How do you grieve for a Sir?

[FurryFury]

*HUGS and HUGS*

I know it's scary to think about falling apart, feeling all that you will likely feel all over again. If that happens though it will be therapeutic and something you needed to do. Ceremonies in life while often dreaded are actually very needed, particularly at times like this. I think it's a very good thing that you have arranged to go.

I like what his mom said too. She clearly has her head on straight. I can't imagine going through the loss of a child like that.

*HUGS and HUGS*

Sorry to bump this thread up again, I know it's not a pleasant subject.

Sir's funeral is on Tuesday. I've managed to organise going down for it, which is both good and bad. I'm scared about how I'll react. I've been mostly OK for the past week or so, I'm beginning to sleep again and I'm starting to get my appetite back (insomnia and not eating are symptoms/coping mechanisms when I'm stressed). I'm far from 'over it', but I'm beginning to be back on an even keel, on a day-to-day basis at least. So I'm afraid that by going to the funeral I'm going to throw myself back a few steps.

But I know that's inevitable and in the long run going is probably the best thing.

I miss him.

 

[Kadnil]

Really having a wobbly day today. Small things are making me shake. I have a million things to do and the motivation to do none of them. I just feel drained.

I'd really like to thank you all for your support. The posts here and the PMs. Most of you have been lovely and completely understanding. To the small minority who have been inappropriate I would like to say please go away. Normally I'd be up for a bit of banter and inappropriateness. Right now I can't deal with it and you're making me worse.

 

[Aricoquin]

Really having a wobbly day today. Small things are making me shake. I have a million things to do and the motivation to do none of them. I just feel drained.

I'd really like to thank you all for your support. The posts here and the PMs. Most of you have been lovely and completely understanding. To the small minority who have been inappropriate I would like to say please go away. Normally I'd be up for a bit of banter and inappropriateness. Right now I can't deal with it and you're making me worse.

oh Kadnil, so sorry for your loss. And sorry people are being inappropriate. No one can understand unless they've been in your shoes.
I say, pick a couple easy things off your to do lost and clear your mind for a little while. Thought of Him will never go away I'm sure, but try to stay busy. Think of what He would have wanted you to do.
Hope your day gets better.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

 

[Kadnil]

Well, the funeral is tomorrow. I'm as ready as I can be. I've spent the last two days convincing myself that I should go. That I NEED to go.

I'm utterly dreading it. I know I'm going to be spending most of the day with people who knew him for a lot longer than I did, and that they will have no idea how I am mourning him. Some may guess. I had to tell a mutual friend. She has access to his emails and I didn't want her stumbling over anything. I have heard, through her, that he spoke about me (in very general terms, he referred to me as "Glasgow Girl") to a few of his friends. I'll be the only one with a Glasgow accent, so it will be plainly obvious it's me. I really don't know if that makes it better or worse.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a start to an end of the heaviness I've felt these past few days. I need it to be. I'm not looking after myself. I'm still not eating or sleeping properly. That needs to end, I have to be strong. He would be furious if he knew.

 

[DVS]

Well, the funeral is tomorrow. I'm as ready as I can be. I've spent the last two days convincing myself that I should go. That I NEED to go.

I'm utterly dreading it. I know I'm going to be spending most of the day with people who knew him for a lot longer than I did, and that they will have no idea how I am mourning him. Some may guess. I had to tell a mutual friend. She has access to his emails and I didn't want her stumbling over anything. I have heard, through her, that he spoke about me (in very general terms, he referred to me as "Glasgow Girl") to a few of his friends. I'll be the only one with a Glasgow accent, so it will be plainly obvious it's me. I really don't know if that makes it better or worse.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a start to an end of the heaviness I've felt these past few days. I need it to be. I'm not looking after myself. I'm still not eating or sleeping properly. That needs to end, I have to be strong. He would be furious if he knew.

Funerals are times for the grieving to come together so if anybody snubs you or anything of the sort, that would be quite rude. Surely they would be adults and not make a scene. Just hold your head up and know that you are suppose to be there, just as much as anybody else.

And I don't know if you believe in an after life or not, but I do. I believe we will see those we love that die before us again, when we die. They come to guide us into heaven. That might seem naive to some, but I believe it will happen, in some form or another. I didn't always believe that strongly in life after death, but I've had experiences that changed that. I won't go into detail, but trust me, I believe it's true.

 

[Kadnil]

I am so very, very glad I went. I can't quite express what it meant to me to be there, but I almost felt a sense of letting go as the curtain closed around his coffin. The service was perfect. Sad, funny, poignant and lovely. Most of the songs and one of the poems were his own choices. He hit the perfect chord. I truly hope his parents are proud of him.

In a selfish way, being there was very cathartic. I don't imagine for one second that I'm 'over' him, but I have left behind a lot of my sadness in that crem. I can smile when I think about him, that's a huge step forward.

Meeting some mutual friends for the first time was odd, but they were lovely people. They were friends I got to know through him, sort of (complicated). I know for sure that some of them will be firm friends of mine for a long time.

I'm going to let this thread drop now. I know it's not the sort of thing you really want to read about. I want you to know how much I appreciate having the opportunity to talk about him in the way I have. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

 

[eastern sun]