How do you communicate?

[Apollo6470]

Hi I'm fairly new here and I was just wondering if I could get your advice on something. I've told my close friends this story, which has many smaller stories in it, many times wondering what I should do. For the sake of length I'll just give you the general overview of my problem.

So everytime I go to ask a girl out, I draw a blank. I can never just pop the question to here, I open my mouth but nothing every comes out. I once held open a door for a girl and she said

"What are you doing"

And to my astonishment I stood there and said "I have no idea" and quickly walked to my car.

Now if it comes to giving advice or "lines" I can spin them out like there's no tomorrow, and they are quite good.

So my question to everyone is, how do I get over this problem AND (it's a two parter) what have you found to be the best pick-up line? I probably wont use them I just want to know.

 

[bisexplicit]

Do you have any friends who are female? It may help to just hang out with women, and become more comfortable with them...

 

[Apollo6470]

I have quite a few friends that are girls, and talking to them is fine. It's just when I try to take a step forward with some girl and try to ask her out, I'm speechless.

 

[SweetErika]

Hi I'm fairly new here and I was just wondering if I could get your advice on something. I've told my close friends this story, which has many smaller stories in it, many times wondering what I should do. For the sake of length I'll just give you the general overview of my problem.

So everytime I go to ask a girl out, I draw a blank. I can never just pop the question to here, I open my mouth but nothing every comes out. I once held open a door for a girl and she said

"What are you doing"

And to my astonishment I stood there and said "I have no idea" and quickly walked to my car.

Call me crazy, but, "You're a lady, and I'm opening the door for you" would work like a charm for me. That shows you know your manners and have confidence.

Now if it comes to giving advice or "lines" I can spin them out like there's no tomorrow, and they are quite good.

So my question to everyone is, how do I get over this problem AND (it's a two parter) what have you found to be the best pick-up line? I probably wont use them I just want to know.

It sounds like you just need some confidence (yes, even the fake variety will work until the real stuff develops), to consider some responses and practice them. You can even do it when it doesn't matter...hold the door open for the little old lady, for instance. Practice saying, "Let me get that door for you," or, "Allow me to help you with that," and similar phrases you might use in everyday life whenever possible, and it's likely to come more naturally when you want it to.

The best pickup line for me is a smile, eye contact, and introducing yourself. If I'm not interested, I can play it off as you just being a friendly guy and quickly extricate myself if necessary. If I am interested, I can continue the conversation. Classic lines, unless delivered by a friend as a joke, almost always come off as corny or really uncomfortable, so I'd stay away from them.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I agree, pickup lines rarely work, and then usually only females of the extremely innebriated variety. Still, the best pickup line I've ever heard was when my friend walked up to a girl in a bar and shook her hand, saying "Hi, I'm Tom, I'm the guy whose name you'll be screaming later tonight." I snotted beer out my nose and told him what a cheesy line that was. Of course, that night I took a cab and he took the girl, so I guess the joke was on me.

The point is, he always wound up with the girls, and he's not what you would call a physical specimen. The thing is, he had confidence, something I totally lacked. I was in exactly the same boat as you. Like you, I could sit and have a conversation with a woman very comfotably but it was asking them out that was the problem. I think it was always a fear of rejection for me. The ONLY way to get over it is to just take the plunge.

Now this doesn't mean using cheesy lines, it just means actually getting the question out. SweetErika made a great point about leaving the woman room to extricate herself if she's not interested. I always preferred to just ask her out to dinner, as this could be either friendly or romantic. Then, if there was an interest there it would be readily apparent, and asking for a second DATE would be easy.

Now I've never just gone up to a woman I'd never met and asked her out, I've always known the women I dated in a social setting befroe I asked them out, so this isn't tried and tested picking up girls at the local bar. Still, even though this is over said at times, just be yourself and go for it! it really is the key to impressing a woman. Confidence is second only to being genuine in my opinion, and while making a gentlemanly request may still get you rejected, at least she won't look at you like you should be wearing a polyester jumpsuit,