how do you find?

[tollboothjack]

Edittttttttttt

 

[JupitersGirl]

Google to find bdsm related groups in your area and start attending their functions. Most groups have munches, which would be an excellent beginning. It's just a luncheon or social meeting that is like a meet 'n greet.

The people at these functions would have a much better idea of how to accomplish your goals in your area.

Good luck to you!!

 

[SweetErika]

what is the best way of going about finding a suitable partner if you so desire to be dominated.. i am afraid most of the women i have encountered in real life are very straightforward girls.. which that is ok, but i want a dominatrix badly.. some of the things i want is to be completely controlled, dominated, and humiliated. i want to be forced to dress up in her panties and be tied up, whipped, slapped around, and talked down too. i'm into anal play as well, and would want her to use strap-ons and plugs. i want someone who can play these roles, but its a hard find in the real world, so to speak.. any ideas?

In addition to JG's excellent suggestion...

You might want to start by filling out your profile, as you never know who you'll meet in the course of participating in a community like Lit. Quite a few couples have met here, and are now happily married.

There are always personals sites like CollarMe.com and Craigslist; I've met people through both of those, and they're free.

As a fledgling Domme, I'm interested in what potential partners' wants, needs and limits, but I'm also, and perhaps even more, curious about their willingness and ability to serve (i.e. fulfill my wants and needs). It's great for them to have a laundry list of things they want to do, but just like in the vanilla world, I'm not going to be too interested in someone who doesn't seem extremely excited about making me happy (and that's the impression talking only about what you want gives me). As I'm looking for a sub, I'm especially watching for people who are givers and will derive a fair amount of their satisfaction from the D/s dynamic and me allowing them to please me. I've come across quite a few who say they want the same as me, but then only talk about what they want me to do to them and/or start to top from the bottom very early on, which doesn't work based on what I'm looking for.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to submit, mainly wanting your partner(s) to meet your needs, etc.. Perhaps in those cases, someone who describes themselves as more of a Top, Sadist, Service Domme or Professional Dominatrix/Domina would better suit you. Of course these are all labels subject to individual interpretation/definition; my point is that you need to be very clear on what you're looking for when you search for it, so educate yourself on different styles and put effort into specifying who you are and what you're seeking to help yourself find a good match.

Best of luck with your search!

 

[Penalt]

Me, I got lucky and found two by sheer random chance. I wish I woulda known about this forum years ago.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I got abandoned by some friends in an AOL chatroom with My slave... back when she was one of those wacky 'nilla types. And well... one thing led to another...

 

[blklthrjkt]

I would suggest finding a chapter of the National Leather Association in your town. Good educational group for BDSM and a place to network.

 

[shyybabe]

Has anyone tried alt.com? I see a few people in my area on there but have no clue if it's a legit site or not as far as online dating sites go.

 

[SweetErika]

Has anyone tried alt.com? I see a few people in my area on there but have no clue if it's a legit site or not as far as online dating sites go.

I've heard people talk of it. While some of them have met parters, most say it's a waste of money, and some have said it's a ripoff like people say of adultfriendfinder (they're run by the same people, IIRC). I *think* Chicklet said she's used Alt, so you might want to ask her about it.

 

[Mamid]

Me, I got lucky and found two by sheer random chance. I wish I woulda known about this forum years ago.

two? and who is this other? She needs to be inspected first before you can play with her.

 

[shyybabe]

I've heard people talk of it. While some of them have met parters, most say it's a waste of money, and some have said it's a ripoff like people say of adultfriendfinder (they're run by the same people, IIRC). I *think* Chicklet said she's used Alt, so you might want to ask her about it.

Thanks Sweet Erika. I live in a very isolated place so it's not likely something I can ask friends about. I'm fumbling in the dark here. *smiles*

 

[shy slave]

Has anyone tried alt.com? I see a few people in my area on there but have no clue if it's a legit site or not as far as online dating sites go.

I am a big fan of alt.com.
I liked the way you could view things, it all seemed very open and easy to navigate.

The main reason I am a fan of it though is that I met my ex on there and then met Andante.


I also spoke to a number of really nice people, some of whom I kept in touch with by email for quite a while.

I personally wanted a pay site. I thought it would weed out many of the 'wannabes,' not sure I was right to think that, but alt worked for us.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I got abandoned by some friends in an AOL chatroom with My slave... back when she was one of those wacky 'nilla types. And well... one thing led to another...

and here we are today, 3 years later, He corrupted my poor lil 'nilla' mind with all this talk of whips, crops, and floggers. then He used them on me and well that was the end of that, corruption completed *grins*

 

[neonflux]

Has anyone tried alt.com? I see a few people in my area on there but have no clue if it's a legit site or not as far as online dating sites go.

I tried alt.com - didn't find i had much in common with most there - then again, i'm switch and bi and looking for a woman who is the same, and not for a 24/7 relationship, which many there want. however, a dom friend of mine had no more luck. i did get a sub play-only (no sex) partner there, though, so it wasn't a waste of time for me (we connected over Messien, another sort of miracle).

 

[shyybabe]

I tried alt.com - didn't find i had much in common with most there - then again, i'm switch and bi and looking for a woman who is the same, and not for a 24/7 relationship, which many there want. however, a dom friend of mine had no more luck. i did get a sub play-only (no sex) partner there, though, so it wasn't a waste of time for me (we connected over Messien, another sort of miracle).

Thanks neonflux. I'll look at it a little closer perhaps.

 

[AAkasha]

what is the best way of going about finding a suitable partner if you so desire to be dominated.. i am afraid most of the women i have encountered in real life are very straightforward girls.. which that is ok, but i want a dominatrix badly.. some of the things i want is to be completely controlled, dominated, and humiliated. i want to be forced to dress up in her panties and be tied up, whipped, slapped around, and talked down too. i'm into anal play as well, and would want her to use strap-ons and plugs. i want someone who can play these roles, but its a hard find in the real world, so to speak.. any ideas?

First rule is be patient! If you are seeking online, make sure you don't use a shotgun approach and try to engage every single living, breathing female dominant in email or chat. Instead, focus on getting to know women on a human level first. Femdoms generally liked to be approached as women first and foremost, and the domination part happens once there's a connection.

Femdoms get approached constantly by men seeking a 'fetish fix' -- so don't be discouraged if you don't see results immediately.

Akasha

 

[leZilla]

I love alt. I found my first sub there and I blog there regularly. It's a great site.