait for my daughter to get here, so she can go see him. I don't want to leave until she's here because the roads are kinda slippery, and I need to be home in case she calls. Maybe I'll nap a bit.

I believe so, yes.

Things have a way of all hitting at once. Providence has given you a load right now, but will help you with it if you ask. And, of course, there is this batch of arrogant and self-centered people for you, too.

Rest, recuperate, and reflect, and then go make your peace.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ladybird]

Freya my grandmother had Alzheimers, and was in a similar state to your fathers.

I sat by her bed, just holding her hand and loving her. Every once in a while she'd open her eyes a look at me. Sometimes there was a flicker of recognition, mostly not.

But she knew someone was there with her, someone that loved her. It didn't matter to me that she didn't know me. I was more important that she felt the love I was sending her.

She wasn't alone, that's what mattered.

God bless you and your daughter Freya. Your father will always be with you, you just won't see him.

 

[truegentleman]

Like everyone has already said, just hold his hand and let him know that you're there and that he's not alone.

Bless you and your family.

 

[takingchances42]

My heart goes out to you, Freya...

Just let him know how much you love him, whether he or others even hear doesn't matter, as much as sharing your heart...

 

[Freya]

Thanks everyone. We saw him tonight again - I hadn't seen him in 2 days because I didn't want to give him this damn cold, but I think at this point it's inconsequential. He's just sleeping, hasn't woken up all day I guess. But I took some of the great advice from here, and we all just talked to and about him, shared some memories and laughs, and all touched him - his hand, or his face and told him we loved him. I just hope he knows.

 

[I'mVan]

*hug* *kiss* *hug*

 

[cybergirly]

He knows. Don't ever doubt that.

*hugs* hon.

 

[Jewelz]

His love will comfort you sweetheart. I love you.

 

[freakygirl]

Freya.. He knows.

 

[Freya]

Freya.. He knows.

I'm so exhausted. The change in him in 2 days was astounding. Friday night he was awake, and although he couldn't speak well, he could say yes or no, eyes were open and he was aware. Tongiht he just slept - and they said he hadn't woken all day. My daughter just lost it - she hadn't seen him prior to this so it was a huge shock - and she didn't get to talk to him like she had hoped. My brother broke down - I never thought I'd see that happen, but in a way it was good because he and my daughter had a huge bonding moment - just holding each other and crying. My grandpa just sat there and looked at my dad the whole time, not saying a word - it was heartwrenching. I am so tired, but I can't seem to sleep. I think I have sleeping pills somewhere around here but I don't want to take them in case I can't wake up in the morning to go back there before work. My eyes are burning and sore, and my head is pounding.

You know, about 70% of the time I love being single, but days like this I so wish I had someone to just hold me. Sorry for ranting guys - I guess I should get a diary and stop bawling on here.

Jewelz - I you too hunny - thanks for everything.

Van and CG - thank you.

 

[freakygirl]

Sometimes I think I'm lucky..

My dads death was quick..he ate dinner.. sat in his chair with a cat in his lap.. and went to sleep.. never woke up. We didn't even know he was sick..

Freya.. go take a warm bath.. drink some tea or something.. and see if you can't go to sleep on your own.


*hugs*


pm me your number and a good time to call you tomorrow..

 

[SexyChele]

Freya, I lost my father 11 years last month after almost 2 years of fighting cancer. He died at home, as was his wish, and was totally out of it due to the morphine.

It is hell, pure and simple. A living hell that you do survive and become stronger for having survived. You will also find there are many of us out here who have lived that hell. And those of us who have will always make ourselves available to talk, to listen, to emphathize. I don't know you well, but the only thing I can offer you are my thoughts and prayers, and willing ear should you feel you need it.

 

[Freya]

Freya, I lost my father 11 years last month after almost 2 years of fighting cancer. He died at home, as was his wish, and was totally out of it due to the morphine.

It is hell, pure and simple. A living hell that you do survive and become stronger for having survived. You will also find there are many of us out here who have lived that hell. And those of us who have will always make ourselves available to talk, to listen, to emphathize. I don't know you well, but the only thing I can offer you are my thoughts and prayers, and willing ear should you feel you need it.

Thank you Chele. I feel awful about this because I know it brings up painful memories for others who have lost loved ones. People have shared with me stories of this, or things they wrote after it happened to them, and it's so moving and wonderful, but I hate to cause pain to anyone, and I know I have made people cry because it hits so close to home for them. It's just so nice to have a place to vent, and speak of what hurts - and knowing that there are such warm, caring people out there makes me feel so much better.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Please ignore this box.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Thank you Chele. I feel awful about this because I know it brings up painful memories for others who have lost loved ones. People have shared with me stories of this, or things they wrote after it happened to them, and it's so moving and wonderful, but I hate to cause pain to anyone, and I know I have made people cry because it hits so close to home for them. It's just so nice to have a place to vent, and speak of what hurts - and knowing that there are such warm, caring people out there makes me feel so much better.

Freya, it is painful. But its a happy pain, for me anyway. I have very warm, wonderful memories of my father. He's been gone 14 years and he was my hero. He died at home in his own room liked he wanted. He could hear his cattle outside the window and to him, that's what mattered most.
I admit I've shared my tear or two, but sweetie, I haven't minded a bit. I know how hard it is for you.

Chele is right -- it is hell to go thru. I'm so sorry that you have to endure it. It is not a pain I would wish on anyone. A cyber hug is all I have right now, but I'd make it real if I could.

I owe you a big 'thank you' myself--for letting me re-live those happy times. Thank you.

 

[Jewelz]

I'm so exhausted. My eyes are burning and sore, and my head is pounding. I guess I should get a diary and stop bawling on here.

Jewelz - I you too hunny - thanks for everything.

You are welcome honey. Anything I can do, you know I am there for you. Always. I hope you got some rest last night. Everyone is in my prayers and thoughts.

And you post anywhere you wish to post!