How Do You Feel About Kids

[millieteases]

I've known since I was seventeen I didn't want kids. Love 'em dearly, but the only kind I want are the ones that can be handed back to mom and dad.

I also have some fairly unsocial opinions about many parents. But, part of the price of living in the U.S. and enjoying the freedoms we have, is keeping some opinions to myself.

You really don't want to vote for me next Tuesday.

To those of you who are parents - live up to the responsibility. That means being part of the PTA, checking homework, teaching them how to eat and exercise and read and read and read. Save money so there's something for them to at least start college or an apprenticeship with. Vote. Don't spend all your time on erotic web sites. Suck it up. Parenting is incredibly hard work. It's 24-7 until you move on to the next life or whatever you believe happens after you die.

To those of you who aren't parents, suck it up and make the world a better place anyway. The parents have their hands full just trying to make sure the next generation is ready for the responsibility of life.

 

[Mysticcal]

This subject just recently came up with some of my friends. I am the only unmarried female, the oldest of the group (in my mid 30's) and never thought one way or the other about having kids. I was married and now divorced.....and very thankful that things worked out the way they did. I was married for a little over a year when I got pregnant (on the pill too) and then three months later lost the baby.

This was very difficult for us both, but we were not getting along (too young, too immature) and I now feel that someone was watching out for me and that difficult times I went through strengthened me and made me who I am now. I am glad we didn't have kids rather than have them caught between us now.

My recent ex-bf really wanted kids, but I kept putting it off.....and now he isn't here either LOL! but that is a good thing.

I don't know whether kids will ever come into my life. I figure that if it is meant to be, it will happen. I do sometimes feel an ache when I am watching my friends kids.....when I get hugs and hear little voices yelling "aunty aunty" when I come in. But I am happy about the decisions I have made, content with what has happened in my life, and thankful for those in my life.

 

[Guest]

I can not understand why someone would want to have a kid. You have no life, you have to drag tons of stuff with you just to go the mailbox, they cry all the time. I see too many people who are not emotionaly and finnancially secure enough to properly support their children. Children growing up in situations like that have no future. Just because a person wants a child doesn't mean they are qualified to have one. What if the kid has a birth defect? I could not live with myself knowing I was the cause of the childs pain and suffering..

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I don't have children and I'm wondering how many of you out there don't and why?
I chose not to have kids because of my career. Then I got divorced and was happy I didn't have children. Now that I'm getting older and have no close family ties I'm wondering if I missed out and made the wrong choice.

I generally think I want to have 1 or 2, but then I have plenty of days when I think I'd be happier without them. Keep in mind your family can also be your friends...I can't stand the majority of my family and although I love my mom and my aunt I have nothing in common with them. My real family is made up my close friends.

The women I admire most don't have kids...many of my profs didn't for varied reasons.

 

[Jaded1]

RedStorm...............

Parenting is a very large step and demands most of your time. I know many people that have kids! But, few are real parents. Children change your life completely. This is something that you need to accept. Being a parent 24/7 drains every bit of energy from you. I am a single parent Dad of two absolutely beautiful (now grown) kids. We don't always get a chance to see one another much but it OK. They are busy with their own carriers and they own familys. That the way it's supposed to be. They are still the very best thing that every happened to me and I love the both with all my heart.

Jaded1, CT

 

[Minout]

Until I was pregnant I never wanted to have children. I spent a lot of time around little, little kids my whole life and had no romantic notions of what being a parent was. I knew that it was a difficult and often thankless job that was never over. Forever more you are at someone else's beck and call. That being said I had no idea of how rewarding and satisfying being a parent can be. It is still bloody hard work but nothing could convince me to turn back the clock and change things. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. Being a parent can also make you the kind of person that you only imagined it was possible to be. I may never be able to get this damn lolly pop out of my hair without the benefit of scissors but, it will be a haircut that I cherish for the rest of my life.

 

[Shadowann2]

I had a baby at 17 that I gave up for adoption and now, at 23, I have a 2 and 3 year old. I would not give up any of th eexperiences I have had with my children. I wouln't even change the first pregnancy. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that I was carrying a baby in me that was going to make two people the happiest couple on earth. I never got to have much of a life and I never got to be a party girl because I had my second child at 20 and got married when my son was 6 months old. I also found out 2 weeks b4 the wedding that I was pregnant again, despite being on the pill. Sometimes I wish I could have sown my wild oats, but I know it is all worth it when my kids cuddle with me and say, "I love you, mommy!" And on the plus side I will only be 39 when my daughter is 18 and (*crosses fingers*) moves out. I won't be too old to have a life or a career. Although I really don't think you are ever TOO old for those things.
Through my experiences and the experiences of my friends, I believe that you will have a baby when God decides you will. I have seen too many women get pregnant on BC or after a doctor had told them they can't.
In terms of actualy deciding to have a child...you will know when the time is right, and if the time is never right...you can still have a happy, satisfying life with out them. You don't need children to validate who you are. Live your life the way that makes you happy and everything will fall into place.

 

[horny_giraffe]

As I get older, the more I find that what I lack in my own life is the meaning that comes from giving to others. I donate money to various causes, but it's not something you put your heart into.

I've considered options like the Peace Corps or whatever, but I lack the credentials for most of those things. Also, I tend to doubt how effective and useful I will really be going to some unfamiliar country and giving up my own life here to do something like teach English or some such thing.

Children are a great opportunity to give and to grow by giving. That's the opportunity that I'd like, someday. I grew up with three siblings and my family life was positively magical in comparison to the rest of my life outside of the family. Even now, our family is quite close. I would like to share that love and joy with kids, someday.

I've always shied away from obligations, but I take what few responsibilities that I have quite seriously. I imagine that I could provide the love a child needs--and perhaps in giving love I could gain something precious, myself.

It's not like I'm a hundred years old or anything. But when I think of my childhood and the family I grew up with, I am often quite sad for the loss of innocence and the loss of that atmosphere of guileless love which I felt, then. When I see children, they remind me of that innocence and the love that I once felt. I want to love them, to nurture them--but I fear for them, also, for the losses and pain that they will also suffer as they grow into this world.
I don't want to be the one that brings them that pain. I think that's why I don't have kids, right now.

 

[ridddder]

I am a single male(38), who has never been married yet, and hasn't had any children. I don't feel as if I have missed something either. I of course feel many people have children for all the wrong reasons, and obviously some people who have children are definitely not good parents by any sense of the imagination.

This is just my theory, but I believe those who are not educated or value education(ie, college, or further than highschool) find that they may not have a sense of purpose without having children.(I know this is a controversial opinion, so I know redwave you would be down with this)

My opinion is that since others without purpose or futher goals of say changing the planet, need to feel a sense of worth that because of society(social acceptance), and or implied judgements of what most people deem to be the goal of most adults. Tend to base their lives on standards which includes these 3 things. Marriage, children, and a home.

Many parents expect and or pressure their daughters to get married as soon as possible, not because it is what they want, but because that is what they should want. Using this rationale, those who don't have other goals, asspirations, or a grand scheme tend to want such social acceptance , and because of how we have been raised think that the only way to have a sense of such worth is to fall into this pattern, and have children to feel as if they have such worth.

I don't think any woman will ever admit to this, cause they were all raised to care for their baby dolls, and play house whereas the boys were raised to be providers in this fantasy of an ideal life?

All of this is utter nonsense anyway, you cannot feel worth from doing what your parents want you to do, or get married because all your friends are doing it. I think the majority of divorces alone can be based somewhat on this very simple fact.

Usually my first clue is, if upon entering the dwelling of a friend, or friend of a friend, and they have been married for more than 5 years, and the focal point of their living room is their marriage picture, and wedding album, I know that saddly that the most important thing in their lives for 5 years has been the marriage, and although admirable is amazingly sad to think that this one day means more than any other thing since that moment.

Is it really a surprise then, when she is pregnant? Because having a child will then make her feel more worth again, will give her adulations from her peers(women can talk babies for hours), and bring her back into the focal point. Whereas if she had a career, this sense of worth would not only come from her accomplishments, but from satisfaction of there of.

Of course there are women who have both, and have a career, and wish to experience the joy of motherhood, I am not putting anyone down here, I am just pointing out something that I think our society puts too much emphasis on children, either having or wanting to have. And I also feel that too many people have children for the wrong reasons, and to make themselves happy, whereas we all should know by now that things won't make you happy, happiness comes from within.

well that is my 2 cents

 

[peachykeen]

riddder, you have some very...ummm...interesting opinions on marriage and childhood. I don't entirely disagree with all of them, and I do think there are an awful lot of people who get married and/or have kids for some less-than wonderful reasons. However, you have to keep in mind that there are, actually, believe it or not, people who are in good marriages, who can support the kids they choose to have financially and emotionally, and who have reasonable happy lives! It doesn't make for good TV or movies or books, everyone getting along and being normal and generally OK - no drama makes for very boring viewing.

I am in my mid 30's, as are most of my and my husband's friends. Most of our friends are married and have kids now, but also, most of them didn't marry until their mid to late 20's, and didn't start having kids until their early 30's. Not that we all have shiny perfect lives, but we're talking about people who made thoughtful choices and decisions about their own lives, and when to create new ones. And I don't think as a group we're all that special; it's all actually rather ordinary. As I said in my earlier post, Mr Keen and I don't have any yet, as we are currently living in the UK as expats and our future residency is uncertain. I know that if we want to start a family, we should be a bit more stable in that regard. But I feel, my body feels, like we're ready. And when the time is right, in the near future, we will be great parents, no doubt.

 

[thebrokenheartedfool]

I want children ( still young though ) I didn't with the ex but always have wanted to have them with the right person at the right time.

 

[lilpriss]

I have to agree with Millie... and her opinion of parents... Parents today seem to think that it "takes a village to raise a child"... BULL SHIT.

It takes two parents... yes I actually said it... it takes two. For those of you who are single parents... I stand by this opinion. I don't apologize, because I am being honest. Children STILL HURT from divorce when they are grown... it doesn't get easier, the anger and the pain stays for life.

I thank God I didn't have children when I was married, because I'm not anymore and my kids would have gotten the raw end of the stick. Hell, I still hurt from the divorce and it was my idea. The new Pink song "Family Portrait" is an excellent example... she's an adult... apparently she still hurts (or knows someone intimately who does).

I don't have any children and don't want any unless I can raise them how I see fit. The only things a parent doesn't have to teach a child is how to breathe, sleep and expel waste. When you think of everything else that a parent is responsible for... it's like taming a wild animal. I want a dedicated partner who is there to help and guide me when I go wrong...

You can only decide for yourself if you've made the right choice, I'm sure that if it's meant to be you'll end up with children.

 

[Skitten]

I have 2 kids and I am glad I did they make my life complete. They are both wonderful and full of energy. But it is a decision that we made as a couple to have kids. And it can be hard at times and you do need 2 parents in this day in age with kids.

But your decision to not have any, it may be right for you, there are plenty of parents out there who aren't really parents they are their kids friends and I am sorry kids need structure and discipline and it can be very trying sometimes.

But I wouldn't change anything about having them they give me so much. (jmho)

 

[RedStorm]

Thank you all for your responses

I do think I made the right choices for those periods of my life.

Who knows, if I meet Mr. Right things might change. Life does bring us many surprises.

Meantime I'll keep babysitting on the week-ends. (BG)

 

[Calafia]

I only found time to have one. I wish I had more. I just love kids and love being a mom