How do you cope when it's over?

[Sweetcurvyred]

dude you are the worst



poly relationships are hard and tend to collapse all at once. take care of yourself as well as you can. you can move past this.

I can't.

 

[Primalex]

Why do I get the impression that the Dom was the one with proper mental health?

It's amusing how women are allowed to end their relationship, but men are obviously not allowed to. As if women would dump you in a better or more sensible way than men.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I can't.

Yes you can.

Getting past something, doesn't mean that you forget it and that things will be like it never happened.
It just means that you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You keep doing things that are good for you and get help from family, friends and perhaps even professionals as needed until you feel that you are getting a bit of perspective on what happened.
Then you can be open to meeting other people again if you like.

 

[TJ678]

I thought this might help.

I thought this might help..Some things will need to be adapted since yours was a poly relationship.

http://personalexcellence.co/blog/how-to-move-on/

http://elitedaily.com/dating/moving-past-relationship-without-closure/948712/

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I can't.

Yes, you can. You likely won't as long as you believe you can't. Tell yourself a different story.

 

[Lord_Steve]

Why do I get the impression that the Dom was the one with proper mental health?

It's amusing how women are allowed to end their relationship, but men are obviously not allowed to. As if women would dump you in a better or more sensible way than men.

seriously dude shut your damn clamhole. i know you blocked me as soon as i first made fun of you but you are being a huge piece of shit to a stranger for no reason whatsoever.

I can't.

you will find a way. some excellent advice has been posted to that end. please take care of yourself.

 

[Tpal]

It's tough but be patient and think of something else to distract yourself as much as possible

 

[Penuche]

(((Sweetcurvyred))), painful as this is now, you can get through this and you will. Please check the threads which others have mentioned, and do try to do one enjoyable/frivolous thing each day, no matter how small.

Be kind to yourself, look after yourself, keep going, and one day it will hurt less. How long that is varies, but it will happen.

 

[Laurel]

I can't.

Yes, you can.

First off, if those involved are here on this forum, I'd strongly suggest that you stop publicly venting here. There may be a part of you which hopes that they will see your pain and try to alleviate it. When this doesn't happen, you're only going to feel worse than you already do. And it will not change the situation. Things aren't going to go back to what they were.

Secondly, accept that pain is a part of the process. An intimate relationship fell apart. You're going to hurt for a while, no matter what you do. Time needs to pass. There are no short cuts around this. Accept this.

Thirdly, do know that you won't feel shitty forever. There will be a time in the not-too-far future when you will wonder why you shed a single tear over those people. (I'm not saying they're to blame for anything, as I don't know the situation. I only know that relationships generally fall apart for reasons that are very obvious later on.)

And when the wound is less raw and you have some perspective (definitely not now, of course) - take some time to go over the relationship in your head and see what you could have done differently. Oftentimes, there are signs fairly early on that things were not going to end well - signs that we picked up on and ignored in our desire for things to "work out". Don't beat yourself up over this; look at it coldly and clinically, see how you can avoid falling into the same pitfalls in the future. Learn from the experience. We grow more from our stumbles than we do from our victories.

Lastly, I strongly encourage you to log off and find something to do that requires your full attention. Regardless of the circumstances and who is at fault (and the reality is that usually all parties are to blame to some degree), you probably feel betrayed and humiliated. As I said before, stewing publicly will only enhance these feelings. They will not change the fact that your relationship is over. Let it go. It's hard to see it now, but it's probably for the best. Sometimes things must leave our lives to make way for better things.

Listen to some of the good advice in this thread. Go for a walk. Play with your pets (if you have them). Talk to your friends (but not about the breakup! any subject but that). Eat something yummy. Listen to good music. Play games. Let time pass so the wounds can heal. And know that you are a wonderful, beautiful, worthwhile person - but even wonderful people hurt sometimes. You're strong. You'll survive this.